Hello everyone! My name is Seyyan, and this is my first work for this year. Actually, I have been meaning to continue my series of vignettes (Borrow my Glasses), but I just keep losing my train of thought. In the end, I was not able to accomplish anything. Therefore, to refresh myself, I wrote this tidbit of angst, featuring Ryoma. In one end of my mind, I am hoping to make this into a three-part angst/drama vignette called, 'Love Notes' for V-day. In the other end, I am just hoping to put this up without any problems.
As always, I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS AND PLOTS FROM 'PRINCE OF TENNIS'. But this idea is mine.
Enjoy!
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Gnashing
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I hate that smile of yours. The one that says, "Back off. He's mine." I especially hate it, even though I am sure the others will not feel the same way. Why would they? After all, I am the only one you show it to, Fuji-senpai.
You, who I trusted with my vulnerable feelings. You, who knowingly and willingly betrayed my trust. You, who tauntingly flaunt your "love" right in front of my face. And to even have the gall to send me your sweetest photographs! You are unbelievable!
Look at me! I am heartbroken, but I still cannot bring myself to throw away your pictures just because he is in there. He is in there, and he is showing you his hidden faces. And I keep on wishing and hoping that I was the one in there with him, instead of you.
The one in the water park with him; I pull him towards the cute dolphins in the nearby aquarium.
The one in the zoo with him; where he shields me from the playful elephant's water spray.
The one in the university club with him; everybody teases us for being too shy in public and pushes us to kiss.
The one in the kitchen with him; he looks so bewildered trying to cook scrambled eggs, and I cannot help laughing.
The one in bed with him; his usually stern face softens after being sated, and he just embraces me in his sleep.
The one in his thoughts; his lips cannot help twitching into a smile as he thinks of us.
The one in his heart.
Senpai, do you even love him the same way I do? Are you just doing this for kicks, to get a rise out of me?
Why are you doing this to me?
Why…can't I…fight for him?
I feel so weak. Keeping up this pretense day after day is taking a lot out of me.
I do not even know what to feel anymore: angry or wretched. My eyes just feel so tired. I just want to close them all the time. The unending darkness is supposed to be calming, right?
Yet, my thoughts still dwell on him, on you. Traitorous creatures.
Ne, senpai. If I tell you that, I have given up on him, would you discard him like an old toy? If I say that I have found someone new, would you steal away that person, too?
If lying about that would make you leave him, I would do it. But, his happiness…I do not want to ruin it.
If this is the way it has to be, I would rather my heart be broken than his.
So, keep him, Fuji-senpai. Care for him. Love him. Protect his happiness. Let us just continue like this; I will be happy even with the scraps that you throw at me.
Although…my heart does feel faint…
"Maybe…death is kinder?" Whispered words echo loudly in the silence of my room. The void swallows it readily, but does not answer.
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