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If men get woodies, does Edward get a stony?
Twilight vampires can literally 'get their rocks off.'
If Edward takes a really hot bath and rubs Bella's shoulders or feet, would that be called a "hot rock massage"?
Viagra warning for vampires: If erection lasts longer than 3-4 decades, seek professional help.
If vampires are essentially unchanging, and strong emotions can alter them permanently, no wonder Edward is afraid of getting his first hard-on. (see priapism reference above)
Consider... in order to, uh, deflate the boner-that-can't-end, the doctor sticks a big needle in your cock to drain it. For a Twilight vampire, would they need to use a rock drill? Would it leave a hole like when a geologist takes a core-sample??
For that matter.... do their doctors have degrees in geology??
That brings up another question. Do you need a background in geology or art if you were the personal trainer of a vampire wanting "chisled abs."
If a vampire thought their nose was too big, or their chin too sharp, could they use emery stone to smooth it? Or a rock blanket? "Loose weight while you rest."
What would you call a plastic surgeon whose clientelle are vampires wanting sculpted features? It's not plastic. Would he also be a mason or an artist, or both?
Do vampires avoid vacationing in certain parts of Africa and Asia where diamond mining is done? Instead of burning a vampire once you tear them to pieces, could you throw the pieces into separate rock tumblers, polish them, then send the bits to diamond cutters?