Author's Notes –

I know this isn't normal, but I just want to get all of these notes out of the way at one shot. It saves posting it at the beginning or end of every chapter.

Expect updates about every other week.

Of course, I don't own any of the characters or the song that served as inspiration. That should go without saying.

** Everything from here on out in this note may be a 'spoiler' for someone who doesn't read the manga as it comes out or someone who doesn't want any more hints about this story than the summary provides. **

I began writing this quite a while ago and before I read all of the manga, so disregard anything after chapter 417 just to be safe... or maybe not. If you follow the manga, you know what I mean.

I don't so much like the idea of posting this before I've got it completely written, but in light of what's going on right now in the manga, I don't want to put it off any longer.

If you notice things that don't exactly mesh with the manga, it's mostly intentional. I operate under the assumption that we only see what the characters want us to see. Almost as though in any story the character tells their story to the author and then we see the author's interpretation of it.

A note on Rin, in respect to this story: I wish we really knew what happened to her, but for the sake of this, I needed it to be something that would impact Kakashi. I do not like taking liberties with the past, so I'm a bit uncomfortable with it. On the other hand, I don't mind speculating over the future or the 'neglected scenes'.

As far as conversations between Tsunade and Kakashi: they might sound like they have a personal undertone to them. This is intentional. Tsunade knows that Kakashi is one of the best shinobi she has. As with any boss who appreciates and respects an employee who is nearly invaluable, she does her best to keep him happy while trying to not overreact when he does or says something out of line.

There are references to flower meanings in this story. I didn't make them up, I looked them up: some are Japanese; some are Victorian. Please don't ask me for a source; I found them months ago and I don't remember where that was anymore.

A few of the characters (especially Kakashi) may seem out of character. It didn't seem right to keep them completely in character. Events change people and I felt that needed to be illustrated.

Loosely inspired by Blue October's "Amazing," specifically the first verse and chorus.

How am I supposed to breathe?
I try to relax. I touch your still frame
So I can watch you closer
And study the ways I believe I belong to you

(to you. I'm sorry)
I scratch at your waist line, your doll hair
I dig up the thought of how your eyes glow
So I make you my religion, my collision, my escape goat
So have I found your secret weak spot, baby?

[Chorus]
Can you pretend I'm amazing
I can pretend I'm amazing...
Instead of what we both know

Instead of what we both know
I cut to the punch line baby

Can we pretend I'm amazing
Instead of what we both know

And now our history is for sale
And for that I apologize
You see you're my only know how
The study of when I believed I belonged to you

(to you)
You see I've made you into something more delicious,
My sweet ghost
So have I found your secret weak spot, baby?

[Chorus]

(I'm so sorry. There it goes. Back over there.)

TUESDAY – EMERGENCY

It was a warm Tuesday afternoon in the middle of autumn. The hospital was buzzing with activity, and with recent events it was no wonder.

He was pacing outside of an ICU room, where he had been for well over three hours. The blinds were tightly drawn; only the frantic mummers of Tsunade, Shizune, and their assistants gave any indication of what was going on behind the door. Despite his condition, he'd found that sitting was not an option. He leaned heavily on a crutch as he continued to try to wear a groove in the white tile.

He caught sight of his reflection in the window to the room. The visible parts of his face looked haggard: like an old man's. The weariness and pain that showed on his features would have been accentuated by his silver hair, had it not been matted with blood.

He looked closer to seventy than his actual thirty-three. Truth be known, at the time, he felt it too. The bleeding had subsided from where he had plucked nine senbon from his left arm and shoulder, leaving an assortment of crusty, bloody splotches on his shirt. His half-healed left leg throbbed, probably because of the distance he had traveled on it, and he still felt a bit lightheaded from giving blood. He clenched his hands into fists in an effort to keep the hallway from spinning. This set of off a terrible chain reaction. First he felt the searing pain of the broken bones trying to work their way up through the skin on the back of his right hand. That caused him to sharply suck in a deep breath. In turn, that breath made him double over in agony as his lungs strained against several broken ribs. He steadied himself by propping his head against the wall, trying to will his breathing back into a pace that didn't cause excruciating pain. Resting his head against the wall pulled at the partially healed cuts on his face.

A comforting warmth spread around his ribcage. It could only come from one thing: a medic's chakra. "How many times to I have to tell you damn people?" he snarled. "Don't touch me. Go help her!" He spun himself around on his crutch and good leg and found himself face to face with a very serious looking Shizune. He panicked, wondering what had happened. In his moment of pain, he hadn't heard her leave the ICU.

"Tsunade is not happy with you," she said, trying again to work on his ribs.

He batted her hands away; wincing again as his broken hand came in contact with her wrist. "I'm fine. Go help her."

"Tsunade is just finishing up in there; getting her cleaned up. Sakura will be fine in a week or so. The other medics told us just how 'fine' you are. It's bad enough that you refused to let anyone treat you or even clean you up, but to insist on giving blood…"

"She's going to be okay?" he demanded, as the first part of Shizune's rant caught up with him.

"She spent most of her chakra and lost a lot of blood. We took out a total of twenty-seven senbon, two were poisoned but it was rather weak and she seemed to have sealed the poison out herself before she passed out. She had a couple internal injuries from the others though, and over a dozen broken bones, mostly in her hands. It looked like she took a pretty good knock to the head too; broke her nose and split her one eyebrow open. My guess is that she fell over after passing out. It might take a while, but Tsunade is confident that she'll make a full recovery. Now let's get you into a room and fixed up."

"I'm not going anywhere until I see her."

"Fine," she pointed at a chair beside the door into Sakura's room. "Sit!"

He looked at her slightly angrily through his exposed eye, but complied, lowering himself into the chair and stared at the door.

Shizune removed the makeshift splint and placed a hand on either side of his leg and began to finish the healing that Sakura had started in the field. He knew that he had re-broken most of what she had managed to heal. Shizune wanted to berate him for aggravating the injury, but the circumstances made her stay quiet. She did not speak to him again until she had finished knitting the compound fracture above his ankle and then only to ask, "Where next?"

He didn't look away from the door as he held out his shattered hand. She worked at his hand diligently until the door opened. He tried to stand to address Tsunade, but Shizune yanked him back into the chair by his wrist.

"How is she?"

Tsunade ignored his question. "What are you doing in the hall? You should be in a bed."

"How is she?" he demanded again.

"I'm sure that Shizune told you that she'll recover. Now we're going to have someone finish healing you as soon as I get you in a room."

"No," his voice held no anger, just a flat refusal.

"No?!"

"I want to see her."

"And I want to know what went wrong out there, but first thing is first. She's on the road to recovery and you need to be too. Now let's get you a bed!"

"I'm going no further from her than I am right now," there was a fierce edge to his voice that neither of the women understood, but it was enough that even Tsunade didn't risk questioning it.

"Kakashi, what the hell happened out there?"

"You sent me. You know what I was doing."

"I sent you after one little rogue. What happened to you? And just how did Sakura end up in the middle of it? She was supposed to be in the garden along the outer wall picking herbs."

He drew a deep breath, wincing again. "Let me in to see her, then I'll talk to you."

"Talk to me. Then I'll fix you ribs. Then you can go in."

"Open the blinds so I can at least see her."

"What's gotten into you?"

"I just need to see for myself that she's really alright. There was so much blood, and even knowing that it wasn't all hers…"

"Fine. Shizune, clear this area." Tsunade snapped. She walked into Sakura's room and opened the blinds just enough for Kakashi to see in.

The sight of her was both a comfort and a cause for worry. The monitor above the bed and the shallow rise and fall of her chest proved that she was still alive. There were no visible wounds in the skin of her face or her arms. That should have filled him with relief, but instead he studied her further. She looked like a ghost of herself. Her eyes appeared sunken and the dark circles under them stood out against her paler-than-usual skin. Even her long hair seemed to have faded, from a vibrant pink to a soft pastel. Her eyes were closed and her jaw hung slack. Her arms lay limp at her sides

The usually emotionless shinobi had to bite his lip beneath his mask to keep himself in check. He slowly closed his eye and nodded his head to Tsunade, who closed the blind.

Shizune set back to work on his hand as Tsunade returned to the hallway. He remained seated in the chair, Tsunade stood at his feet and Shizune took up a position between him and Sakura's door when she finished.

"Let's have it." Tsunade insisted coldly.

"I need to know something first."

"I don't appreciate your stalling," she warned angrily.

"I'm not stalling. How many cells are in a person's body?"

"Approximately one hundred trillion… but I don't see…"

"How much chakra does it take to rupture one?" he asked.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Just answer the question, better yet, show me," he insisted, holding out his newly healed hand. "Destroy about a hundred cells on the palm of my hand."

"I…"

"This has everything to do with what happened. I need answers, just like you do."

She looked at Shizune, who simply shrugged her shoulders, so Tsunade complied with his request.

He felt the small amount of force that she put into the task and then examined the damage. His exposed eye narrowed in thought as he calculated and then widened in awe. "Damn," he whispered.

"I'm done fooling around," the Hokage's temper was getting the better of her as her patience wore thin. "Explanation. Now!" she demanded.

"Alright. I was about six kilometers northwest of the city. Pakkun had caught the trail of the rogue. He told me as soon as he came across the new scent, but it was too late. Three jumped me."

Tsunade held up a hand. "Three?"

"Yes. Three."

"You should have said something sooner. Only two bodies were found."

"I know," he said in a much calmer tone than Tsunade seemed to think the situation warranted.

"Then we've got a dangerous criminal very near the city. I need to…"

"No," he cut her off. She began to argue, but he held up a hand. "Let me finish."

Tsunade looked perplexed but motioned for him to continue.

"Three jumped me. I didn't recognize them."

"Where were they from?" Shizune asked, jotting down notes on a little tablet.

"They were dressed as civilians, but were A-Class at least. One may have exceeded S-Class. They were very skilled with taijutsu. The most troubling thing was that genjutsu didn't seem to have much affect on them, if any. One was slighter than the other two, who looked like thugs. I did what I could. The smaller one fell back for the most part, but I think he must have been holding my chakra in check somehow. The two thugs pretty much beat me in to submission. I knew I was too weak to do it, but I activated the Mangekyo Sharingan. The two thugs fell back, but the third wasn't phased."

"Not phased by the Mangekyo?" Tsunade sounded worried. Shizune was at a total loss for words.

"Not at all," he verified. "After that things are a little fuzzy. I spent too much chakra and collapsed. The skinny guy was sitting on my chest explaining exactly what they were after… working toward it when sheshowed up. Pakkun had disappeared somewhere in the melee. When I get in a scrape like that, he's trained to get out of the way. He's not trained to find the nearest medic, but that must have been what he did.

"She flew into a fury like I've never seen out of anyone but Naruto or perhaps you." Tsunade gave him a warning look, which he completely ignored. "After what you showed me just now… I didn't know that she had that much chakra. She tackled the one who had me and knelt beside him, holding him to the ground one handed. She drew chakra into her other hand, almost like she was going to heal him, but the color was off. It seemed like he was forcing a chakra out of his entire body, like he was trying to throw her off of him or stop her attack or maybe heal whatever damage she was causing. I think she meant to slit him open, but when she passed her hand from his head down his body, something happened. He just… disintegrated… exploded… I… I don't know. There was this horrible sound, sort of like a thick piece of metal being torn in half. I'd never heard anything like it. There was nothing left but bloody scraps of cloth and shards of bone. I don't think there was a piece of him bigger than my thumb. So much blood. I don't think I've ever seen so much blood." He shuddered. "She didn't know it would happen. She couldn't have. She looked terrified."

Tsunade and Shizune exchanged a look and stood there with their mouths agape. Neither one of them had ever seen a reaction like this from Kakashi: he was emotional; it made them as much curious as they were concerned. He paid them no mind, just continued. "As soon as she turned back to me, she was all business. She sealed up my worst injury, enough that the bleeding stopped but I'm sure it still doesn't look good, and then she turned her attention to my ankle. She did what she could, but then the two thugs came back. She was… like a machine."

"After using that much chakra, she was still able to begin healing you and take them both down?" Shizune asked, slightly awed.

He shook his head, "She took one down, but as she was finishing him off with her kunai the other snuck up behind her. I managed to get a shuriken through his throat. I'm pretty sure that she knew he was there, and I'm not entirely sure that she couldn't have taken him out as well. She was almost drained when she turned her attention back to me. She knew she was too low on chakra to keep healing my leg. She apologized over and over for that as she tried to make a splint from strips off of her dress and a couple limbs. Then the senbon came raining down. I only caught a couple in the shoulder because the attack came from behind her and her body partially shielded mine. It was the rogue that you sent me after. I saw him in the brush over her shoulder, but he left us both for dead. When she turned to look in the direction of the attack, I saw the light green glow around one in her arm and one in her shoulder and she collapsed. That's how I knew she had been poisoned. I honestly don't know how I got her to the gate, but you know the rest from there." He tried to stand.

"Why did they attack you?" Tsunade asked, making a mental note to send ANBU after the rogue, a witness wouldn't do in this situation. She pushed Kakashi back into the chair. "I'm assuming that you weren't just in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"I had something valuable. Something that would fetch an astounding price on the black market if the right person acquired it."

"What?" Shizune asked. Tsunade looked like she already knew.

He didn't answer, just peeled off his hitai-ate. The freshly scabbed cuts around his Sharingan eye were pronounced. The old vertical wound had been re-opened and in addition he'd been cut from the corner of his eye to nearly his temple. "They wanted Obito's eye," he strained the words out. "It wasn't just my life that she saved. The skinny guy was a medic. He planned to leave me for dead, not kill me, but I'm pretty sure that his thugs or the rogue wouldn't have had much trouble finishing me off in the state he was going to leave me in."

Tsunade looked at the ground, unsure of how to react to the information that he had given. A lot of questions remained unanswered, but she was fairly sure that she had gotten all of the information from Kakashi that she would for tonight. She looked him over, taking in his filthy clothes and the way that blood had matted his silver hair. Still, he was far from being as much of a mess as Sakura had been. It looked like she had been dunked in a vat of red. Tsunade had been pretty sure that it was not all his and Sakura's blood that had covered the pair when they appeared at the hospital, his story backed up her suspicions. "Get yourself cleaned up and go ahead in. I know I'm not going to talk you out of being there, but I don't want her waking up to see you all blood-splattered either. We'll deal with your ribs once you get settled in. And if I have any further questions or if I ask you to leave for a little while, I expect no arguments out of you. Are we clear?" He nodded. "I'm going to dispatch a squad of ANBU to take care of this rogue. He has become a much bigger threat than before. Shizune, have someone get him a comfortable chair and a blanket."

Shizune gave a small bow and disappeared. Kakashi walked toward the restroom that was adjacent to the waiting area to clean up.

Washing his hair in the small sink was a challenge that was made no easier by his broken ribs. He had almost finished scrubbing his forearms when a soft knock came at the door. He opened it to find Ino holding a large paper bag.

"Lady Tsunade says that you are much too filthy to be in an ICU room," she explained, thrusting the package into his hands.

He nodded, closed the door, and opened the bag, which contained a few towels and a rather questionable change of clothes. He did his best to ignore the pain as he changed. Being dressed in scrub pants and an oversized t-shirt proved awkward at best as he was used to hiding a lot more of himself beneath his clothing. He took comfort in the fact that they gave him more than a hospital gown, not that it would have really mattered at that point, but he didn't want to have to perform a genjutsu on everyone he met between the restroom and Sakura's door. He managed to salvage his mask and hitai-ate by washing them in the sink and pressing them dry between two towels.

All told, it took Kakashi about fifteen minutes to clean up. His hair was still mostly wet and his feet were bare, but he paid little mind to either as he walked quickly back to Sakura's door. He paused for a moment and then walked in. An armchair had been placed near Sakura's bed. A blanket and pillow sat on a small ottoman in front of the chair. He sat his bag of bloodstained clothes in the windowsill, then quietly moved the chair and ottoman to within inches of her bed and sat down.

He drew a ragged breath as he studied her. The pain of his ribs was more apparent now that he was able to relax a little bit. He brushed his fingertips over the back of her hand and continued up her arm. The medics had done well. There was no trace of the punctures from the senbon. They had cleaned her up as well: she had been dyed red after dispatching the first of his attackers, but now her pale skin was spotless. There wasn't even any blood beneath her fingernails. His fingers traveled back down her arm, one extending to move over the bumps of her ribs and down the curve of her waist. He knew this movement brought no comfort to her in her unconscious state, but touching her warm skin and feeling her ribs move as she breathed helped his mind cement the fact that she had, indeed, lived through the ordeal. His gaze held on her face, as he reached up to tuck her long hair behind her ears, the way that she wore it. Her eyes remained shut, not shining green, as they should have. 'In due time,' he reminded himself, as he returned to tracing small circles on the back of her hand.

Even knowing what he did about her training and her chakra control, it was hard to believe that the frail-looking, pink-haired woman on the bed had acted as his savior. Surely he would have done the same for her, but that she would attempt to go up against a foe that even he couldn't defeat, it was not reasonable. Did she honestly think that she had a chance? Had Pakkun seen a weakness that she could exploit? Had it all been chakra, or was there another force involved?

It didn't matter now. She had saved his life, Obito's eye, and in a way she had saved him from the nature of who he was. Obito's eye was a part of him, but having it made other's see that such a thing was possible. It had made him a better ninja than he ever could have been otherwise, just as knowing Obito had changed who he was as a person for the better. And here lie another, willing to sacrifice herself for his sake, and yet, she had lived. In some small way he had saved her, and in saving her he felt partially redeemed. It was almost as though it lessened his role in the fates of those who he couldn't save. In some way, she had given him a great gift. He would not leave her. Nothing bad would ever befall her so long as he was around.

The sound of someone in the doorway softly clearing her throat drew his attention. Tsunade stood there, leaning against the doorframe. He fleetingly wondered how long she had been there, as he turned his attention back to Sakura.

"Kakashi," Tsunade said in the softest voice he'd ever heard her use, "Come stand with your hands against the wall so I can fix your ribs."

He hesitated.

"She's not going anywhere," she reminded him in a slightly firmer tone, as she stepped into the room and closed the door.

"For how long?" he asked, as he stood.

"For as much as she depleted her chakra, we'll be keeping her sedated for about another thirty hours. You could go home tonight, take a shower, get into your own clothes, maybe even eat some real food," she said hopefully.

He shook his head. "Not yet. I'm not leaving her yet," he said protectively, as he braced himself against the wall.

"It will probably be about four days until she's strong enough to get out of here," Tsunade spoke as she worked on his ribs. "After that, I won't want her using any chakra until we figure out what happened out there and make sure that it didn't mess up anything that we aren't able to see yet. I'll put Hinata or Ino with her full time for a while, until we get that sorted out.

"Me," he said softly, with a slightly demanding undertone to his voice.

"I beg your pardon?"

"I want the assignment, if she doesn't mind."

"Is there something that you're not telling me, Kakashi?"

He shook his head slowly, wondering just what she was getting at. "She saved me. She threw herself in the middle of one of the worst situations that I've ever been in, and you've probably read my files, or at least heard enough rumors to have an idea of how bad it had to have been for me say that. She had to know that she couldn't save me; that she wouldn't survive: but she did. I owe her… I owe her so much…everything," his usual stoic nature was completely gone. He choked on his words.

"This isn't like you," she observed softly, and then shifted back into a medical professional. "You might still be a little tender, but your ribs are back in order. Let me finish what she started with your eye."

"No."

"No?"

"I want that scar," as soon as the words slipped out of his mouth, he knew how crazy it sounded, but thankfully she didn't call him on it.

"Of course you do," she said nonchalantly. "Get some sleep. You're running on fumes and adrenaline now. It's not good for you. I'll have them bring you a meal tonight, but I am going to insist that you at least go home and change before we wake her up. Honestly: you look ridiculous." With that she disappeared from the room.

He barely touched the meal that was brought in for him and he did not sleep that night, just studied her as she lay there. He never moved from the chair. The thought of fishing his book from the paper bag in the window didn't even cross his mind. The moment that she came to his rescue, Sakura had become exponentially more important than his books, than his missions, than his village, than anything that he had held dear. He would walk through fire for her now.

In Hokage Tower, Tsunade and Shizune's efforts had turned to going through old scrolls and books. "There's nothing documented like this," Tsunade said, exasperated.

"Did you check the Nara's medical book?"

"Twice," she verified, pouring herself a glass of sake. As and afterthought, she poured Shizune one too. "Send correspondence to the other hospitals. Ask if they've ever had an incident like this, but be vague. Tomorrow I'm going to attempt to replicate this on a smaller scale."

Uncharacteristically, Shizune sipped at the drink that she was offered. "From what Kakashi told us it might just have been a reaction between her chakra and that of the other medic."

"Then we'll have to establish whether or not she is able to turn someone's chakra network against them. Either way tomorrow is going to be a long day. I'm going to have to convince Kakashi to leave for a little while. I have a feeling that he's going to be a problem."

Shizune nodded. "Do you have any idea what's up with him?"

"I really don't know. He's always been so aloof. I'm not really sure what to make of it."

"Maybe it's happened before. We could check his records."

Tsunade gave her a smirk. "I've seen his records."

"Do you remember anything from them?"

"I said I'd seen them. Not that I've read them. But if you want to; be my guest."