400 years ago, before the time of our hero's journey, there was a villain. This was this his story, this was who he was. This year was how it happened, how his humanity died.

So, I have been alive for over 50 years and yet, I still look only 16 years old. Based on that you have probably concluded two things. Number 1, I am immortal, or I have had plastic surgery completed. Number 2, I am Zeref, the black wizard. Well, you guessed right, except, not about the surgery thing. I don't do needles.

Anyway, I am immortal yes, and I am the black wizard, yes, but don't run away! I have things to tell you. First off, no matter what you've seen I am not pessimistic. No, I'm as cheerful as anyone can be in my situation, which is still not very cheerful, but I believe I'm handling this unnaturally well.

I do kill people, you know it's the truth, I know it's the truth, there's no point in hiding it. However, contrary to what many of you believe I am not a planner… yet. I say that now, but my mind could change a few months from now. That's why I write this journal, to understand why I do things, not only that but because I wish to warn you. This is my guide for why immortality is overrated.

1. The first and foremost reason why immortality is overrated. Nature. I have to live outside, in, nature. I am not a camper! I do not enjoy sitting on the ground as plants wither around me! Life's great, plants are great, from a distance! I do not enjoy sleeping under the stars, it's nice for a night, but it gets old fast. I do NOT like insects, I do NOT like to sleep on the ground, and above all, I DO NOT like to bathe in RIVERS! Are you starting to understand why immortality is overrated? No not yet, I suppose. Then I will continue. Do you know why I choose to sleep outside? Well, the answer to that brings me to my second reason of why to skip, "gain immortality", on the bucket list. And no, do not put it on there just so you can have an infinite bucket list, that's not very responsible.

2. Reason number two is almost as bad as one. People. Do I really have to explain any further? Yes? Well, since you asked, I will tell you. I do not keep secrets, I find it rather… unpleasant. Now, the reason why people and immortality do not mix is simple. I will still look the same millions of years from now. Even if we develop big, bulging brains, I will still have mine. I will never look any different. One day, maybe I will be brought into a lab for testing because I look so different. But no, the reason why people are bad do not stop there. I assure you there is more, a lot more. I will not spare you any details. At the moment, being as I am is a very big problem. It would be an even bigger problem if I had any family members left.

Now then, it's because I have immortality that people will possibly seek out my powers, ask me my secret to eternal youth, well if any reading this have these same questions, I will tell you now, DO NOT SEEK ME OUT! I have no secrets, as I just told you I didn't like them. I do not have a way to gain immortality, not without a price anyway. Wow, I'm still only on reason two? Well, I guess it's time to move on.

3. Reason three is obvious. Immortality means you cannot die- and do not stare at this paper and roll your eyes, I am very serious. This is a valid reason! Not dying means living forever. Life can get rather boring after you've broken all the laws (believe me, I know). Now listen here, and listen closely, as time wears on minutes seem like seconds, Years like months, centuries like years, it is a rather unfulfilling existence.

I write this to you now because you deserve to know these things, you deserve to know what I did not. I am pleading with you, do not go down this road! If you have continued reading this because you believe I will tell you how to gain immortality, then I suppose you should be reading my next words very closely. The secret to how I gained my immortality is not simple. You must succeed in bringing back the dead. Now, if you read that line, read this next one even closer. DO NOT do this. Do not bring back the dead, you know not what your immortality costs, not only that, but I have still not even scratched the surface of why immortality is even worse than death/overrated. In the end, you will understand, but in the mean time I will continue with your lesson.

4. Life is meaningless. Your life holds no meaning, entertainment has no joy. Everything is black and white… Now then, that was a depressing few sentences. Moving on, why would anyone want to live a meaningless life? There is an answer, now read closely this might get a bit complicated. The answer is, you wouldn't… did you get that? I bet you did, because you're smart.

5. What happens after? After the world ends? The world has ended, yet you are still there. I shudder to think about what will happen when that time comes. It means my only hope is to die before that time. I don't want to live in a wasteland. I don't want the sun to explode knocking our universe out of orbit. I don't want to die again and again, forever. I don't want to.

6. Now we're getting deeper into why immortality sucks. What day is it today? That is a question I have flitting inside my mind right now, and it is the perfect opening to the next reason on our beautiful little list. When you live forever, losing track of time is quite an easy thing to do. I don't know what day it is, or even the year. I forget. I always forget.

Now, maybe I should be more concerned. It's been a while since I've written here, and I must tell you that I am much older than 50 now. I have forgotten exactly how old, but I know I'm at least a few centuries. I've been reading over my work; do you remember how I said that I did not have secrets? That I am not a planner? Well, even if you don't, I remember. I don't know who this will reach, if anybody at all, but I have things that I need to say. Things that need to be remembered throughout history. I now am a schemer. I have planned 400 years in advance. The reason I have not written here is because I've been a little busy executing my plans.

I know now, that I have many secrets. You my dear listener, will soon know of what they are though, I truly hope, that if you do not wish to know of the true depths of my crimes I insist that you stop reading immediately.

I have occupied a new page to tell you, just in case you did not wish to know. You see… I have killed, but I told you that on page 1. Now though, I have killed thousands. It's almost too much for me to write, but I know I have too. I have a country. I have a plan. There is a dragon I must defeat. Forgive me if you do not understand, but if you don't, perhaps you aren't supposed to. I have killed my love, I will kill my brother, or he will kill me.

You must be confused now. After all, I said that I had no family left. That, however, is not entirely true. You do remember what I said after don't you? Not too long ago, I told you that I gained immortality through the resurrecting of the dead. Well, I'll tell you now, the person I brought back was my little brother. Though, I'm ashamed to admit it's not for the reasons you probably think. I brought him back to kill me. I told you before that I did not want to occupy the Earth when the end happened. Well, that just might happen. The dragon I mentioned, he wants to destroy this world. A hero would tell you that they would not let the beast destroy their home planet. I, dear reader, am not a hero. I see this as a means to my end. That dragon can do whatever he wishes with this filthy world, just so long as I am not in it. That brings me back to my list of reasons.

7. In the end, you despise the world. You will, just as I do. I once held value in the life of all living things and I suppose I still have a shred of humanity left because I admit that the fact I hold no value for life saddens me. I do not wish to hate this world. I do not wish to hate the people. But I have seen too much. I have done too much. You know not of innocence. For all of you, no matter who, all who sees this book now, know, that you are more innocent than I.

8. You are lost. I have lost myself. I know not who I am anymore. But I do know that I smile when I read that first reason as to why immortality is useless. To think, I ever thought of things as mundane as having to sleep under the stars? I was so young then. Perhaps, I will always be young when I look back on this. I do not know. For I do not know how much longer I will live, but I hope it's not long.

Now then, I should probably tell you something. What if I am dead? What if you are in the same predicament as I? Just as lost and confused. What if you are scared? So, I should probably give you words of comfort only… I cannot give them, because while I do keep secrets now, I do not wish to lie to you, my reader. I cannot give you comfort. Things will only get worse. I can, however, offer you my condolences. This never should've happened to you and I… we made mistakes, but in the end… I don't know I suppose. I can't say this about you because I've never met you, but… I was a good person, I know I was. I see the early entries and I know I am… or, was would be the more accurate description. That brings me to reason number nine.

9. You can't decide anymore. You don't recognize yourself. I was a good person, but I don't think I am now. I don't know who I am. I don't want to know. I want this to end. I want this suffering to end. I want to die! Kill me please, kill me!... I'm sorry, I don't know why I wrote that. I'm supposed to be telling you why immortality is overrated… I'm sorry, I can't think anymore. I will come back later.

I promised you that I would tell you why not to bring back the dead. I told you that you would understand in the end. Well, I doubt that you understand much right now, for I have barely told you anything. Immortality is not all that has plagued me. I have been cursed. This curse forces me to kill things I love… that's why I kill things mostly, but sometimes I kill them because I don't care. Sometimes, my head hurts. It's doing that now, so I can't talk about this. I'm trembling now, so please excuse the hand-writing… HELP ME! OH GOD, PLEASE HELP ME! I'm sorry, but I had to write that also.

10 . This is the last reason. I know I could write forever, I could go on and on about all of the reasons, but I don't know how much longer I'll live… war is coming… I suppose I should tell you the last reason. It's because there is nothing left. There is no after, there is no life. There never was one to begin with. Believe it or not, life ends when you gain immortality. I stopped living a long time ago. Now I'm simply not dead. And in the end, that's all immortality is. I have been lonely. I have not made friends, nor have I drunk a sip of alcohol or been invited to a stupid party. I have not gone to college, I have not become a scientist (my dream profession) I have not done any of it. That's because of this curse.

So, goodbye my readers. This is the last entry. And, if you are mortal then be thankful, stop reading my sorry thoughts and go live your life like you are able.

If you are immortal, I'm so very sorry. I hope this has helped you. I hope I can help you, even if it is only in the sense that someone else has known and experienced your pain.

If you are Natsu (I doubt it's you) but just in case, little brother I'm not sorry. Not for one ounce of anything I have ever done. And I'm sorry if that's upset you but I don't very much care. If you are standing there, staring at this journal, thinking I'm a moron then you are right. I am a moron. If you are standing there, clenching this book asking yourself why I did this. Why, if immortality is so painful, why would I gain it? Well, the simple fact is that I didn't know. I didn't know it was so painful, but I will tell you this, I still would've done it, even if I "knew" I put quotations because no one can ever truly know. Not even I, who has experienced this suffering for over four centuries. But even if I "knew" I would have still done it. This answer is a bit more complicated, it's because I love you.

I wrote something similar to that sentence in the past, but there, I was taunting whoever reads this. But this time, it really is complicated. I myself don't even know what those three words mean but they are how I feel about you. Love I feel is when you would suffer immortality a million times over just to see a person's smile one last time. And that is how I feel about you, my dear brother. You hate me for what I have done to you, this country, your friends, but I will not apologize, and I'm sorry that I won't. You do not love me, do not even try to trick yourself into believing you do, I will not tolerate those kinds of lies.

But, one day, perhaps, in a rare moment of utter calamity you will forgive me even though I do not apologize. And maybe on that day you will come close to feeling for me what I have felt for you always.

Now, if you're not Natsu this all must seem rather awkward. But, if you aren't him then I beg of you, take this journal to him. I wish I could tell him everything. Everything I've experienced. I have wished for a lot of things. Now, take this to him, at least show him this book. He needs to know these things of which I cannot tell him in person because the curse won't allow it. So please, return this to him, it is my final wish in the realm of the living.

Okay, I suppose I lied, that was not quite the last entry, but I promise you this is it. I know because I'm in the final stretch. This is the final battle. One last war, one more stand. I am ruthless, I will have what I desire. No one will stand in my way.

I have no more reasons. I have no more wishes, I have no more humanity inside me to want something as human as that. I must write these things, all the things I wanted to say, but the things I couldn't. I love life, I love this world, I love my brother, I love my family, I love the grass, the sky, the earth. I love anything and everything. I love trees and animals, and plants. I love sleeping under the stars and the cool night air. I love the insects, and the rain, and I love to bathe in rivers. This life has so much meaning that I never gave it and perhaps I only say this because I'm about to die, but I even love humans. My most hated adversaries. It no longer matters since this is the end. I love them all. You don't need to know this part, these are my own personal musings, but I had to write them. I know who I am, I know what I want, I know what I wish for and dream of.

Now then I told you I had no more reasons and that is true. I've told you why being immortal is overrated, but I forgot to mention the one good thing that comes from being immortal, and there is only one. And no, it isn't that you can't die you nit wit!

1. In the spur of a moment, everything is beautiful. Just one instant is all that's needed. In the moment you die the world has more color than in the span of a mortal life. You finally understand the importance of life, but also of death. You get it. Everything becomes clear. In just one instant.

Well, that's it. There's nothing more to teach you… oh, what am I saying, there's a billion more things to teach you, but unfortunately my immortal life is up. I can't say I'm disappointed. So, my readers do you understand now? Of course, you do, and if you don't well… I'm not going to continue that sentence as it is rather rude, I will leave you to fill in the blanks, although I hope it's nothing too terrible. You are talking about yourselves after all.

Now then, this is it. I will see you all on the other side someday. You have no idea how much joy I feel in saying that. Now, you might be wondering how I'm about to die. Well, I could tell you, but my brother is already here, and he is searching for me. He has a few things to tell me, I think. I think you understand who's going to kill me now- and don't look sad. It's a rather fitting E.N.D for me. Hah! That was a pun. If you are into history, you will probably get it. If not, too bad.

Now, I didn't date these because I felt it wasn't important, and I still don't think it is, but I will tell you this. This is my property, I wrote this about 400 years ago. This is the final entry before my death. I don't know what day it is, or what year, but in the end it doesn't matter. It's still over for me. Now, you might be wondering who I am exactly. I'm Zeref of course, but I have a last name too. If you know Natsu's you'll know mine, but in case you forgot I am a Dragneel. This is MY journal, MY final entry. In the end I hope that my one perk of being an immortal is real. And I hope it is so for all the other immortals out there. It's my turn to get a happily-ever-after. I can barely wait. Thank you for reading, I only have four more sentences. Four more sentences and then I will leave to my death. I have been sleeping for a while now, this life was a dream. Now it's time for me to die. I say this happily, it's time for my awakening.

Sincerely written by,

~Zeref Dragneel

Disclaimer: I do not own Fairytail

A/N Here is another Zeref fic. This idea came to me, and I admit it was very hard to figure out where to start, but once I got a beginning I liked the rest sort of just followed. In the end Zeref is more like how he is in the manga, but at the beginning it was fun to write him. I mean, you won't believe how much fun I had writing the first reason on Zeref's list. I just loved it. This is also the first time I've written Zeref in first-person but I liked how it ended up. I had a lot more freedom to say what Zeref needed to say. Anyway, I hope you liked this, thank you for reading, reviews/favorites/follows are all appreciated. If you see any mistakes feel free to let me know (although since this is a journal written by another human being it makes sense there would be some errors). Bye! :)