Tony's Torment Tony had his arm around Peter's youthful shoulders. "You are going to be a true hero and avenger someday," Tony uttered with a smirk. This caused Peter to smirk, then blush. Tony clenched his arm around Peter, holding him close in a deep embrace. Tony could feel Peter's warm blush against his breast. "Urrrhhh", Tony groaned. Peter pushed Tony away. "Mr. Stark, I'm uncomfortable." Hearing this only provoked Tony to push himself on to Peter even more. Peter forgot to wear his web-shooters, and he knew that something had to be done. He began muttering something under his breath, but Tony couldn't quite make it out. Finally, he made the bold statement, "Shrek is love, Shrek is life." With this said, Shrek bursted through the window of the Parker's Queens Apartment, making a scene. He grabbed Iron Man and clenched him close to his face. Shrek then hollered, "YOU'RE IN MY SWAMP NOW LADDEH! YOUR RELATIONS WITH THIS CHILD ARE OGRE!" The scent of onion on his breath combined with the saliva spewing from his mouth caused Tony to vomit. Tony pressed a button on his shirt and his iron man costume formed over his body. "That's it, Shrek. You are getting a one way ticket to the compound!" Yelled Tony with pure emotion in his voice. He began blasting pulse blasts at Shrek, But Shrek shook it off with ease. "Keep going Tony, you're only making Shrek's Willy Harder!" Tony couldn't hold Shrek back any more, and his green member pierced right through Tony's robotic suit and into his prostate. Tony began to scream, which only further inspired Shrek. Shrek then turned Tony over on his back and ripped the stiches of his chest open, revealing the whole in his heart from many years ago. Shrek lifted Tony off the ground into a tombstone position and thrusted his Johnson into the whole with a fury as he shoved an onion up his rectum. Tony screamed for his life more as Shrek's second head repeatedly poked him right in the heart. Tony could sense that Shrek was about to finish, so he knew that he only had one hope. "That's…. it…. I gotta call him… JEAN SHORTS!" With the yell of this cryptic command came a certain man who had lead chain gangs and gotten a college degree in thuganomics. This same man had a wide grin on his face as he slid into the room, took his hat off, and threw it right in Shrek's face. The smack of the hat triggered Shrek, and he quickly dropped Tony right on top of Peter. Shrek charged Cena, and he ducked Shrek's swing. Cena then took his shirt off and threw it in Shrek's eyes, blinding the ogre. Shrek stumbled around the room until he stepped on Peter's vintage hand shark action figure and tripped right on to John's shoulders. Mr. Cena then took a couple of steps with the gigantic ogre on his shoulders and AA'd him right out Peter's 3rd story window. Tony looked up, a broken and battered man, knowing that he had Cena to thank for his life. Just then, Aunt May walked in the room and saw the chaos. Just as she got a peak at Mr. Cena, he started shaking his hand in front of his face. "He uttered the words "you can't see me", and then slowly disappeared in thin air. While the hysteria certainly ruined all of Tony's chances of getting it in with Mrs. Parker, Tony was just pleased that Cena spared his life. Only one trace was left of Cena's presence from that fateful day, a carving that he etched into the wall, reading "the champ was here."