A Pokemans Story
Once upon a time there was a young boy named Ash Ketchum. He had just turned ten years old, which meant that he was old enough to get his Pokemon license, which means that he could finally learn how to ride Pokemon like the wild, majestic dolphins they are. Anyways, Ash's Pokemon clock was ringing to wake him up, because he has a Pokemon everything, because in his world, Pokemon are like the Beatles in the midst of Beatlemania, and Wobbuffet is Ringo. He yawned himself to awake while stretching his pectoral arms of an Olympian god. He used his muscular arms of solitude to scratch his mannishly, childlike, manly permastubble as he suplexed out of bed.
"Good morning, sweetie," said Mrs. Ketchum, mother of Ash Ketchum, son of Mrs. Ketchum, mother of Ash, "do you want some deep fried wobbuffet for breakfast to start the most important day of your life?"
"Krakitypow!" said Ash's meaty fist of manitude entering the deepest bowels of his mom's delicate face. Ash looked at the massive black hole that was his mom's face and smiled. "Looks like YOU saw the most important day of YOUR life," said Ash Ketchum in his pre-pubescent manly growl, "YOUR LAST." Ash then jumped out his plate glass window and rolled up to his fence.
"I still hunger," said Ash, squinting in threatening seriousness, "Because I didn't eat anything." He proceeded to jump through his kitchen's plate glass window in search of prey. He went to the fridge and looked inside at its many food stuffs. "Perfect!" yelled Ash, smiling like a beast that is smiling. He proceeded to shut the fridge door, turn around, hop on top of his mom, and devour her like a snake. He finished with twelve belches at the same time. "THAT TASTED WEIRD!" screamed Ash at the ceiling with glee.
BEEPBEEPBEEP said Ash's bare arm. "Time to go to Pokemon College to get a Pokemon License, Pokemon, and that's it!" said Ash. His anus suddenly spread out a glorious pair of wings, wingspan of twenty feet, which he used to fly to Pokemon College and blow up his house at the same time.
He arrived at Pokemon College, fluttering his anus-wings in the soft breeze. He swooped to the ground to enter through the gate, when he was approached by his nemesis, Gary Oak.
"Hey there, loser!" said Gary.
"Hey there, Gary!" said Ash's smoking handgun in what was left of Gary Oak's face. Ash grunted with pleasure before he kneeled down to snake-devour Gary's corpse. He then got up and force-pushed the gate open before strolling in.
He walked into the main doorway when he was greeted by the main man himself, Professor Oak. "Greetings, Ash Ketchum!" said the Pokemon Professor.
"Shut up, Mr. Tree!" said Ash, "Where's my Pokemon?"
Professor Oak, shocked by the outburst, started shaking. "Well, um, I'm afraid we're all out!"
"OUT?"
"Yeeps! Um, yes, out. Well you-"
"WHY?"
"You-"
"WHY?"
"You-"
"WHYARARAGAGFDYUHDJKMEARGARG?"
"Please, let me speak!"
"Then speak!"
"You came in three hours late!"
"So? Just get another batch of Pokemon in the back!"
"We don't HAVE anymore! I told you that!"
Ash then pulled out his handgun, still stained with the brain matter of Gary Oak, and pointed it at Professor Oak's head. "Well. I suppose you're just going to have to go to Pokemon Wal-Mart and get some more."
"Pokemon Wal-Mart?" cried Oak, tears streaming down his face, feces also streaming down his face for some weird reason, in fear. "But that doesn't exist! You just made it up!"
"SO?"
"So I can't go there!"
"Well, I'll just have to go myself." Said Ash, pulling the trigger.
"CrackitysmakitybakityBOOM!" said the bullet coming out of the back of Oak's head.
Ash then went to Pokemon Wal-Mart, grabbed a Squirtle, bought a pretzel, and lived happily ever after.
THE END