Sweet Tea Vodka
By CodeREDbazooka
Disclaimer: I do not own anything even remotely related to Criminal Minds. Though I wish I did, it would help pay for college and other tomfoolery.
Note: A friend of mine, QueenCaspian10, implored me to write something involving Reid being really, really, ridiculously drunk and deep tongue kisses, so I did. This is not my first fic, although it is my first fic posted under this pseudonym. Woot, Woot. All of the alcohol facts were taken very blatantly from Wikipedia, so if anything is inaccurate it is the internet's fault, not mine. Beta'd by the aforementioned QueenCaspian10. Love to all my darlings!
Reid was very drunk.
"I..." Reid said definitively, "am so drunk. So very, very drunk." He was slumped in the passenger seat of Derek's car with his forehead pressed against the window.
"I noticed" Morgan said with a chuckle. "I'm not surprised that you're a lightweight." He looked in the rearview and flicked on the blinker.
"Actually, the rate at which the body absorbes alcohol can't be accurately estimated just by looking at a person. Most people assume that body mass has a lot to do with it, and that is true, but preliminary studies have shown that, for some reason, people with darker hair and eyes are more predisposed to be a so called 'lightweight' than people with lighter eyes and hair." Reid said, enthusiastically waving his hands around and making stupid little air quotes. His voice was only slightly slurred, which surprised Derek, considering the massive amount of vodka Reid had consumed at the bar.
"Is that right?" Morgan asked mildly, glancing over the see Spencer's smiling dopily at him.
"Yes. And if you really think about it, I'm not actually such a lightweight." Reid said somewhat indignantly. "I cannot walk strait, I'm tired, all of the lights outside are blurry and everything is slow. From my understanding, I'm probably in what is known as the Lethargy stage of alcohol intoxication, which means my Blood Alcohol Level is in all probability around 0.09 to 0.25 percent. Considering that Lethargy is the second stage out of five in the levels of intoxication, I'm not doing too badly."
Derek rolled his eyes. "Are you gonna puke in my car?" He asked.
"No." Reid said confidently. "Puking as a result of alcohol ingestion doesn't usually start until the third stage of intoxication, known as Confusion. I know what is going on right now and nothing is spinning, so I probably won't vomit in your car."
"No statistics for me?" Morgan said lightly, barely suppressing a laugh. Honestly, drunken Spencer was almost intolerably cute, and he kept scrunching his nose.
"Any statists that I could give you would most likely be grossly inaccurate because I don't actually know what my Blood Alcohol Level is." Reid told Morgan very seriously, trying to sit up in his seat and only half succeeding.
Morgan pulled up to a stop light and looked over at Reid. His hair was disheveled and damp from the rain, his eyes were overly bright and he wouldn't stop staring. His too long limbs were curled over the seat and the top two buttons of his shirt were undone. The checkered tie, long ago unknotted, was hanging loosely from Reid's neck.
"Besides." Reid continued suddenly waving around his hands again. "I've never actually gotten this drunk before, so I don't really know how my body will react to this much alcohol."
"Huh." Morgan began to drive again as the light turned green. "Do you think that you're going to remember everything in the morning?"
"Oh!" Reid exclaimed, trying to sit of strait again and, again, failing somewhat miserably. "I'm really not too sure. The fact that I have an eidatic memory will probably change the affect of the alcohol, but-"
And he was off. Morgan tuned out Reid, concentrating instead on traversing the rain slick roads without careening into another car. Reid's tendency to ramble, which apparently multiplied tenfold when he was drunk, was easy enough for Morgan to deal with. All he had to do was either nod every once in a while or alert Reid to the fact that he had started to monologue. Considering that Spencer's rant about –Morgan listened in for a moment- the limbic system in the brain and emotional responses in humans ,wasn't hurting anything Morgan decided to go with option number one.
"Wait!" Reid said suddenly, gripping Derek's arm with a spidery hand and drawing Morgan out of his driving daze. "What if I do forget what happened? Even in the Lethargic stage, memory and comprehension are affected by alcohol." He sounded mildly horrified. "What if I do forget? I don't like not remembering things Morgan."
Derek laughed again, unable to help himself. Reid was just so ridiculous sometimes. "If you do forget anything, I'll be sure to fill you in tomorrow."
"That's right, tomorrow." Reid said the horror in his voice multiplying. "I'm going to be hung-over tomorrow. At work. Hotch. He will kill me."
Full out laughing now, Morgan pulled into the parking area of Reid's apartment complex and turned the car engine off. "You don't need to tell him that you're hung-over." He said with a small shake of his head.
"Hotch was at the bar too!" Reid hissed, pushing his hair behind his ear and slipping down in the seat again. "He probably already knows!"
"Nonsense." Morgan said unbuckling his seat belt.
"You had to help me stand up to leave." Reid said pursing his lips. "It is safe to say that Hotch knows that I'm a little more than a little tipsy."
Morgan shook his head again, smiled to himself and opened the door, stepping out into the rain. By the time he got to the passenger side door, Reid was still struggling with his own seat belt and grumbling something about alcohol and coordination. Sighing, Morgan reached down, deftly unbuckled Reid, and helped him onto his feet.
Reid staggered rather spectacularly, almost landing back inside the car before Morgan caught him firmly around the waist. "You're going to be the death of me pretty boy." He said with a small laugh as Reid tried again to catch his balance.
Reid smiled breathlessly, and gripped Morgan's arm again to steady himself. His hair was getting wet and there were a few rain drops sliding down his nose. He looked at Morgan with wide hazel eyes and just grinned. He grinned that same grin he always did when he had found something new and exciting. That same, stupid happy smile that had always made weird affectionate butterflies churn in Derek's stomach.
"Morgan?" Reid's eyes were curious now. He placed the hand not on Morgan's arm slowly onto his chest; finger's splayed and blinked a few times. They were so close, legs tangled together. Reid's back was pressed against the side of the car and Morgan's hips were almost touching his. Morgan remembered vaguely that his arm was still wrapped firmly around Reid's waist. The rain was slowly plastering Reid's shirt to his chest.
"Morgan?" Reid asked again, "Are you okay?" He leaned forward and peered at Morgan's face.
Then with little hesitation Derek kissed him. Reid tense against him, and Morgan felt sheer panic for a fraction of a moment thinking -Oh my God, what am I doing?-, then Reid opened his mouth and let out a quiet groan.
Kissing Reid was definitely an experience. He just sort of melted, letting Derek push him up against the car. The kiss was hot and slick almost instantly. Derek could taste the sharp tang of alcohol in Reid's mouth and he nipped gently at Reid's lower lip, smiling as the younger man grunted and shuddered. It was still raining, coming down rather hard now, and there was water dripping all over everything.
It was somewhat obvious that Reid was fairly new to this. He pressed his tongue tentatively into Derek's mouth and his hands were still pressed against Derek's chest, as though he didn't really know what to do with them. When Derek moved his mouth to Spencer's neck and started to murmur hot open mouthed phrases against the rain slick skin, Spencer shuddered again and muttered;
"Morgan? Morgan w-wait."
Derek froze, realizing suddenly that he had Reid pushed up against a car, panting, breathless and wanton. Realizing that Reid had let him do it. Realized the blatent trust that meant. Reid was not a big fan of being touched, much less manhandled. He stopped, pressed one last kiss to the delicate skin under Reid's ear, pulled back slightly and looked at him.
"Yeah?" Morgan asked huskily, bumping his nose up against Reid's. He wasn't really sure why he had started this, but he knew that he didn't ever ever want to stop.
"The uh- the car door is still open." Spencer said, a dark blush staining his cheeks. "And umm... It's raining."
"Yeah." Morgan said, glancing at the passenger seat. The upholstery was now soaking wet.
"Do you um..." Reid paused, blushing even more. He pushed his hair behind his ear out of habit more than anything, and smiled shyly, looking at Derek from under his eyelashes. "Do you maybe want to come inside? With me?"
Derek grinned.
"I would love to baby boy."
Reviews are always appreciated, but play nice, please no flames, et cetera. A second chapter may or may not be on the way.
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Thank you for reading!