Brittany and Santana discover a post on Quinn's personal blog that worries them. Although Quinn says that it is not a suicide note, they can't help but be worried and they leap into action. May possibly be triggering. The note is written in Italics and as the story goes on so are Quinn's thoughts. I thought this would be an interesting point of view. I was originally going to only make it one chapter, but it ended up being much longer than planned. So I broke it up as best I could. Please keep in mind that it is one continuous story. I hope that you enjoy!
***As much as I wish that I owned the characters, sadly I do not. [insert other appropriate disclaimer stuff here.]***
After All, It was Just a Flower
{Chapter 1}
May 18 6:42 AM New York
To my readers,
I know that this a rather long entry and I do not expect that many of you will read it. It's different from my other entries, in that it is an extremely personal post. It's not written in my normal formatting or anything like that, and I am sure that my editor would have a conniption if he saw this in its unedited state. Think of it as a stream of conscious, because you are about to get an inside look at my thoughts.
"Hey B, can you go see if Q is up? Normally she's already up and has gone on our coffee run."
"Yeah no problem San." Brittany bounded off the couch and down the hallway to Quinn's room. She knocked on the door, and pushed it open after no response. Silently, Brittany crossed to Quinn's bed, to wake the blonde only to discover an empty bed.
"San, she's not in here." Brittany yelled.
"Hmm, that's weird. She must've just gotten held up or had to run some errands." Wrapping her arms around Brittany's waist, she whispered into her ear, "You know B, this is the only room left in the apartment that we haven't christened yet."
"But I thought rooms couldn't believe in God?" Brittany stated.
San chuckled and drew Brittany closer to her, "No they can't. I just thought that it would be hot if we got our sweet lady kisses on in here."
A look of realization crossed the tall blonde's face and she ducked down to give Santana a kiss. "I don't think Quinn would appreciate if we did that and she wasn't here." Brittany said, pulling back.
Sometimes I wake up and think that I don't hate myself, but it never lasts for very long. I grew up in a Christian family. I was taught that God was loving and forgiving, although you must bid to his word. My heavenly Father may be loving and forgiving, but my earthly father sure as hell isn't. He never was and he never will be. I was taught to treat others with dignity and respect, at least in public. Behind closed doors though- I was taught to deal with things the Fabray way. I was taught to do what it takes to get what you want. That if you didn't speak about it, then the problem didn't exist. This worked fine until I found myself shut behind more than one closed door.
"Alright, fine." Santana pouted before continuing, "How about I go make us some breakfast then. Pancakes?"
Brittany's face lit up and she nodded in agreement. Santana started to head back to the kitchen when Brittany spoke up, "Why do you think Q brought so much work back with her? I thought she hated bringing work home." Santana turned towards Quinn's desk and noticed the unusual mess left on it.
"I don't know. I mean she is a reporter so maybe she had some deadlines coming up." Santana's gaze fell upon the diploma from Yale hanging proudly on the wall above the desk. In the corner of the frame, Quinn had stuck a picture of her and Beth, after she had just been born. They left the room, and Brittany shut the door behind them.
I got pregnant the first time I ever had sex. Who am I kidding though. I didn't want to have sex. I kinda wanted Puck- at least I wanted to want Puck. I was using Finn. Why? Because the person that I loved, and still do love- I was taught and told that I shouldn't love. That I would be damned if I loved her.
For years I tormented and brought down the person that I love. I was so lost and confused and desperate. I was broken and didn't see how I could be fixed. In the back of my mind I knew that she could help piece me back together. I remember the first time I heard her sing. It was in freshmen year, and I was running past the auditorium to get to Cheerios practice. I had never heard a voice so beautiful, so confident before. I was late to practice that day. Coach Sylvester made me run wind sprints until my legs gave out. So I pushed this girl to the back of my mind. In sophomore year I was head Cheerio. I ruled the school and my parents couldn't be happier. At least they were happy.
Then scandal broke out. I was pregnant. I got kicked out of my home. I got kicked off the Cheerios. I lost my boyfriend to the girl I loved. My dad hated me and left my mother. I gave up my baby. So what did I do? I came up with more nicknames. I ordered more slushies.
Santana was moving around the kitchen as Brittany was playing music from her laptop from the kitchen bar. "So any interesting news from Facebook about any of the Lima losers?" Santana asked Brittany as she was flipping the pancakes.
"Nope. It looks like Mercedes is doing a string of small venue concerts on the west coast though."
"That's cool. Is Trouty Mouth still with her?"
"According to Facebook, yes. And it's no longer complicated."
I'm not mad about giving up my baby. I made the right decision for Beth. I wanted the best for her. And I couldn't provide the best for her. Because of Beth I graduated William McKinley High School as the valedictorian. I was accepted at Yale early decision on scholarship and graduated Magna Cum Laude. I interned at the New York Times, and was offered a full time job after graduation. While Beth may have been my motivation, Rachel was the reason my motivation never failed. Yes at times it wavered, but never did it fail.
"Here you go B. Three chocolate chip pancakes." Santana said as she laid the plate in next to her girlfriend's laptop. A few moments later she returned with her own plate and her cup of coffee. "Everything alright Britt? You haven't touched your pancakes." Santana turned and noticed her girlfriends face. Brittany only had that face when she was concerned or concentrating. "What's wrong?"
"I have to go call Rachel." Brittany got up and ran to their room to get her phone. Santana slid the laptop in front of her and started to read. The internet was opened up to Quinn's personal blog. So she started to read.
Junior year I was still bitter. I was using boys, because I thought that they would magically fix everything, but of course they didn't. Most of the time they just ended up making things worse- even if it was my own damn fault. One of the assignments that we had to do was about our flaws. Finn had broken Rachel's nose, and the glee club learned that Rachel wanted a nose job. She wanted her nose to look like mine. For years I struggled with my body image. I went to drastic measures get the body that I have today. I remember the names that others had called me. I remember how it felt- to be broken down to the point where you actually believe what they say. I never intended to make anyone else ever feel that way about themselves. . Especially not her. I can apologize a thousand times over, but I will never forgive myself for what I did.
Brittany walked back into the kitchen and was frantically dialing Rachel, trying to get hold of her. "Come on Rachel, pick up the phone." Panic was washing over Brittany.
"B, didn't Rachel say that she had some audition today?" Santana asked Brittany, rubbing her head as she tried to stay calm.
"I think, but I'm not positive."
"Okay, keep trying to get hold of Rachel, and I'll call Kurt. He'll know the information."
Somewhere along the line, Finn and Rachel broke up and we got back together. The night of prom, Finn gave me a white gardenia corsage with a green ribbon. He said that it 'matched my eyes' but I knew that it wasn't really from him. It was from Rachel. I was about to walk around the corner of the hall, when I heard the two of them talking by her locker. I wanted to know what was going on, so I stayed put until they finished. We campaigned for prom king and queen. My mother couldn't be happier. But I lost. I didn't lose to some other Cheerio. I lost to a write-in nominee. I lost to a boy. The only openly gay boy the school- Kurt Hummel. I was angry, upset, and scared. The other students had gone out of their way to make Kurt's life at school a living hell- I couldn't imagine what they would do to me if they found out.
That year we made it to Nationals. We didn't place. Finn had broken up with me and was fighting for Rachel. He won again. Then I lost it. Again.
"I'm in the middle of a design meeting, this better be important Santana." Kurt huffed out, obviously annoyed.
"I'm worried about Quinn. I don't know if you read her personal blog or not, but the post that she made today is rather concerning and we need to get hold of Rachel. Britt's been trying to get hold of her, but we can't."
"That would be because she's at an audition. She wouldn't tell me the exact location of it, because it was by invitation only."
"Kurt, I'm scared . We all know that Quinn has had more than her fair share of problems, but I thought that she had dealt with them. I'm afraid of what she may do."
"Shhh, we're gonna do our best." Kurt was trying his best to comfort the brunette over the phone. "Here's what I need you and Brit to do, alright."
Senior year rolled around, and I decided to send a message to everyone, that message simply being "Fuck You". I chopped off my hair and dyed it pink. I got a nose ring and completely redid my wardrobe. San and Brit tried talking to me. I ignored them. Rachel talked to me. I at least listened to what she had to say. It wasn't until I had the possibility of bringing Beth back into my life, where I turned everything around. Once again, Beth was my motivation, but Rachel was the reason my motivation never failed. I applied to Yale. I got in and Rachel was marrying Finn. We made it to Nationals and everyone was together and happy. Then the accident happened.
A/N: I was originally going to only make it one chapter, but it ended up being much longer than planned. So I broke it up as best I could. Please keep in mind that it is one continuous story. The rest will be posted soon.
I'm not the best with grammer, so if you are interested in being a Beta (I think this is the right thing) just let me know.
Thank you!