Season: 02
Main characters: Matt
Pouring downThe monotone sound of the falling drops of water makes me dizzy, leaving a numb pain in my head that I gladly welcome. The grey haze that the drops form veils the city outside my window, hiding it from me and equally hiding me from it. That's why I always liked rain. It hid things.
Shapes appear in the mist, faces of old friends and foes. I don't need any of them right now. Yamato Ishida is no one to need friends. He is a friend, supporting others, but not needing any support himself.
My gaze shifts, randomly touching the scars on my wrists. The sight of the streaks hurt me, a sharp pain deep within my chest. Today is a bad day. And I know I will do it again. The knife cutting through my flesh, blood spilling out along with the pressure, along with the pain, along with the mistakes I repeatedly make.
And what hurts most about it is knowing that it is a wrong thing to do... I will feel ashamed for doing it. I will feel like a failure for doing such a sick and terrible thing. I will hate myself for it. Still I know I will do it. Hating yourself is still better than becoming aware of how lonely you are.
I rest my head against the cool wall, closing my eyes and welcoming the whispering of the rain. It's a strange world outside there under the pouring water. A world without life, a world without colours, a world without light. Just the grey around me. Nothing to worry about. Nothing to be scared of. No mistakes I could make.
Nothing that could hurt me…I force myself to shut out the thoughts, concentrate only on the voice of the rain. Listening is better than thinking. Listening doesn't make you realize what a failure you are.
I glance at the clock. It's only a few minutes left until dad returns home. Time to leave, or he'll catch me inside the house.
I pick up myself, hurrying out the door, hardly remembering to grab the prepared grocery bag as I leave.
It's only a couple of minutes later when I re-enter the apartment. I am still nervous. I barely made it in time. I disappeared behind the corner just when he got out of his car. He looks up as I step into the room, an exhausted, but loving smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as he spots me.
"Hey. What have you been doing out there? You're all soaked through." He draws nearer, rubbing my wet coat between his fingertips with a worried scowl. I hurry to hold out the grocery bag.
"I'm sorry, dad," I spit out, hoping to sound short of breath. "I still needed to make a few errands."
The concern in his eyes intensifies before he takes the paper bag out of my hands. My heart cuts out a beat as the receipt crosses my mind – good grief, where did I put it? If I accidently left it in the shoppings, he might find it and get to know that I bought the supplies already at 2 pm.
I watch closely as he heads for the kitchen, following him and snatching back the groceries as fast as possible, storing them in the cupboards.
"Sit down, you've had a long day." I try to sound nonchalant. "I'll take care of that."
He continues to watch me, worried, and I lift my face, showing him a soothing smile. Small drops of water cover my skin, the rain slowly dripping down my cheeks. He examines me, wary, having seen me breaking down too many times than not to worry at the slightest hint of me being troubled – then eventually, he smiles back.
I heave a sigh of relief, swiftly turning my back on him and continuing to place the food in the cupboard.
That's why I always liked the rain. It hides things.