Sam knows a thing or two about pain both mental and physical.
He knows the pain of his lover dying and not being able to stop it; he knows the pain of his brother going to hell and Sam having to watch him die; he knows the pain of seeing Lucifer rise and it being all his fault. Oh yes – Sam Winchester knows all about pain but he has never felt it as intensely as he does the moment Death – in all his glory – shoves his glowing but damaged soul back into his writhing body.
Sam knows a thing or two about fear too.
He remembers the fear he felt when he saw his first monster, remembers the fear he felt when he was first thrown across the room by a demon, his back hitting the wall hard, unable to move his arms or legs. He can easily recall the way his gut churned when he saw his brother's broken body on the floor of that little house, the way his heart pounded when he saw the ground open and Lucifer's bright light burnt into the atmosphere like poison. Oh yes – Sam Winchester knows all about fear but he has never felt it so intensely as he does the moment Death – with his skeletal face – lifts his hand and thrusts the thing that Sam doesn't want back into him.
Sam knows a thing or two about desperation.
He was desperate that night that he tried to drag Jess from the ceiling, his hands burning, his flesh searing in the heat. He was desperate the night he went to the crossroads to plead for his brother's soul and even more desperate when he went again, drunk and out of his head, trying to get Dean back from the fiery pit. He remembers how desperate he felt when he saw that gaping hole open up in front of him, knowing that there was no escape and the only way to save everyone was to plunge into that black pit and give over his own life. Oh yes – Sam Winchester knows all about desperation but he has never felt it so intensely as that moment when Death – with his fingers like bones – leans forward to tell him that there is going to be a wall in his mind and that he mustn't ever scratch the itch it will leave there.
Sam knows a thing or two about love.
He can't remember his momma at all but he knows she loved him because she died for him. He knows his dad loved him too despite their arguments, their fights, their constant butting of heads. He knows Bobby loves him, deep down, even though he hardly ever shows it, gruff and taciturn as he is. He knew Jess loved him and that – maybe – Ruby loved him a little too – in her own sick way. Oh yes – Sam Winchester knows all about love and he has never felt it so intensely as the moment he looks across at his brother, looks at Dean whose eyes are so full of pain, fear and desperation, looks at the man who has cared and protected him all of his life, who has given up everything for him over and over again. So as Death – with his burning eyes – thrusts his soul back into his body, Sam closes his eyes and tries to bite back the screams because love – love is the one emotion he still wants to feel.
So he lets Death – with his soft voice and strangely gentle hands – shove his suffering soul back into his fearful, pain-filled, desperate body and hopes that love will be enough…
End