The boy who was cursed
Mr. and Mrs. Deutsch left Streussenhaben, Germany, no less than 15 years ago, to take up residence in the polluted pesthole most people refer to simply as London.
Mr. German Deutsch was a very good-natured, slightly overweight man who loved children and German sausage, preferably the so-called Bratwurst, his native country's proud national dish.
He usually wore green brace trousers along with a white shirt decorated with lots and lots of grease marks, most of them from sausage.
He was very fond of his job as top executive at his own enterprise; Sausage Jawohl AB, which manufactured the best sausages in the country (according to himself; the critics, unfortunately, did not agree).
Mr. Deutsch's wife; Buttercup Deutsch was a sinewy hag, rather manipulative and mean. She had married Mr. Deutsch for money and so that she wouldn't have to work, as she was not only a bitch, she was a lazy bitch.
She spent most of her time at home, laying idly about reading magazines or watching telly, glowering at her young son, Paddy, whom she hated. She deeply regretted the night that they had accidentally created the ugly little miscreant.
The Deutschs lived a normal, orderly, routine-like life in the suburbs for years. That was until THAT ONE DAY that would change their mundane existence forever, the day none other than little Merry Poppis, the son of Buttercup's estranged sister, entered their lives.
Everything began on a perfectly normal Tuesday. The first thing out of the ordinary happened when Mr. Deutsch was just leaving the house, about to drive to work. He spotted a scabby mutt near his car, eyeing the garden wall, with what Mr. Deutsch perceived as a very seductive, suggestive look. He rubbed his small piggy eyes for a moment. When he looked again, the dog was at full steam excitedly humping the poor defenseless garden wall.
Mr. Deutsch took on a disgusted expression shaking his head slightly as he sat down in his car, driving away while trying to block the image of the horny mongrel from his mind.
On his way to the office he noticed a number of other odd things. What did he see then? Well, it was… noteworthy.
He saw: A man with spangled pink trousers climbing a lamp post, a naked dwarf dressed solely in spectacles blowing his nose into a big pink handkerchief, a nun in a sports car picking up a couple of innocent-looking, nonsuspecting young men, and finally a Moomin troll, glancing at his watch with an impatient look on his face.
Meanwhile Mrs. Deutsch lounged about at home on the couch, eating from a big bag of crisps, showing no reaction whatsoever to the sudden scream as Paddy fell out through an open window on the second floor. He was quite badly injured.
Hours later when Paddy had gotten some medical attention and the Dursleys had all gone to bed, an old geezer wearing a white straightjacket appeared in the dead of night right outside the Deutschs' house.
He soon managed to release himself from the jacket, whence he began throwing pebbles, smashing all the lamp post lights nearby.
The scabby waggle dog which had been waiting on the garden wall the entire day then transformed into a scantily dressed woman.
"But hellooo McDreamagall!" the lunatic cried out happily.
"Hi there Dumblefool", the dog woman purred, "what are you doing here; I thought you were stuck at the madhouse?"
"Oh yes I was, but I escaped", the mental patient told her offhandedly.
"What brings you here then?"
Dumblefool just shrugged. "This is as good a place as any. What are you doing here?"
"The terrorists have struck again, towards the Poppis family this time. Lord Violence is behind it, he murdered Jammy & Silly yesterday. Their kid survived the curse thrown at him though, with only a wound in the form of a dorky question mark etched into his forehead. One can assume he is probably mentally fucked-up and generally environmentally damaged now, so I thought I'd dump him with his muggle relatives."
Dumblefool looked extremely bored by the time she finished explaining."Don't you have any Dumle toffees?"
McDreamagall sighed testily. "Did you not listen to anything I just said you old fool? I don't have time for your damned toffees."
Dumblefool poked his tongue out and sat down on the garden wall which had been assaulted just that morning, to mope.
The silence that followed was soon interrupted by a humming sound. An enormous motorcycle driven by an equally enormous man appeared from above and landed in front of the duo.
"Hi there HubbaBubba you sluggish bastard", McDreamagall said, the seductive tone she used contradicting the insult.
HubbaBubba's only reply was to grunt as he negligently threw a bundle containing Merry Poppis over to Dumblefool.
"What am I supposed to do with this?" McDreamagall ripped the small child away from him.
"Nothing at all you psycho, I just told you I am going to leave him here. I will leave a postcard along with the kid to let them know who the intruder is."
The woman left the loon and the mean-looking half-giant, to put down the bundle containing Merry Poppis at the muggles' threshold so that he would get a fat smack the next morning when Mr. Deutsch unsuspectingly opened the door on his way to work.
"By the way HubbaBubba, that's a sexy motorbike you have there. I've never seen it before, you must have bought that recently", McDreamagall said casually as the trio left, walking down the street.
"Yeah, right… bought… hmmhrm", was the murmured reply.
Swedish words explanations:
Moomin troll = "mumintroll", a creature in a Finnish fairytale by Tove Janson.
Dumle toffees = "Dumlekolor".
HubbaBubba = "hubbabubba", a big chewing gum good for blowing bubbles.