A Crushing Problem

by mattjdupree

Post HTTYD2. Berk is rebuilding. Toothless is stressed because Hiccup is stressed. As if all that wasn't bad enough, Hiccup is up to something - and Toothless doesn't like the implications. (Emotional/Psychological abuse. Non-con. Major character death. Suicide attempt.)

Title: A Crushing Problem

Description: Post HTTYD2. Berk is rebuilding. Toothless is stressed because Hiccup is stressed. As if all that wasn't bad enough, Hiccup is up to something - and Toothless doesn't like the implications.

-ACP-

Rating: M-rated for on-screen sex. Think Game-Of-Thrones levels of sex. It's obviously there and happening, but it's nothing you can fap to.

And, uh, non-con.

Actually, I think I should be clearer about this warning.

WARNING:

Major character death. Non-con. On-screen sex (with limited description. Nothing you can fap to.)

WARNING:

No, like, seriously, this is traumatizing for the unprepared. It's the worst kind of abusive relationship, here. It drives one character in the relationship to his death and the other to an actual suicide attempt.

IF YOU DON'T LIKE DARK, DON'T READ.

-ACP-

Toothless has a problem.

A month ago, he and his human stopped Drago Bludvist - a human madman that had tortured and broken a Bewilderbeast - from taking all the dragons of Berk and of the sanctuary of another Bewilderbeast. Toothless had sent all the dragons that had hatchlings in that sanctuary back to rebuild it or move elsewhere, but that wasn't even close to his problem.

During the numerous battles occurring prior to Drago's defeat, Toothless had killed his human's father. He had done it under the control of Drago's Bewilderbeast, (not of his own volition - he would never hurt his best friend so,) but still felt terribly sorry and mournful over the whole incident. In fact, many people assume this was Toothless' problem. While related, it isn't the real problem.

It hadn't been a problem the first week. In fact, the first few times had been his own idea, his own insistence on comforting his rider. His problem had been a problem every night for three weeks, and was immediately preceded by this event:

-ACP-

"A- Astrid! Hey, what are you… Wow… why is Stormfly carrying…?"

Astrid walked right through Hiccup into the Haddock household, carrying a basket. Stormfly squeezed through after her, bearing two more containers. Astrid's basket clanked loudly as she set it on the floor by the stairs, the bladed weapons inside clearly visible.

Hiccup looked between Astrid and her dragon. I, lounging by the fire, perked up an ear but otherwise let the situation continue on its own.

Perplexed, Hiccup opened his mouth, then closed, it, then opened it again.

"I- I'm sorry, what are you…?"

Astrid returned his look of confusion. "I'm moving in. My parents' house got wrecked by Drago's Bewilderbeast's ice, remember? It's getting kind of awkward being one of the few Vikings still sleeping in the mess hall." She sat on the staircase up to Hiccup's loft, poking at the axes and swords in her basket with her foot.

Hiccup turned around, noticing Stormfly was already jumping around, taking a perch over the fire. I gave the Deadly Nadder a mild glare for washing air over me and the flames, then returned to resting my eyes. "And you're moving in here… why?"

"Because we're, y'know, a thing - and have been for years. I mean, come on, the first thing you did after defeating Drago was kiss me..." Astrid waved her arm around the room as if some idea of scale would help him remember, "...in front of the whole village.

Opening and closing his mouth one more time, Hiccup gave a shrug. "Y- Yeah! Okay. Yup. You're right. That- that does make sense." He took a glance over at me. I vaguely flicked an ear in assent to her logic. Then he looked up. "Uhh, is there anything… important in those baskets on Stormfly's back?"

Astrid blinked. "Yeah, why?"

Hiccup pointed at Stormfly. "Well, she's picking through the ropes holding them to her-" He cut himself off, running toward the fire pit I was lounging next to and that Stormfly was perched above.

The ropes holding Astrid's baskets to Stormfly gave, sending the wicker containers plummeting toward the fire. Hiccup jumped, catching the one closer to the door. Astrid, having started running at the same time he did, leaped at the other one. They caught their baskets, but their combined momentum sent them rolling over my back in a tumbling pile against the wall. The baskets broke under the weight of the two twenty-year-olds, leaving Hiccup lying on the ground under Astrid in a pile of her things.

I groaned, annoyed that they'd disturbed my lounging around, and got up to walk around the fire. Settling back down, I noticed that Astrid's lips were firmly planted on Hiccup's and that Hiccup's face was as red as blood.

Rolling my eyes, I pushed myself a little closer to the fire and began to doze off, trying to catch up on sleep from comforting his rider the night before.

-ACP-

Nothing had happened between the two humans. Toothless' rider, flustered, had stammered something and managed to extricate himself. It was all very boring to Toothless.

That night, though:

-ACP-

I blinked awake blearily when something touched my wing. Focusing my eyes in the moonlight, I spotted my rider looking back at me, seemingly shaken by something.

"H- Hey bud. Mind if I sleep with you again tonight?" He grimaced. "Again?"

I raised my head further, looking over Hiccup's shoulder. Astrid was sound asleep on their now-shared bed, her arm draped over the space where Hiccup had been. I gave her a glare and a silent growl for not comforting Hiccup. (I'd been taking care of that for a week! It was somebody else's turn, already!) Then I pulled away my wing and rolled into the uncomfortable position on my side that exposed my wings as blankets and my forelegs as a pillow.

Hiccup's face immediately relaxed, the creases of exhaustion and worry disappearing. He clambered into the space I presented, his hands pressing the thin membrane of my wing against the now-cold stone slab he'd had installed a long while back for me. I had warmed it up, but it had cooled off since then. I'd have just stood and blasted it with fire once more, but my rider was already getting comfortable against my belly.

I groaned as one of his stubby human elbows poked me in the stomach. Closing my wings up around him, I scrunched my eyes shut. Tonight was going to be another long struggle to get to sleep, only to be woken early in the morning as he decides to get up to go help the village.

He's my best friend, and I'd been dragging him out of his bed to comfort him this way for a week straight anyway. But, really, was it too much to ask the human he'd been courting for years to comfort him for me? Especially when I needed sleep?

My human's un-booted foot ghosted over the sensitive scales between my hind-legs. I yelped involuntarily, shivering.

"Sorry, Toothless," Hiccup said. He sighed as he settled down further, wrapping one of his arms around my lower foreleg. "Gods… you're amazing, bud."

I grunted a noncommittal affirmative, bending one hind-leg to get it out of the way of his feet and the other one to protect my sensitive area.

This was going to be a long night.

-ACP-

It only got worse for Toothless from there. Hiccup stopped asking, instead just crawling under Toothless' wings whether he was awake or not, always after Astrid was asleep.

This behavior didn't get by the human Hiccup was courting, either. Two weeks from the fights against Drago, she tried to start a conversation about it over lunch in the great hall:

-ACP-

Astrid stirred her stew, occasionally looking up at Hiccup. I glared blearily at my untouched plate of fish; I wasn't hungry.

Hiccup chowed down on a sheep rib like nothing was wrong. It was mildly infuriating, watching him work all day (and drag me along to help) then having to comfort him all night.

"So…" Astrid said.

Perking up, Hiccup set down his rib and finished swallowing his current bite. "So…? What's up?"

"Why are you sleeping with Toothless?"

Hiccup blinked. "Wh- What do you mean?"

I glared at him. Did he really think his courtship wouldn't notice? Astrid agreed with my sentiments. "Your side of the bed is always cold in the morning, and I know that nobody gets up before the sun rises. Especially not that long before the sun rises." She pointed her spoon at him. "Except you, apparently. Unless, you weren't in bed to begin with."

Looking away, Hiccup busied himself with taking another bite of his rib.

"Hiccup, are you oka-"

"Nothing's wrong," Hiccup said, swallowing his bite of rib and dropping the piece of food slightly harder than necessary.

Conversation at their table stalled for w moment. Astrid tried to bring it back to life. "That wasn't what I was asking-"

Hiccup stood up, grabbing his plate. "I'm about done, actually. A- And I said I'd help Bucket and Mulch unload the fish today. Yep. See you later Astrid!" He began walking away, then turned back. "Bud, you coming?"

I glared at the fish on the plate, then reluctantly slurped one up and began to follow my rider. Even if I didn't feel hungry - just exhausted - I probably did need some sustenance.

As I followed Hiccup out, I felt Astrid's eyes on my back.

-ACP-

Things continued downhill for Toothless after that conversation. Astrid took Toothless' following of Hiccup to mean that he was in on whatever-it-was Hiccup was doing. Over the next week, Toothless could feel the human female's eyes on him, like it was somehow his fault Hiccup was abandoning her in the middle of each night.

Meanwhile, Toothless' nights only got worse. Hiccup took to either sleeping with his arms wrapped around Toothless' neck or with his head on Toothless' forelegs. In the former position, his arms and breath almost constantly touched the sensitive areas of Toothless' throat, keeping the dragon awake even later into the night. In the latter position, his slightest shift caused his feet to brush Toothless' most sensitive and private areas, leaving the dragon a little flushed and embarrassed.

In truth, Toothless was starting to feel like he was going crazy. He couldn't keep comforting Hiccup because his rider just seemed too close. On the other wingtip, he couldn't stop comforting him. Hiccup's night terrors, when he'd been having them, had been about that moment: about Toothless nearly killing him, about his dad dying, about losing Toothless.

If Toothless did stop comforting Hiccup, what would happen to the human? But if he didn't, what would happen to the dragon?

This came to a head three weeks post-Drago:

-ACP-

I stumbled my landing in the town square, barely managing to stay on my four feet. My vision felt blurry, my head rushing with the pumping of my own blood. I could feel my stomach tied up in knots, but I wasn't sure if I was hungry or sick.

"Just a sec, bud!" Hiccup shouted, jumping off my neck and jogging into the forge. "Gotta get a hammer to help Spitelout take down that fence!"

Warbling in dismay at the idea of having to fly back where we'd just come from, I took a few stumbling steps to the side and lay down against the smithy's wall. I could almost feel the warmth of the fire against my scales - so unlike my hours of lying awake each night on the cold stone slab, trying to doze off with my rider in the folds of my wings.

I blinked awake when something dull scratched at my chin and head. Blearily, I noticed that Hiccup had my head in his lap and was rubbing my head. "Hey there, bud, you fall asleep from the fire?"

I tried to glare at him, but I found that with him this close and so worried about me, I couldn't summon enough annoyance.

"You ready to go back to Spitelout's now?"

The feelings of empathy and comfort evaporated. No, I growled while glaring through his scratches at the invisible horizon, I wasn't ready to go back to Spitelout's. In fact, I was done flying for the day. Maybe for the week. Maybe forever.

I was done. So done. I couldn't do this anymore. I felt sick and tired, and I didn't care how nicely he asked or that it was Hiccup or ANYTHING. I was the ALPHA and I was DONE WORKING.

Growling, I clambered to my four feet, not even noticing that Hiccup had already scrambled away. My throat was burning, stinging even though I hadn't fired even a single shot. I was so tired and worked that I was already at my shot limit. I didn't care. I was done I was done I was done no more just-

"Uhh…" Hiccup backed away with his hands out. He looked scared.

I ignored him, beginning to walk forward. Past him was the square, and beyond that the Haddock home. I was done working, so I was going to go home and rest.

"T- Toothless! W- What's gotten into you?!" he asked, backing up into the square.

I focused on my feet, ignoring what I was seeing except in a corner of my mind. I knew the route home from anywhere on Berk by heart. I didn't need to pay attention.

"Sn- oof! Snap out of it- Augh!"

I did snap out of it, stumbling backward as I felt something round giving way under my paw. Bleary eyes refocusing, I spotted what I had walked over. Hiccup lay on the ground, clutching at his peg-leg and looking at me with genuine fear. The prosthetic leg's casing had given way under my weight after I'd stepped on it, the wooden cover splintering and nicking Hiccup's stump in a few places. I hadn't hurt him directly, but…

"Toothless?" Hiccup asked as if unsure of the answer.

I barely gave myself a moment to let the horror of the situation sink in before I fled, leaping over him and stumbling away across the square. I scraped a scale off my knee as I tripped on the cobbles, but I kept going.

How could this have happened? How could I have let this happen? How could I have let myself get into a state of mind where I could hurt him?

I pulled the door open, the handle and hinges creaking with the force with which I pulled. Scampering inside, I slammed the door shut with my tail - on my tail. The mechanism of the rider-controlled tail clanked loudly as something broke in the door.

I lay down by the fire without bothering to take any of the tailfin components off. I just couldn't think straight. I couldn't believe any of that had happened.

I had hurt him. How could I? Why would I?

What was wrong with me?

-ACP-

The feelings of inadequacy, horror, and regret wouldn't leave Toothless behind. Working together to fight Drago, Toothless had dealt with his regret for killing his rider's father by killing the man responsible for that.

Then? On that day in the square? He alone was responsible for his rider's injury.

His self-esteem issues only worsened when he woke up - the next day. For the first time since defeating Drago, Toothless had slept without Hiccup. It had been the most restful night of sleep he'd had since flying with his rider to Itchy Armpit. And, yet, dragging himself paw over paw into breakfast and seeing Hiccup sitting and talking in hushed tones with his mother, Toothless only felt worse still than he had the day before.

Hiccup didn't ask Toothless for help chiefing that day. In fact, he avoided Toothless. The few times the Night Fury spotted the Viking chieftain hanging around, he was usually talking to his mother. His mother's Stormcutter, Cloudjumper, always seemed to notice him. Toothless, sour with the pains his bad treatment of his own body had left him with, would trudge in the other direction. The Stormcutter made no move to alert his rider to Toothless' presence.

It was that night that Hiccup chose to return to talk about what had happened in the square the day before:

-ACP-

"Hey, bud."

I didn't respond as Hiccup sat down in front of my face, next to the downstairs fire pit. I'd already been half asleep. And, given the hour, Astrid was likely already asleep as well. I could guess why Hiccup was really down here, and I knew that no matter what my opinion on the matter, I would inevitably acquiesce.

Giving Toothless' head a pleasurable rub, Hiccup continued, "I'm sorry I've been working you so hard since Drago's attack, bud. I thought if you were getting tired you'd tell me. I thought…" He sighed. "You're… not really mad at me, right bud?"

I warbled a tired apology. I couldn't be mad at him. Five winters ago, he freed all the dragons from the Red Death. Just this month, he'd freed me from Drago and helped me free all the dragons. I couldn't have done anything against Drago's Bewilderbeast without him. There was no way I could be mad. Annoyed, exhausted, but not mad.

"Would you mind if I…?" he asked.

Groaning, I opened my wings. For all those reasons, all the freedoms he'd afforded dragon kind, how could I refuse this thing that comforted him? Being forced to stay up later was hardly a price to pay - what had the sleep-deprived me of the day before been thinking?!

Hiccup settled in between my forelegs, his feet brushing up against my hind-legs. He took a deep breath, inhaling my scent, then sighed. "Gods, bud. I'd go crazy without you."

I thought that some small part of me might be going crazy with him. Or, worse, perhaps Drago had broken something within me.

"Just a few more days, Toothless." Hiccup mumbled as he drifted off. "I talked to my mom. In a few days, we can take a vacation - just you and me, wherever we want to go."

I shivered a little. The idea of taking a vacation now - just me and Hiccup… Something about that rang out roars of warning in my head. But the content of those roars… I couldn't tell. My rider's closeness to me, his dependence on me, his missing my signs of exhaustion, something was different now and that difference was bad.

Hiccup's breathing evened out relatively quickly and he slept quite soundly. Nonetheless, fears of my own mind kept me up even where I had a slight respite from his movements.

-ACP-

Trudging through the drudgery of the next four days, Toothless focused on getting downtime whenever he could. Sleeping everywhere - even those stolen moments when Hiccup went into the forge. He didn't get mad, or irritable. He didn't let himself.

Over time things just started seeming more flat, through his film of exhaustion. Toothless didn't let himself slow down. He kept working, following Hiccup's every instruction, eating food at mealtimes whether he was hungry or not… It was living. He was alive and he had his best friend.

Why did he think that living didn't need work?

Why was he so tired?

It was the twenty-seventh day after defeating Drago that things changed for the… different:

-ACP-

"Today's the day, bud!"

Hiccup woke up cheerily, smashing the vestiges of sleep that I had left like a hammer to an icicle. Raising my head in silent question, I gave Hiccup an exhausted, lidded look.

"Vacation time! Mom's going to take over for the next two days!" He put his hands on either side of my head, rubbing and grinning. "We can go do whatever we want!"

A month ago, before meeting Eret, son of Eret or any of Drago's minions, Toothless might have grinned back and bounded around. I slowly got to my feet, waiting for Hiccup to fetch and put on the tailfin.

Hiccup wasn't as oblivious as I sometimes figured him to be. His face fell. "Are you okay, bud? You don't seem terribly excited."

I hung my head. Should I be more excited about vacation? Probably. I was too tired to really pick up on any of it, though.

"We don't have to go out exploring beyond where we've been before. Where do you want to go? What's your favorite place?"

I lit up a little. I knew a nearby place that I wouldn't even have to fly to. In fact, I could trap myself there and get some shut-eye while Hiccup got me a tailfin. In fact…

I lit up more, the idea of getting an unbroken period of sleep appealing to me more than breakfast, more than the tailfin, even more than flying. I gave Hiccup a lick, then bounded to the door and began fumbling with the lock, trying to open it with my mouth. "Toothless!" Hiccup admonished, "Now Astrid's going to have a fit about the dragon slobber on the door handle!"

I got the door open, stumbling outside into the very early morning light. Hiccup followed after me, pushing the door open by the saliva-covered handle, then rubbing his hands together.

"You, uh, forgot about the tail, bud."

I gestured to my back with my head.

"But what about-"

I did the same motion more insistently, the world swimming a little as my exhausted inner ear fought to integrate the sudden motion.

Hiccup shrugged. "Well, bud, if you insist." He slid onto my back. "Where are we headed?"

I shot off into the trees, tripping over roots and bumping my tail into trees but somehow managing to stay on my feet and moving.

A tree whipped by awfully closely, scratching my wing. "Woah, bud, that was pretty cl- OH THOR!"

I leaped off a log, snapping out my wings to glide down the bank on the other side, toward lower parts of Berk. What I conveniently forgot was my tail. Also, steering.

"Watch out for that-" Hiccup dropped flat against my neck, barely scraping by under a branch as I tumbled through the trees, barely controlling my descent by pulling in my wings as I tilted. It was hardly even gliding, certainly not effective flight.

Out of nowhere, a tree branch appeared and gave me a hard uppercut to the chin. I tumbled, pitching backward uncontrollably and ending up doing a complete flip onto the forest floor. Hiccup, flat on my back, took little injury. I, on the other hand, felt several twigs stabbing through my delicate underbelly.

"Ow, wow," Hiccup mumbled, still recovering from knocking his skull against mine during the sudden flip. "That was something…"

Coughing and groaning, I dragged myself back to my feet and started trudging again, even as Hiccup readjusted to riding on my back.

"So was that revenge for taking out the fence? Or for carrying the fish catch?" Hiccup asked, trying to make conversation. "I mean, either way, you probably totally deserved to do that."

As the new scratches on my underbelly stung, I wilted a little. He… he didn't mean it that way. He didn't know that had hurt me at all, or that I hadn't really intended to do that. Which meant… had I hurt him?! I wilted further. That was even worse…

"But, my ears stopped ringing, so I think I'm fine," Hiccup continued. "Hey, actually, I recognize this area…"

Toothless grinned. They were almost there. He'd be able to lay out on his back and sleep… He so very much wanted to sleep…

"The cove! Of course! That's a great spot! Though," Hiccup glanced back. "Won't you need your tailfin to get back out-"

Toothless dropped off the lip of the cove, barely making the effort to slow his fall. When he hit the ground he tensed his knees, skidding up to the water's edge and bucking Hiccup off. The young Viking cried out as he flew through the air, splashing down into the lake.

"H- Hey! All my riding equipment!" Hiccup sputtered. "Now, bud, that was just uncalled for. We're lucky I left the map with Astrid!"

Toothless' legs gave out. He flipped over, exposing his underbelly to the sky. If something wanted to swoop down and kill him right now, he wasn't sure he'd care. Just getting to relax…

Cold water splashed over Toothless. He snarled, thrashing around until he was on his feet. That was his moment to relax! He was so ang- not angry, because he didn't get angry at Hiccup. He was annoyed. He was annoyed with Hiccup.

Giving the Viking a long glare, Toothless shook himself dry, then walked to drier ground and settled down again. Hiccup, stripping off bits of equipment and tossing them on the rocks by the lake, pouted.

"Oh, c'mon Toothless, y' big hatchling. Is water really that bad?"

When I want to sleep, yes it is, Toothless wished he could snark back. But he couldn't, so he gave a halfhearted growl.

"Fine," Hiccup said, "I guess I'm swimming on my own."

The words were music to Toothless' ears. Finally, he could take some time to relax uninterrupted in exactly the position he wanted with nothing to poke or prod him. It was a dream come true.

-ACP-

Toothless got a whole hour of sleep, there. Hiccup, enjoying the chance to just swim around and relax away from the village, swam around in the buff for a while, trying to entertain himself.

It didn't last. The young chieftain had a reason for arranging this vacation, and it wasn't just Toothless' strange behavior. Or, it was. He honestly couldn't be certain - neither could his mother. But he hoped. Hiccup hoped to the Gods.

Hiccup's hopes led to this:

-ACP-

My dreams changed, filling with ideas I hadn't had since I was barely older than a hatchling. My black scales had made me different, even though I always wanted to be like the other dragons. I never was. So, when the other dragons took their first seasonal mates, I had gone looking for another Night Fury.

… and looking.

… and looking.

I had crossed the nesting island a whole three times as a child in my memories. There wasn't a single other dragon of my kind - not even whatever dragon laid me. While other dragons paired up with one of their own kind and the opposite gender, I had… nobody.

In my dream, three crossings of the nesting island became a thousand. I searched, ignoring sleep and hunger, looking and never finding. Eventually, I rolled onto my back and lay there, deprived of energy.

Then she found me. A female Night Fury. Everything I had ever dreamed and more, the same color scales, just slightly smaller than I was… She stood over me, reaching out and rubbing between my hind-legs with her soft, fleshy, hide hand, scratching with dull claws that felt so amazing where they were placed...

My brain caught up. I woke up roaring, realizing the sensations weren't a part of the dream. There was no female Night Fury for me. There was only me.

I curled my neck, looking down my underbelly, down between my hind-legs and an emerging protrusion there, right at the startled human and the offending limb that had been so disturbingly stimulating.

Hiccup looked between my face and my emerging arousal. He had on none of his equipment; all of it he'd stripped and left on the rocks. His arousal was fully on display.

For once, I found I didn't care about everything Hiccup had done for dragonkind. For once since Drago, it was me and what I wanted.

I didn't want this. I wanted another of my kind. I wanted him to be with his kind. This wasn't right. This isn't right, I moaned out, a sound any other dragon would recognize as plaintive, terrified, submissive fear.

He crouch walked back over to me, reaching out again to touch the sensitive area between my hind-legs, to rub it.

I didn't want this I didn't want this I didn't want this.

But I couldn't push him away because he was Hiccup. Even discounting everything he'd done for dragonkind, he had saved my life from more than I could imagine, in servitude to Drago or the Red Death.

I didn't want this, and I moaned and groaned and whined and TOLD him, but he didn't stop.

And I didn't push him away because he was my rider. He was Hiccup.

-ACP-

Toothless did nothing to stop Hiccup and the Viking chief only took the dragon's whining as encouragement. When they finished, Toothless was mortified by what had happened. Hiccup never used anything more than his hands - never actually penetrated Toothless nor was penetrated himself - but the whole event was still enough to leave Toothless feeling violated and used.

Hiccup had been his best friend. He didn't want to go beyond that. He hadn't wanted to go beyond that.

As a naked human lay sprawled across Toothless' sticky chest, Toothless finally realized…

Toothless has a problem.

Reviewing the past few weeks, bile churns in Toothless' stomach. It was so obvious his rider's non-interest in his human courtship, his reliance on Toothless…

He feels sick, but there's really nothing Toothless can do now. He let it happen. Now Hiccup will expect this of him too.

He owes Hiccup everything. He…

Toothless yawns, sucking in a huge volume of air, then expelling it just as quickly. The expansion of his belly with the air makes him painfully aware of the human lying there, the human that went too far. His head pounds. He can almost see his vision swimming.

He has three ways to deal with his rider's infatuation.

One: Leave. Get an automatic tailfin and get away from the sick human until Toothless can sort out his own health.

Two: Stay. Hold his rider, love his rider, be everything his rider needs. But, as his body already tells him, that is rather quickly driving Toothless insane.

Three: Stay, but physically resist his rider. Put himself first. Something tells Toothless that this might hurt Hiccup more than the first option, but it also means that Toothless would get free food, bed, fires…. If he is going to recover from whatever all this sleeplessness has done to him, he might need all of that.

None of those options seem viable to Toothless. One would break Hiccup's heart. Two would destroy Toothless - He wants another Night Fury, yearns for one even now; his rider is not an applicable substitute. Three… Three he just failed at. He didn't push Hiccup away. That had been the time and the place, and yet he'd let his rider violate him without so much as a shove to give physical voice to his complaints.

Nothing works. Nothing seems viable. Bile rises in Toothless' throat again as he realizes he might have no choice but to live with some sick rendition of option two, swallowing his own revulsion and doing everything Hiccup asked.

Blood rushing, head pounding, Toothless begins drifting off to sleep finally. As he goes, one last part of his brain points something out.

Ever since they met in this cove, five winters ago, isn't that all he had been doing for Hiccup? Swallowing his pride and following Hiccup's every word?

Toothless shivers, a cold tingle racing up his left side. It isn't right. Nothing about him is right.

Hiccup… He…

Giving a quiet, phlegmy cry of despair, Toothless dozes off into a late-morning nap, the evidence of his mistakes splattered over his belly, his rider draped across that.

-ACP-

I woke up grinning. I'd finally done it. With my best friend, my crush - my mate - I'd finally become one.

Or, well, sort-of. I had no freaking idea what I was doing, but I'd tried. He'd seemed to enjoy it - a lot.

I clambered to my feet, stretching my limbs and looking around. The cove was quiet in the evening light, the sun's rays just casting over the treetops to shine on the far wall.

I stretched my arms, standing on my one organic foot's tip-toes to stretch that out too. Taking ahold of my prosthetic, I bent that around to give the knee a decent workout.

The cove was so peaceful, I could hardly hear the gurgle of water filling the lake. I couldn't even hear a single songbird in the area. It felt almost like I was alone here...

… with my mate, of course. I turned around and watched him sleep for a moment. Toothless. My dragon. My best friend. My everything. Ever since fighting Drago, I knew my feelings for him had been different. The thought of him fighting in his own mind to not hurt me, fighting to come back to me, then actually managing it against the control of that giant dragon… There was something in that, some closeness I'd never felt with Astrid, even when only separated from her by a few layers of fabric.

Toothless was deathly still. I smiled sheepishly to myself. Apparently, I'd worn him out. There was so much I needed to learn from him, now that we were a thing. Words couldn't even describe the feelings of love rising in my chest.

Giving his still-sticky belly a rub, I ran off to the lake to get washed up. My equipment, sitting out on the rocks, had finally dried off over the course of the day. As I washed, I planned it all out. I'd get dressed, get Toothless into the lake somehow - maybe reverse those two for the safety of my clothes - then go back to the village. I could tell mom that I'd gone through with it, try to explain to Astrid why I was breaking up with her - that was going to be an awkward conversation - then…

Wow. I had no idea. Valka had given us four days off. We had another three days before anyone would ask questions if we disappeared randomly.

I grinned. I had so much to learn, so much I wanted to try… I wondered if Toothless had been imagining our coupling for as long as I had.

In the end, I decided to put on my clothes first. I could always dry them again back in town. In that case, my silly reptile would have to deal with a wet human on his back all the way home. It was only after getting it on that I remembered Toothless couldn't escape the cove; he didn't have his fin.

I decided, stupid as it was, to try to get Toothless into the water anyway. I'd want him to wash up properly while I went to the village to get the fin. It wouldn't be too much to ask that he didn't soak me, right?

I wandered back over to Toothless, my hair dripping a few drops onto my dry equipment. Grinning, I shook my hair out over his sensitive neck.

He… didn't move. Didn't flick an ear, not even a growl. A concern began to eat at my chest. How overworked had he been?

I knelt, giving his neck a rub, scratching right at his chin, my thumb rubbing his lips. "Hey, bud. You about ready to go?" He could never manage to sleep through this! Why was he…?

My thumb tingled. Something was missing. I stopped and pulled back, looking at Toothless as a whole.

"B- Bud?" Toothless was deathly still.

Deathly. Still.

"Aha, wow. Now that's just mean, Toothless. You can start breathing again." I chuckled as my chest tightened further. The Night Fury wasn't waking up, wasn't warbling out laughter at his fake sleeping…

He looked… He looked d-

I snorted. "S- Seriously, bud. This isn't funny anymore. You're scaring me here." I sat down, lifting his head into my lap. I rubbed his face, keeping part of my hand over his nostrils. The moment he took a breath, I would know. He couldn't hold his breath this long, so he had to be taking short ones I couldn't see! But I'd feel them.

A strangled cry escaped my throat as my body rushed ahead to an impossible conclusion. But, he couldn't be. We'd just… There was nothing…

"Toothless?! Toothless, come on. Wake up, bud!" I pried open one of the Night Fury's eyelids. The eye looked glassy and unfocused, halfway between a slit and the round pupil I loved him for.

Feeling sickness and terror rising in my throat in equal parts, I released the eyelid and felt at the sensitive parts of his neck, looking for the feel of his heartbeat. This was impossible. He couldn't- couldn't-

It was a moment later that I realized the eyelid hadn't closed, the eye stared blankly at the far cove wall, seeing nothing. "No…" The air to say the word, to deny reality, left me in a rush like a punch to the gut. The constriction around my chest, like a yak was laying on me, it worsened to the point that I couldn't draw breath.

I pushed away, stumbling to my feet. This… this wasn't possible. It was a nightmare. It had to be a nightmare and I'd wake up and Toothless would be there to greet me because HE CAN'T DIE.

Toothless' one open eye stared at me, the dragon's neck bent at the odd angle I'd left it at when I'd scrambled away. It almost looked like the eye was accusing me, the pupil slitting further despite the dragon's deathly stillness.

Light-headedness catching up with my not breathing, I fell onto my rump and stared blankly at Toothless. My mate. My everything.

Dead.

Hyperventilating, I shot to my feet and ran for the cove's exit. There was still a chance. There had to still be a chance. Maybe… maybe my mother knew something. Maybe it was a dragon mating hibernation?! HE COULDN'T BE DEAD. I wouldn't let him, not now. Not right after this…!

Faster than I'd ever run before, my backup prosthetic whining in protest with every step, my still slightly cut stump screaming, I ran.

I ran from the accusatory look in that eye, because something, some small part of me, told me it was my fault.

And I couldn't live with myself if it had been.

-ACP-

Hiccup sat on the sea cliffs, looking down at the rocks below. The sky was dark, the new moon long below the horizon. He could barely see the white surf crashing against cliff, but he knew the currents in this area were particularly dangerous for anything floating on the water. He was chief. It was his job to know. Hel, he'd rescued Snotlout and the twins from here one time, when their fishing boat had gotten pulled in by the currents because they didn't know what they were doing.

Of course, Hiccup hadn't rescued them at all. Toothless had. Toothless had grabbed the figurehead of the ship and pumped his massive wings. The humans had closed up the sail and that black dragon had dragged the ship out of the bad currents singlehandedly.

And now that dragon was dead.

Hiccup had burst into dinner, stumbling and hyperventilating and crying, blubbering his entire story to the room. Valka and Astrid had been at his sides in moments, but it still took them almost a minute to extract any useful information from his useless, useless crying.

Cloudjumper had brought Toothless' corpse straight to elder Gothi's hut. Hiccup had been crying and blubbering apologies over the body so much that the elder eventually whacked him in the face and told him to go away. Gobber and Fishlegs had looked heartbroken, translating her scribbles to give him that message.

An hour later, Gothi explained the cause of death. One of the arteries bringing blood to Toothless' brain had been blocked, she'd discovered when prodding his neck. Deprived of life-giving blood, his mind had fallen apart.

Gothi had actually seen such symptoms before, in a sailor that thought he could cheat sleep. He kept himself awake for four days straight, working and sailing and fishing and writing down his experiences. His writing had apparently been getting worse as he went on, but he preserved anyway. He was convinced that sleep was a test of the Gods and that he'd be the first to overcome it. On the fifth day, he got into his boat, took a single stroke with the oars, then keeled over.

Gothi had found similar clotting in that sailor's neck, all those years ago, and labeled the condition a "stroke" after that man's last act.

Hiccup wondered if she'd have called it a "Fuck" had Toothless been the first case. Thanks to his blubbering, everyone in the village knew what he'd done with Toothless.

What, he was slowly realizing, he'd done TO Toothless. With the image of that frozen eye glaring at him, Hiccup had recontextualized everything that had happened since Astrid had moved in. He'd felt so uncomfortable in Astrid's arms, he'd forced himself into Toothless' wings every night. He could remember the dragon grumbling, but he'd always shrugged it off.

That had been Toothless telling him. Telling him over and over again that he was too tired. Hiccup had been keeping him up. Hiccup had forced him into his stroke. His best friend. The dragon he wanted to be his mate, to be his everything.

And then their coupling! Hiccup had thought Toothless was enjoying it, but with the mental image of that accusatory eye staring at his every thought, he could remember every whine and groan with completely different meanings. And when Toothless released, that dissonance in his roar…

Worse than the waking him, worse than the keeping him up, worse than the overworking him…

Hiccup had forced himself on his best friend when his best friend didn't want it. And his best friend had been telling him not to. And he'd kept going anyway.

And he'd kept going.

And now Toothless was dead.

Hiccup stared at the rocks below, trying to gauge where he should land to die most quickly. Then he threw that thought away, instead looking for a spot where it would take a while.

He'd forced himself on his best friend. He'd killed his best friend. He deserved to suffer. He deserved to burn in Hel's realm, to scream in agony for every whine Toothless ever had against him.

Hiccup shook, gripping the grass on either side of him into his fists. What was so wrong with him, that he hadn't seen what he'd been doing to Toothless? How could he be so callous?! He'd used his best friend like Drago had used his Bewilderbeast, but so much WORSE.

Sitting on the cliff, everything got a thousand times worse when:

-ACP-

"Hiccup?"

I flinched, whirling around to see who had found me. It couldn't have been a worse person. Astrid stood uncertainly by the treeline, Stormfly's piercing yellow eye peering out over her shoulder. Shuddering as I once again remembered Toothless' dead-eyed glare, I turned back to looking over the edge.

I waited for her to ask all the questions I was asking myself. To scream at me. To demand to know why I'd be more interested in my dragon's genitals than in hers. Instead, she sat down next to me on the edge. "It's, uh, kinda late, Hiccup."

What was I supposed to say? I said nothing. Glancing over my shoulder away from Astrid, I noticed that she'd sent Stormfly away. Good. She wouldn't have a chance to rescue me if I jumped.

"You know you couldn't have known, right?"

My throat clenched. That was untrue. That was the biggest lie I ever heard told - and I'd once told my father I wanted to kill dragons. Well, it seemed congratulations were in order: I'd finally done it. My voice raw, I muttered, "That's not true."

Astrid pushed herself a little bit further from the edge, turning to face me more fully. "Isn't it? Dragons can't talk. We can try to understand, but it's all guesswork. You did the best you-"

"I forced myself on him!" I hissed. "He was whining! I should have seen that he wasn't- That he didn't-" My throat clenched. I sniffed, tears threatening my vision.

She grabbed my shoulder, steadying me. I noticed dimly that I'd been leaning dangerously far over the edge. "You didn't know, Hiccup."

I couldn't hold back. Curling up, I leaned into Astrid, the tears beginning to flow freely. "I did," I sobbed, "I did. I could HEAR it in his voice and I ignored him and it's my fault. My fault!"

Astrid sniffed too, holding me while I bawled.

"It's my fault they're both dead, isn't it? Dad, Toothless… If I hadn't thought I could talk Drago down…! If I hadn't- hadn't needed Toothless so much…!"

"There's nothing you can do now," Astrid whispered, holding me to her chest and rocking a little. "Just let it all go."

Through my sobs, I snarled, "There's something I can do n- now."

Astrid's grip on me tightened as I began to struggle toward the cliff edge. "No, Hiccup-" I shook and struggled, my eyes closed, hyperventilating. "Hic- Hiccup, stop! That's not going to bring them back!"

"But it's what I deserve, isn't it?! I- I killed them both! M- my fault! And Toothless…" Air hissed through my windpipe, in what might have been a piercing sob, if I'd had proper control over my throat. "Gods, Toothless… H- How could I-"

"You didn't know!" Astrid snarled, falling backward and dragging me away from the edge.

I lay sobbing in Astrid's arms. We lay like that for a long while.

"I love you, Hiccup," Astrid whispered, "And I know you loved Toothless, but I'm not going to lose you just because you made a mistake and hurt your…" The pause was tiny, but I could hear it. "... best friend."

I gasped for air, having used almost all of it crying my eyes out. "A- And w- what if I hurt you too? A- Astrid-" I choked up. "You shouldn't want me. I- I'm a m- monster." I didn't add that I'd never been that interested in her in the first place and that I'd only been courting her because everyone expected me too. That would hurt her too much. I'd done enough damage to my friends.

"You're not a monster, Hiccup," Astrid whispered, brushing his hair up over his ear. Her breath on the back of his neck was suddenly concerningly close. "You just made a mistake. It'll be okay, okay? You'll get through this."

"I'm supposed to g- get through k- killing Toothless?" I whispered back, fearing that if I raised my voice further it'd break.

"You can, eventually," Astrid asserted. "Staying in the past isn't going to help."

Still holding me, she climbed to her feet. This has the effect of dragging me onto my feet. I swayed in her arms, unsure of whether I wanted to balance properly on the cliff edge, or if I wanted to topple off and die. If I did, there was the chance I'd pull her with me - one I didn't want to take.

"Promise me you won't try to kill yourself over this," Astrid said, still holding onto me.

I kept my mouth shut. This was a promise I couldn't make.

"Promise me, please Hiccup!"

The cliff edge was looking ever more tantalizing. I could make all the pain, all the complexities go away. I could smash against the rocks, drown in the surf, and burn in Hel. It would all be so much simpler…

"Hiccup, the tribe needs you. I need you. Please, please don't do something stupid."

I grit my teeth. I didn't want this. I didn't want to keep living in this world.

"Hiccup, please…"

"I- I promise," I whispered. I didn't want to die, even if everything in my head told me I did. Toothless would haunt my mind forever, but my body still had self-preservation.

Astrid held me a moment longer, then began leading me back into the trees. I flinched when I saw Stormfly's piercing yellow eye. Even though it was the wrong color, the shape still reminded me so much of his. "Come on, let's go home," Astrid said.

Faster than my worn-out mind could cope, the two of us were back home, trudging upstairs to bed. Toothless' spot next to the fire downstairs was empty, the hearth black. Upstairs, his slab of rock looked forlorn and empty.

Astrid got into bed, holding open the cover for me. Neither of us bothered to change into sleeping clothes. I didn't care. I didn't want to get into a bed with anyone but Toothless, not now that the Night Fury was gone. Not after what I'd done to the dragon.

"Hiccup, you have to sleep," Astrid said, "I won't let you give yourself a stroke."

Reluctantly - despising himself - Hiccup got into bed.

-ACP-

Hiccup has a problem…

-ACP-

A/N:

… Uhm.

I've never met anyone who's been in or is currently in an abusive relationship, in either side. This entire work is my imagination and a lot of anecdotes from the HavenEDU course on sexual and relationship violence.

And, no, sleep deprivation doesn't have that direct an effect on the chance of stroke. It does have a slight effect, however. Also, I got the symptoms of a stroke wrong - the clotting is in the brain, not in the neck arteries. The reason I let myself get away with these unrealities is, "how else would Viking society know what a stroke was?"

So I bent the rules a little, for the story. Sorry, peeps!

I hope you people that enjoy this stuff had fun.