Caught
Tim McGee is no prude, but some things should just remain private.
Tim McGee slowly exited the elevator and tiptoed to the lab doors. He had waited patiently until all of his colleagues had gone home for the night. Gibbs was the last one out about a half hour ago, and Tim had given him the excuse that he was updating software, which, technically, was not a lie.
No sign of Abby, no sign of any tripwires, traps or triggers. He slowly opened the lab door, waiting to determine if any alarms had been tripped. Nothing and then still nothing after ten minutes. He figured he was safe to enter. He crept slowly to Abby's computer, not knowing if the computer itself was somehow rigged to detect intrusion. Tim had purposely used a black light filter on his flashlight, just in case Abby had a photocell trip.
So far, so good. Now all he had to do was get the USB device between the keyboard cord and the computer port. Abby would never notice until she started typing and the letters were messed up. She had this coming, especially since her latest prank on Tim had manifested when Tim was trying to show key information to Director Vance. Tim had used his usual shortcut toggle key (a custom app that he had written) to display the files on the plasma. Instead of the expected documents, a large hippo yawning and then belching had appeared on the screen. At first, Tim had blamed Tony, especially when Tony nearly fell over laughing when the hippo showed up. Ziva had also nearly collapsed in a fit of laughter, and Tim figured the two of them had teamed up on him, AGAIN.
When Gibbs had head-slapped both DiNozzo and David, they vehemently denied culpability. Even the Director's glare didn't get any different story from the pair. While Tim was trying to override the app that put the hippo on the screen, he had found the imbedded code in a picture that had been sent to him by Abby. He had spoken up quickly, trying to get Tony and Ziva off the hook with both Gibbs and Vance. It wasn't until he had shown Vance the code that he was believed.
Tony and Ziva had been extra nice to him for the rest of the day, and had even brought him lunch and dessert when they went out at lunch time. Ziva had offered to do Tim's paperwork, and Tony had signed off on all of his reports without even a glance for errors.
Tim was just about to pull the cable connected to the USB port when he heard the elevator doors open and footsteps outside the lab door. He quickly ducked into Abby's storage closet and killed the flashlight. He pulled the door mostly to, and listened for the lab door to open.
He heard Tony first, whispering to someone, "It's in her desk. I've seen her stash of tea for Ducky, so we can get you any flavor you want." He heard Tony and whoever was with him enter Abby's office and he saw the telltale orb of light from a flashlight.
Tony spoke again, above a whisper, but not normal speaking loudness, "See, I told you it was in there."
Tim strained to see who was with Tony, listening and trying to see in the dark room. He suddenly heard a giggle that sure sounded like Ziva. He saw the flashlight glow move and then heard what sounded like moans. The flashlight was suddenly aimed upward as if it had been stood on end on Abby's desk. He could hear Tony and Ziva whispering to each other, but couldn't make out what they were saying. He glanced at the shadow of the pair, and wished he hadn't.
Oh, good god, why had he come sneaking into the lab tonight? What bad mojo or karma had decided he needed to be witness to THIS? He tried not to listen, wanting nothing more than to be able to creep out of the lab undetected and let the two have their privacy. He knew he was not going to have any option but to stay in the closet until they left, or show himself and let them know he had overheard all.
The shadows moved again, and Tim could see the pair undressing each other. He could hear their breaths coming in gasps and low moans from the office area. He tried to shut out the sounds, but jeez, they were loud about it.
When Ziva started moaning and talking, Tim put his hands over his ears. "Oh, god, oh, Tony, oh, yesssss, oh, there, oh, oh…" He could still hear her, and Tony's moans of pleasure, even with his fingers in his ears. He made the mistake of glancing at the shadows; oh, lord, they were in Abby's chair with Ziva on top of Tony, hungrily kissing as they ground together.
Why me, why me, why me, why me, why me? Tim tried repeating it as a mantra, to drown out the sounds from the other room. Why me, why me, why me, why me?
He could hear their gasps and ragged breathing as Tony moaned, "Oh, god, Zi-va, oh…" and Ziva just about screamed, "Oh, Tony, oh god, To-ny…"
Oh thank the lord they are done, why me, why me, why me? Tim wanted nothing more than to be able to shrink through the wall to the outside and get away as quickly as possible. He heard them moving, probably getting dressed and hoped they would be gone soon.
He heard the pair walk out of Abby's office, still kissing each other.
"This was not what I planned for tonight, Zi. I want to pleasure your body all night." Tony spoke huskily.
"With my father's goofs watching both of our apartments, we could not take the chance, Tony." Ziva was also husky voiced.
"GOONS, Ziva."
"Whatever." She giggled then, and Tim peeked through the crack between the door and frame. The pair were pawing each other and kissing. Oh, please, god, don't let them have another go. Why me, why me, why me?
Tony took Ziva's hand in his and pulled her towards the lab door and elevator. "I know a place we can go away from prying eyes and it's outside. Let's go."
Tim saw Ziva press herself against Tony and rub his crotch. "Lead the way." Why me, why me, why me, why me?
Tim waited until the pair had entered the elevator, then another fifteen minutes to make sure they were gone. He moved quickly out of the lab, forgetting the USB device by Abby's computer. He took the elevator directly to the ground floor, and made a bee line for his car. It would take him at least a week to scrub the images of tonight from his brain. Why me, why me, why me?
The following morning, both Tony and Ziva were at their desks when Tim arrived. He had not slept much and was in a foul mood. Even coffee was not enough this morning; maybe Gibbs' bourbon would have wiped the images from his brain.
"Good morning, McGee," Ziva called cheerily from her desk.
"Morning," Tim mumbled back.
"What's the matter, McGoo, rough night? Or too much gaming?" Tony teased his junior agent.
"Nothing, Tony. Drop it." Tim almost snarled at Tony, wondering how much sleep he and Ziva had gotten and how they could be so cheerful at this ungodly hour.
As Tim sat down at his desk, Abby stormed off the elevator. "Someone has been playing in my lab, and Abby is not happy." Abby glared at Tim, and glanced at Tony and Ziva.
Tim noticed the pair share a look, and then quickly get back to work. Abby seemed to be focused on Tim.
"You wouldn't know anything about that now would you Timmy?" Abby was just about in his face.
"Um, no, Abby." Tim swallowed hard.
"Well, I know differently." Abby gave him a smug look and opened her hand. Tim tried not to look, but she shoved it under his face. Oh, shit, the USB device. In his hurry to leave, he must have left it by Abby's computer. Tim gulped.
"I, um, was going to, um, do an update, um, for your computer." Tim looked down at his desk, refusing to make eye contact with Abby.
"McGee, I know when you are lying." Abby reminded him. "I also know what this little device will do, since I took the liberty of checking the coding before I came up here."
Tim tried not to look up, but he saw both Tony and Ziva visibly relax that Abby seemed to be focusing on Tim. She grabbed him by the ear. He winced and stood up, following her to the elevator. He didn't have a choice as she had a firm grip in his ear.
Ziva looked at Tony and mouthed, "That was close!" Tony nodded his head and then pantomimed wiping his brow.
Downstairs, Abby opened the lab door and let go of Tim's ear. "Sorry, McGee. I had to make it look as though I was really angry with you."
Tim gave her a quizzical look, "What the?"
"Oh, Timmy. You forget who you are dealing with. I am Abby Sciuto and I know everything. Come over to my computer with me." Tim followed her to the very computer he had planned to use the device on last night.
"Let me pull up some interesting video, Tim and see what you have to say then." Abby typed on her keyboard and the video feed from the lab door came up. Tim watched himself sneak into the lab, and a second feed picked up his motion near Abby's computer. The next image showed him going into the closet to hide. In the image that followed, Tony and Ziva entered the lab. Then Abby switched the video to her office.
"Oh, god, Abby, turn it off. PLEASE. It was bad enough I had to hear it last night, I don't want to see it." Tim nearly begged Abby to end the video.
Abby smirked at him and grabbed his ear again, "Watch it or I'll tell them you were here."
Tim gulped, "Is this my punishment? I'll never, ever prank you again Abby. Scout's honor. Just, please, turn it off."
"Nope." Abby was enjoying watching Tim squirm. "I mean, yep, it's your punishment, and no, I won't turn it off."
The door to the lab opened and Gibbs entered, "Turn what off, Abs?" Abby hastily ended the video playback and put the images of the microscopic fibers from their latest case on the screen.
"Nothing, Gibbs," Abby glared at Tim. "Just getting the evidence ready to show you."