It's a calm day. The sun towers over a vast expanse of trees and bushes that sway in the wind. It plays a beautiful melody to the men and women passing through the park; on the faces of those people, the joy of the day is visible. However, for one woman, the atmosphere is nothing but calm and enjoyable. It's a torrent of emotions that leave her heart both breathless and numb; though she chose to walk to the park to relieve her mind from the stresses of the day, she now finds herself sitting on a bench, eyes turned towards the ground, shoulders slouched, and with more stress than her small body can handle. People walk by and stare at her condition but she hardly notices. She's in her own world of doubts and insecurities, painful memories brought on by the events earlier that morning, events that led to the death of a sweet, innocent child at the intensive care unit at Fujikawa Memorial Hospital in Osaka, Japan.
She'd recently graduated from Hokutokai School of Nursing and had acquired a license as an ICU registered nurse. She'd spent years studying the material and graduated the year before at the top of her class. But that's all it was. Even her years spent training as an intern didn't prepare her for the world she stepped in to when she'd found a hospital brave enough to take on a woman fresh out of nursing school. Sure, she'd spent years (more so than most university students) learning and honing her skills but she'd never faced death head on until she started working at Fujikawa five months ago. Her patients weren't people dying from old age, weren't addicts recovering from years of substance abuse, and weren't even the lost souls living on borrowed time. She was confident enough in her abilities as a nurse to treat those kinds of patients; however, the terror on the faces of the men and women in the ICU chilled her to the bone. It would always be the same story in her eyes. Injuries that could've been prevented would bring people to her unit left and right and to her it would always seem so pointless. She had this desire to prove herself in the type of atmosphere, needed to succeed but the daily visions of souls barely clinging on to life brought her to tears. That's why she sits alone on this bench, away from the stress and away from the memories of the little girl that lost her life after a drunk driver lost control of his vehicle. She watched as the doctors did whatever they could to help her but by then it was a lost cause. A pointless cause that shouldn't have happened in the first place.
"Why do I even bother with this place," she whispered, eyes following the nervous taps of her feet. "I feel so helpless." A lonely tear fell down her eye as she made herself more comfortable on the bench, crossing her legs as she reached in to her bag and pulled out a cigarette. "This is just what I need," she voiced, rambling to herself as she lit the cigarette and put it in her mouth but before she could even inhale the first drag she felt a hand creep on to her shoulder.
"Jesus fucking Christ!" she screamed, the cigarette falling from her mouth in the process. She looked to her left and found her friend and coworker in near hysterics from the scene in front of her. Rolling her eyes, she reached for the cigarette and began to smoke, deliberately blowing some in the direction of her friend. "I see you found me Miyako."
"Yes, I did!" Patting her on the back once more, she took a seat next to her and gave her a look of sympathy. She bit her bottom lip and continued. "Listen Yuki - "
"I don't need a lecture right now!" Yuki glared at her, her eyes motioning towards her source of relief before taking another long drag. "This cigarette is enough to get me through the day."
"But it's been five months," Miyako began, a smile forming on her lips as she attempted to lighten the mood. "Most new hires adjust after the first few weeks."
"I'm just having a rough go at it," Yuki replied, not wanting to argue about information she already knew. Clenching her fist, she pounded in to the unforgiving wood of the bench and let out a sharp hiss. Miyako's eyes widened in surprise and before she could grab for her hand, Yuki drew back and held on to the metal arm rest beside her. "I didn't spend all those years of training to be lectured by the god damn secretary."
Miyako seemed to be on the verge of tears but before she could shed any Yuki threw down her cigarette and gave her friend a hug, her own tears starting to flow as she buried her head in to the crook of her neck.
"I'm sorry," She cried as small tears rolled down her cheeks. "You're my best friend, okay. Please don't forget that."
"It's okay Yuki," Miyako replied while rubbing her back. "Maybe it's like you said. You just need more time to adjust." Yuki shook her head while turning her face to meet Miyako's.
"Cut the crap and give it to me straight. Adjusting to life isn't my problem." She didn't want her words to come across as rude and abrasive but she didn't need her friend to do what most friends do in situations like these. She needed someone to give her the unforgiving truth and not sugar coat the underlying issues she had with her job. With a serious face, she stared Miyako down and sighed, her hands digging in Miyako's shoulders. Before continuing, she dried her eyes with her sleeve and tried to calm herself down a little. "Just tell me if I'm cut out to be a nurse."
"Of course, you are!" Miyako protested, "You- "
"Miyako, I'm being serious. I don't need you to sugarcoat it for me."
Miyako seemed a little hesitant at first but nodded her head, her eyes looking towards the afternoon sky. Pushing herself away from her friend, she helped herself up and looked at the hospital then back at her friend.
"You want my honest opinion?"
"Of course!" Yuki replied, raising her arms in frustration. "I want the truth!"
Still a little hesitant but more secure, Miyako gave her friend the best smile while playing with a strand of hair on the side of her face.
"I think you should take a break."
"Take a break. What do you mean." Yuki seemed at a loss for words. She seemed a little confused but allowed her friend to continue with her idea.
"Take a break, as in take a vacation, go somewhere far away and get away from this crap for a while." She gave Yuki a genuine, almost playful smile and let out a small chuckle. "I've know you for years Yuki. We grew up together, went to the same school, and I know you've worked your tail off for this kid of opportunity but you never took a break, not once, and I think the stress of being overworked has finally taken its toll on you. Add in the fact that you deal with death daily, then you have a recipe for disaster. You need to go find a place to relax and restart you mind."
Yuki, while letting out an adorable huff, stood up and gave her friend the meanest glare she could muster; of course, she was faking, but she still felt like blowing off some more steam.
"And here I thought you were my friend," she began, eyes turned from her friend. "No words of encouragement. Tsk tsk."
"Yuki! You said you wanted to the truth." Miyako retreated in to herself for a moment and let out a small cry; however, the sounds of Yuki laughing behind sparked enough energy in her to turn around and slap her friend on the arm. "You little bitch! You know how hard that was for me!"
"Call it pay back for earlier." Yuki gave her friend a small chuckle before throwing an arm over her shoulder. "So, what are you doing for lunch?" she asked, her stomach rumbling at the mere thought of food. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse!"
They walked off in to the distance, laughing off the events of the day but there was still more to come. As they walked down the streets of Osaka, Yuki's mind kept thinking about what her friend had told her she should do. She wasn't wrong when she'd talked about her not taking a break after high school. When she chose to become a nurse, she'd given up her hopes of even attempting to have a social life and always had her nose buried in countless studies and internships. Before she realized how deep she'd gotten in to all of it, she found that her schedule revolved around nursing.
She hadn't even given herself enough time to make friends at school, always thought that they would get in the way; however, looking back on it, she had many regrets from her days as a nursing student. If she'd only been more social, had more friends, then maybe she would've had a stronger branch of support when she needed it the most. The only people in her life, as it stands, are Miyako and her uncle Kage. She'd lost her parents at a young age and, from then on, lived with him in a small home near his shrine in Kyoto. Kage had always wanted her to stay closer to home, perhaps take on a small home near the shrine, and take care of it with him but she'd been a bit more ambitious. She loved her Uncle but living in Kyoto, though beautiful and endearing, wasn't enough for her. She always strived to be independent and strong and knew she couldn't be as free as she wanted if she stayed to take care of the shrine with him; however, the freedom she once thought she had, the light that sparked her move from Kyoto to Osaka was barely alive now. All those years, like Miyako said earlier, took a toll on her body in the worst way. She was exhausted.
Before she knew it, she and Miyako were facing a small café nearby but, still lost in her own world, failed to notice so Miyako flicked her on the nose.
"Earth to Yuki! Anybody home!"
"What the hell was that for!" Yuki cried while tending to her stinging nose. Before she could protest any more, Miyako grabbed her by the arm and drug her in to the small building. They found a quiet table nearby a window overlooking the crowded streets and, before she knew it, she found herself hypnotized by the people passing by. They all seemed so oblivious to their surroundings but, at the same time, they seemed happy and content. Sure, she didn't know enough about the people passing by to form any lasting opinions but, in that moment, they had something she didn't have: happiness. She sighed, her breath fogging up the glass.
"Lost in space again Yuki?"
Yuki shook her head and turned to face her friend, a small blush forming on her face as she buried her nose in to the menu.
"I'm a mess, aren't I?" Yuki, asked.
"Yup, but your adorable shortness makes up for it."
Scoffing at her choice of words, Yuki slid the menu towards Miyako and crossed her elbows.
"You just had to use the short card, hmm."
"Of course," Miyako replied, her hand gripping on to both of Yuki's cheeks. "You're just a cute little mess!"
"You're creeping me out Miyako." After a few moments of Miyako teasing her, Yuki pushed her hands away from her face and waived for their waiter to attend to their table. A half hour later, the proceeded to eat their lunches in quiet harmony before Miyako broke the silence.
"So what are you going to do Yuki?"
Yuki sighed in to her fork, the tip of it biting on to her lip. She knew what she needed to do but she'd have to swallow her pride to do it. The very thought of going back to Kyoto with her tail behind her legs made her sick to her stomach; however, the alternative wasn't any better.
"I'll probably stay with my uncle for a while." She replied, the words sounding so foreign to her while she spoke them. She thought she'd never have to go back, thought she'd be successful, thought she'd be able to handle life outside her small town - but that's life. True skill isn't something you learn from a book. You learn how to hone those skills from experience and, from her experience, she still needed time to work out all of her insecurities.
"Doesn't your uncle live in Kyoto?" Miyako asked while taking bite out of her sandwhich.
"Yes," Yuki replied as she wiped her mouth with a napkin. "Yes he does."