A/N: Sorry this is late.. Yesterday, FF wasn't allowing me to upload new documents. I hate when it does that..
Ok.. Since on this site, I can't really link you to my journal I wrote about my ideas on Matt's death, and why I came up with this idea, I'll just copy and paste it. You don't have to read it to read the fic, but if you want an insight to my thoughts, it'll give you that.
So, I was thinking about D Day and the way everyone always writes about them surviving or faking their deaths. Then I thought about the things we have learned from Death Note regarding life spans. In my opinion, Takada killing Mello, was the best thing to do to give Mello a happy ending. That way, he could be with the one he loves. Fact is, Matt never would have survived that day. Why? One thing we learn is that everyone has a certain amount of time. The only way they can get more time, is in instances like Misa, when Gelus saved her. Looking at Mello's life span when Soirchiro Yagami looks at him with the Shinigami Eyes, compared to Mikami seeing Near's.. Mello should have lived longer, had his death been natural. What do we learn from BB in Another Note? He says that he knew he had to find people destined to die on the day he planned to kill them, or else he would fail. What isn't clear is: Was their fate to die at Beyond Birthday's hand? For if he hadn't decided to kill them, they would have died a different way regardless. Matt didn't die through a Death Note. He was shot 13 times by Takada's body guards. Hence, that was his natural death day. Had he escaped, he would have died another way. Had him and Mello canceled the plan, Mello would be living without him.
Summary: What would you do, if you had a chance to change the course of your life? How much can even be changed?
Warnings: Spoilers, Language, Sexual Situations, Character Death.
January 26
He was so comfortable. Why would anyone want to get out of bed or even move when they were surrounded in the warm blankets that smelled of the intoxicating scent of the man who had his arms wrapped around him? He sighed deeply, breathing in the musky smell tainted with cigarette smoke that belong to his lover, and nuzzled his nose farther into his neck. He heard the other man chuckle, and felt a finger run down his spine.
Then reality crashed into him. His eyes widened and his chest felt like it caved in. Today was the day he would kidnap Kiyomi Takada and put the love of his life in danger. If all went well, he wouldn't die. Matt would live. He had to remember that. He could get away. It was Mello himself who had the biggest chance of death catching up to him.
He slowly lifted himself up onto his arm, allowing Matt to fall back onto the mattress. The red head have him a lazy smile, and reached a hand up to run his finger's through Mello's long blonde hair. Mello in turn traced his lover's cheek with his knuckles, allowing himself to be vulnerable for a moment.
"Hey, now. None of that, Mels. After this, it won't be long until Kira is gone, and then the world will be just that much better. We can move on to the next criminal." Matt smiled up at him, his eyes sparkling. He tried to return the smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. The melancholy feeling dampening the mood.
"When this is over, let's get married." Mello stated. Matt stiffened. His eyes roamed Mello's fave, watching for anything to betray the question. He was looking for reassurance. Mello's eyes sparkled a bit in amusement. "Don't give me that look. I love you, Matt. I want us to be together forever. I want to marry you and make a life together." He placed a chaste kiss on his lips, savoring the taste.
"Yes." Matt whispered. Mello finally let a big smile break through, and attacked the man under him, kissing across his jaw, and nibbling on his ear lobe. Matt's laugh was music to his ears. "Save it for the honeymoon, Mels. We have work to do." Matt's voice pulled him back to reality again.
Reluctantly, he pulled away. They went about preparing for the mission as planned, running over the details as they moved around. When they walked down to the parking lot, Matt gave him a kiss, smiled, and left, Mello following him. It wasn't until Matt drifted around the corner, putting the plan into motion, that Mello's stomach dropped in fear.
(-line-)
He couldn't believe she thought he was so stupid. The very thought that Kiyomi Takada could outsmart him, was laughable. How she had thought he would give her a way to hide that piece of Death Note, was beyond him. He wasn't interested in her breasts. If anything, they disgusted him. He much preferred the flat chest of his lover.
Matt.. He thought of the man, a lurch in his chest again. The image of Matt's bullet filled car was on the screen of his small television. He wasn't supposed to die. It was supposed to be him who died, if anyone. Matt was supposed to get out. The plan was careful and full proof for him. Mello had made sure of it. So, why? How? There were so many unanswered questions.
Flames were in his vision. He needed to move. He had watched the church burn far too long. The sound of sirens were in his ears, growing closer. He moved in a daze. Confusion making his head hurt.
Somehow he did it. He had walked back to the apartment he shared with Matt. He half expected to be embraced by the red head when he walked inside. When he was greeted by an empty space, and the smell of cigarettes, he broke.
"MATT!" The heart wrenching cry left from his chest as he fell to the floor with a thud. Sobs came out harshly as the reality of losing his beloved set in. How would he go on without him?
He managed to crawl to the bed, unsure of how long he lay on the cold floor. He shoved his face into Matt's pillow, a new set of sobs escaping him. What would he do now?
(-line-)
Mello woke up slowly. The smell on the sheets making him think of Matt with a smile. Then the events of the day before ripped in his gut. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, refusing to open his eyes to find the spot next to him empty. Then, he shifted.
He sat up with a start, confused as a hand ran up his back soothingly.
"Mels?" Matt half sat up, looking at him sleepily. "Are you ok?" He rubbed a hand over Mello's face. Blue eyes were wide with fear.
"What's today?" Mello whispered. Matt's brow furrowed in confusion.
"January 26. We have to get ready for the Takada plan." The red head explained slowly, as if speaking to a small child. Mello took in a shuddered breath, and wrapped his arms around Matt with a sob.
"Oh, God. It was a dream. A horrible nightmare. It felt so real though." He whimpered. Matt lay back, pulling him with him, carding his fingers through blonde locks. Words of encouragement were whispered as Mello retold his nightmare. They came up with a few changes in the plan, hoping to avoid the dream coming true.
"Are you ok, Mello?" Matt asked before they went to separate vehicles. The blonde nodded, still a little shaken. Matt offered him an aloof smile. "Hey, no worried, Mels. I'll be ok. It was just a dream." After a swift kiss, he walked away, lighting a cigarette on the way. The same gut wrenching feeling gripping him as he watched Matt speed away.
(-line-)
"God damn it!" He yelled, swiping a table clean of it's papers and booked. He had to watch it all over again. Matt die. He had been blocked again, just in a different intersection. Maybe he shouldn't have changed the well thought out plan? It had been a dream after all. He let his fears rule him. And now? Now, Matt was gone. This time, it was real.
"He took the familiar trip to the bed, letting the tears fall freely as he gripped the opposite pillow. A sense of deja vu settled into him. Sleep took over slowly, and he let blackness consume him.
(-line-)
What. The. Fuck?
Blue eyes were wide, staring down at his sleeping lover. He scrubbed his face, confused. He toggled the mouse on a near by laptop. January 26. How? Why? He slipped from the bed, slowly, wandering to the window in a daze.
Was it another dream? It had felt so real. They both had. But again, he woke up, the mess from the night before back the way it was. His eyes scanned the papers before glancing back at Matt who was beginning to stir. This time, he'd get it right.
Green eyes opened and took in his naked form by the window, a goofy grin spreading over his lips. "Good morning, to you. What a sight to wake up to." Matt laughed, moving out of bed to join him.
"There's a new plan Matt." He whispered. It would work this time. Matt had to live.
(-line-)
Days passed. Every day, Mello relived Matt's death. Every night he mourned his fallen companion. Yet, every morning he woke to those stunning green eyes and lopsided grin. Confusion couldn't even explain how he felt any more. What the fuck was going on. What was wrong with him? Was he doomed to live this cycle every day? He had ran out of plans and routes. He was tired of seeing Matt die. Why couldn't he get it right so they could be together? Any day, it could be the real one, and then one day, he wouldn't wake up to Matt.
"Are you ready, Mels?" Matt moved his hands over his shoulders, kissing the back of his neck. The blonde was looking out the window again. He only had one idea left. It was selfish, but he didn't care.
"No. New plan." He whispered. Matt gave an exasperated sigh.
"What is it then?" He asked. Mello slowly turned to him, wrapping his arms around his body, pulling him close.
"Run away with me." He stated simply.
"What?" Matt questioned, pulling away. "What about Kira? Avenging L? Beating Near? Saving the world?" His voice was hysterical.
"You're all that matters, Matt. I'm tired of seeing you die. I need you with me." The red head looked at him confused, but Mello stopped the questions. "If we wake up tomorrow together, and it's January 27th, I'll explain." Matt just looked more confused.
"Are you alright?" Matt sounded worried. Mello nodded.
"As long as I have you. Please, Matt. Lets just go. Please." Tears started to run down his face. Matt's face crumbled.
"Oh, Mello!" He pulled him close again. "Anything. Whatever you want. Let's go. It's us versus the world."
(-line-)
They had packed their bags in a haste, tossing them into the trunk of the car. The didn't own much. They would leave Japan. Head back to England. At least, that was the plan.
The semi-truck, was not part of the plan. And that truck hitting them on the drivers side door, sending the car rolling down the street wasn't the plan.
"Matt?" Mello whimpered when they stopped moving. He was dizzy, and his vision was blurry. He got his seat belt undone, and tried to move towards the driver. Seeing Matt sitting there, eyes unseeing, blood gushing from his head, was most definitely not the plan. "No.. No.. NO! MATT!" He cried out, reach for his form, hoping it was some cruel joke.
Laughter broke out around him. A sound that sent chills down his spine. He looked around wildly, looking for the source.
"Did you really think he'd live?" A flash of red eyes.
"What? Who's there?" He shouted. The laughter sounded again.
"Does it matter? Yet another scenario that you'll live without him." The voice mocked. Mello's heart wrenched.
"No! I won't live without him. I deserve my happy ending." He whispered.
"Perhaps you can not be happy in life, but only in death." It said. "How many more times do you have to relive this day to realize that it's his destiny to die?"
"Fuck destiny!" He called out. "I'll find a way to save him!" The red eyes were in his face again. He couldn't see the figure too well, but he could tell it wasn't human.
"Foolish human. A human lifespan is your destiny. You can run from death, but it will find you. You avoid the firing squad, so a car wreck gets him. Can't you tell? It's even 8:37 pm. Same as every other time. You can't change what will be. Only a Death Note can shorten a life span. Only a Shinigami sacrificing his own life will lengthen one." The hackle that followed was bone chilling.
"So, what are you saying?" His voice cracked, his vision wavering as darkness threatened to claim him.
"Mail Jeevas will die on January 26. It's your choice how. It's your last chance to find a way to get your own kind of happy ending." The figure was gone. He was able to take one last look at Matt's lifeless body before he slipped into unconsciousness.
(-line-)
The next morning was indeed January 26th again. Mello had woken early. He just sat in bed, and watched Matt sleep, contemplating his options. What had it meant? Was it real? There was no way to save Matt? Then how could he be happy?
"Hey." Matt smiled as he saw Mello watching him. Mello smiled sadly at him. Arms were held open for him, and he climbed into them gratefully.
Perhaps you can not be happy in life, but only in death.
His eyes shot open as he remembered the words. He lifted his head to look at Matt, swallowing a lump in his throat.
"When this is over, marry me." He stated. He watched the surprise in Matt's eyes for the second time."I want to spend my life with you, Matt. I love you." He whispered.
"I love you too. Yes, Mello." Matt smiled warmly up at him. He captured his lips in a passionate kiss. "Mels, don't we need to get ready?" Matt laughed as lips moved over his jaw.
"We have a little time." If this was his last chance, and he screwed up, he was going to make it worth it.
Matt turned them over, laying Mello's head on the pillow. He smiled wickedly, "If you're so sure."
Their lips connected, Matt's hands moving up his sides lightly. He moved his own hands to dance across Matt's back, pulling a hand over his shoulder, to move down his chest and tweak a nipple. Matt moaned and arched into the touch, whispering his name.
Matt's lips moved down his neck, dragging his teeth over the sensitive part on Mello's neck, causing the blonde to moan in pleasure.
"Make love to me, Matt. Now." As much as he wanted to take his time, they had a limited amount. Matt grabbed the lube and slicked his cock up, then slicking Mello's walls quickly. Mello wrapped his legs around his waist, pulling him closer as he pressed in.
It was a dance they had performed so many times. Since they were 14. Mello had loved Matt since they day they had met, and the red head stood up to his bratty attitude at Wammy House. The gamer was his most faithful companion, always sticking by his side, and saving his ass. Even when he left him behind. Matt had found him, saved his life, nursed him back to health, and then kicked his ass for leaving. That had been followed by a night of love making.
Mello's back arched as Matt brushed against his sweet spot, a moan releasing languidly, seducing the red head into a stupor. Matt knew exactly how to touch him. Where, how, when. Making love to Matt had never gotten boring. He could never tire of it. He was always challenging Mello, the only person who could see how vulnerable he truly was. Matt soothed his insecurities, and made him feel whole.. Loved.
The world around them blurred as their rhythm sped up. Mello hooked a leg higher on Matt's hip, threading his fingers into crimson locks. Their eyes locked, icy blue and emerald green, causing them both to go dizzy with passion and need. Foreheads pressed together, as breaths mingled in pants of air. Matt had one arm folded next to him, supporting his body, the other moving to wrap fingers around Mello's own erection.
The blonde tossed his head back, moaning out his lover's name with a pleasurable sigh. Matt sped up his hand, snapping his hops faster as well. Their eyes remained locked together, the intensity driving them mad. Then Mello shuddered, his body tightened, and with a loud call, he came, "Mail!"
Walls tightened around Matt's own erection, and he grunted in approval, his thrusts becoming erratic. The sight of Mello's eyes clouding over as he came, his face twisted in pleasure, sent him tumbling over the edge after him, "Mihael!"
They lay there for a while, panting, and drawing patterns on the others skin. Matt had fallen to the side, taking Mello with him, and their eyes remained connected.
"We should get a move on it. Save some for the honey moon." Matt winked, slowly shifting to get out of bed. A knife twisted in Mello's heart.
"Yeah." He whispered, following him. They got ready as usual, following the original plan. When they went to separate in the parking lot, Mello held Matt close, and kissed him passionately. "I'll see you soon." Matt smiled and nodded, getting in his car and taking off, Mello following him.
(-line-)
Everything had gone as it had that first time he awoke on January 26. Only this time, he pretended to not see the slip of paper Takada had. After all, only a Death Note could cut a human life span before it was supposed to end.
He apologized to Matt when he saw his car on the screen, the picture all too familiar. He pulled into the church slowly, waiting for what was to come, finally in unknown territory. Either he would succeed, and spend eternity with Matt, or he'd fail, and be doomed to live his life as destined.
His heart clenched, and his breath hitched. His limbs started to tingle and go numb. His body slumped over the steering wheel, and the world went black.
This time, he wouldn't wake up. He wouldn't relive this awful day, to watch Matt die again. This time, he would live in eternity with his beloved. He only hoped Matt could forgive him for failing to save him. To save them.
Mail Jeevas. Mihael Keehl. Two unknown soldiers in the fight against Kira who died for the cause. Who died for love. And yet, the world would never even know they existed. The secret and way of "L" would be protected. But at least they made a difference, and changed the course of the investigation, allowing the last person who could act as L to close the case. They died for justice, and were rewarded with an eternity together.
end