Author's Note: YxS, Yaoi

[Thanks to all those who even spared this creation of mine a glance. Loved every review guys!]

[A revamp was in order when I was rereading. Fixed up the mistakes that thankfully no one caught.]

Warning: I didn't realize that there is a spoiler in here until I read it again for the fifth time or so. There references to the anime/manga. I apologize for possibly ruining things when I didn't mention it last time.

Confrontation

            I wandered aimlessly around the empty apartment taking in the bare surroundings. I stepped onto the balcony into the cool evening breeze while Yuki and the agent were talking quietly in the living room on prices and such things. We were currently apartment hunting and this was the first place that the agent had found for us—three bedrooms, two bathrooms, living room, kitchen, balcony, and plenty of closets. It was even located close to NG studios and only a few blocks from our old apartment.

            Why were we looking for a new place in the first place? Apparently, we did not heed the warnings the apartment complex committee had given about sinfully loud noises from the apartment and inappropriate behavior in the public areas of the complex. And so we were given our notice of eviction. We now had two weeks to move out before they came and kicked us out.

            The evening view of the city from the balcony was pretty similar to that of our old one and it made me feel slightly better about moving. I was so lost in my own thoughts until two arms wrapped around me from behind and pulled me against a hard chest. I leaned into his embrace and sighed, I was going to miss our old home. It held so many memories that I cherished. Yet there were still so many things that have not been resolved since his return from New York nearly a year ago. It has been better with him though. We're spending time just talking and listening to each other. I've learned a lot more since, but there are still so many issues that made me confused and hurt at times.

            I was interrupted from my musings again when he whispered softly, "What do you think of the apartment?"

            This was a surprise. I wasn't expecting him to ask me that. Yuki hardly bothered with my opinion. I still wasn't even sure if we were going to be living together because he never mentioned it. I did not want to assume things sometimes because if I did, he'd call me a baka and I'd just embarrass myself. Actually, I was more afraid to get my hopes up only to have them broken with a few cruel words. He turned me to face him when I didn't respond to his question, asking me silently with his eyes what was wrong.

            I was such a wimp. I couldn't even bring myself to ask him outright if I was moving with him! Argh… I was so frustrated with myself I missed the concerned look he was giving me.

            He lifted my chin so that he could look directly into my eyes. There was a mysterious air in his eyes, but by his facial expression, I could tell he was trying to encourage me to just say what was bottled up. I needed the confirmation. I needed to know if I was important enough to him that he'd take me where ever he'd go. I rested my head against his chest, and asked quietly, "Yuki… Am I going to be living with you when you move?"

            Shock registered in his face as his golden eyes widened and lips parted in stun. Shaking out of his momentary stump, he sighed and pulled me snug against his lean form before answering with incisive confidence, "Of course." His voice tightened while his body stiffened. "Were you thinking of moving out?"

            I shook my head vigorously and clutched him in a death grip with my own arms while feeling him relax against me once again. Kami-sama, how good it felt to know we weren't going to be separated. The tension I'd felt since we got the notice of eviction seemed to have dissipated with his slightly possessive affirmation.

            The silence that followed was a comfortable one until he broke it and asked, "Why did you think you weren't?"

            I debated on playing stupid and maybe distracting him with a kiss or two but I knew it was one of those moments where he was not going to be swayed by my mischievous antics. So I decided I was going to bring the question on my mind for the past couple of months to the forefront and brave his reaction. I swallowed my nervousness, broke away from the embrace that I loved, standing closer to the rail of the balcony and told him, "Because I don't know where I stand with you. I know you like me well enough. I mean why else would you put up with me, ne?" Tense laughter sounded from dry lips.

            In my mind I vaguely thought about how this was not the place to discuss this but I pushed back the thought and pushed myself forward, "You've been back for almost a year. We're still living together. We're still sleeping with each other. Hell, I even managed to move in on your bedroom," I pointed out while poking him in the chest stressing that last statement.

            Now that I've started, I really couldn't seem to stop my tirade. A floodgate had burst and I had no strength to withhold it. In my mind, this confrontation was much delayed and despite that we could be interrupted by the agent at any time, it didn't stop me from finishing. I was lost, distressed, and uncertain. Living with doubt and insecurity is the worst feeling ever. They were gnawing at my insides like an incessant prickling. It truly was a cold and bitter hell of not knowing.

            "But all that doesn't tell me what I am to you. For all I know, you could just up and leave and… and…" I couldn't go on. My voice caught in my throat; my chest constricted at the memory and I felt tears stream down my cheeks as I struggled to get myself together as the beginnings of a sob escaped from my hold. The wound from that stunt you pulled was still so raw inside me.

            I sometimes still feel the pain that shot through my heart digging at every tender vessel it harbored when I had come home to find him missing just like before. It doesn't matter that he could be back in a few minutes. It doesn't matter that he probably just went out to a store to get cigarettes, alcohol, or both because I threw them out the night before. It doesn't matter because in my mind I can only remember the distraught that wracked through my frame I felt when he disappeared last year.

             When the sobs managed to subsided, I brokenly continued to explain. "I'm not demanding undying love. I'm not even demanding 'love.' I know you need time to come to terms with that concept. I know you are still adjusting to the realization that you are a lovable creature regardless of what you'd like to believe. I do. I really do. It's just…"

            I was having trouble with completing the sentence that I realized I needed to breathe before my vision blacked out and lost consciousness. Taking slow deep breaths to calm myself, I resumed my little speech. "It's just hurts so much when I just don't know. I want you tell me that you won't abandon me, or that you won't make yourself 'disappear' when something bad gets thrown our way. I just want to know who I am to you. I don't want to live on assumptions anymore."

            My shoulders sagged and I sighed from the intensity of my confession. Right now, I needed to be alone to just relax. My voice was barely above a whisper by now, "Just…" I took a deep breath and released it, "Yuki, just think about it."

            When he didn't respond, I begged desperately and took his hand in mine, "Please."

            I heard the voice of the agent flutter through the house and looked once more pleadingly at Yuki before I answered his call revealing our location. He was still standing there with blank eyes, not reacting to any of what I said. As I stepped away, he caught my hand and gave me a small nod. A weak smile made its way to my lips, "I'll be at home waiting for you." And into the apartment I went, leaving him to stand alone with his own ponderings as I thought on the word. Home. Did I even have one with Yuki? I shook my head and freed myself from another nightmarish word.

            I have to believe I was more than an easy fuck. I had to believe in him. I did believe in him.

            That was why I was going home to wait for him. Because Yuki was going to tell me I was important.

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-- To Be Continued. [Is this making any sense to any one? I feel like I'm contradicting myself with certain things.]

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