PLEASE READ:
Alright, first off, I'm super nervous about posting this for all to see. I'm not proud of my writing, and will probably pull a Tolkien and go back and edit chapters months after I post them. No guarantee on when new chapters will be coming out, only know that I won't become those authors who quit in the middle.

This is my take on The Boosh, from years before series 1 to far past series 3. Be warned now, it is a tragedy, since I'm literally incapable of writing happy endings /sob. It's not quite Howince. It is, but it's not. It's also very parental!Howard, although he does a shit job most of the time. There's really no way to describe their dynamic, so I'll just let the fic speak for itself.

The main purpose of this fic is to make the reader go back and examine the actual show in a new light. It's going to be the "real" way things happened, through Howard's eyes. The places and locations in this story are very loosely based on real places in Europe and the world.

This fic makes references to the TV series, the live tours, radio series, as well as the Mighty Book of Boosh. But you don't have to be fluent in Booshdom like I am (obsessed nerd) to enjoy the many references. So please, enjoy the show.

Title: Damon and Pythias
Pairing: there's no word for what they are
Summary: The 'reality' behind The Mighty Boosh.
Disclaimer: Thankfully for their own health, I don't own them.

Chapter 1

Howard Moon couldn't tell you what life was like before Vince Noir, which is strange considering he'd been nearly two decades old when he first saw the boy. It's almost as if his life was one of those old silent films, and Vince had been the introduction of color and sound that Howard never realised he was missing.
After the mutual, clean divorce between his parents, Howard and his mother moved down to the south of London, to a pleasant little town just outside a district Howard had never heard of, Mitcham or something.
The area itself was peaceful, with nice weather and friendly neighbors. However, it was located near a much more shady stretch of London, riddled with rape and murder. Occasional gun fights could be heard in the dead of night, when Howard would sit awake in his room, strumming away on his guitar or absently scribbling musical notes onto a wrinkled notepad. The thugs and cockneys usually kept to their slums, but occasionally there would be the report of a break-in or street mugging in the quaint little neighborhood.
Another unfortunate aspect of this new town that Howard had found himself dragged to was the school. There was only the one, separated into two buildings, and let's just say that it was a few steps down from Howard's previous school. Trading uniforms and proper speech for cockney spawn and on-campus police officers. Howard was just thankful this was to be his final year. Years 7 to 11 were rounded together into one solitary building, and the smaller building directly across the street was the primary school.

"Sooooo," Isabella Moon sang lightly as she stood in the doorway to Howard's new bedroom, watching her son remove clothing from various boxes and hang them neatly in the small closet. "Are you excited about next week?"
She was talking about the beginning of the school year, which caused a pit to develop in Howard's stomach at the mere mention of. He most certainly was not excited. If Howard could have his wish, it'd be to go back to Leeds and spend his final year at his old school. Funny, how just a few years ago he'd have given anything for a fresh start; to just up and leave and have a chance to become a new, different person. Now that the opportunity was laid before him, Howard wanted terribly to press the 'back' button.
Realising that his mother was awaiting a reply, Howard muttered out a feeble "yeah" for her benefit. He could tell she didn't buy it. Howard was closer to his mother than any other person in his life, which honestly wasn't saying much, as Howard kept a very arm's length approach to anyone, even family. You could say he'd learned from the best. His mother had no surviving family members, while on his father's side there were not only numerous uncles but grandparents as well. All of which had the same approach to anyone and everyone, especially family.
Howard heard his mother sigh from behind him and, after lingering quietly for another minute, leave down the hall to tend to her own bedroom. He felt guilty for being so withdrawn from her; she was the only one he ever opened up and talked to. It wasn't the divorce that caused this low mood in Howard. He'd seen that coming long before either of his parents. It was the move, decided so suddenly by his mother. After breaking the news to him she had asked very gently if he would prefer to live with his father and remain in his home town. And Howard knew before the words had completely left her lips that his answer was no. As much as he loved Leeds, there was no way Howard wanted to come home every day to a quiet house containing only his silent father, watching documentaries and re-reading the same books from over ten years ago.
This didn't make Howard any more willing to go to this new school. And it certainly didn't make him accept that he'd be in this new town for at least a year.

Howard walked down the street with what he hoped was an air of confidant indifference. Inside he was jittering with nerves. It also didn't help that it was pouring rain, and because of this he'd had to spend nearly fifteen minutes searching for his misplaced umbrella, making him surely late to his first day to this new, admittedly frightening school.
Reaching the corner of the block, next to the elementary, Howard quickly glanced up and down the street, beginning to walk hastily across when he saw no oncoming vehicles. That's when he saw him.
At the time he had assumed it was a little girl, due to the bright pink jacket that stood out starkly against the grey haze of downpour, practically swallowing the small form so that all Howard could see of the child was her jean-clad legs and thick mop of short, dark blonde hair. The girl quickly disappeared into the front doors of the primary school, and Howard was momentarily relieved that he wasn't the only one who'd be tardy, before the thought slipped quickly into the back of his mind by the fright of almost being hit by a car.
Needless to say, Howard was frazzled and jumpy throughout the day; from the first stern look his teacher gave him to the shoulder bumps in the crowded halls and the awkward isolation of lunch period.

"Soooo," Howard's mother had been beginning sentences with that drawn-out word for a while now. "How was your first day? Did you make any friends?"
Howard marveled at the ability parents seemed to possess to make their children feel like pants-wetting little tots, no matter how old they were.
"It was fine."
"Just fine? Ah well, it's only the first day. I'm sure you'll find some friends; maybe a nice young lady?"
"Mom, please."
Howard rose from the table and set his empty plate in the sink. There was no way he was sticking around to hear his mother give him "girl advice". Not after the mortifying last time.
Every day that Howard came home from school his mother would practically dog him with the same questions. And he couldn't really fault her for it. Even in Leeds he'd only had a small number of people he'd even speak to, and no one that he considered an actual friend. There had been a few playdates set up by his mother when he was very young. But those stopped around the time he was seven, when every child invited over wound up bored because all Howard wanted to do was either read or have intense discussions on music.
Still, it was getting tiresome.

The next time he saw the kid was over three weeks later. The only reason he even remembered her was because of her giant pink jacket covering her small body. He was walking home when he turned a corner and caught sight of the child, crouched on the pavement and examining a crumpled banknote in her grasp. Pocketing her lucky find, the little girl stood and turned to look up at Howard. She- er, no, he. He? Howard wasn't so sure anymore. The kid was quite puny, his slight frame making Howard guess that she had to be about five or six.
A long silence stretched between them, Howard unsure as to why he had stopped walking. Hands in his pockets, he shifted uncertainly from one foot to the other. As he did he noticed how the child's eyes followed his movements. No; tracked them more like. Howard puzzled silently over the odd tenseness in the boy (he was almost sure it was a boy), and then realised with a jolt that the kid was afraid of him.
'He thinks I want that dirty old note.'
Startled by this thought, Howard instantly felt a sense of shame, even though he truly had no intention of attacking the child. He couldn't help but feel too large, too tall against this petit child now regarding Howard with a wary stance. He leaned slightly away from Howard, as if gearing himself up to flee, when Howard began to slowly remove his hands from his pockets. Howard deliberately raised his hands, watching the confusion play across the kid's face.
'Say something, you idiot.'
"Um, hi. I'm Howard Moon. Uh, pleased to meet you." Howard stumbled over his words, too loud and heavy in the glass-like silence. The child seemed to ease slightly at his stutterings, no longer watching Howard's body motions, blue eyes now meeting his own brown. A small, "hi" was all that was offered in return, and the kid was off, scampering across the street. And without even looking both ways first! Howard wanted to call out to the boy, lecture him on traffic safety. Ask what his name was. But Howard merely clacked his teeth together and continued on his trek home.