"I love your hands," Anna said thoughtfully, staring at Elsa's palms and digits. Elsa's eyes widened a bit and she looked down at the redhead resting on the couch beside her.
"What?" Elsa squeaked. Anna gave Elsa a lopsided grin.
"Your hands are so different than mine."
"How exactly is that?" Elsa asked, a bit creeped out by Anna's weirdness. Elsa was just recently relearning the personality of her sister. So far, Elsa had noted that Anna was one of the weirdest and most random person she had ever seen or heard of.
It seemed that Anna always acted on a whim. If Anna even remotely thought of doing something and it was good in her mind, then she set about doing it.
Even if the thing was making an overly big deal about something so… strange.
Of course, Elsa didn't view it as a bad thing necessarily. Whatever Anna decided to do just generally left Elsa very uncomfortable.
"Can I look at them?" Anna asked, smiling up at her.
Elsa had scarcely nodded before Anna grabbed both and examined them. She watched the younger girl with some nervousness.
"They're just so soft and smooth," Anna said, wonderstruck as she held them gently. "And white. Very white."
Elsa flinched slightly at that observation. It reminded her of extremely bad memories. Ones that toxically probed at her mind every day of her life.
Those memories were there every time she had caught a glimpse of Anna's hair during her isolation. The white streak that had seemed to glare evilly in the folds of Anna's braid.
It still existed despite the Thaw and her reunion with her sister.
Elsa was shaken suddenly from her reminiscence by Anna, who was currently picking at her fingers and looking at them. She furrowed her brows in slight concern for the younger woman who had Elsa's hand dangerously close to her eyes.
The elder of the two immediately felt the urge to jerk her hand out of Anna's grasp. The only thing holding her back was that look of fascination in her sister's eyes.
Elsa felt guilty for her sister. Anna always seemed to drink in how she looked every day and how she acted around her. It was almost as if she were getting all she could before Elsa just evaporated or returned to her isolation.
"You aren't afraid of them?" Elsa whispered, her voice barely audible.
"Psh, no. Why do you ask that?" Anna questioned, looking up at her sister with some puzzlement.
"It's just… They've done so much to you," Elsa spoke, hushed. Anna simply stared at Elsa, dumbfounded.
"Elsa, I don't blame you for doing anything. Much less to me. I really don't think you've ever done anything to me ever. I love you," Anna expressed heartfeltly. Elsa looked down at her hand in Anna's.
"What I'm about to say is probably really ridiculous-"
"No, nothing you say is ever ridiculous," Elsa interrupted with just enough force to show her opinion on the matter of Anna's self-degradation. Anna simply smiled back adoringly.
"Okay. What I'm going to say is that I was trying to convince you of how amazing your hands are because I know how much you hate them."
Somewhat stunned, Elsa stared at Anna. How could she have possibly known that?
"I couldn't help but realize that because every time you're thinking bad about your powers, you stare at your hands. To you, they're a symbol of murder and destruction. Is that about right?" Anna asked.
Elsa nodded silently, glancing at anything but the girl beside her.
"That's what I thought."
"Elsa, I need you to appreciate yourself as much as I do," Anna tried to convince her.
Elsa looked down at their entwined hands.
How could one person have such faith in her? Anna always had. Even in Elsa's darkest hours, her sister never failed to have enough confidence and trust for the both of them combined.
Elsa then moved her gaze up to Anna's loving eyes.
"I just don't understand," Elsa stated in a shaky voice.
"What don't you understand?" Anna replied warmly in a much more confident tone than Elsa's.
Elsa closed her eyes for a moment, but quickly opened them when the memories of the past thirteen years began swirling through her mind.
More prominently, however, was the memory of the incident that caused her isolation.
Elsa guiltily eyed her sister, a soft and loving smile on the latter's face. Anna knew nothing of the specific reason of their separation. What surprised Elsa was Anna's hesitance to ask. Elsa could sometimes see the impending question in her sister's eyes. The need to know why her beloved big sister left her so suddenly.
And as much as Elsa dreaded it, she knew that Anna deserved to know their past. That she deserved to know why Elsa was a danger to her.
Elsa was just afraid of what would happen to their relationship afterward. She was mostly sure that Anna would never outwardly show fear of her, but what if Anna hid her fear of Elsa on the inside after Elsa revealed to her the truth.
Nevertheless, Elsa steeled herself for what she was about to divulge to the younger woman.
"Anna… There's something I need to talk to you about," Elsa started slowly, looking away from Anna for a moment.
In response, Elsa felt Anna slightly tighten her grip on Elsa's hands.
"What is it?" Anna questioned after a few moments of silence.
"Something I should've told you a long time ago," Elsa spoke barely above a whisper.
"You've… wondered about our separation and what caused it, I'm sure," Elsa glanced up at Anna to gauge her response. She had a very curious look on her face and every bit of her countencance seemed to be begging for information.
Elsa sighed. She hated to do this to the younger girl.
"It was long ago… You were five years old and I was eight… It started out like every night- you were trying to connive me into a game by insisting that since the sky was awake, you were as well. You had asked me to build a snowman.
"I agreed easily, as was the way I did always. We went into the ballroom and at your request 'did the magic' as you used to say," Elsa paused in her story. She looked at Anna somewhat sadly. Anna's expression reflected her obvious confusion.
"But, Elsa… I didn't know you had powers until a week ago." Elsa swallowed hard and forced back the tears that were building.
It killed her that her baby sister knew nothing of the truths of their childhood. Seeing the blatant confusion on Anna's face made Elsa feel so terribly guilty that she wondered how she had lived with herself for all of those years. Anna had been deprived of the childhood she deserved simply because Elsa screwed up.
Nevertheless, Elsa forced herself to continue.
"We were playing. We made Olaf and played several of our games," Elsa looked away for a moment, knowing that she was approaching the worst part of the memory that continuously plagued her dreams and haunted her every day.
"When we played your favorite- the one where you would jump from snow pile to snow pile… It was all moving so fast. I couldn't… I couldn't catch you and in my haste, I slipped and… and, Anna, I hit your head…" Elsa felt a tear slide down her cheek and quickly wiped it away, knowing that she needed to tell Anna the remainder of the story.
"You were so still and so cold… I didn't know what to do.
"Mother and Father rushed in and you were taken to the trolls in the mountains. What I suppose was the leader of them agreed to take the magic from your head. However, to do so would require all memories of the magic to be erased…
"Your memories were altered to save you from the damage I caused," Elsa admitted heavily. "The troll then spoke a sort of prophecy that foretold there was beauty as well as danger in my powers… They would only grow and fear… fear would be my enemy.
"We returned home. Immediately Father reduced the amount of servants in the castle, closed the gates, and… I moved to my own room.
"You always had that white strip of hair… It always served as a reminder of what I had done to you and why you could never be exposed to me again. At least, until I learned to control my powers," Elsa closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths, trying to pull herself together.
"Elsa," Anna trailed off, seemingly speechless. Elsa opened her eyes to stare at the fire, but didn't dare look at her sister.
"Wow…" Elsa felt her lip tremble a bit at Anna's continued inability to say anything sensible.
She'd take any amount of tongue-lashing, hate, or really anything. She deserved it. She was an absolute monster that wasn't worthy of love.
"I can't believe it… All this time… It was my fault."
Elsa's gaze shot up to her sister's eyes, and she took her hands from Anna's steadfast grip to lay one on Anna's shoulder and the other on her face.
"It is not your fault. Don't you ever say that. It's all my fault, Anna. It's never ever been yours," Elsa emphasized with as much conviction as she could muster.
"But, Elsa, if I hadn't have moved so fast, it all never would've happened," Anna's voice trembled a bit.
"No, Anna, no. If I wouldn't have slipped, none of it would've happened. I could've easily caught you and everything would've been fine. This is my fault. Please don't ever take the blame for it, you hear me?" Elsa reassured her younger sister, feeling more tears in her eyes all the while. She looked away, trying to get a hold on her emotions.
Elsa felt a warm touch on the side of her face. Her head was turned towards Anna.
She was met with the most loving of expressions and watery teal pools of affection.
"Elsa, it's okay," Anna spoke quietly, as serious as she could be.
Those were the words that broke the dam that was Elsa's walls.
She allowed herself to selfishly cling to her younger sister, a complete sobbing mess.
Comforting words were repeatedly uttered near her ear. Tears ran down Elsa's cheeks, thirteen years' worth of pain, anguish, and sorrow spilling from the depths of her soul.
"I'm so sorry, Anna, I'm so sorry," she choked out in between shaking, loud sobs.
"It's okay, Elsa, it's okay…" Elsa's mind barely registered the soft kind words of her sister.
"I ruined your childhood, your everything. If I wouldn't have been so horrid to you and so unfeeling," Elsa hysterically bawled, feeling herself become less emotionally controlled than she had been in a long time.
"I don't deserve you, I really don't," she sobbed, her entire body shaking. "You always have deserved better than I could and ever can give you." She felt her sister's arms tighten around her trembling form.
"No," Elsa heard Anna say with more passion than she had ever heard in the younger's voice.
Elsa couldn't help but suddenly stop the tears in shock.
"You are amazing, incredible, and truly one of the most loving people I've ever met. I'm the one that doesn't deserve you," Anna insisted. "I'm sick of you belittling yourself."
Elsa quietly relaxed in Anna's strong grip, allowing her head to be supported by Anna's shoulder and her arms to encircle Anna's middle.
"I love you," Anna spoke, strength in her voice.
"I love you, too," Elsa murmured. "More than anything in the world."
Elsa moved herself back a bit to rest her forehead against Anna's. She glanced down at Anna's shoulder and noticed a rather large patch of moistness on the light blue dress.
"I'm sorry… I ruined your dress," Elsa blushed embarrassedly, wiping a bit at her red, bloodshot eyes.
Anna laughed a bit.
"It's not ruined. You should see the stuff I've done to dresses. Now if anybody knows anything about ruining stuff, it'd be me. One time I found myself face-first and dress-first in the mud all in the name of getting about eight krones off of a goose's foot," Anna grinned reminiscently. Elsa giggled a bit.
"How did it even get money on its foot?"
"I have wondered that forever! I never figured out how it happened. It was insane," Anna laughed.
"I still remember the song I sang when I finally got it, too."
"Sing it," Elsa questioned with a small smile.
"Okay. Now prepare yourself, this did come from the mind of a six year-old.
"I got a dollar,
"I got a dollar,
"I got a dollar, hey, hey, hey, hey!
"Who got the dollar?
"I got the dollar!
"I got the dollar, hey, hey, hey, hey!" Anna finished with a bashful grin and a cute blush dusting her cheeks.
Elsa laughed cheerily, the pleasant feeling bubbling in her chest. She hugged her little sister and rested her chin on top of Anna's head.
"Thank you, Anna," she finally said, trying desperately to express her gratitude in only a few words.
"For what?"
"For… having so much faith in me."
"Oh, Elsa, you don't have to thank me for that," Anna replied, hugging her sister tighter. Elsa sighed happily. "Besides, it's kinda in the job description."
"Job description? Hmm, I didn't know you were getting paid to deal with me," Elsa made an attempt at teasing.
"Well, they obviously don't know how much I enjoy my job or I'd get stuck working for free," Anna said, and Elsa could hear the grin in her voice.
"I love you, little sister," Elsa expressed warmly. She reveled in the feel of her younger sister in her arms, alive and safe.
"I love you, too."