to anyone that cares this storys getting revamped Chapter 1: Mistakes and Memories, an o.c. fanfic

Hey hey Domin0 here, and I've got some good news for yeaaalllll

I have decided that since its been awhile that this story isn't up to my standards anymore, so I've decided to go back and rewrite bits and pieces of it, hopefully making it better and hopefully it will make me want to actually continue writing it, because i kind of wrote myself into a wall while writing this one.

The revamped new first chapter will be posted with this AN so i hope you enjoy it, there aren't may huge differences but there are small ones which I believe make the story a bit better. So here it is again. And I DON'T OWN ANYTHING!

Just a tip:

'These are thoughts'

These are the sentences Marissa is remembering in her mind, not thoughts.

Flashbacks are done in italics!!

Chapter One: Mistakes and Memories.

"Do you really have to go?" Young Marissa Cooper asked, her voice hoarse from crying. She slowly lifted her head, her green eyes memorizing the person before her, knowing that this could very well be the last time she saw her best friend. Her sun kissed skin, and the way her blonde hair fell across her slim shoulders, the way her lips were curved up into a small apologetic smile, and the way her deep sapphire blue eyes swirled before her as she tried to hold herself together.

"You know I do." Was the reply the older girl gave to her, Marissa ignored the slight harshness of how it sounded. Knowing that this hurt her friend just as much as it was hurting her, and instead stared deeply into the swirling blue eyes, that were telling a different story. 'If I could stay I would.' Was what the sapphire eyes were screaming to her, hoping to get across, and Marissa could feel the simple message echoing off the walls in her mind, reverberating down into her core, causing a shiver to race up along her spine. The blonde girl reached out, taking Marissa's hand in her own, her thumb leaving a trail of goosebumps and a tingling of nerves in its wake. "I promise to write." She whispered, as she brought the shorter girl into a tight hug, her face buried in her soft auburn hair.

Marissa felt a sob rip from her throat as she felt the arms encircle her. This could be the last hug she would receive from Alexandra Kelly, and she never wanted it to end. Her arms wrapped around the blonde fiercely, pulling her towards her body tightly as she allowed the tears to flow freely, her face buried in the older girls neck as she breathed in the scent that she would commit to her memory to be Alex Kelly.

Her hair smelt like the ocean, and Marissa remembered that they had spent the entire day on the beach, Alex giving one last ditch effort to try to get Marissa to surf. The younger girl had tried, but failed miserably. It felt like forever ago, but in reality it had only been about an hour before this heartbreaking goodbye. Alex had said maybe next time, she'd be able to get the hang of it and actually be able to stay on the board for an entire wave, but they both knew that next weekend, Alex would be in London with her family, or what was left of her family.

"I'm going to miss you so much." Alex whispered, her voice cracking. Marissa had been her closest, and oldest friend. They had met when Alex was six, and Marissa was four, and had been nearly inseparable ever since. Even with their two-year age gap, they clicked; they connected in a way that Alex could not put into words. Her lip trembled slightly, at the thought of leaving her behind, and she tightened her arms around the younger girl, wanting this moment to last forever. Over the last couple of months she had began to question her feelings to Marissa. She loved her, but not in the way she was supposed to. She LOVED her, like the way her grandpa and grandma loved each other. And she was scared, scared because of what she was going to do before she left.

"Promise you won't forget about me." Marissa spoke brokenly, her voice barely above a whisper. As the words spilled from her mouth she tightened her grip on Alex, trying to memorize every little bit of her, because she knew that over time she would forget little things, like how soft her hair was, and how good it felt to hug her like this.

"I could never forget you Marissa." Alex replied, and she rested her chin on to of the smaller girls head and threaded her fingers through her hair. "I will never forget my star." She finished in a quieter voice right into Marissa's ear as she felt the girl sob again as her flight was being called over the airports speaker system.

"Flight 705 to London International Final boarding call." As the voice spoke Marissa felt as thought her heart was being squeezed in her chest. They would have to disentangle themselves and go their separate ways for the fist time.

Slowly Alex pulled back just enough so she was still hugging her star, her cheek gently brushing across the other girls, before resting their foreheads, she was sure her eyes were full of tears, but she couldn't feel them as she stared into the green eyes that had changed her life. It was either now or never, she had to tell the other girl how she felt, or she would regret it for the rest of her life. Her eyes never strayed from the green eyes that had caused her to sometimes question her sanity, she brought her hand up to Marissa's soft check and brushed away a couple of tears, still flickering back and forth between Marissa's eyes, taking in the golden flecks that only she could see, before opening her mouth. "I love you." She whispered, her voice cracking as she spoke the words for the first time, who was not her family.

Marissa didn't reply as she searched Alex's eyes for truth. Again over the PA they called for the last passengers of flight 707 to London to make their way through the gate, and she could hear Alex's father calling for his daughter to hurry. Marissa franticly searched the other girls churning eyes, there was so much there to decipher, Marissa could spend an eternity staring at them, and still find something new about them every second.

Alex watched as the brunette's eyes flickered between hers. Her father yelled for her to hurry, so she did the only thing that she could, to prove her statement. She leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on Marissa's perfect lips, the lips she had dreamed of kissing for the past 4 months. Her eyes slid shut and fireworks exploded behind her eyelids. She could feel her heart beat speed up, and the world around them fall away, all that mattered right now was this. London didn't matter, her father didn't matter, and her mother didn't matter. In this moment the only thing that mattered to Alex was her star, her Marissa, and their connected lips.

Her head was spinning, Alex had thought kissing Marissa would be amazing, but this, this was intoxicating. She could spend an eternity in this moment, but she knew that it would have to end. Her other hand raised slowly, cupping Marissa's cheeks as her she continued to kiss Marissa lightly scared if she became more forceful she would loose this moment. She felt wetness against her face once more ad her thumbs were there wiping away the tears her kiss, her confession had created, before ending the chaste kiss.

Alex opened her eyes slowly and watched as Marissa opened her eyes, arms dropping from around Alex. Alex watched for a reaction, but it seemed like Marissa was frozen in shock. She began to panic. Marissa didn't feel the same about her. God she was so stupid! She probably just ruined the only friendship that mattered to her. She lowered her head, and from behind her once again, her father yelled at her to hurry.

"I- I'm so sorry Marissa, I shouldn't have, its just that I couldn't, I couldn't leave without…" Marissa had never seen Alex look so broken as she hung her head, as she tried to explain. "I'm sorry." She said once she built up the courage to look her star in the face, tears falling from her eyes. "I'm sorry." She repeated, in a quiet confused voice, tears welling up in those beautiful blues, before spinning on her heel and walking away dejectedly, her head hung low as she walked through the security checks and out of Marissa Coopers life.

Marissa stared after the blonde, her fingers raising slowly, she pressed them against her lips, her eyes closing for a split second she could still feel the blonds lips on her, the way she had made her feel, the tingling sensation from when her lips had touched hers, it had pooled in her stomach, and then slowly spread throughout her body. Her eyes shot open, immediately finding Alex, the blonde had her back turned toward her, as she shouldered her carry on bag, and continued to walk through the security checks, Marissa wanted to scream out to her that she loved her as well, but found her voice trapped in her throat, she had no idea what to do as she watched Alex continue to walk away from her, looking tiny compared to her father next to her, and not once did she look back. Her father wrapped an arm around her shoulder and tucked her into his side, his large body shielding her from harm. Marissa could feel tears falling from her eyes as she continued to watch as Alex walked further and further away from her, every footstep going off like a bomb in her head, her eyes slowly losing sight of that head perfect blonde hair in the crowds, before she disappeared completely, those three words she had said echoing in Marissa's mind.

*** 5 years 364 days, 23 hours and 57 minutes later… ***

11:57.

Six years. Six years since I've seen those golden blonde locks, six years since she's phoned me and stayed up all night talking about nothing and everything in that beautiful voice she has. Six years since I've seen those beautiful blue eyes. In three minutes, it'll be six years of living without her. Marissa was sitting at the lifeguard tower. The lifeguard tower where she had met, and the very same lifeguard tower she had possible fallen in love with Alex Kelly. She had been coming here, for the past five years, on the eve of the day Alex had left for London with her father. Sitting here made her feel closer to the blonde, hoping that across the ocean, on the other side of the planet, or wherever she was, Alex was doing the same thing.

She checked her phone. 11:59. One minute left. Her jaw clenched, as she tilted her head back against the wood of the building behind her. Her eyes searching the stars for the one that Alex had named after her. Alex had been twelve; Marissa had just turned eleven and they were having a sleepover at Alex's house. Alex had suddenly jumped off her bed, and asked Marissa if she wanted to go to the beach, telling her that the beach was beautiful at night. Marissa had said no, it was almost 1 in the morning, and she didn't want to have to wake up Mr. Kelly to take them to the beach, because he had only flown in from New York a few hours ago.

She could remember Alex had laughed at her, that husky laugh that had made her heart flutter, said something about no need for them to wake up her rock star father. All they would have to do was climb down the vines on the side of the house from her balcony, to get outside, without disturbing the security system, hop on their bikes and boogie on down to the beach. 'She actually said boogie down to the beach to. God she was crazy.' Marissa thought with a small laugh, as the memory of Alex saying that played through her mind.

At first she was scared. She didn't want to get into trouble, and she was scared at the fact that she'd have to climb down the side of the huge house Alex lived in, but Alex promised that if she fell she would catch her, no matter what. Marissa had still been a little apprehensive of the idea, they were young, and the beach wasn't the safest place to be at night, but with the look Alex had given her, she couldn't resist. That was the night they had found the lifeguard tower, and had claimed it as their own, Alex had gone right about carving their names into the wood with the house key she always kept around her neck, even when she was sleeping, Marissa had thought the blonde was crazy, but when Alex put a heart around their names, she had felt her heart swell at the idea of being in love with her, as her fingers trailed over their carved names.

'Yeah the idea of being in love with her, I was in so deep I didn't even realize.'

She remembered after Alex had carved their names, she had sat down eyes fixed on the ocean. She told Marissa she always came out here at night, because the ocean was so calm, and you could see the stars reflecting in the water, everything is silent except for the gently lapping of the waves, and that it helped her forget. When Marissa had asked why, Alex had gone silent, before telling her how her parents would fight, about how her father was away too much, and how her mother couldn't take it anymore, and how she was scared that they would get divorced, and she wouldn't have a family anymore, and how when she came to the beach the water would just wash away her thoughts, wash away the days events, she would go home and wake up in the morning and start it over again.

I'll be your family. A naïve Marissa could hear herself saying, as she took a seat next to the blonde, a smile on her face. And as she started into the blonde's eyes she saw for the first time, how scared she was at the whole idea of her family falling apart. Marissa had never seen the girl look so vulnerable, but before she could do anything about it, Alex had returned the smile and turned her eyes towards the heavens, looking at the stars. She had gasped when she found the brightest one, and while pointing at it she named it Cooper, with a huge grin on her face.

Marissa knew she had blushed then and tried to hide it, but of course Alex saw and asked why she was red, she had made something up about being cold.

'Even back then you had it bad, she didn't even call it Marissa! And your excuses really haven't gotten any better. Yeah I'm cold, while I was wearing a long sleeve shirt.'

But even though Alex had immediately wrapped her arms around the girl, holding her close to her body, rubbing her hands along her arms. 'is that better?' Marissa heard Alex's voice echo in her mind. She had hummed a response and closed her eyes burrowing into Alex's warmth, she could still remember the way she had smelt, like cinnamon, and the ocean, she always smelt like that, for as long as Marissa could remember. She could also remember what Alex had said when she asked why she named the brightest star in the sky after her.

I named it after you because you're the brightest thing in my life. Marissa could still remember how her voice sounded when she had said it, it was lower, confident, seductive even, and Marissa could even remember the way her eyes had darkened, the way her arms had tightened, the intense look she had in her eyes as it was spoken, and how she pulled her closer to her body.

The words echoed in her head, and she felt a tear slip down her cheek. She opened her eyes and checked her cell phone once more. It was past midnight. It had been 6 years. 6 years since she had seen Alex, or heard her beautiful voice. The tears where coming full force now staining her cheeks, and she made no move to wipe them as all the memories she had tired to push back rose up and invaded her mind. She remembered back to a week after her best friend had left, she had woken up and gone downstairs to get some breakfast. Her father was already in his study, her younger sister was still asleep, but her mother was in the kitchen, cooking up a storm.

As soon as she entered, her mother pointed to the island in the middle of the kitchen, and Marissa's eyes followed then to where a neat blue envelop sat, her name and address on the front, the return address from somewhere in London. She almost was scared to pick it up, knowing that this was a letter from Alex, knowing that perhaps not even a couple of days ago, her hands had been slipping this into a mailbox. She silently wondered if it would carry some of her warmth, but knew that it was stupid to think such a thing.

But as her mother watched she grabbed it and told her she would be in the living room reading it. AS she sat upon one of the expensive pieces of furniture that littered their house, she brought the letter up to her nose and smelt it, hoping to find Alex's unique scent of cinnamon and salt water, but got nothing in return. She clenched her hand into a fist, holding back the sob that was halfway out of her throat, before she ripped the letter open and read it. It was an apology from Alex, very simple, she had apologized for what she had done at the airport, and said that if Marissa no longer wanted to talk to her she would understand if she no longer wanted to keep in contact with her, but if she did she had put the address on the bottom, and signed it with Love Alex.

She had tried to reply to the letter all that week after school. But all she ended up with was a bunch on papers being ripped from her notebook, begin balled up and tossed into the rubbish bin. New letters would come in each week until finally the week the school had Christmas break, Alex sent her a final goodbye letter, still promising that she would never forget her, and that she was sorry. For the next month Marissa read the letters Alex had sent her, her eyes taking in the perfect cursive she wrote in, once every night before she went to sleep. Just to feel close to her, before she would fold the letter up and slip it back into the blue envelop, staring at the way she had spelt out her name. Using a heart to dot the I in her first name, and a two hearts for the o in her last name her smile, every night before she would slip the note under her pillow and fall asleep to dreams of blonde hair, blue eyes, salt water and cinnamon.

"I thought you'd be out here," A voice broke into her thoughts. Her eyes flew open, and landed on the sandy blond haired boy standing at the bottom of the walkway up to the tower.

"Yeah." She could hear the hoarseness in her voice as she hastily wiped away the tears; trying to disguise it as rubbing her eyes. "I uh couldn't sleep." She lied pathetically. The boy nodded as he slowly walked up the walkway

"Mind if I join you?" He asked. She shook her head, scooting over to allow him to have some room. He sat down, his arm lying across the back of her shoulder. "Aren't you cold?" He asked, referring to the tank top and pajama pants she wore.

"I didn't notice the cold." She replied. He shucked out of his sweater, and placed it around her shoulders, his lips inches from hers, his blue eyes locked onto her green ones. At some point before the boy's blue eyes actually had gotten Marissa to forget about Alex's intense sapphire stare, but tonight all they did was remind her of it, and how she wished it was Alex here with her instead of Ryan.

He fixed the sweater around her shoulders, his heavy arm once again finding a spot to lie across her shoulders, his fingers gripping her tightly into him. And once again, usually this would help Marissa forget about Alex, but tonight it only reminded her of how her and Ryan didn't fit together, like she and Alex did.

"So, are you going to tell me why you were crying?" Ryan asked, Marissa didn't look at him as she stared out at the ocean, just like Alex had all those years ago, she found the brightest star reflecting against the smooth water, her eyes raising slowly as she stared at it. Ryan followed her line of sight and came across the star. "Marissa?" His voice sounded confused.

"Its nothing." She whispered. "Don't worry about it." She stared at the star a couple moments longer, those words Alex had said to her all those years ago echoing in her head once more before she sighed deeply and turned towards Ryan, reassuring him with a kiss. "Come on, I better get home and get some sleep. First day of school's tomorrow." She stood quickly, tugging Ryan up.

He stood, and immediately pressed his lips against her once more. His kiss didn't set fire to her lips, her head didn't spin, her stomach didn't flop, and her nerve endings didn't tingle, but she returned it, half-heartedly, because this is what was expected of her. He pulled away, giving her a small smile, before walking down the walkway and onto the sand.

Marissa followed slowly, glancing back once, she caught sight of the carving that was on the wood, and a genuine smile crossed her lips, her eyes darting up in the sky once more to her star.