Disclaimer: Inuyasha is irrefutably not mine and I'm chronically broke.
A/N: I probably ought to be working on several other things but this wouldn't leave me alone.
Some dreams give real pleasure when they are fulfilled by dreamer. If they aren't, I call them 'Nightmares'" Unknown
Miroku's nightmares were once only populated by his lingering memories of his father, the final shriek of terror he had heard from him when his wind tunnel sucked him in and imaginings of his own death, of sucking Sango, Kagome, Shippo in before he himself is killed. He has new nighttime terrors to combat now.
Now when nightmares plague him they are of Inuyasha, mad and riding the killing edge, slaughtering them all. In his dreams, sometimes he is able to suck the rampaging half- demon into his kazaana, but always, much as he had once overpowered his brothers' Meidou Zangetsuha, the hanyou would burst out of the wind tunnel; shredding it. In these dreams, his last sight would be that of Inuyasha ripping through the rest of their group, he unable to help as he is drawn into the shredded kazaana.
These dreams terrify him. Not because of the thought of demon- Inuyasha tearing through them through or rather, not only the thought of Inuyasha caught in that terrible killing rage until someone stronger finished the hanyou. No rather, what terrifies him most is that some small part of him knows that even in his right mind, Tetseiga securely at his side, even than, he knows Inuyasha is capable of that level of mindless bloodlust. A part of his mind even darker than the part that originally spawned the dreams, whispers that the hanyou would probably enjoy it, but he pushes that thought away. Bad enough he dreams of a friend mad and drunk on blood and slaughter, he refuses to have Inuyasha's laugh (infrequent source of surprise that is) in his bloody dreams as well.
Much as he tries, he cannot hide from or deny these thoughts nor can he embrace them. How, after all does one go about embracing the fact that there is a chance that one day the person whom you trusted with your and trusted you with his could one day willingly choose to take that life to enjoy the taking full heartedly. Nevertheless, he cannot deny these thoughts as truth either. How after all can on deny what one see is in the mirror?
He refuses to deny his fears of Inuyasha's personal darkness because he can feel it is lurking in himself. There is a small part of him that would like nothing more than to simply unleash the wind tunnel on all those around him in rage against the unfair lot that life has tossed him. He is intimate with that part of himself that hates fiercely that others could laugh and joke while each day he breathes is one less day before he is dragged into his own hand. Miroku's intimacy with that burning hatred allows him to recognize it in Inuyasha. The source of the hanyou's anger is not that hard to find and at times Miroku cannot help but admire the hanyou, had he gone through even a fraction of the shit that Inuyasha has he would be raving mad by now. The main difference between them Miroku has often theorized is the differences in how they handle their desire to unleash unholy retribution.
Miroku chooses to strap his down and numb it into silence and complicity with his wenching and debauchery. He lets loose some of his comparatively lesser vices and immoral urges to keep his darkest ones silent and controlled. So long as he is focused on keeping the lesser ones within a reasonable perimeter, he has not the energy or the focus required to unleash his darker ones. Inuyasha on the other hand, he contains his hate but the violence that it breeds… that he leaves very much in evidence. It is a through his frequent belligerent is a shield. One that he uses to draw people's attention and his own strength from the hatred so that for his bluster he is harmless for the most part. At least he is harmless -for the most part- to those who he trusts and protects. The only one Miroku has ever seen draw out the entirety of Inuyasha's hatred is his brother, the demon Sesshomaru. He would add Naraku, but Miroku knows from first hand experience that unless in a truly pressing situation, such as being trapped for eternity in the netherworld, Inuyasha will completely abandon a fight with Naraku to engage his brother.
The intensity of the anger that burns between them is overwhelming and even the small bits and pieces that he has seen between the two are staggering. Miroku frequently thinks that there is more to their fighting than a dispute over their superiority, inheritance or (as much as they might deny it) their fathers' latent affection. He's not sure exactly what else there is to their rage but he does know that it is times like this, when he is forcefully reminded of exactly how old Inuyasha is and the fact that despite his mental and emotional immaturity, the hanyou has centuries left to his life. The sheer immensity of the difference between his own finite lifespan and the countless centuries Inuyasha has before him staggers Miroku's mind. The lecherous monk suspects that the barrier that keeps him from understanding the dynamics of the siblings' relationship, has to do with the simple fact that he will never live long enough to see more than this one facet of the complex jewel that is Inuyasha. The resentments that the hanyou feels towards his brother are both simple and complex and Miroku simply will never have the lifespan to see the rest.
He that reason he dreams what he dreams is not because he fears dying such a violent, igneous death but because in the back of his mind he knows that Inuyasha is filled with a vast rage that is incomprehensible and untouchable. Even to Kikyo and Kagome's sweet hearts. That rage will not burn itself out for centuries but in the meantime, there is always the chance that it will break loose and Miroku fears it with all his heart. He does not want to be alive and present if (when) Inuyasha reaches the point where even his boundless will is broken and that anger is unleashed. Miroku sincerely hopes to be dead before that day comes because he does not think he could handle seeing his friend like that.
He does not think he could handle seeing his worst nightmare made real.
A/N:Sucks doesn't it? Either way at least now it's off my drive and maybe I can get back to work on RMA. If you don't mind drop me a comment I'd like to see if there's anything I can improve. Salut!