I've had this oneshot noted down on paper for a while but refused to entertain the idea of writing it fully until I had managed to update my other story, Destiny Calls Us. Now that I've finally (WOOHOO!) managed to get that updated I can write this one.

Disclaimer: *sigh* Despite my best attempts I have failed to get the story rights to Twilight and as such I can only say…I own nothing!

Summary: It's been ten years since she married Edward and things haven't worked out the way that Bella wanted. Returning to her home town she gets a shock when she sees just how far life has moved on without her.
(Not for Bella and Edward lovers)

You don't know what you've got…

By Mcvities22

Bella POV:

As I reach the border of their lands I close my eyes and reach for the shield within me. Only once certain that I'm fully protected against their senses do I move forward into the wolves territory. I can tell exactly where they are, their scent having reached my already and move swiftly towards them.

It's a trick I've perfected over the last ten years, using my shield to cover my scent. It took time but eventually I managed to nail it down about two years ago now. Since then I'd pretty much been on my own.

Life with Edward, life as a Vampire…

All those years ago the idea of becoming a vampire had been so appealing to me. It was as if everything in my life had been leading me towards that moment. After the wedding, after Edward had changed me, I'd known that it was everything that I'd wanted. It felt right…at first.

For the first few years life had been idyllic. It had been everything that I'd wanted, everything that I'd imagined it would be. The freedom, the power, the energy that I felt…it was incredible. During those first few years I thought nothing would bring me down. Then it happened…

Carlisle had called it a slip up, Rosalie had called inevitable, Edward had blamed himself but me…it made me realise just how wrong I had been. The feeling of that poor woman's blood running within me, running down my throat…oh how I'd relished the feeling. I'd wanted nothing more than to go running throughout the town and take down every single human in my path. The feeling…the taste…

Then Jasper, to his credit and strength, had pulled me from the limp and lifeless body. He'd pulled me away, using his strength and power to bring me back to myself but by then it was too late. By the time that I'd come back to myself and realised what I'd done there was nothing I could do for her. She was gone. Dead.

I'd killed her.

I hated myself for what I'd done. I'd taken the life of an innocent woman, an innocent young mother who'd just gotten married. That feeling was horrible. I'm a killer.

But do you know what was worse?

Do you know what the worst feeling in the world was?

Worse than knowing you're a killer?

Worse than knowing you had blood on your hands?

I wanted to do it again.

I wanted nothing more than to rip open the next human that crossed my path. I wanted nothing more than to go out and search for my next victim.

Even now as I think about it I can still taste her blood on my lips. Closing my eyes I force the thoughts away from me and focus on the tribe.

From my position hidden in the forest I could see the entire tribe together. The sight of them brought back so many memories, happy memories of times when life seemed so simple. Watching them together, seeing them happy, just tore me apart even more. Something within me ached at the sight of the children running around.

Children.

One thing that I could never have.

Being a vampire had taken away from me the possibility of being a mother. As an eighteen year old that hadn't factored into my decision, I didn't think about the rest of my life…all I thought about was the thought of being with Edward. I didn't ever consider the prospect of being a mother but the more time passes the more I realise how much I want it. I want that feeling, the feeling of having your own child, the feeling of having a life inside of you. It must be bliss.

"Bella." My head snaps round in shock at the voice that comes from behind me.

"Sam." How had he found me?

"I didn't realise that it was you at first. It's been a long time." His voice is cold and full of venom that surprises me at first until I remember that he's a wolf. For a moment I had forgotten that.

"I'm not here to cause trouble or to hurt anyone I just…" I trail off, realising for the first time that coming here may have been a mistake. "I don't know."

For a few minutes we fall into silence and my attention settles back onto the tribe. I can feel his eyes on me, watching every single movement that I make.

"Everyone seems happy." I finally venture as I watch Emily lift a small boy into her arms.

"We are. It's been almost a year since we had a vampire running round here. After you left they just…seemed to stop coming." He doesn't want me here I can tell then again in his position I wouldn't want me here either.

"I don't know why I came here, I really don't I just…ended up here." As we watch he moves to stand next to me. He watches me for a moment before his expression softens ever so slightly, if I weren't watching his every movement I wouldn't have seen it.

"That's our son." He says, gesturing to the child that Emily is carrying. "He's almost two and our daughter's almost five. Keith and Lorraine."

"You're very lucky to have them." He nods at my words. If he notices the longing expression that I'm sure is all over my face then he says nothing about it.

"Jared and Kim got married a couple of years after you left. They've got three kids now, twin boys Mark and Jamie and a little girl, Alison. She's pregnant with their fourth." Four kids…they've got four children. "I'm almost convinced that they're trying to repopulate the earth."

I can't stop the thoughts running around my head right now.

Emily and Sam have two children…

Jared and Kim will soon have four…

More than ever my decision looms in the background, my decision hangs over me like a dark cloud just waiting to burst.

Why didn't I think about this? Why?

"It took six years for Paul and Rachel to finally settle down and get married. For a while we never thought it was going to happen but eventually they got their acts together and tied the knot." I try to look for them but for some reason I can't see them. Apparently Sam see's my eyes and rolls his own. "She's in the hospital right now, she gave birth to their daughter yesterday. Sarah Emily Lahote, named after her late grandmother and her god mother."

Another kid…another child…

Looking round I can't see Jacob anywhere. He must be visiting his sister.

"Seth managed to surprise us all, sometimes I still can't believe that he managed to keep it hidden all that time." He shakes his head as I look at him, a small smile crossing his face. "Kid surprised us all with that one."

"With what?" For the first time his eyes leave me and travel across to his pack. He says nothing to me for a while before he finally looks back to me. He gestures across the clearing to where Seth is sat, it takes a moment before I realise who he's sat with. He and Embry are sat close together laughing about something I haven't heard.

"Well it was three years ago now when we found out. Seth got bitten by a vampire, he almost died…" He trails off as pain crosses his face. Whatever he wanted to say was cut off as his eyes trailed towards Seth for a few minutes.

"When he was unconscious Sue finally told us the truth. When Seth first phased he imprinted on Embry. He was scared, confused, grieving, embarrassed…so he kept it hidden. He said nothing about it for years until he finally broke and told his mother. She kept his secret but even she couldn't urge him to tell us. In a way I guess I should be thanking that vampire. If it hadn't bitten Seth then I don't think he ever would have said anything."

Seth could have died?

Seth was always the sweetheart of the pack, the most innocent and the kindest. He was, as Edward had always described him, the most pure and gentle being he had ever come across.

"After he recovered they talked about it and when Seth finally opened up, Embry imprinted on him too."

Looking around I can see the happiness radiating from the pack, radiating from every member. It seems so strange to see them like this. I've spent so long living around vampires, living around people who are so serious. Even when we were laughing and having fun they were serious, they had to be. If they let their guard down too much then bad things happen and people get hurt, I learnt that the hard way. But the pack…

They were always fun and happy, even in the hardest and darkest of times they were fun loving people. The Cullens mocked them for it but me? I envied them. I loved the way they were seemingly so care free, the way that they could just let loose and live life to the fullest.

"You're looking for Jacob." It was a statement, not a question and it was correct.

I'd been trying not to think about him, trying to convince myself that I didn't come back here for him but in truth…that's exactly what I'm doing here. I made a mistake. Since that 'slip up' years back I've known exactly where I went wrong. I should never have chosen Edward.

"You've got a lot of nerve. I don't know what you thought would happen when you came back here. What? What were expecting? Him to be here waiting? Him to jump into your arms and run off?" His voice is barely above a whisper now but the anger and shock is still there.

As much as I try to deny it I know that that's exactly what I want. I want him to be waiting for me, I want him to be right here so I could fall into his arms. I want us to pick up where we left off and be happy together. Jacob was the one I should have chosen, the one I should have been with, not Edward. That has been clear to me more than ever over these last few years.

I know that Edward could see it. After my 'slip up' the bitterness inside me grew and grew. Something changed within me that couldn't be changed back. He could see the anger I held at him for changing me, not that this is his fault, he did what I asked of him. He could see my hatred for myself and who I was. But most of all, he could see what I tried hard not to even think about. My feelings for Jacob.

Once I married Edward I thought my feelings for him had gone. I thought they would have disappeared and for a while they seemed to. Or maybe I just willed them to be gone I don't know. I thought that was it, that this was my life. Only they hadn't gone. They came back, back with a vengeance after I killed that woman. The more I think about the bad choices I've made with my life, the more I realise just how strong my feelings for him are.

Maybe there's still time…

Maybe he'll still want me…

Maybe we can still make it work…

"He's married Bella." And just like that my world shatters over again. Married? No…he can't be…he can't be married, he just can't!?

"What?" It's about all I can say. I think I'm in shock.

"Got married three years ago now. He's happy. Happier than I've ever seen him." Married…he's met someone…he's together….he's happy…

"I suppose I should say that I was surprised but truthfully I can't say that I am, not really. They always had a strange relationship. It should have been obvious, they're so similar in so many ways but…no one saw it coming. We should have but we didn't." His words are going in but they're not making sense. He's imprinted. He found his soul mate. He found the person he's meant to be with for the rest of his life.

"She was so angry for so long. Everything that happened to her just…clouded her. Everything that she'd been through created this barrier between her and the rest of the world. She was too hurt, too afraid, too…broken to let anyone in, to let anyone see her for who she really was. But you can't fight fate."

His words are interrupted as a car pulls up to the house. I know from the second I see it that it's Jacob, I can tell that it's him. My world brightens the second that he steps out of the car and for a moment I can feel myself being drawn to him. Being drawn to his light and his sun. Then I see her. The way that he wraps his arm around her, the way that he looks at her, the way that she looks at him…

"Leah?" It comes out as barely a whisper but Sam hears it.

"Four years after you left. Jake had moved on by this point, he'd gotten over you and accepted that you'd left. The anniversary of Harry's death came around and like always Leah was keeping her feelings hidden from the world. Only this time it was different. For some reason this time she just couldn't keep up the act. Eventually she broke down, broke down and finally admitted just how she really felt."

Every word is like a dagger going straight through my heart. He found his soul mate. He found her.

"Jake was there when it happened. She broke down in his arms and at last did the one thing that we all knew she needed. She opened up. She opened up to Jake and told him everything that she'd kept locked away and hidden in her heart. Everything about her father, about me and Emily, about phasing…everything. But when she did, when she finally let that barrier slip, she did something she didn't realise at first. She finally let Jake see her for who she really was and when he did, when he saw her truth for the first time he imprinted on her. That barrier she threw up after me and her, after me and Emily. That barrier kept the world from truly seeing her but once it was broken, once she finally let it shatter Jacob saw her for the first time."

He turns away now and begins walking in the opposite direction. I consider staying, staying here and watching them, watching him but I know I can't. I'm pushing my luck just by being here. Sam could have easily killed me when he found me but he hasn't. Shaking my head I turn and follow him. When I finally catch up with him he continues his tale.

"Leah refused to accept it at first, she was determined that she wasn't going to fall into the same trap as the rest of us. Only there's the thing about an imprint, you can't fight it. You can't fight the pull of your soul mate." He's recounting the tale but at the same time I heed the warning. He's warning me to keep away from him, warning me not to mess with Jacob. "It took months but eventually she gave in and decided to talk to him. You see that's the thing with Leah. After everything she'd been through she didn't just create this barrier to stop people from seeing her. Her own vision was clouded, her bitterness prevented her from seeing the world as it really was. Jacob stopped that."

Just like Jacob…

He has this way of bringing out the light in people, even when they don't want it.

"It took a while but the more time they spent together the more the dark cloud that shrouded her lifted. When she finally let go of that dark cloud she did something she never thought that she would. She imprinted on Jacob. They finally got married three years ago and I've never seen either one of them as happy as they are now they're together."

And there it is. The truth. Right there. He's happy. He's married. He's found his soul mate and she wants him too.

You don't know what you've got until it's gone.

I'm so consumed with my thoughts that I don't realise where we are until we're arrive. He's managed to walk me away from his tribe, away from his family, and to the border of their territory.

"Bella." Drawing myself out of my thoughts I turn to face him. "She's pregnant."

If I thought that my world couldn't break any more then I was wrong. The news shatters the already broken pieces of my heart and crushes them into dust. She's giving him the one thing that I can't.

"They're having a baby Bella. They're together, they're happy and they're finally getting everything they both deserve. I will not let you damage that."

The force in his voice breaks my thought process and forces me to focus on him. He's protecting his pack.

"You can't take him away from her, the imprint won't allow it and he'd never leave her. He loves her and she loves him. You can't break them. He's not yours anymore. His heart belongs to Leah now and she's given hers to him. Stay away from these lands Bella, it's out of respect for Charlie and partly for you that I didn't kill you when I found you. I won't be so lenient if you come here again. You're a vampire on our territory, now leave!"

I move faster than I ever have at his words. Moving faster and faster across the land, trying desperately to get away from everything I've heard. I can't. It's there. It's stuck in my mind, repeating like a record over and over again.

I've lost him.

Honest to god I've got no idea where this came from but it wouldn't leave me alone. Oh well its written now. What do you think?