Love Fool
The apartment is littered with broken glass, the remnants of their last six years together. He pulls the ring from his finger and places it on the kitchen bench beside the rest of the jewellery.
Gakuto steps over the glass and grabs his long winter jacket from the back of the chair. He pulls the fur trim close to his cheek and closes his eyes momentarily at the sensation. As he steps out into the chill of the November nights, he lets the door swing open behind him.
He breaks the false beauty of the snow with his footsteps, revealing below it the rotting leaves of autumn.
He's taken nothing other than the clothes he's wearing, and perhaps if it were summer he would've walked away with nothing at all. None of it belongs to him.
He smiles and tucks his hands into the trimmed pockets of the coat. It feels better than he thought it would. Walking away. But really he can't leave without sending a heartfelt parting gift.
Gakuto bites back on the bitter taste that fills his mouth. That he has no friends and no career was his own choice. He gave them up to spend a lifetime with Yuushi. A lifetime of waiting on the sidelines, staying out of sight and being discreet… but with Yuushi.
He made that wrong choice.
But Yuushi… he can't be allowed to go unpunished. Unpunished for his duplicity, for his skill of character, his charm, his success, his polished façade. Unpunished for fooling him so deeply.
For that he needs to leave a truly thoughtful parting gift. One that will never be forgotten.
Gakuto regards the dilapidated building with a sense of irony. It is not so unlike the apartment he and Yuushi first shared during University. An apartment of idle dreams and wishes. Cheap food, crappy beds, low paying jobs, beer and sex. The memory of happiness is almost unbearable.
They couldn't have stayed like that forever. Both he and Yuushi are far too greedy. He should've left the day Yuushi made good.
And the same thing will happen to the couple that lives in this run down apartment complex. In reality he's only hastening the inevitable. Though he won't spare them any pain. The pain is the part that really makes the lesson stick. Ensures that he'll never be so foolish again.
He knocks on the door, the light in the window revealing that he is home. The door opens to reveal a tall broad shouldered young man. Not really his type, but still more handsome than he remembers him to be.
The young man regards him quietly, running his hand back through his short dark hair. 'I'm sorry,' he says kindly. 'Do I know you?'
Gakuto steps into the shabby entrance way and closes the door behind him, though it hardly reduces the chill in the apartment. 'You do,' he replies slipping off his leather shoes.
The young man cocks his head to the side and regards him intently for a moment before a glint of recognition lights in his eyes. 'Mukahi Gakuto?' he questions in disbelief.
'Oishi Shuichiro, it's so nice to be reacquainted don't you think?' Gakuto holds out his hand and Oishi hesitates momentarily before shaking it heartedly.
'Of course, it's wonderful,' he smiles. In the flash of white teeth Gakuto sees a young man who is a good deal better looking than initial inspection reveals. 'I almost didn't recognise you. It's been six or seven years… your hair's so long.
'Yuushi likes it long,' Gakuto replies, noticing Oishi's flush of embarrassment, he's cute really. 'You're a doctor?' he asks surveying the framed photos and documents on the shelves.
'Not quite, one more year.'
'I see you and Kikimaru Eiji are still an item.' It's typical really. Classic Yuushi. If there's a redhead around Yuushi will have him. If he's attached it's all the more fun. After all Yuushi first got him by stealing him away from his first love interest in Junior High.
Oishi nods, but his smile falls a little. Gakuto sees the signs. 'Is he working late?'
'Yeah, he didn't say when he'd get in. Can I offer you a beer?' He asks opening the fridge.
'I'd love one,' Gakuto replies casually, knowing approximately when Kikimaru would be back. 'I hope my visit isn't too unexpected.'
'A little unexpected… good thing I love surprises,' he says with a laugh.
Gakuto smiles tightly. 'I'm not so sure you'll like my surprise all that much.'
'What do you mean?' Oishi asks sinking down onto the futon serving as a couch.
Oishi cries when he sees the photos.
It's touching. Gakuto didn't cry. He screamed, yelled and smashed every breakable item in the house, but he never cried. He wonders if that reveals a cruelty in him that he never before realised, or if he just didn't love Yuushi as much as Oishi loves Kikimaru.
The young man looks up, his eyes red and face tear tracked. He's so tall and strong its disconcerting to see him so broken.
'Why are you showing this to me?' he asks.
He thinks about it for only a moment. 'Revenge.'
Oishi shakes his head. 'Do you feel better?'
'No,' he replies taking a sip of his cheap beer. 'I really thought I would.'
'How long have you known?'
'For a long time. I just didn't know who until today. It figures though…' he replies.
'What do you mean?'
'To Yuushi, you're not worth anything unless someone else wants you. Maybe that's why he lost interest in me, 'cause I only wanted to be wanted by him.' Gakuto places the empty bottle on the table. 'Do you want another?'
'No… I never thought you and I would ever have something in common,' Oishi says bitterly.
Gakuto glances back over his shoulder. 'And what is that?'
'Faithfulness.'
Gakuto snorts disdainfully. 'This isn't faithfulness, Oishi. It's foolishness. We've been taken for a ride. Traded in for more exciting versions of ourselves,' he spat.
'Eiji wouldn't—'
'He already did. Maybe you took too long to get rich…' The comment hung in the dead air momentarily before the beer can whips by only just missing his head. 'Sensitive topic?'
Oishi doesn't reply. His head is resting in his hands.
Gakuto pads over and kneels down in front of him resting his hands on his friend's jean clad legs. 'You know what always makes me feel better?'
Oishi shakes his head. 'No.'
'A blow job…'
He's tense so it hurts more than usual. Oishi's taller and heavier than Yuushi, his weight bears into him roughly, driving deeply on each stroke. So deep it hurts. His knees are pressed back to his shoulders as Oishi's fingers bite deeply into the flush, bruising reminders into his legs, so that he'll never forget.
Never forget that it's over.
Things escalated quickly his casual comment inciting a rage of denial from Oishi that quickly dissolved into him being pushed to his knees.
Undressing Oishi is a revelation of everything different. He is built where Yuushi is lean, rough where Yuushi is soft.
He's beautiful, and it's awful.
Oishi's eyes are wild and teary as he drives himself to a quick climax, fingers tangled in his red hair.
'Gakuto,' he whispers. 'Please don't cry. I'm sorry, I was too rough. I'm sorry…'
But he can't stop.
Can't stop the sobs that squeeze his chest and choke in his throat. The cries that escape his mouth unwanted, un-asked for. The hands that stroke his hair gently, don't belong to the man he loves. The whispered words of comfort come from a man he hardly knows. He wants nothing more than he wants Yuushi. And still he did it.
He slept with someone who wasn't Yuushi… and soon Yuushi would know.
The cold blast of air heralds the opening of the door. Eiji looks the same as ever, excepting the look of shock etched into his face. 'Shuichiro?'
Gakuto quickly brushes aside the last of his tears and stands up from the couch, not bothering to cover himself. He picks up his clothes that lay next to the table. 'If you're interested,' he comments to Eiji. 'We did this one.' He flicks the photo off the table and watches it flutter to the floor at Kikimaru's feet. 'I'm going to have a shower, now.'
His exit is the cue for a flurry of motion, Oishi struggling to remove the condom as Eiji begins to yell.
The water drowns out the specifics of the argument, but not the volume. He takes his time, somewhat delighting in the irony of using the very soap and shampoo that his lover came home smelling of.
Gakuto steps out of the water and flicks on the fan to clear the air. He jumps when something crashes against the wall, but it doesn't appear to be aimed at him really. He dries off to the sounds of a relationship dissolving.
His reflection is pale and misty. His long hair dripping water across his shoulders and back, making it impossible to be completely dry. It's strange how he doesn't even know the person reflected in the mirror. The roundness of his face dropping away to strong and angular features as grew older. The strictly styled hair of his youth, growing out loose and wild, he didn't know this person. And that was a problem, as he has to be this person for the rest of his life.
The scissors sit on the second shelf of the cabinet. Gakuto doesn't hesitate. Allowing the crimson strands to fall unchecked to the floor. He cuts it short. Shorter than he's ever cut his hair. Unexpectedly he remembers the day Shishido reinvented himself and smiles.
Not bothering to get dressed, Gakuto brushes the last of the hair from his skin. He opens the door to a scene of destruction. Oishi and Eiji are silenced by his exit.
Stepping over the glass he picks up the long jacket and slides it over his naked skin. The feeling of fur against his naked skin hardens him. He could never leave the jacket. He slides on his boots, which feel a little funny without socks, and leaves.
He's walking to the station, feet crushing the dirty well-trodden snow. Feeling the strange sensations of the cold air against the back of his neck and other intimate places. He hears his name called in a familiar manner.
'Gakuto! You crazy bastard, stop.'
Yuushi is running down the street. His stylish three quarter length jacket flying behind him, revealing an equally stylish three-piece suit. Yuushi is holding his clothes in his other hand.
Gakuto stops. Maybe because he wants to or maybe because he is psychically unable to deny Yuushi's presence.
'What are you thinking?' Yuushi exclaims. 'It's freezing out here.'
Gakuto cocks his head to regard his lover. 'I'm thinking I want nothing of yours. Except the jacket. I want the jacket.'
'Gakuto, I don't give a fuck about the jacket. Where are you going?' he asks.
'I think I'm going to visit your boss,' he replies easily.
'Are you trying to destroy me, Gakuto?' he cries.
'Yes… No, I don't know. But I am leaving you.'
'Because I made one little mistake?' Yuushi asks, pleading forgiveness with his eyes. Just like he used to plead forgiveness for everything else. For the times he had to pretend they didn't know each other, for the times Gakuto had to stay out of sight, for the times he left early and the times he came home late. 'I love you Gakuto. You know that. I love you like I love no one else. Don't you love me?'
It's sad. Sometimes when a path is chosen, there is nothing to do but walk it. Even if there are regrets. 'I do love you, Yuushi. I saved myself for you. Gave myself to no one but you… I love you. I just don't believe a single word you speak.'
'Gakuto,' Yuushi pulls him into his embrace. 'You know me, you know me better than anyone knows me.'
'No, I don't.' Gakuto slips free from his arms. 'Do you know what's worse than not knowing your lover, Yuushi?'
Yuushi shakes his head.
'…not knowing yourself.'