TURNING RIGHT!, a doctor who fanfic

Disclaimer: We own nothing. If we did, Martha would've been eaten by a Judoon, Rose and the Doctor would be TOGETHER and Donna would still be around. So obviously, we don't own it. :(

This is a continuation of our oneshot, but you don't have to bother reading that. In this, we are kinda travelling with our favourite 2-hearted alien during S4. WEEE!

Turning Right

Quartet in Crime

"THE TRAIN IS LEAVING!!"

"CATCH THE TRAIN!!"

"THE CHOO-CHOO TRAIN!!"

"It's not leaving, you nutters. It's coming in to the station."

Beth and Molly, the two girls who had been yelling previously, turned and looked sheepishly at each other.

"…oh."

"Oops."

Beth and Molly climbed onto the train, squeeing about their trip into London, and looked expectantly at Maddie, Beth's twin sister.

"COME ON." Beth snapped, growing impatient after 2 seconds.

"Oh. Right. No, I'm not coming,"

Beth's eyes widened, full of tears, "WHYY??"

"I'm going someplace else."

Molly scowled, "Maybe this time she might ACTUALLY send us to Madagascar…"

"IS THAT WHAT THIS IS? A BIG BOX??"

"No, Beth, it's a train. But I'm going on a different train, to Cardiff," Maddie smiled.

Beth's lip wibbled dangerously, "Why?"

"Cos."

Molly, now very interested (nosy) said, "Why, Maddie? Tell us, we're your FRIENDS! FRIENDS FRIENDS FRIENDS --"

"ALRIGHT! I GOT A JOB AT TORCHWOOD!" Maddie yelled, attracting many people's attentions.

"No need to yell," Molly sniffed indignantly. Maddie mumbled crossly under her breath.

"Keep your mobile on! So we can text!" Beth beamed.

"Okay, phone me when you arrive," Maddie agreed, "Phones ON."

Beth nodded and looked away, subconsciously turning her mobile phone off as the train began to move.

"BYE!!" she and Molly shrieked out the window, waving at Maddie. Molly turned to Beth once Maddie was out of eyesight.

"How can she get a job at Torchwood? She's like 14."

Beth shrugged, "I dunno. It's OUR AU Fic. We can do whatever,"

"What's an 'AU Fic'?"

"I do not know."

With that, our two favourite heroines began annoying the waitresses, and their fellow passengers.

Molly and Beth arrived in London around the time a certain Time Lord and redheaded woman were conveniently avoiding each other.

"What do we do first?" Beth asked, striking a defiant pose as they walked through London streets.

"WE NEED CAFFIENE!" Molly yelled, "TO COSTA!!"

"What about Starbucks?" Beth asked, all wide-eyed innocence.

"'WHAT ABOUT STARBUCKS'?? 'WHAT ABOUT STARBUCKS'?? STARBUCKS WILL ONE DAY TAKE OVER THE UNIVERSE." Molly shrieked, falling to her knees, before jumping up and walking into the burgundy coloured coffee shop.

Some 50 cappuccinos and 5 hours later, Molly walked out of Costa Coffee satisfied, while Beth - not used to the exciting blend of caffeine and sugar - was hopping around like a madman.

"W-w-w-where shall w-w-we investigate f-f-first?" Beth stuttered, excitedly. Molly looked around, before pointing randomly at a building.

"THAT place." Molly decreed, before striding into Adipose Industries.

Beth followed at a much slower hop.

SQUELCH-POP!

SQUELCH--

"CRAAAAAAAAAAAAPP!!"

"MOLLLLLLLYYYY!"

SQUELCH-POP!

"I'M OK!"

Beth breathed a sigh of relief.

CONVENIENTLY PLACED FLASHBACK.

While skipping around the ground floor of Adipose Industries, Molly had noticed someone coming down the side of the building in one of those huge metal window-washer thingies. Molly had immediately said they should chase him, and went outside, looking up the side of the building, when Beth appeared, holding 3 toilet plungers with one stuck to her head, sticking upwards to make her at least a foot taller.

"GENIUS!!"

And now…here they were…scaling the side of Adipose Industries using nothing but a rubber cup on a stick.

END OF CONVENIENTLY PLACED FLASHBACK.

"Molly, are you okay?"

"I WAS SO CLOSE TO DEATH! I saw 5-minutes-ago conveniently flash before my eyes…"

Beth looked downwards, at the 2-foot drop to the ground.

"Um…sure. Just don't let go of your plunger again,"

Ten minutes later, the two had scaled 250 feet SUPER-FAST to get to right under the window-washer thingy, and they grabbed the under-side, listening to who they presumed was Adipose Industries head, the mysterious Miss Foster, through the open window.

"Adipose. It's called an Adipose. Made out of living fat. Stripped from ordinary human..."

Molly and Beth groaned as this woman started an endless monologue. They began to climb up the side of the basin, only to find some lanky man with spiky hair standing in the tub.

"Christ." Beth mumbled, "What now, Molly? Mol?"

Molly was not listening. She was looking down, wide-eyed and opened mouthed, into the tub. Beth looked down and her hair practically stood up with shock when she saw the familiar Converse trainers at the end of the man's pinstriped leg.

"Oh my…"

"It's the…"

Instantly, both girls squealed "DOCTOOOOORRR!!"

Then, they let go of the basin and fell.

"AAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Beth was so busy screaming she didn't notice a window three floors underneath them wide open, and she didn't see Molly reach out to grab the window, as well as her friend's hand.

Beth didn't notice any of this until she stopped short falling, to find Molly holding the window ledge, and gripping Beth's wrist.

"Jeez! You ARE good!" Beth beamed, wiggling her legs unnecessarily. Molly looked down at Beth and squeed, "OMIGOD!! It was the Doctor!!"

Moments later, the girls had climbed through the window and raced into a room, to see two workers passionately kissing and…stuff.

"NO!! MUST KEEP T-RATING!!" Beth shrieked, running away from the two men. Molly allowed herself to be dragged away, clutching at her violently bleeding nose.

"Jeez, yaoi catches me out every time."

Beth shook her head, as they climbed into a lift, "I don't get half of the anime-stuff you sprout!"

They climbed out the lift and froze when they saw the Doctor, Donna Noble, Miss Foster and her brutes having a face-off. All five people looked at the girls, who stood awkwardly.

DING.

Molly went red and pulled out her mobile.

"Oh, Maddie's arrived in Cardiff."

"Is she alright?"

"Look for yourself,"

Molly held up her mobile, which held a text reading, IN CARDIFF. HOW R U?.

"How are we?" Molly asked, clicking Reply.

"Well…the Converse-one and his ginger companion are shooting daggers at us," Beth mused, "And the blonde one and her monsters have guns. I'd say we've been better."

Molly smiled and texted back Fine. How are you?. She hated text talk.

"Do you mind??" the Doctor asked. Beth melted at the sight of him. Molly's nose exploded blood.

"Who are you?" Miss Foster demanded irritably.

"Homana-hummana-woooooww…" Beth-Puddle babbled.

Molly replied, though muffled through her hand, "Murff-murff-murff-murff."

"So, Murff-Murff-Murff-Murff and Homana…"

"NOOOOO!" Molly shrieked, having stopped her bleeding, "I am the OOD!"

Then she smiled flirtatiously at the Doctor, "You can call me Molly,"

Beth, in a jealous rage, reformed and bellowed, "I THOUGHT YOU SAID HE WAS LIKE A CRAZY UNCLE!!"

"Well, he's too old for us anyway. He's bordering on 1000 years old,"

The Doctor frowned, before yelling, "HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL THIS??"

"It's in your TV show," Beth smiled.

"I have a TV show?"

Molly covered Beth's mouth, "Be quiet, Beth you IDIOT! We might cause a Paradox!"

Then she giggled, "Cool! A Paradox!"

Miss Foster coughed, "So Beth the Idiot and Molly…who are these other two?"

The Doctor beamed, seeing his moment in the limelight, "Nice to meet you, I'm the Doctor."

"And I'm Donna," the redhead added.

"Partners in crime…" Miss Foster began, only to be cut off.

"QUARTET!!" Molly snapped, as she and Beth ran to pose either side of the Doctor and Donna.

"Quartet?" Donna cried.

"Yes." Molly smiled, clearly showing there was no arguing.

"Right, quartet. And evidently off-worlders, judging by your sonic technology. " Miss Foster said.

As the Doctor and her began to talk, Beth and Molly began squeeing that they'd found the Doctor.

In fact, they were talking so fast no-one could understand them. Molly suddenly grabbed the Doctor round the shoulders. She took a picture with her mobile and huddled in a corner, crying "GOLD!! SENDING..TO..MAAADDDIIEE!!"

Beth began humming the 'Doctor Who' theme tune.

"That's terrible." The Doctor cried, "I hope that has nothing to do with this supposed TV show of mine!"

Beth paled and looked away, mumbling "'Course not! Heh heh…"

The Doctor suddenly fumbled with his sonic screwdriver, turning the setting to what he thought was the 'Turn People's Eardrums To Mush' setting.

He buzzed it, having scary effects. Molly and Beth - in a poof of smoke - were both on the floor, barely taller than his ankle.

In Chibi form.

"WTF??" Beth yelled.

"COOL!! IT'S LIKE I'M SAILER MOON!!"

"What has this gotta do with Sailor Moon? She goes into a Sailor Suit."

"…well, I TRANSFORMED!!"

"Oops." The Doctor mumbled, "I put it on to 'Semi-Permanent Poof-Into-Chibi-At-Certain-Emotions' setting."

He looked down at the two - who were miraculously the only ones affected.

"It seems to only effect people in adolescence."

"ARE YOU IMPLYING WE'RE RANDY TEENAGERS??"

The Doctor smiled sheepishly at Beth.

Molly was busy admiring her new form, "This is COOL."

The Doctor quickly changed the setting and destroyed everyone's eardrums, before running off. Pitying Donna picked up the Chibis, who could barely walk a metre very quickly what with their 2cm long legs. She carried them off, following the Doctor. As they arrived at a storage cupboard, there was a sudden poof of smoke and Donna was on the floor, crushed by two fully-grown teenagers.

"OOF!"

"I FEEL SO TALL!!"

"GET OFF!!"

Both girls leapt up and Beth pulled Donna up.

Later, as the quartet stood on the top of the building, having saved the world, they watched as all the Adipose were beamed up.

"BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY!!" Molly yelled, standing on the edge, but then ran to hide as apparently the driver WAS called Scotty and WANTED to beam her up.

"I'm wavin' at fat!" Donna whispered, unable to keep glee out of her voice.

Beth snuck to the edge and reached out, grabbing an Adipose and hiding it in her jacket, whistling and trying to hide the inconspicuous lump.

Even later, Chibi!Molly and Chibi!Beth and Beth's Adipose - now called Chubby - sat on the Doctor's shoulders, watching as Donna lugged her luggage to the Tardis doors.

"I don't need injections though, do I? Like when you go to Cambodia, is there any of that? Cos my friend Veena went to Bahrain, and..." she babbled, before seeing the Doctor's downcast face.

"You're not saying much…" she observed.

"No, it's just... It's a funny old life, in the Tardis," he said. Molly and Beth nodded in agreement.

Donna sighed looking downwards, "You don't want me. "

Molly rolled her eyes, "He doesn't want ANYONE. He's like that; apart from Rose. He wants Rose."

Then, she began giggling and her nose began bleeding once more.

"MOLLY! Stop the dirty thoughts at ONCE!" Beth cried.

The Doctor ignored them both.

"The last time, with Martha, like I said it... it got complicated. And that was all my fault. I just want a mate," he sighed. Donna's eyes widened, and her mouth fell open.

"You just want TO MATE?? " she shrieked. Beth went into hysterical laughter, causing her and Chubby to fall off the Doctor's shoulder. Molly rolled her eyes and muttered about BBC cheap jokes.

"I just want a mate!"

"You're not mating with me, sunshine! " Donna snapped, hiding behind the door of the Tardis. Beth and Chubby happily climbed up her sleeve to sit on her shoulder. Chubby began plaiting Donna's hair, while Beth attempted to draw on it in crayon.

"A MATE! I WANT A MATE!!" the Doctor yelled, gesturing violently with his arms.

"Well just as well, because I'm not having any of that nonsense. I mean you're just a long streak of... nothing. You know, alien nothing. " Donna snapped, folding her arms crossly.

"Well…okay then." The Doctor smiled.

"I can come?"

"Yeah," the Doctor grinned, "I'd love it!"

Donna ran forward as if to hug him, but paused, pulling out her car keys, "Keys! I'll be right back!"

Molly leapt to Donna's shoulder.

As Donna told the 'mysterious blonde lady' where the keys were, Beth and Molly were playing catch with Chubby. As Donna left, Chubby was thrown badly and fell to the floor and was trod on by 'mysterious blonde lady'.

"CHUUUBBBBBBBBYYYYY!!" Beth shrieked, before looking vacantly at the sky and letting tears fall, before going back to playing with Molly.

Stay tuned for Episode 2: 'The Weather Problems of Pompeii'.

"ANCIENT ROME!"

"This is fantastic!"

"The blue box is coming!"

"RANDOMNESS"

"UGLY GUY SPEAKING"

"DOCCCCCTTTTTTTOOOOOOOOR."

Credits.