Nico
Chapter 1
In the beginning, there was nothing. That was, until, Nico Yazawa said "Nico nico nii!" and there was suddenly light in the world. On the second day, Nico said the Holy Phrase again, and there was an ocean. On the third day, Nico yelled "Nico nico nii!" and there was now land. On the fourth day, Nico uttered "Nico nico nii!" once more, and there were animals. On the fifth day, Nico Yazawa again said the Holy Phrase, and humanity was born. On the sixth day, Nico Yazawa let out a final "Nico nico nii!" and there was all the good things in life. Anime and Hentai were born, as two separate beings. On the seventh day, Nico got lazy but had one final request. She made a Holy Garden, which is where the story of Aidan and Evan takes place.
Chapter 2
Aidan and Evan were two gay men both at the age of 34. They happily lived together until one day, when Evan was offered a DVD that contained something incredibly evil and against Nicoism…"Sword Art Online". Evan popped it in the DVD player, despite Aidan's warnings. "No! You shall not do that Evan! It is against our Lord and Savior, Nico Yazawa!" But suddenly, it was too late. The theme song played and it killed both Aidan and Evan at the same time. It caused their ears to explode and there was blood everywhere. Up in heaven, Nico frowned down upon Aidan and Evan. "What did you think you were doing, playing that blasted DVD?! You two are going to Hell! Nico nico nii!" The Holy Phrase, as usual when said by Nico, caused a powerful force. In this case, the force pulled Aidan and Evan down to Hell, where they belonged.
Chapter 3
There once was a woman named Joan, who was a huge follower of Nicoism. One day, Nico Yazawa spoke to Joan. "Joan, there is about to be a great big flood, and I need you to help me. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to build a huge ark, and fill it with two copies of each season of all anime, except "Sword Art Online" because it sucks. Do you think you are up to the task, or are you a fake follower?" Joan shook. She had never spoken to Nico before. But, because of her undying love for Nico Yazawa, she accepted the mission. And so Joan gathered her entire family, and they built an ark and filled it with two copies of each season of all anime except "Sword Art Online". And so, one night, as Joan was just getting to sleep, Nico came back to speak with her. "Good job, Joan! The flood is about to start however, so you must gather your family and get on the ark as fast as possible. This is going to last 40 days and 40 nights, so you may watch anime to pass the time. Nico nico nii!" Joan quickly grabbed her entire family and told them the news. They got onto the ark quick, and in a few minutes, the world was flooded. In a few days, it had looked like it was getting brighter out, so Joan took a walk out on the deck. That proved to be a bad decision though, as Joan fell off and a giant fish swallowed her. Joan didn't know what to do while in the fish, so she prayed and prayed until Nico responded. "Joan, how could you be so stupid?! Why would you even think of building a deck?! But, being the forgiving person I am, I will teleport you back to the ark. But don't mess up this time! Nico nico nii!" And so, Joan was back on the ark. And for the rest of the 40 days and 40 nights, they watched anime. One day, everything came to a stop and Joan and her family walked out of the ark. The world was mostly clean of sin. No more copies of "Sword Art Online" existed. Most people who hated Nico had died a horrible death. Joan smiled at the world and all the opportunities which were ahead.