AUTHOR'S NOTE: okay guys... this just demanded to be written... my friends and I were very bored during math class... and this is what happened... we all pissed ourselves laughing too
Stop trying to figure out what's behind Kakashi's mask. No really, just give it up.
"I've heard every possible joke about Rock Lee's eyebrows" is not a challenge.
Sakura should be shot
Ino should also be shot
If you ever attempt to hug Gaara, you are a complete idiot and should ALSO be shot
Simply because they kissed, save each other's lives on a regular basis, it is mentioned that they have a place in one another's hearts, have bouts of sexual tension in just about every episode AND one of them can turn into a girl, does not mean that Naruto and Sasuke are together. Although…
Sasuke is NOT a male prostitute. Leave him alone.
Gaara is a sex god. Not only this, but he is LEE'S sex god. Leave them alone
Stay away from Gai if you value your sanity
Stay away from Jiraiya if you value your virginity
Stay away from Gaara if you value your life
Gaara will steal you eyeliner
No, Naruto did not escape from prison recently, he chooses to wear that jumpsuit
Don't attempt to wax Lee's eyebrows while he is sleeping. He'll hurt you
Don't attempt to remove Kakashi's mask while he is sleeping. He'll kill you
Don't attempt to put make-up on Sasuke while he is sleeping (as cute as he might look). He'll destroy any evidence that you ever existed
No, Gaara does not want an "eyebrow transfusion" from Lee.
"I've heard every possible joke about Temari's wind." Is not a challenge
Kankurou is allowed to use his puppet in battle. Kankurou is not allowed to use his "puppet" in battle.
The reason Gaara has the armour of sand is because he is a sex god and has the ability to make someone orgasm simply by touching them.
I will not call Orochimaru "medusa" or make any reference whatsoever to his "snake". That's just disgusting.
I will not call Naruto "foxy". Ever.
I will not sing Barry White every time Sasuke walks past
I will not sing "Eye of the Tiger" every time Lee walks past
I will not sing "Can't Touch This" every time Gaara walks past
I will not refer to the hidden sound village as "the emo farm"
I will not race Kakashi and Gai (though it is VERY amusing)
I will not tie Kakashi to a pole and leave him in the middle of a corn field (y'know… the whole scarecrow thing…)
Nor will I throw Iruka in the ocean (dolphin… I KNOW it's a lame joke!)
I will not slap Hinata every time she says "NARUTO" in the creepy orgasm voice
I will not randomly scream out "SEX!!!" simply to see the looks on Kakashi and Jiraiya's faces
I will not offer Kiba dog food, or ask him why he isn't chasing Kankurou
I will not offer Kankurou cat food simply because he wears a cat suit.
I will not offer Kankurou a new colour of lip gloss
I will not ask Kakashi how he eats through his mask.
Don't poke Neji. It's not worth it.
Don't poke Itachi. It's not worth it
Don't look sideways at Gaara. It's not worth it
Haku is MALE. Get over it.
Neji is ALSO MALE. Get over it
Neither Sasuke, nor Itachi, nor anyone else who possesses the Sharingan needs glasses, don't even think about offering them glasses
Contrary to popular belief. Lee is not trapped in the 80's. Nor is Gai
Contrary to popular belief. Zabuza is NOT Michael Jackson
Naruto's sensei's name is "Kakashi" not "Phantom of the Opera"
The kanji on Gaara's forehead means "love oneself" this has no reference whatsoever to masturbation (as far as we know)
Anyone who steals Naruto's ramen is either incredibly brave, or incredibly stupid. And will be labelled as such depending on whether or not they survive Naruto's wrath.
If you do not speak Japanese, please do not attempt to sing the theme song to Naruto
Whilst listening to the Naruto soundtrack song "Victory" I will not burst out and begin singing "WHAT A FEELING!"
I am not a master of the "love jutsu"
If ANYONE in ANY of the hidden villages EVER asks you ANY question. Do NOT answer with the words "because I'm a ninja!"
I am not a complete moron and so therefore will NOT attempt to remove Kakashi's mask at any given time, place or situation (wink wink)
"To have sex with everything that moves" is NOT an appropriate ninja way.
Don't ask Iruka "how do you keep a chuunin in suspense?" and then walk away. It's really mean.
Yu-Gi-Oh is not a ninja
Sasuke does not need YET ANOTHER stalker. Just leave him alone guys!
I will not offer Sakura or Ino hair extensions
I will not kill Konohamaru or his friends whenever they ask to "play ninja"
I will not ask Shikamaru what he looks at if there are no clouds in the sky
I will not offer Shikamaru sunglasses
… and if I ever do offer Shikamaru sunglasses, I will not steal them from Shino
Making fat jokes about Chouji is just rude and immature. And stupid if he is within earshot
Yes, we are all aware that if Kakashi and Iruka were to have an ass-baby, it's name would be Kakaka. Amusing as this may be, it's probably not a good idea to tell Kakaka's parents
Yes, we are all aware that Gaara's goard looks like a pair of female breasts. Amusing as this may be, it's DEFINITELY not a good idea to tell said Kazekage.
Sasuke is not Anakin Skywalker
… and Kakashi is not Yoda
There is no such place as "the village hidden in the imagination" and I am not the Kage of that village.
I will not ask Naruto or Gaara if they have the libido of a demon, it's just rude.
I will not ask Ino if she uses the "mind transfer jutsu" simply to make herself look more intelligent.
Does anyone really think that Sasuke would appreciate being turned into a chibi? No? Good.