Author note: You don't need to read the whole thing, but if you're curious to know how Eobard ended up in Tess Morgan's body, I suggest you go read the first chapter of my other fic, Unexpected. This fic is for moments I though didn't fit very well the tone I was going for over there. VERY awkward situations will happen over here and I'm kinda embarassed I wrote it. O/O
I don't have much experience with humor, so I hope this is at least passable. Tips and corrections are always welcome.
Bloody hell!
Eobard had always prided himself on being an emotionally balanced person, and yet, the first time he'd woken up to find his bedsheets soaked with blood, he'd reacted with all the grace of a panicked walrus. It wasn't that he didn't know about menstrual periods – he was a professor, for crying out loud! –, he just hadn't realised they were now bound to happen to him.
He'd sat on the toilet for a good half hour that morning, his head in his hands, too busy wishing for his own speedy demise to do anything about it.
Did they even have counter measures for this kind of disaster in this era? They must have, since women didn't simply take five to seven days off every month. Oh, dear, would he have to wear cloths every day until this punishment was over? He groaned.
"Gideon!", he said, activating the AI. He couldn't remember when had been the last time he'd blushed, but, so help him, he was blushing. Part of his mind wondered how come he still had any blood left for that. "Uh, Gideon, what do we know about…", he hesitated, unable to say it out loud for a moment. He took a deep breath. "What do we know about practices related to menstrual cycles in the early XXI century?".
oOo
He eyed one of the tampons Tess had had lying around the cabinets and his face went green at the thought of using it. Oh, hell no! There had to be another way.
He sat down on the toilet again. He was going through so much emotional distress he was even developing a reflexive abdominal discomfort.
The women of his time rarely had to deal with this kind of thing, since contraceptives had become much more sofisticated. Hell, back home all he would need right now was five minutes with a transdermal patch and he'd be free. Then again, if he was home, he wouldn't be in this predicament in the first place.
The pain in his abdomen became more pronounced and he began to suspect it was not due to stress at all. Ouch! He grabbed his stomach in a self hug. OUCH!
"Gideon, what's happening to me?", he asked. He hadn't been this scared and annoyed at the same time in… Well, ever.
"You are suffering from a mild case of dysmenorrhea".
"What?", he asked. He tried to remember if he'd seem the term somewhere, but the higher functions of his brain seemed to have been shut down. Was he dying?
"You have menstrual cramps".
Oh.
"Please tell me they have painkillers in this century", he begged, half to Gideon half to whatever deity might be listening. He could return to being an atheist after this was over.
"Painkillers are in existence", Gideon confirmed, and, without need of being told twice, Eobard stumbled in the direction of the medicine cabinet.
oOo
About another half an hour later and the blissful discovery Advil and of a pack of pads had Eobard thanking the heavens for small blessings.
He took a look around and supressed a hysterical laughter. The blood splatters everywhere made the house look like it had been the stage of a recent massacre. It was, quite literally, a bloody mess.
He didn't look foward to next month.