Though I wish it were, Final Fantasy isn't mine, so no suing me. Muahahaha!

The Final Fantasy IX Tournament 2007

Cue extremely dramatic music.

Ladies and Gentlemen, children who love fighting: We bring you here today to witness the one and only Final Fantasy IX Face Off Tournament of 2007. A competition where we take characters of your choice from FFIX and place them in duels against one another until the judges decide an ultimate winner. There will of course be violence and if we are lucky, blood splatter. The first fight shall be decided by our team here at PunchUp Productions, but afterwards, you, the public, shall decide who faces whom in the next match. So without further ado, let the first battle begin.

Judges: Me (Tom Jenkins), The Comic book Guy from The Simpsons, Chuck Norris, and Yoda.

Match: (Starting small) Vivi Junior VS Black Waltz 3

Ding, ding, ding.

Vivi stepped into the roaring arena, his small arms raised in the air, taking in the glory. Even the judges were proud to see such a small boy, still only a child, march into the death match. Especially Chuck Norris.

"Go on little kid. You can do it. You've just gotta believe, believe!" He shouted, a tear falling from his eye.

"Worst costume ever!" The Comic book Guy commented, pointing at Vivi Junior's rags.

The small wizard continued into the arena and began to flex his finger muscles for the fight. The entire crowd continued to roar in approval of the bravery of the little man.

"Thank you, thank you." He shouted in a small, high-pitched voice. Then, out of nowhere, a ball of flame struck him in the back of the head and knocked him face first into the ground. Everyone watching erupted into a long "Booo" as The Black Waltz 3 stepped into the arena twirling his staff around. Everyone was booing, except for Yoda.

"Oh, Triumphant, the force has been." He cheered, before receiving a roundhouse kick in the jaw from Chuck Norris.

"Are you ready?" Tom shouted, about to start the fight.

"Yes, I am." Vivi squeaked as cutely as he could.

"Bring it on dude!" Said The Black Waltz, smirking towards his opponent.

"Then, begin." Tom bellowed, firing a bullet into the air.

The Black Waltz began to circle Vivi, smiling as he did so, whilst the smaller black mage stood in the centre forming a small ball of ice energy in his hand.

"Blizzard!" He squealed, throwing a puny snowball at his enemies face.

"Gay!" The powerful mage exclaimed as he wiped the cold snow from his face onto the floor. Immediately afterwards, he leaned backwards with his arm and his staff and cast an incredibly powerful Blizzaga spell which struck Vivi and sent him flying into the side of the arena below where the crowd was sitting.

"Fucking hurt, that must." Yoda nodded.

"Shut up!" Chuck Norris ordered as he swung his foot around into the green bogey's face once again.

Vivi lay on the ground entrapped in a cube of ice. It seemed that The Black Waltz had already claimed victory as he danced around in fake slow motion making cheering noises with his own voice. Meanwhile, behind him, the hand of the frozen Vivi ignited into a small flame and slowly began to thaw himself out until finally he was back to normal once again, but slightly wet. Quietly, he snuck up behind the celebrating Black Waltz and booted him up the ass

"Haha. You think that you can freeze me? I am Vivi Junior, son of the almighty Vivi original, the one who..." His words were cut short as The Black Waltz turned around and slapped him across the face with the back of his hand, knocking Vivi back through the air and into the crowd.

"What were you saying?" The slapper asked triumphantly. Staring upwards to see if his opponent would emerge from the crowds.

"I was saying that…" Yet again he had no time to finish. The moment The Black Waltz saw him; he cast a Thundaga spell into the audience, frying over half of them into dust.

"Now that was just uncalled for." Tom muttered, shaking his head in disappointment.

"Worst sportsmanship ever!" Said The Comic book Guy as he flipped open his laptop. "And your attack should have been directed at just the opponent, not anybody else." As he raised his finger to point out something else, a bolt of electricity struck him and turned him, like the audience, into a pile of dust with two eyes on top.

"Yay!" Cheered the remaining hundreds in the crowd. Meanwhile Yoda and Chuck Norris each sat in their seat with foghorns and party hats celebrating. The pile of dust that was once The Comic book Guy slid away into the centre of the arena and began to mumble at The Black Waltz, who in return, stepped on the smush so that it would shut up.

"Horray!" Everyone began to shout. "Go Black Waltz. Go Black Waltz."

From the ashes of the dead audience, Vivi rose up, burning with the intense heat of a meteor spell.

"Would you look at that." Tom exclaimed, pointing at the infuriated black mage. "I can see something big happening here."

With extreme force, a large rock smashed through the steel roofing of the arena and came crashing down on top of The Black Waltz.

"Suck on that." Vivi shouted, pointing at the meteor and smiling. Beneath it, The Black Waltz's arm was showing.

"Could the match be over?" Chuck Norris asked, running over lifting up the dead arm. "1… 2… 3… It is over. Vivi wins!" He bellowed. In excitement, the remainder of the crowd stood up and began to cheer for Vivi who was now in the centre of the arena, dancing. Yoda, now joining Vivi in his dance took out two sparklers and began to shake them around.

"So Vivi, you won the match. How it does it feel?" Tom asked, kneeling down and shoving a microphone into the small mage's face.

"Oh, it feels great Tom. I always dreamt of getting past the first round in a Final Fantasy IX Tournament. I went to make that prize mine."

"Prize…? Yeah, right, a prize. Anyway, congratulations on your victory, and we'll see you in the next round." Tom said enthusiastically. "But that's all for today folks. Next match will be another round one match where you will decide the competitors. So tell us here at PunchUp Productions who you would like to see face who next. Goodbye."

Cue theme show tune…

Back in the commentary box.

Tom: Well, that was an interesting match now, wasn't it Chuck?

Chuck Norris :Yes it was Tom, who would have though that such a little guy could pack such a punch?

Tom: "Not me. What did you think Yoda?

Yoda: Only the true warrior deserved to win such a match. And that was not Vivi. Sucked, he totally did. I really think that The Black Waltz should have won that.

Tom: Really, yeah, that's good. What do you all think about what happened to The Comic book Guy then? Such a tragedy.

Chuck Norris: He had it coming. And he needed to do some weights too. On top of that, I never got to slap him with a tuna.

Tom: Such a shame. Well that is all we've got time for. Who should fight in the next match? What should happen to them? Who will the new judges be? You (The Public) must decide. Bye bye.

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