AN: This is a songfic based on the song How to Save a Life by the fray, takes place after skin deep. This will be a one-shot for now but could develop into more later.

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters or the song that I got this idea from.

Hope you enjoy, let me know what you think.

He stood gazing out the window and watched as the rain fell steadily outside. The skies were a dark steely grey, which matched his mood. He was momentarily at peace watching the rain wash away all of the dust and dirt from the outside world, making it clean and beautiful once again. Sometimes he wished the rain could wash away his own problems, and his pain, and make him whole again just as it renewed the earth. Lost in his thoughts he was unaware that she was standing at his office door watching him, silently observing as he hung his head and gripped his right thigh with his hand. He had finished solving a particularly difficult case earlier in the day and by now the high he had gained from solving the puzzle was wearing off and his pills were doing little to dull the roar of pain emanating from his thigh. He had come to her earlier that day requesting a morphine injection, but she had given him a placebo instead. She recalled the hurt look that had come over his face when she had informed him that he had been given a placebo. What she hadn't realized was that House had lied to her. He had not wanted her to know how bad the pain was so he had lead her to believe that the injection had worked for a while when in fact it had only worked for about half an hour, which he accounted to his mind wanting it to work. So he had limped dejectedly out of her office and gone back to his own, feeling betrayed. But Cuddy had been concerned and had come to see how if he was alright, watching him now, seeing that he was obviously in pain she knew that it was time she talked to him, so she slowly entered the office.

Step one you say we need to talk

"How's your patient doing?" she asked softly

He turned, startled by her sudden appearance and quickly tried to disguise the pain that showed through his eyes. She caught a small glimpse of it, however, before he was able to push it away and it only added to her concern for him.

"She's doing good," he said grabbing his jacket and putting it on, "Should be able to go home in a few days. I'm assuming your not here because you find me irresistible, so what do you want?"

She noticed that his movements were stiff and pained. "House, we need to talk."

"No you need to talk, I need to go home." He picked up his cane and began to move around his desk to leave.

"Sit down, House, it's just a talk," she said more firmly, stepping in front of him to block his passage. He looked at her for a few moments, his deep blue eyes starring into hers. He was about to retort with one of his sarcastic remarks but stopped himself when he saw the pleading, almost desperate look etched on her features. So he gave a slow nod and slowly sank back into his chair.

"Fine then, let's talk." He stared up at her with the closest look of polite attentiveness that she had ever seen from him.

"How many pills have you taken today?"

"Wow you sure don't waste time with small talk; I thought your opinion was that this was all in my head? So why do you care what I do to relieve my imaginary pain?"

"Weather it's in your head or not, I don't want to see you over dose on pills. And believe it or not I don't get any pleasure from seeing you in constant agony; I just want to help you."

"Yeah well I don't need your help, it was your help in the first place that got me into this mess. Besides it's kind of hard to accept help from someone who doesn't believe you have a problem in the first place."

Cuddy was taken back by his comment. She had always secretly blamed herself for what had happened with his leg, she had gone over it again and again in the past few years wondering if there was anything she could have done differently, and she knew that he placed some of the blame on her although he had never said anything about it. But for him to think she didn't believe he had a pain problem was a bit of a shock to her. She was probably the only one who truly believed that most of his pain was physical; she had been there after all. And she had tried to be there for him in the past few years, giving him a job to allow him to move on with his life and helping him with his pain. But most importantly she had been there for him when he didn't know she was there, watching from the background and protecting him. She had observed how he dealt with his pain and had cleaned up innumerable legal messes that seemed to follow him like a shadow. So she was slightly hurt at the thought that he did not trust her enough to accept her assistance. She looked back at him with a look of disappointment and sadness in her eyes.

"I'm sorry you feel that way House. But while I do think some of your pain is psychological I also know that there is a physical component to it, and I've always kept an eye on you. I know that your pain has been increasing lately, I just don't want you to think that there's no where to turn for help. I want to be here for you."

"Oh how would you know weather my pain is worse or not? The only time you have anything to do with me is when you're trying to get me to work in the clinic, or when you're preventing me from doing my job. Besides I have my pills, they help with my pain and they don't judge me."

Cuddy began to feel the anger well up inside her, here she was offering her help and telling him that she believed him and she was pushing her away, the way he pushed all help away. She decided it was time to stop protecting him and let him know how she felt, how she hated being continuously pushed away.

Lay down a list of what is wrong

The things you told him all along

And pray to god he hears you.

"Come on, House, your being childish. This is just like you, things get bad and you can't deal with them so you shut out the world. You push away everyone who tries to help you, and you can't blame that on the pain, that's you being miserable plain and simple." She paused for a moment then threw her hands up and let her anger at his attitude pore through her next words. "You know what? You're right I can't know how much your pain increases but I'll tell you what I do know. You can't control the pain with the pills alone, and if you continue to push everyone away you will end up alone. I'm here right now for you, Wilson's here for you, and we want to help you to have a better quality of life but in order for us to do that you need to trust that we want to help. Once you push us away who will you have left House?"

She saw the anger flare in his deep blue eyes now and he stood slamming his hand down hard on his desk, making her jump.

"Maybe I don't need anyone; maybe I want to be alone. You can't force your help on someone who doesn't want it," He yelled at her, "all of you ignore me when I come to you for help, you tell me the pain is all in my head. Then when I try to deal with it on my own you suddenly decide it's time to pity me and interfere with my personal life!"

He gripped at his thigh again grimacing as a ripple of pain went through the damaged muscle and sat down again. It took all of her control to stop herself from going to him

It was then that she realized that the person she had known throughout college and before the infarction was gone. Her friend was gone; he had been replaced with this miserable sarcastic and bitter person who was afraid to trust anyone.

Where did I go wrong I lost a friend

Somewhere along in the bitterness

So she lowered her voice and spoke to him in a soft factual tone.

"Look House, I told you I believe you, and if you don't want my help, then no I can't force it on you. But you can't sit there and tell me you don't have a pain problem while when you can barely stand because of it. So I'll tell you what, if you don't want my help fine. I won't give you any, you can continue on until you self destruct for all I care. But if you decide you actually want to be a reasonable human being, you know where to find me."

He will do one of two things

He will admit to everything

Or he'll say he's just not the same

And you'll begin to wonder why you came

He looked up at her, annoyed that she was seeing him this vulnerable, and she stood there patiently awaiting his reply. After a few moments of silence she shook her head at him in disappointment and slowly turned to exit the office. He hesitated, not wanting to open up to her, not wanting her to see how vulnerable he was. But at the same time he desperately wanted to have some one to turn to, someone he could trust.

"Cuddy, I'm not the same person I was." He said in softer tones so that she had to turn around to get conformation that she had actually heard him.

"I can't trust people the way I used to," he continued, "trust left me missing half of my thigh. I do want your help, but I can't imagine what you could do that I haven't already tried."

She walked back over to his desk and gently placed her hand on his shoulder, compassion flowing through her next words.

"I'm not sure what the answer is either House, but I'm willing to try. I know it's hard for you but you can trust me. I've gone over things a hundred times in my head, and if I'd have know how things would have turned out," she paused looking into his eyes once again, looking for his understanding, "well, I don't know that I would have done things the same. I'd like to say I would have tried to find a better solution. But you can't change the past, so hopefully you'll let me help you make the present a little more bearable."

He nodded slowly. "Would you mind giving me a ride home? I didn't bring my bike today. Probably for the best, wouldn't be able to handle it properly anyways."

"Alright, I'll take you home and make sure you're comfortable. Then we can talk about other pain management options tomorrow ok?"

He nodded and stood shakily, it seemed that his earlier angry outburst had cost him more energy than he had. She walked close to him, ready to assist if he needed it but not interfering until he asked. Once he had got settled in the passenger seat he closed his eyes and rubbed his hand over the damaged muscle the whole way to his apartment.

"Is it that bad?" Cuddy asked stopping on the street in front of his door. He nodded in response and slowly climbed out of her car. He stood there waiting for her to come around and when she did he hesitantly met her gaze.

"I don't know if I can make it," he said softly.

So she went to his left side and let him lean against her as she helped him into his apartment.

"Bed or couch?" she asked when they had entered the apartment.

"Couch is closer."

After she helped him get settled she sat on the coffee table and watched him for a few minuets as he continued to grimace in pain. She let a few more moments pass until she was unable to watch him anymore, then she reached into her coat pocket and pulled out a syringe filled with morphine, it was the one he had asked for earlier. She had brought it with her in case he needed it, hoping of course that she wouldn't.

"What's that?" He asked, eyeing the syringe suspiciously.

"Morphine, the dose you asked me for earlier. I told you I want to help."

"Ok," he said and allowed her to administer it. Then he waited until he felt the drug course through his body and relaxed, he was asleep within minuets. Cuddy got up to leave but then changed her mind, she had left him last time he needed help, and she didn't want to repeat the same mistake. She wanted to be here incase he needed her, which she would have done last time had she known how things would have turned out. So she settled herself on the chair and watched him until she fell asleep.

And I would have stayed up with you all night

Had I known How to Save a Life.