Three Duds in a Flat
By Hoogiman

It's the latest poorly written twenty-five minute sitcom, 'Three Duds in a Flat!' What happens when Hermione, Ron and Harry have to live together in a flat/unit/apartment? What (lack of) hilarity ensues as our characters go on wacky adventures? Brought to you by, Yours Truly!

Disclaimer: J. K. Rowling owns all of the characters in this story.

Episode One: Prologue

In the empty playing field of Hogwarts, Hermione and Ron look on enthusiastically as Harry tries to impress them with his latest broomstick!

"Do you like my new broom?" asked Harry.

"It's fantastic!" replied Hermione enthusiastically. "What model is it?"

"It's a Firebolt (insert big number here)!" said Harry, "It's the best one yet!"

"What makes it better than the 'best one yet' broom that was released four hours ago?" asked Hermione sceptically.

"We-"

"Harry, stop!" said Ron, cheerfully, "I have such a perfect idea of timing a little pun, to add a bit of humour to the story! You know, because it's been bonkers boring in the last twenty pages reading about Harry and Ginny kiss? Okay, so how about, you Harry, say what you said, and then Hermione says what she says, and then I come in, with my witty little joke, okay? How does that sound? Hilarious, wouldn't you say? Okay, so take it from the top!"

"Uh… cue?" said Harry.

"It's a Firebolt," whispered Ron.

"Okay… it's a Firebolt (insert big number here)!" said Harry, "It's the best one yet!"

"What makes it better than the 'best one yet' broom that was released a day ago?" asked Hermione sceptically.

"NO! You've done it all wrong? What are you, as dumb as a doormat? Is the capacity of your memory the capacity of a goldfish's memory?" asked Ron angrily. "You said, 'What makes it better than the 'best one yet' broom that was released four hours ago', not 'What makes it better than the 'best one yet' broom that was released a day ago'! The comedic timing is going all wrong now! It won't be funny! Listen, you have to say it right, otherwise the joke will be ruined!"

"Geesh," said Hermione, annoyed.

"Take it from the top then?" said Ron, impatiently.

"(sigh), uh… it's a Firebolt (insert big number here)!" said Harry, "It's the best one yet!"

"What makes it better than the 'best one yet' broom that was released four hours ago?" asked Hermione sceptically.

"I know!" said Ron, in an overenthusiastic voice, "Be- because it's a Firebolt broomstick, it's… it's really on fire, get it?"

Ron set Harry's broom on fire.

Harry and Hermione stared blankly at Ron.

"That was it?" said Hermione, stunned. "You mean, you made us repeat what we said multiple times for that crummy punch-line?"

Harry's cloak caught on fire.

Said Ron, "Well,"

"That has got to be the worst joke I have ever heard!" said Hermione angrily, "Almost as bad as this one: Harry, you're on fire!"

"Thanks!" said Harry, playing on his Nintendo DS, "I'm glad you think I'm good at Wario Ware!"

"No really, Harry, you're on fire!" said Ron, concerned.

"It's not really as funny the second time," said Hermione.

"Yeah, I think so too, not that it was too funny in the first place, no offence Hermione," said Harry, with his body engulfed in flames.

Hermione noticed that Harry was on fire.

"You're actually on fire!" panicked Hermione.

"ZOMG!" screamed Harry, dropping to the ground.

"You've got it all wrong!" scolded Ron, "It's 'Stop, Drop, and Roll', not, 'Drop and Roll'! You fool Harry!"

"Oh," said Harry, "But, seeing that I'm on the ground already, it's hard to start again, because I don't really have anywhere to drop from."

"Good point I guess," said Ron.

"Harry! Get rid of the flames before you die!" shouted Hermione, concerned.

"Oh," said Harry, rolling around on the grass.

The flames on Harry disappeared.

"There, the flames are gone!" said Harry, trying to sound like a presenter for a stain removal product.

"Haha, you sound like one of those people in a stain removal product advertisement!" said Hermione, chuckling.

"Thanks, that's what I was intending!" said Harry.

Hermione chuckled.

"Er… shouldn't we like… put out the flames?" asked Harry, looking at the Quidditch field totally engulfed in flames.

"We'll be fine!" said Ron.

Next Day…

"Yawn!" said Ron, yawning, waking up.

Ron walked to the dormitory door.

"Here's the daily newspaper!" said Ron, taking the daily newspaper.

Ron read the headlines.

"All of the non-muggle world has been destroyed by a fire?" asked Ron, shocked.

Hermione and Harry woke up, shocked.

"Well, surely there must be some other non-muggles left!" said Hermione in desperation.

Ron continued to read the article. Said Ron, "According to this article, there are only three wizards left in the world! The rest were destroyed in the fire!"

Harry and Hermione gasped.

"That leaves us only one thing to do…" said Hermione, shocked.

"What?" asked Harry.

"We have to rent a flat… and live in it… like a sitcom family!" said Hermione, in total devastation.

Ron and Harry gasped.

The End
(of the episode)

"Well, that was totally nonsensical, wasn't it? And isn't it also so irrelevant to the other chapters and only serves as an introduction? Do leave a review," said… uh… Dobby… yes… Dobby.