Doctor Who: The Edd and Marie Adventures- Heat Wave
By: Old Doc Hudson
It was a miserable day in the Cul-De-Sac. It was one of those very hot and very muggy days. If you have the right equipment, you not only could cook eggs, but bacon and toast as well. The heat wave was courtesy of a local drought which meant that the creek was bone dry. In turn, no relief for the cast of the Cul-De-Sac. However, if you thought that was bad, consider the fact that the power was out across the neighborhood. No A/C. No running water. Even Rolf was told by his family not to work on the farm for the fear of heat stroke. The best everyone could do was to either go elsewhere and wait for the power to come back on, or suffer on their front porches.
That's what the Eds, plus one Kanker, did. "I feel like a roast chicken. urgh!" said a shirtless and frustrated Eddy as he sat fanning himself with a piece of cardboard. "I like chickens Eddy!" said Ed in his usual batter across the porch by himself. It is hard to see why he had one end of the porch to himself. The smell could kill at fifty paces. Sitting next to Eddy was Double D who had forsaken his hat due to the heat. It didn't help much considering his thick, black hair trapped as much heat as his hat did. "The repair crew should've fixed the power lines by now. How are holding up Marie?" said Double D to his girlfriend. Marie remained silent but gave look of 'isn't it obvious'. She wore a bathing suit in order to radiate the heat off of her body. "Well Sockhead, any ideas?" asked Eddy in a groan. "I'm afraid not Eddy." he replied. Marie looked at them and said "You'd think the Doctor would be here by now. It's been about a month since we last saw him."
Double D and Eddy both perked up when hearing that. "Yeah, he could take us to the Ice Age. At least then we could cool off." said Eddy sarcastically. Double D replied "Or we could simply take a swim in the TARDIS's swimming pool. Hell, the A/C would be enough for me." All three were in agreement. However, Ed had his own ideas. "OH! OH! He could take us to the belly of hades where we can fight lava demons and…" Before he could finish, Marie, Double D, and Eddy yelled "ED! SHUT UP!"
As if a god was listening to their prayers, the familiar wheezing of the TARDIS could be heard. All four perked up at the sight of a materializing police box on the lane. All of them ran up to the TARDIS, but what was to happen next took them by surprise. "MUSH! MUSH K-9!" yelled the Doctor as the TARDIS doors bursted open. Flying out of the TARDIS was a hovering K-9 pulling a hover-sled with the Doctor dressed in a one-piece winter suit with his long scarf trailing behind him. The explosive amount speed made the sled hard to control. "Danger Master! Immediate action needed for obstacle!" said K-9 loudly. Taking a sharp turn to avoid a mailbox, the Doctor and K-9 crashed into Kevin's fence. SMASH! No one was hurt, but Kevin's fence was mostly beyond repair. "Master, property damage critical." said K-9 as he righted himself. The Doctor dusted himself off and looked around. "Where's the snow?" he asked confused. The Eds and Marie ran up to the crash site.
"Doctor, are you okay?" asked Double D as he tried to help the Doctor. "DO IT AGAIN! HA HA HA HA!" cried out Ed, greatly amused by the whole spectacle. "What do you mean 'where's the snow' it's the middle of freaking July!" said Eddy irritated by the heat. "Looks like your off target again Doctor. You okay K-9?" said Marie, trying really hard not to laugh. "Affirmative Mistress. All systems at peak operation." said the tin dog with a wiggle of his ears. Finally the Doctor realized that he arrived at the wrong time of the year. "I'm at the wrong place and time...oh well. How are you all doing this fine summer's day?" he said straightening out his scarf. Unfortunately, the Doctor asked the wrong question. "WE'RE DYING HERE! It's like the surface of the sun out here!" Eddy fumed. "I thought it was a tad too warm." said the Doctor removing the one-piece winter suit.
"Yeah, there's a drought so the creek is dried up and the power is out. So, we're burning up out here." said Marie bringing the Doctor up to speed. "Ah! Well, we can't have that now can we. Fancy a trip in the TARDIS?" said the Doctor as he began to play with his yo-yo. Saying the magic words, all four of them followed the Doctor and K-9 inside the TARDIS. The cool air was sweet relief for them as they took seats around the control console. Of course, the Doctor immediately took a few car air-fresheners and placed them around Ed's neck. "I smell like fresh cut spring…" Ed attempted to say before being cut off by Eddy. "Finish that line and I'll murder you." he said shaking his fist. "There, now is there anyone else I need to rescue from this oven?" said the Doctor as he closed the doors. "Most of everyone else is gone into the city to wait out the repairs, Doctor so no. Thank you for offering us an oasis." said Double D as place his hat back on. "No problem, let's be off then. WAIT! I need to do something before we leave." exclaimed the Doctor.
The Doctor stepped outside the TARDIS and left a note and banknote on the remains of Kevin's fence that read:
THE DOCTOR WAS HERE!
Sorry about the mess. Here's £ 100 to fix it.
Without wasting anymore time the Doctor flipped a few switches, pressed a few buttons and pulled the lever. The TARDIS was off. To when and where, no one knows. However, as soon as they left the power came back on.
A few minutes into the trip, the A/C systems on the TARDIS went offline. "Well, this is unusual…" said the Doctor as read the monitor informing him about the issue. It didn't take long for the control room to heat up. "For crying out loud! I thought this piece of junk was suppose to be 'advance technology'!" said an angered Eddy. "A PIECE OF JUNK?! How would you like the vacuum of space?" thundered the Doctor in a rage at Eddy. Eddy went silent and cowered away. "Shh...there, there old girl. He didn't mean it." the Doctor whispered to the TARDIS. Fortunately, the self-repair engaged and within twenty minutes the A/C was operational. However during this time, Marie and Double D had snuck off to the swimming pool on the lower levels of the TARDIS. A little free time to themselves considering they have spent the past three days with Ed and Eddy.
"I hear air coming from the vents. The Doctor must of fixed the A/C." said Double D as climbed into the pool. Once he was in the pool, Marie splashed him and soon a splash war had begun. Water was flung everywhere until they both were exhausted. Meeting in the middle of the pool the couple decided to have a romantic moment. "That was fun." said Double D locking eyes with Marie. "Yeah, but I think I won and I don't take prisoners." she replied. They were about to share a kiss when they had unexpected company.
"Marie and Double D sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g!" said Eddy and Ed in unison. If that weren't bad enough the Doctor with a hearty laugh added "The TARDIS swimming pool is suppose to be PG-13." Thoroughly embarrassed, Marie and Double D turned a bright red. "Now, there's dressing rooms over there with swimming clothes. Feel free to change and take a swim." said the Doctor as he took a seat at the edge of the pool with K-9. "Sweet, come on Ed!" said Eddy as he ran to the dressing rooms while Ed followed. "Why'd you let them do that Doctor!" said Marie with an evil glare. "Well, you two should know by now that I like to play jokes from time to time. Besides, I have one setup for them." said the Doctor with a toothy grin. Marie and Double D looked at one another and looked toward the dressing rooms. They were eagerly awaiting what the Doctor had in mind for them.
Like a rocket, Eddy jumped in the water shouting "SNAKE!" After hitting bottom, Eddy shot up to the top. "Did you see the size of that thing! It was about to eat me!" said Eddy freaking out. The Doctor, Double D, and Marie couldn't hold it in any longer. They almost died laughing. "No worries, it's just a hologram." said the Doctor trying to catch his breath. Eddy just stuck out his tongue at them. However, Ed had yet to come out of the dressing room. "Um, Doctor, what about Ed?" said Double D slightly worried. "No worries, here he comes." said the Doctor. Stepping out of the dressing room like a side act to Elton John, Ed walked out in a rubber duck costume. "Ducks are practically chickens." said a happy Ed as he took a swan dive into the pool. Everyone laugh at the site but were quickly silenced as a wave water coated everyone and everything in the area. "Is that a cannonball or what?" said Ed as he started to splash madly. It would seem that the Doctor didn't count on that and Ed got the last laugh.
Hours later, the TARDIS returned to the Cul-De-Sac exactly five minutes after they had departed. "Until next time" said the Doctor as he departed. That is when they realized the power was on and it was only five minutes they were gone relative to the time of the Cul-De-Sac. Of course, Eddy somehow they got screwed despite Double D trying to explain relativity to him. Marie simply facepalmed due to Eddy's lack of understanding. Ed on the other hand was still wearing the rubber duck costume. He still had the last laugh after all.
End