Pummeled

"Watch out!!!"

I think that was Stephen. He's probably having another mental breakdown. It happens a lot. Poor him.

But then something hit me on the noggin. What could that be, I thought. Hmmm… Maybe it's an apricot. Or a cabbage. Or maybe even a tennis ball. Hmmm…

Then it happened again.

We (Stephen and I) were in the woods. I don't really know why, but totally out of the blue Stephen asked me if I wanted to go for a walk. In the woods. While it was raining. Without an umbrella. I don't know what is wrong with his head these days. Hmmm…

So I looked up into the trees, pretty sure that raindrops don't come as big as water balloons (the large variety) and was kinda, sorta, not really suppressed to see Damon sitting in a tree with a big basket of apricots. Hmmm… what is up with these hot vamps all of a sudden.

Then I saw something out of the corner of my eye. It was Stephen coming to my rescue!!!!

"Oh, Stephen!" I exclaimed. "You're here to rescue me from the raining apricots!" I shot Damon a look. "Thank you Stephen!"

"You're welcome, my sweet pea. There is nothing I would, I mean, wouldn't do for you." Yup, his brain definitely wasn't working. Probably all that squirrel blood. Since, you know, eating humans, excuse me, drinking them, can get kinda old. I've heard that squirrel blood, on the other hand, brings on an awesome high.

Damon, of course, was clear headed – if you can call that thing on his neck a head – and said, "Wow, bro. You really need to come up with some better flattering statements. 'There's nothing I would, I mean wouldn't do for you' yada yada yada, blah, blah, blah… Do you have no originality at all? You should soak up some of my awesomeness! Come on!"

Well, I knew where this could be going, so, before Stephen said something really stupid and moronic, like he tends to do while on squirrel blood, I stepped in, literally stepping into the really brotherly aura between them, and stated, "I just bought a new bra! What to see?"

Now that definitely got their attention, though Damon's response I will not say aloud to corrupt all your young and innocent minds. Like mine has been. Corrupted, I mean.

Anyway, after they cooled down about that little thing I said, and trust me, it was not smart of me to have said I if my goal was to make them shut up and pay attention to me, I got up and walked away. Forever.

Okay, so not forever, since I couldn't go that long without Stephen's quirky sincerity or Damon's rockin hotness, but you get my point. Right?