Title : Carter's Boys

Summary: my view of how Sam, Jack, Teal'c and Daniel say goodbye to each other during a last "team night", between saison 8 and 9

Story notes:

Small references to : Meridian, Grace, Heroes, Threads

This is my very first fic! That's the reason i'm a little shy about publishing it... Reviews are welcomed! Even bad ones as long as it's contructive...

I'm french, and english isn't my first language (dictionary is my new best friend!). It's why I really really want to thanks Akamaimom, who beta read it. Now, I'm not ashamed of posting it!

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone or anything. No copyright infringement is intended.

O'Malley's. 22h15

I'm dancing with my CO.

I am dancing with Jack O'Neill. What's more, it's a slow dance. This is so not like us that I feel just a little giddy. This is even making me blush, but maybe alcohol is partly responsible…

Some could think that the last few weeks have brought us closer to each other, enough so that we would be comfortable dancing like that. Truth is, this isn't the first time.

Almost two years ago, we were also at O'Malley's. Same people : Daniel, Teal'c, the colonel (now general), me, and Janet. Thinking of her is no longer the sharp pain it used to be. It's a more diffused sorrow, and now I can remember good memories without reliving the time of her death.

It was supposed to be a team night. Steaks, and maybe an action movie at the Colonel's. But for once, I had invited Janet to join us. The night had been like no other. A mix between a usual team get-together, and one of our girl's nights out. A funny, brazen evening with my best friends. We didn't watch a movie : we did drink, dance, and laugh. A lot.

It was just before the Prometheus incident. A time where I wasn't really looking for more than what I had : great job, great friends, great fantasies about my C.O. Nothing more, and I thought then that it was enough.

Then, I got this stupid concussion, these hallucinations, and it was enough to make me think I wanted more: a life. A normal life with an easy relationship with a good guy. Enough to make me believe that maybe –maybe- I didn't love my C.O. for the right reason. That my feelings were an excuse to not go on with my life. "A normal life": what a fool idea. Today, I'm spitting on normalcy.

But right now, in the arms of this man, I really don't want to think about my mistakes. Pete, my cancelled wedding… No Sammy! Don't go there…

Better get back to that wonderful evening with the team and Janet.

After dinner, she'd ordered Tequila. It wasn't unusual for us, but with the boys, it was always beer, beer and beer…

For the fourth time I licked the salt on my hand, emptying my glass, and biting into a slice of lime, under the amazed, amused, and maybe even aroused gazes of my three men. I so love thinking about them as mine when I'm tipsy. Four drinks, and I was dancing with Janet. Those men were too much of chickens to invite us, or even accept our invitations. I remember vividly that it was a rock song. I also very well remember feeling warm, and flushed seeing that our sensual way of dancing made them a little uncomfortable. Not only Jack. Daniel had an eager look on his face…

Then, we were going back to our table, and Janet, not afraid of embarrassing me, said to them, "I bet you haven't really meet Sam before. She's not exactly the same as Major Carter!"

When I heard Jack asking her to tell him more about "Sam", I took Daniel's hand, and dragged him by force on the dance floor. I wanted to run from my C.O., both because I didn't want to hear Janet's answer, and because I wanted them to feel free to say whatever they wanted about me.

I remember damn well the song (Stay by Williams Maurice &The Zodiacs), because I've always loved this one, but also because I discovered this night that Daniel was a fine dancer. I also was, and we kind of made a show of it.

The next song was slow, and suddenly, Janet was here with Jack, asking me to trade partners.

Here is the whole story of how I ended up for the first time dancing a slow dance with my C.O.

I had felt so shy! So very very shy—as if I were a teen, again. At first we held each other at arm's length, but oh so very soon, we closed the distance. Eyes closed, one hand caressing the short hair at his nape, the other on his shoulder, head in the hollow of his neck. My cheek was turning red, my heart was pounding faster, my hands were quivering slightly.

THIS is a good memory. One I will treasure forever. Not only the slow dance, but the whole evening. I was happy, I was myself, I loved, and I was loved. And most of all, I was sharing more great time with my friends in one night than I had in one year.

"What the world needs now is love, sweet love
It's the only thing that there's just too little of
What the world needs now is love, sweet love,
No not just for some but for everyone"

Here, dancing to the same sweet slow song, thinking about what has happened between then and now – Janet's death, me screwing up my relationship with Jack, dad's death just three weeks ago – I start crying. Not really because of regrets, or that I'm sad, but because I realize it's time to take what I want before it's too late. I might not have another chance.

I lift my head. He seems a bit dazed by my tears, and he gives me a questioning look. "What are the tears for?" say his eyes. But of course, Jack being Jack, he has to try to be smart, and he asks me :

"Is that the song, or me stepping too much on your feet?"

I chuckle, put my hands on his cheeks, and, on my tiptoes, I kiss him.

This really isn't like I was imagining our first kiss (I used to do that a lot, and being so close to him during the past weeks, I knew this was coming) in the middle of so much people, with Teal'c and Daniel watching us.

And I was imagining a passionate "Iwantyounaked" kiss. But the one I give him is just a sweet peck on his mouth. I can tell he wasn't waiting for it either, but soon, he's responding, his tongue caressing my lips. I open them, so the kiss deepens. Oh boy! Weak knees. Tickles travel up my spine. Arousal. Tingles of fear. A joyful cocktail of emotions. Funny what years of frustration can do.

Too soon, he moves back from my embrace, and with his thumb, he wipes away my tears. I can't hold back a shy smile. He smiles back, and it's so rare that he really show a true smile that I'm starting to cry again. What a mess I am! I chuckle and drop my head so he won't see me. Then he kisses my temple, and I suddenly feel as if I had been carrying a burden for the past weeks—hell, the past years—that his kiss made disappear. I feel light, and wonderfully free.

He puts a lock of hair behind my hear, then places his hands on my hips, urging me to his body.

"It's me, or it's very hot here?" I say, because I need to break the silence.

"Must be this strange blue cocktail you've drunk… Look." He motions at Daniel, sitting at our table, smiling from ear to ear, and motioning to us to come back. "Space monkey…" Jack murmurs.

I take his hand, and get back to our friends. Daniel is pointing at me. "You kissed him!" What a child! He's a bit drunk, of course, but thank God he's not talking about any of us in-depth. Well, not yet…

I bent over the table, and give him a peck on the cheek. Then, I do the same to Teal'c. I make sure the kisses are wet and noisy. I hope it will shut his mouth.

Daniel is still looking straight at me, in shock. "You kissed him!"

"And I'm planning to do a lot more if he brings me home with him tonight". Oops! Did I say that out loud? They're so petrified.

"Oh boy!" I sigh. "My boys" I add in a whisper. Now they're all looking at me as if I'd gone nuts. I got all their attention.

"I never knew if you heard me or not at the time—" I must have blanked for a moment, cause Daniel asks me, "What are you talking about Sam?"

I take a big breath, then sit next to Jack. "When you were dying"

"Which time?" asks Jack, with that tone.

I don't bother to answer.

"I didn't know if you were able to listen. I told you that you have the power to change people. That you changed me." He's blushing now. "I also told you that I don't know why we wait to tell people how we really feel. When it's too late…"

Everyone is looking at his feet. Including me. Why is it so hard to talk about feelings?

"Well tonight is probably our last team night. As in SG-1, I mean. And don't tell me you're not in SG-1 anymore!" I warn Jack, before I continue : "On the dance floor, I was thinking of that night here at O'Malley with you and Janet."

I look at each of them, to be sure they know what I'm talking about. They do.

"I was thinking how I would give anything to be able to tell her how I loved her. How she changed me. How I crave for one more night out with her. And then I was telling myself that even if I can't tell her anymore, it's not too late to tell the people who are everything to me… I know it doesn't sound like me, but I really need to tell you."

They've never been so attentive to me. Their ears and hearts are all open. It's not really a surprise since I just told them they're everything to me.

I can't stop myself from feeling silly. Telling things like that is a girly thing a lieutenant colonel should not do. Well, to hell with the Air Force!

"I love you boys". Maybe I just killed them? They're all blushing now. Well, maybe not T, but I can see in his eyes, in his softening feature, that he's touched. "I love each one of you in a different way, of course." I smile wildly at Jack. "You all helped me to gain self-esteem. You've all helped me at some time. Saved my life as much as my soul. Help me go through the hell we've been through." I pause for a second. "You're like my family, more and more since dad's gone."

I drop my head and exhale. I can't believe I told them everything. And for someone who doesn't love to speak about feelings, I don't seem to be able to stop now. It's as if what prevented me to do it before had been wash away with this invisible burden.

"I… You even reconciling me with men, I guess…"

That brings a reaction. Daniel, of course, always the one questioning everything. "How's that?"

Then Jack interrupts. "You had sort of a feminist chip on your shoulder when we met, but "reconciling"? I always thought it was a thing about being a woman in the USAF."

"Well yes, plus growing up with a constantly angry brother, and a military, cold, and depressed father was a bad start. Then, a few bad relationships. Hanson…"

I don't want to go there. I don't want that to be a part of my evening. They're all looking at each other, a bit uncomfortable with my speech. As I'm not used to speaking like this, they're not used to hearing it… Verbalizing feelings, admitting things… They're all dodging my gaze.

Silence. Long and heavy silence. If it continues much longer, I will start to regret telling them.

To my astonishment, Jack breaks it. "You know I don't speak much. Except to blather." He's looking at his hands, playing with a napkin. "Maybe I could be serious for once?"

Whoo! THIS is unexpected.

"You've been filling in a void in my life since…" He doesn't follow. He can't. How many beers have helped him just to say those words? A lot, I can guess. His throat seems to tighten. He is unconsciously ripping his napkin up.

Again, silence. A bit uncomfortable, but mostly emotive. Will T and Daniel make a declaration too? I wouldn't make a bet about T.

Daniel clears his throat.

"You are my favorite Tau'ri, that's for sure." Teal'c says.

Who knew this evening would have held so many surprises for me?

Daniel clears his throat, again.

"So, I guess I have to conclude this love fest?" Seems like Daniel doesn't have a choice but to speak after even Teal'c did. "I don't want the team to split up. I want you guys to promise me that we will remind friends, no matter what, and that we will see each other again. The four of us, together, I mean." He seems unsure about his words. He looks like he wants to tell everything in a hurry so that it will be over. "Oh. I love you all. In the same brotherish way, of course." He grins at me.

Then, to prevent another awkward silence, he adds : "Pool?"

"YUP" we answer. And we all get up quickly.

This was strange, I tell myself walking to the pool table, and there's a chance we're going to be a bit uncomfortable around each other for a time. But maybe it was necessary. I know for sure it's going to help me deal with the split. T going to Dakara, Daniel to Atlantis, Jack to D.C., and me to Area 51.

And as we start the game (me with Daniel, and Jack with Teal'c, as usual), I think that despite the bad days that have been, and the sure bad days to come, I could not be more happy to be me, and to be around my boys.