Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Popular, obviously, I assume if I did I would have something better to do at, *checks clock*, 12:52 in the morning.

Summary: Harrison's thoughts in the hospital about when he and Sam leave the Gym after his big announcement.

I wanted to tell you then.

After I had publicly bared my fate to the school. I might as well bare my soul too huh? I figured what could a little more exposure hurt? But then I remembered.

It could hurt you.

I haven't been the best of friend this year. Counting both the things you know I did, like the "bonding experiment", I didn't think you were going to forgive me for that one. And the things you don't know…the things you can't know.

As we left the auditorium I turned to you, tears streaking both our faces and I almost said it. God knows I wanted to. But then I looked in your eyes, your pretty doe eyes and saw how sad you were, sad because of me. And I couldn't hurt you more.

I know I haven't been there for you a lot this year Sam, but maybe if you knew the truth. How it hurts every time I see you with him, what it does to me. Maybe you would understand why I've been distant.

And when I walked off that stage and you linked your arm in mine, leaving him. I wanted to say it in front of him, in front of everyone. Even if you rejected me, just to have the words out there, for you to know. But as little as I care for the opinions of everyone else and that superficial, judgmental, jock, who will never…never understand you like I do. I was too late, you're with him and I couldn't do this to you anymore. I couldn't see you cry more tears over me. Especially when I know that he will be there for you when I won't, care for you like I can't, give you everything you want, is everything you want, when I may never be able to be there for you again. Like I said, I can't take care of me right now, so I sure as hell can't be there for anyone else.

But I promise Sam, if I make it through this. I'll tell you, everything.

And I will make it through this because I need to see that sweet Sammy smile again, see you truly happy again, need us to be real friends again, with Lily and Carm, even if that's all you'll give me. For you Sam, I'll beat this. Then the choice will be yours.

AN: First story ever! Well more of a drabble. But hey the point is it's done. So comment, criticize please, God knows my ego could use deflating.