Disappointments and Circumstances
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: Jack/Ianto, OCs: Future Torchwood 3 team
Spoilers: Not really, but post TW series 2 and DW series 4
Disclaimer: I don't own Jack and Ianto (heavy sigh), I'm pretty sure they own each other. I do know the BBC and RTD owns all things Torchwood.
Summary: Jack and Ianto decide it's time to have a second child.
Notes: This was written as a giftfic for teachwriteslash. She asked for a fic that takes place in the 8 year interim before the end of "Time After Time". Jack and Ianto already have a child, Stephanie, that Jack gave birth to. Now it's Ianto's turn.
CHAPTER ONE
Jack strode across the roof of the highest building Cardiff. He would be amused at the irony of the situation, if he was not so worried about Ianto. It had been a long time since he stalked the roofs. He was too busy juggling between Torchwood and a family. Jack was long used to having a partner, having had 23 years with Ianto before the day the younger man gave his life to save Cardiff. After twenty-one years of being alone, Jack should have been surprised when he quickly fell back into familiar patterns of sharing life and a home with another.
He was not surprised because it was with Ianto. His Ianto, reborn, and while in every way that he could remember was the same man he fell in love with almost 50 years ago, there were some changes. For one, Ianto was now half-human/half-alien, born in Wales as Stefan Ianto Jones. He was also much younger, coming back into Jack's life when he was 21. He had memories of both lives, which made life interesting for Jack.
The biggest difference in Ianto from the man he met all those many years ago was his half-alien side was a race where males conceived and carried children as well as the females.
After five years of enjoying their second chance at life together, Jack and Ianto sat down and decided they wanted children. It was their one regret from their first life together. Even if they adopted or went the surrogate way, it would have had been nice to have children. This second time around, Ianto was young – younger than he was the first time they met. Ianto still being Ianto, even at 21, Ianto was more mature for his age, and at times more than Jack.
Shortly after, Jack had undergone tests so Olivia could determine the best way to conceive. The Torchwood medic also started to pull up whatever she was able to find on male pregnancy. There were some races on file in the Torchwood archives, and through her contact at UNIT, managed to get more information. The most surprising source of races where males give birth was from Ianto, who offered information from his father's race, the Zaithfains.
Olivia had to find a way to counteract the properties in the rain that provided Jack with a natural contraception, and shortly after she gave him the all-clear, Jack was announcing that he was pregnant. It was not an easy pregnancy, but not a rough one either. They named their baby daughter Stephanie – after her Tad. Ianto's first name was Stefan, after his father, so his family took to calling him by his middle name – Ianto. Ianto preferred to go by his middle name, but had no objections in naming his baby daughter after him.
When Stephanie was almost two, the couple decided they wanted another child. Jack thought it would be good for her to have a sibling close to her age, so they could grow up together. Ianto offered to go through pregnancy that time. He made it clear to Jack that he wanted to be the one to carry a child this time.
Ianto admitted that he had been taking contraceptives. He had to take it every six months. He told Jack that in another month or so, he should be able to conceive. Around the time, he allowed Olivia to check him out, and she confirmed that he was ready to conceive children.
That was 10 months ago, and Ianto was still not pregnant. Jack could not blame it on lack of trying. In fact, after the last few months, Jack had to admit that he started to shudder when thinking about sex. Unlike human females, there was no peak time of the month and ovulation. But after the sixth month, Ianto started to insist on sex several times a day. Normally Jack would have had no problem with it, except Ianto was so intent on getting pregnant, something was missing from the act. Something that Jack had long ago depended on the intimacy of the act with Ianto. They never had just sex, there was always more involved. Sometimes Jack could feel their souls connecting. Jack had not felt that connection in months. It was all about, to put it bluntly, Jack filling Ianto with sperm so hopefully an egg would develop and fertilize.
Earlier that morning, Olivia announced once again, that Ianto was not pregnant. Jack was not aware of it, having been out on a run with Seleny. He had gone into the archives, looking for Ianto, only to find his partner insist on them having sex right then. It would have been far from the first time, but the night before Jack started to think about what their sex life had turned into. Having an almost 3 year old didn't make it easy to have sex as much as Ianto insisted. Jack actually pushed Ianto away, telling him later.
That was when Ianto fled the Hub. Olivia prevented Jack from going after him, telling the Captain that the other man needed some time to himself. Hours later, when Ianto did not come back, Jack left Stephanie with Seleny and Olivia, while he tracked down his missing partner using the signal from Ianto's mobile.
As he quietly approached his partner, Ianto showed no sign of realizing he was no longer alone high above the city.
He cleared his throat, and waited until Ianto turned to glance behind him. His partner stood too close to the edge of the roof, and while they had their suspicions about Ianto possibly being immortal, Jack had no intention to test the theory any time soon.
Once Ianto realized Jack was behind him, he turned away and went back to his study of the city below.
"Look Ianto. I'm sorry. It's not what it seems…." Jack started.
"Save it," Ianto stated, his voice flat. "I'm being stupid to insist on trying at this point."
Jack sighed and stepped over to the edge. Carefully he sat down, his feet dangling off over the edge. "I think we're trying too hard," he said softly.
"You're getting sick of having sex with me," Ianto said. He placed his hands on his hips, still staring down at humanity below.
"That's the problem," Jack said, looking up at Ianto. "We're just having sex. Quick shags. Screwing, fucking. Filling you with sperm." Jack shrugged. "We lost our connection along the way."
Ianto remained quiet, but his gaze went from Cardiff to Jack.
"How do we know it's you anyway?" Jack asked. "For all we know, I'm shooting 51st century blanks."
Ianto shrugged slightly. "Olivia said there's no reason why I can't. When she gave us the go ahead, she meant that there should be no reason why I can't conceive. She gave me another check-up. Nothing's changed."
"Something changed," Jack said low. He took a deep breath. "I'm willing to submit to tests just to check if it is me. But before I do, you need to know something."
"What's that?"
"I miss us, Ianto," Jack admitted. "I miss how it felt to make love to you. We lost that, and… it's just not fun anymore." Jack hung his head.
He felt movement from where Ianto stood, and suddenly Ianto was sitting next to him. The other man put his arm around Jack's shoulder. "I'm sorry. I guess I got so focused on getting pregnant, I lost us."
"Olivia suggested it's possible we're just trying to hard. It happens."
"Bloody Jack Harkness," Ianto muttered. "It took you no time at all. Even after all that time. Just like everything." He rested his head against Jack's shoulder. "Maybe we should just give it up."
"Maybe," Jack agreed.
Ianto lifted his head and stared at Jack, frowning. "I believe the proper response should have been, 'No Ianto. I know this is important to you.' Not agreeing with me." He removed his arm from Jack's shoulders.
"I'm sorry. It's just. Maybe it is me. It's getting harder to be aroused. It's becoming a chore lately."
"That true?" Ianto asked.
"I'm sorry. Maybe if we take a break, reconnect, and then we can try again. It would be nice to have another baby on the way, but we do have Stephanie. We can wait a while."
"Take a break, huh? Yeah sure. Thanks Jack." He patted Jack on his shoulder and abruptly stood up. So fast that for a moment, Jack feared Ianto would go over the edge and go crashing down to the pavement far below. Then Ianto was stalking across the roof toward the access door.
Jack decided that he probably didn't handle it as well as he could have, and it would be wise to leave Ianto alone again for a while and give him a chance to cool down.
When Jack arrived at the Hub, he found out that Ianto had already left with Stephanie. Olivia was staring at him, her mouth set in a line.
"What?" Jack asked, not attempting to keep the defensive tone from his voice.
"You," Olivia simply said.
Suddenly Jack was being smacked on his arm. "OW!" he protested, lifting his other hand to the offended bicep. He turned his head to stare at Seleny with narrowed eyes. "What was that for?"
"For getting Ianto upset!" Seleny remarked heatedly. "What did you say to him, Jack?" She hit him again. Jack knew she was very upset with him when she just used his name. Normally, even on the field, Seleny would call him Uncle Jack.
For all intent and purposes, Gwen's daughter saw him as her uncle. From the time she was born, she had seen love between Jack and her mother, the type you would see from two siblings who loved and cared for each other. She had seen the same with Ianto and her mother, so when she had started to speak, she had quickly accepted that Jack and Ianto were uncles. She cried for days when Ianto had died, her tears no less than when she had lost her mother. When Stefan had returned to the Hub with them, and regained his memories as Ianto, Seleny found it easy to start calling the younger man Uncle Ianto. He was her uncle, she could feel it, even if he was now much younger than she was. He acted older, had the same demeanor as she remembered from her uncle, who at times could act even older than Jack, who was at least a century and a half older than his lover.
It was easy to forget Ianto was almost 28. Except whenever he was upset enough to show his vulnerability. She remembered that was the same with Ianto before he had died. And when she saw the same vulnerability in the man who came to pick up his daughter, and was reminded of his age, Seleny knew that Jack had somehow deeply hurt him. And it pissed her off.
"OW! You're worse than your mother!" Jack complained.
"And you can be a bastard sometimes," Seleny snapped back.
Olivia folded her arms, her gaze fixed on Jack. "Agreed. What did you do to him, Captain?"
"I'm glad you remember that I'm Captain around here," Jack tried to sway the discussion with his usual attempt of levity.
"Not when it comes to Ianto," Seleny stated, hitting him again.
"Ow! Dammit, stop that! It's obvious you don't know what happened, so why assume I did something wrong?" Jack demanded.
"Because of the way he looked. When we asked him if everything was okay, he shrugged his shoulders. He gave us one word replies and left with Stephanie as quickly as he could," Olivia explained.
"He looked his age," Seleny added. "He looked younger than his age, which is only when he's really upset." Her hazel brown eyes fixed on Jack in a steely stare. "When you really hurt him. Even little Stephanie felt something wrong. You can see it by the way he hugged onto him."
Jack slapped his forehead. "Oh great. So I'll even have my daughter against me when I get home."
Seleny grabbed Jack by his arm. "When you get home, you're going to make it okay. You got that, Uncle Jack?"
"Yeah. Whatever." He rolled his eyes. "What's wrong is that Ianto can't conceive yet. How do I make that alright?" he asked.
Seleny and Olivia traded concerned looks. "It isn't easy for him, Jack," Olivia offered, softening her tone. "He really wants to have a baby, you know. He loves Stephanie so much, and loves you for bringing her into your lives. And he wants to return the favor. Even though all males on his father's world are born with the ability to become pregnant, when a man offers himself to bring a child into the world, it's the ultimate expression of love to his partner. There is nothing higher to show how much someone is a part of their life and wants it to be so. So when you had Stephanie, you offered him that expression. He knows where he stands with you. How you feel about him, even over everything you've done since he came back to you. Even over all the years of affirming love you shared the first time around. He just wants to do the same to you, Jack. He may be your Ianto in so many ways, but he still has his father's culture from this lifetime as part of his make-up. Jack, he needs to do this. Especially since you already had given him Stephanie. Do you understand?"
Jack took a deep breath. "Yeah, I do. I didn't think." He shook his head. "God, I really screwed this up."
"What did you tell him, Jack?" Seleny insisted.
Jack shrugged. "Look, you have to understand my side of things here. It isn't easy for me, watching his disappointment every week Olivia tells him he's not pregnant. From what I understand with his race, the telltale signs of pregnancy doesn't appear until the third or fourth month. Not like the rest of us humans who can start feeling things sometimes even in the third week, and if not, then sometime at the offset of the pregnancy." He gave a soft smile. "I was pretty sure I was pregnant about two weeks in, even if I waited until I thought I was about a month to confirm it."
"Which is why he comes in every week, insisting on a pregnancy test," Olivia commented.
"Correct."
"So?" Seleny pushed.
"Dammit, Seleny!" Jack blew up. "You are your mother's daughter, you know that? I told Ianto that lately sex was turning me off, that I was finding it harder to get aroused under the conditions that he insists on us having sex. Okay? Are you happy? Did you want to hear that from your uncle?"
Seleny looked stricken, but not in the way Jack expected. Olivia immediately straightened her stance and went into professional mode. "Jack, I'm sorry," Seleny said. "I think I understand where you're coming from." She gave Jack a crooked smile. "But I know you, and tact is not one of your best suits."
Olivia nodded in agreement. "And Ianto, in his emotional state, most likely took it the wrong way. Jack, you basically told Ianto you don't want to have sex with him. Bad enough coming from someone you love. But you also told him that you want to stop trying."
Jack sighed heavily again, studying the tips of his boots. "I did," he said low, remembering what he had said to Ianto on the roof. "I told him I needed a break."
"Did you explain what a break means?" Seleny insisted, but her tone was softer.
Jack shook his head. "I thought he'd understand. That we should just stop trying so hard." He ran his hand through his hair, looking at Olivia. "What I told him about sex is true. I don't want to have just sex with Ianto anymore. I want to make love to him. We don't do that anymore. We haven't in months. And I've come to rely on that. A long time ago, before I first met Ianto, that didn't matter. Sex was sex and I enjoyed with. But then I fell in love with Ianto, and I needed that connection. The type when you make love with someone who is half of your soul. He's still that to me, but I don't feel it anymore. I could be a turkey baster filled with sperm for all the intent when we get together. I just thought that if we took a step back, refrained from sex for a little while, tried to find each other again, and then start making love."
"To Ianto, that's still going to mean you're giving up on him getting pregnant. It's an insult to himself as your partner, and a huge disappointment in himself. It could ruin your relationship with him."
"Don't get me wrong. I want another child. I would love for him to give us the second child, but not now. It's not the same anymore. I need to stop feeling like a frickin' walking sperm bank before I can make love to him again," Jack confessed.
Olivia looked at her lover, her professional mask on her lovely face. "Sel, I'm going to sit Jack down and speak to him a little before we let him go and patch things up at home. I sense some patient/doctor confidence here."
"Yup," Seleny agreed. "I'll be in the workroom, seeing what else I can get Uncle Jack's wrist strap to do." She lifted Jack's hand and removed the worn brown leather strap. "I think we should see about replacing the leather sometime soon. How long have you had this?"
"Counting time underground?" Jack asked.
"Answer enough," Seleny stated. She leaned up to her tiptoes to kiss Jack on his cheek. "Give me a shout when you're leaving. And good luck, Uncle Jack."
Jack hugged his niece to him and kissed her forehead. "Thank you, sweetheart."
She pulled away and walked across the Hub to the archway leading to what she had turned into her workroom because she felt her desk was not enough for her bigger projects, and preferring to leave it for her immediate projects concerning the Rift and cases they were looking into.
Olivia put her arm around Jack's waist. "Come along, Jack. Now with your niece out of earshot, I hope you'll feel comfortable to talk freely and at more depth on what's going on."
"Sure. I'll try. I didn't want to hurt Ianto. But Livvy, I'm getting hurt too."
"I know, Jack. That's why we'll talk and see how we can turn this around. Which hopefully eventually also turn the main problem around."
"While we're at it, do you think you can give me an exam? Before I blew it, I did promise Ianto I'd get checked out and see if maybe it's me that's preventing him from getting pregnant."
"I can do that while we talk." She lead Jack through the Hub to another archway which lead to a long hallway. Near the end of the hall was the medical facilities for the living, and next to that was her office where she could offer confidential discussions without kicking Jack out of his own office.
Jack followed her, hoping in his heart that she could help him. He had a new pain other than his own. He hurt Ianto, and he could not deal with that very well.