Title: Dude Looks Like A Lady

Description: Sora, Roxas and Ven enroll at an all-girl's school. Somehow they all end up with men. Sora/Riku, Axel/Roxas, Ven/Terra. High School!AU.

Rating: T, I guess.

Chapter Title: Prologue

Chapter Description: The play is badly cast, but will be performed anyway.

A/N: This entire fanfiction is written tongue-in-cheek. It is utterly ridiculous and often mocks itself. Enjoy it for what it is.

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or anything affiliated with it.

…

0. Prologue

Once upon a time there were three boys. They were orphaned triplets, adopted at a young age by a scholarly orchestra conductor by the name of Yen Sid as protagonists are apt to be. The fact that they did not know who their parents were did not bother the triplets much, especially since Yen Sid was a relatively decent cheap father, despite his cheapness, and that the author of this fanfic decided that parental angst would be boring to write, and probably boring for her audience to read. So the three boys lived in harmony in southern California, though each had their own unique personality.

The oldest of the triplets was named Sora. He had brown spiky hair and blue eyes—as anyone who is familiar with the Kingdom Hearts franchise should know—with the attitude of an overly optimistic four year-old, thereby making him the brother least prone to angst. He was a bit stupid, but it was the endearing sort of idiotic lovability that made him the most popular boy at school, the apple of every teacher's eye and incredibly sought after by the ladies.

And then there was the middle triplet, Roxas. Roxas always felt like he was forgotten; that he was unloved and devoid of any sort of normal human emotion because of it. He was a bit of a whiney emo bitch, if you couldn't tell from that previous sentence there. He occasionally wore eyeliner and like to screw the rules because he thought he could. He had once smoked a cigarette, but he coughed a lot so he didn't do that again. He wrote whiney emo poetry in a little black diary that he carried around with him everywhere and wore a long leather coat all year round because that meant that he was different. He did, however, succumb to heat stroke frequently during the summer because of that differentness.

Lastly was Ventus—or Ven, for short—the youngest. Naïve, sweet and kind, Ven didn't seem to have a cruel bone in his body. He also didn't have much personality, but that was okay because he wasn't cruel. Compared to his brothers, he was the mellowest. He didn't speak out against much, and was easygoing and free. His infectious smile kept their family together at times when they would have otherwise felt strained. He often tagged along with Sora because he was shy. Sora oftentimes forgot that Ven was with him and would accidentally step on his feet. But he always apologized, which made it okay.

But everything changed when their father got a call from the principal of Mt. Snolyfolks Academy for Girls.

After hanging up the phone, Yen Sid called his three sons into the living room for a family meeting. During their last family meeting Yen Sid had revealed to them the giant tattoo of a red-haired mermaid that he had on his back and explained to them the cheating ways of women, so all were more than wary when called in. "Boys," Yen Sid said sternly once they had appeared to him. "I hope you know your bra size."

The three boys—who had spent the afternoon bashing each other in the head with q-tip shaped boffers, as boys of a certain age tend to do—stared at their parent or guardian with wide eyes. "But… But why?" Ven asked, looking utterly terrified. A bra? He wasn't even sure what a bra really looked like, let alone how to put one on… Or god forbid take one off! He shuddered. Sora, sensing Ven's discomfort, put a reassuring hand on his brother's shoulder. Roxas moved his head so his hair fell in front of his eyes like the sensitive and misunderstood soul he was.

"Because I have just received a job at Mt. Snolyfolks Academy for Girls. And they told me that I could get free tuition for any girls that I might have. Since I am a notoriously cheap bastard and Mt. Snolyfolks Academy for Girls is the 358th best private institution for education in the country, I automatically enrolled the three of you there. As women." Their guardian grinned. "Welcome to the world, Sorley, Roxa and Venla." The boys all stared, aghast. Sora's mouth hung open in a way that would make Mary Poppins ashamed. "Now, now, don't look at me as if I'm some horrible wizard dead-set on destroying your lives," Yen Sid said, trying to withhold the laughter. He didn't do a very good job of it; the boys could all hear the chuckles in his voice as he spoke. "This is for the good of the entire family."

Roxas took an angry step forward. "The entire family?" he asked sharply. "What a joke," he said. He pointed an accusatory finger at Yen Sid. "This will only help your pocketbook, you stingy bastard!"

Yen Sid sighed. "Yes," he said, shaking his head at his son's idiocy. At least they weren't related, so he didn't have to blame himself for the horrendously bad genetics. Still, being the boy's parental figure, he did consider himself at least partially responsible for the way that Roxas turned out. "We've already been through that, Roxas. I am notoriously cheap. Everyone knows that. Now sit down like a good lad and I'll get you all some ice cream."

Not one to ever say no to ice cream, Roxas sat down like a good lad on a nearby couch. That did not stop him, however, from sneering at his father and brothers like an irritated honey badger since they did not understand him or his unique, special snowflake needs.

"You know," Sora mused, ever the optimist. "This may not be such a bad thing!" Ven stared at his brother in admiration for his courage as Roxas glared. "I mean, we're going to be stuck in a school filled entirely with girls! How awesome is that!" Sora stretched his hand over to Roxas for a high five, but he was denied. Instead, Roxas gave a hair flip and crossed his arms over his chest. "This is a great opportunity!" Sora left out the other part of that sentence, which was to get laid.

"Glad you think so," Yen Sid remarked, his smile growing sinister. "Because school starts in three days. We need to move, get you all an entirely new wardrobe and mentally prepared to be female in that time. So…" He broke out into a full grin. "You will not sleep or rest until after your first day of school!" He began to cackle an evil laugh that would any villain's in the Kingdom Hearts franchise.

The boys stared in terror as Yen Sid whisked them away to go clothes shopping without the aforementioned promise of ice cream and with all the promises of bras.

…

Continued in Chapter One: Sorley