AN: I found my Sephiroth has an interesting way of looking at things after his Genesis is gone. So...here's a little glimpse into his brain. Just a short drabble I couldn't get out of my head. Pairing: Sephesis AU, light yaoi, Sephiroth POV, angst, Psycho!Sephiroth *****************************************************************************************
I like to brush me teeth with as much force behind the bristles as I can possibly muster, no matter how much it hurts my gums. I always end up spitting and a flash of bright, orangey-red oozes out onto the sloped wall of my sink. I watch it as the water washes it away into nothingness once more, and I feel the beating of my heart pick up to an incredible, running pace before slowing to a deadened thrum in the back of my throat.
These bits of red are all I have left to guard against the ever-lasting gray my life has turned into since my favorite color died. I found myself in a deep despair when you left me all alone on this God forsaken planet, and I found that every color washed away, except in memory of you. I could always see brilliant blues if I thought of your eyes, and every flash of red I saw blinded me with joy until I realized it wasn't you coming for me, but life playing a cruel trick on me once more.
I feel like I knew you for a long time. Maybe even an eternity; you had seen many sides of me, and I, you. You were always going on about that damned book...sometimes I swore you loved it more than me. But, somehow, it worked out in the end. I wait, now, for my world to fall apart even more without you here. You left our story unfinished, and I feel I'll never finish anything I start ever again.
I go to lay back down on my cot, on my back with my arms behind my head. I realize that life has changed a lot for me since you left. I know if you were here you'd be nagging me to eat more. You'd do anything in your power to shove more food down my throat and get my ribs to stop showing. While you were with me, we had to put up with several bouts of anorexia, simply because I couldn't keep my fears and paranoia locked away in my mind. They slipped out into my habits and I began to slow in eating until you finally took notice in all the weight I had dropped and forced me to eat again.
That, however, isn't the least of my worries. If you were here, I wouldn't be in the state penitentiary. I wouldn't have felt the need to wipe out entire communities just to see that gorgeous red again, and I wouldn't have been caught dancing in my victim's blood like some demented Grim Reaper. I would have been tucked away with you at home, complaining about the little things, like I used to, but overall happy with everything how it was. Of course, it's pointless to look too much into how it would be if you had never abandoned me like this. The one place I couldn't follow you, you would go. Did I really grow that tiresome...?
I've tried to follow you, don't doubt that. I'm afraid I wouldn't ever be able to slit my own wrists, but I've tried hard to get people in here to kill me. I've made as many enemies as possible, I've gotten into scuffles...but the guards have put me in lock down in this little white cell with this blinding white light above my head. It's incredibly bright and only goes off for nine hours before it's turned back on to await the next time it gets to go off. It buzzes loudly and sometimes it gives me headaches, but you'd always tell me to ignore them, that a hero could live through anything.
They say what doesn't kill you makes you who you are. I may have been a hero when you were around, but I've deteriorated into more of a monster than you ever were. I've slipped into this adoptable numbness as if it's my favorite shirt and I've kept it on since the day I let them cover you with dirt. Sometimes, I think I see you, out of the corner of my eye, but when I turn to get a good look, you're gone. I've seen you in my mirror, too.
Sometimes, I just sit and stare at the mirror, waiting as long as I possibly can before I finally, in giddy excitement, raise my hand and place it gently on the glass near your face. Of course, I don't feel warm, soft skin, but cold, unforgiving reflective glass, but I know that if I would have waited just one second more...
But, enough about me. I could talk about me all day. What I'd like to hear about is you. How does it feel to be away from all of life's turmoils? I'm sure you went to a better place, you were too valiant a person to go to Hell. I wish you would talk to me when we discuss things like this, Genesis, you've grown too quiet lately. I haven't even heard you spout off about monsters...you've just been eerily quiet and I wish you would talk to me again.
The only thing other than the red color I have is that book. I've memorized every page, every slight stain from greasey fingers, every word down to the periods. I like to pretend you're reading it to me, spouting off lines at random like you used to. I don't want to forget your voice, I don't know if I could live without it. Lately, even your face has been hard to conjure, on occasion. I always worry that I'll forget your details and that will kill you more than the person that put you in the grave.
Oh! That reminds me! Angeal came to see me today. He stood right here in my room with me and nobody noticed. I don't know how he got in, but he was so nice. He said such sweet things about you, and how you miss me...I didn't believe him at first, but he told me it was true. When you're told something is true, you have to believe it, right? Right. It's what I've been taught. Always take the truth and use it to your advantage.
I wish I could say I could come to see you. I'm not sure if I'll ever leave this place to come see you; it's enough like Hell that I've often wondered if I'm actually dead or not. Heh, maybe, maybe not. I just wish I could see your face again. Hear your voice, and not just from a memory.
You can, Sephiroth.
Genesis? Is...is that you?
It is...I think you've had your time to be banished from those who love you. Would you like to come and see me?
I would...please? I promise I'll be good...
Then just reach out and grab my hand. Us monsters have to stick together, after all, don't we?
Genesis...it's really bright. Are we going towards the buzzing thing? My head might start to hurt.
No, the buzzing thing will be left long behind you. We're going someplace better, somewhere we can belong together, just like you always wanted.
Really? It's been so long...it feels too good to be true. I'm not going to wake up from some awful, tormenting dream, am I?
If you wake up from this, I will be worried. ...Sephiroth, what have I told you about not eating?
That I have to stay strong to rid the world of monsters, and I can't do that if I'm starved.
Then why did you let it get so bad? Your spine might snap if the wind catches you.
There's no wind here, though. I can't feel it on my skin...
That's because it's exactly what we want it to be. But we're feeding you, before you get to do anything serious with me. Got it?
Yes, Genesis.
**************************************************************************************** AN: Kind of flaked on the ending, sorry. I liked this, actually. O_O I mean, sure, Sephiroth is a little strange, but I like it. I really, really do. I won't accept flames on this, you'll be flagged and ignored..