A Little Boy Walking Through The Graveyard
Chapter 1 And How Many More Have To Die?
God was dead.
That was the only explanation for all his prayers going unanswered.
He sat in his little black suit waiting for the funeral to begin. The other guest darted sympathetic looks at him, waiting until they had his attention giving the appropriate wordless condolences and then turning to gossip with their friends.
He began to swing his legs and look further down the church, they thought that he didn't understand. That the idea of death was beyond his intelligence. He hated that as he had seen enough death to understand it very plainly.
He scanned the crowd for his father. His father had left him twenty minutes ago saying that he would be right back. He had only been in his fathers care for three days and this had already happened eight times.
His father had brought his new wife along and she was treating it like a social event, greeting people and smiling in he best dress. Kai didn't know much about funerals but even he thought it was in bad taste that she could be dancing so openly on his mothers' grave.
His father hadn't seemed to notice. His father never noticed anything, his two year old sister was currently washing her hands in the holy water right in front of his father and still nothing.
Kai stood up and walked towards her picking her up and walking back to his seat. He would still have to look after her now he realised sadly and for a moment he wished that his father would die too. He checked that thought almost instantly , he was beginning to think that wishing people dead actually worked and he would not risk loosing anyone else.
Keiko fidgeted in his lap and turned around offering him a cute little smile and twirling a some hair around her finger. She did not know what was happening, she didn't seem to understand that they would never see their mother again. She still looked for her whenever they went anywhere and cried for her at night.
Kai felt sorry for her and hoped that in time they would forget, though he knew it would never happen. Kei's death still hurt him and that had been before Keiko was born. She was all he had left.
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Kai stood with his launcher ready under the watchful eyes of his grandfather. He wanted to impress the man, he wanted to finally beat Kei at something, anything.
He had a good strong launch for his first attempt, but Kei's was better. They fought, but Kei had won.
Their grandfather had given Kei sweets for being the winner, he told him that one day he would have him enrolled in a special school just for Beyblading if he just practised and tried as hard as he could.
He told Kai that it was a good try.
Kai hated Kei, he would always be second best as long as he was around. He wished that Kei would just die.
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Six year old Kai stood in his new black suit as his relatives passed him by. Some whispered about the death saying how hard it must be on the mother, that she should suffer such a loss at such a time. Others had said nothing and didn't make eye contact.
They were all treating him like a ghost and as much as he tried to ignore them it still hurt.
He started searching the crowd for his mother and father, though he knew that they weren't much better and that it was only painful for them to look at him.
He knew this because they had told him. They had said a lot of things when Kei had died and none of them had made him feel any better.
He saw that they were talking to the priest and began to make his way over there. But the closer he got the more he heard and soon he couldn't move at all.
"I Don't want him near me!" his mother cried angrily.
"He is your son and you will look after him." His father argued "Isn't it enough for you that you killed one of them? Do you want to kill another?"
"I did not kill him!" She screamed "If you had been home more instead of with that whore then I would have had enough time to notice that there was something wrong."
"I was working! And how hard is it to take care of two six year old boys?"
"Don't start ok just don't …I can't believe…well there is only one now and you can have him!"
The Priest spotted him. "I know that this must be very hard for you" he said trying to defuse the situation "But I must insist that you refrain from talking about the child like some unwanted pet. Please take a moment to think about the child's feelings he has just lost a part of himself."
"Father with all due respect shut up", said his father to the Priest . "This child is a monster all he does is cry and shout. He doesn't care that his brothers dead, he doesn't care about how hard we've both taken it. All he wants is attention, all the time.
"His brother was so good and quiet…what is this little shit other than annoying?"
Throughout this his mother had been agreeing. She knew that this had to be someone's fault and it was not her own. Kei had been a good boy, Kai wasn't. Kai should have died it was as simple as that.
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Kai tried not to move too much as he took the sheet of paper being offered to him. Keiko had fallen asleep and he did not wish to wake her even though both his legs had fallen asleep and he needed to go to the bathroom.
The piece of paper had a picture of his mother on it with a poem. The new wife had spent allot of time making it so that people would remember it, talking for hours with printers and choosing colours. She had used a poem by some one called Emily Dickenson to convey her hurt at loosing such a good friend off whom she'd stolen her husband and who she'd never really met.
Kai was briefly angry for what it was worth, for all the good it did.
He wondered if Emily Dickenson was related to the Mr Dickeson from TV.
'Parting is all we know of heaven, and all we need of hell.'
Hell.
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Kai walked into the dimly lit room. It was late afternoon in early July but all of the curtains had been pulled letting only streaks of light piece the darkness at intervals.
The room was stuffy and smelled slightly stale, he was holding a new Beyblade too afraid to use it in the house but not willing to put it down where it could be taken or lost.
He had called her twice already his voice echoing through the silence in the house. The thought that she might still be asleep worried him, he didn't want to have to wake her. But she was due to pick Keiko up from playgroup soon and would be even angrier if she was late again.
"Mum?" he whispered trying to make his way through the dark room and bumping into furniture as he went. "Mum?" he asked again, becoming a little frightened.
Usually she would have yelled at him by now, told him to shut up, that he was pathetic and useless. Usually he would have heard things banging as she tried to wake herself up and get ready. Usually she would have moved, coughed or even spoken by now.
It he had made her ill she would have told him and that was the only time she was really this silent. Even when unconscious she would make heavy snoring sounds that let him know she was ok.
He couldn't resist the small amount of hope that began growing in him, it started at the pit of him stomach and worked it's way up to his brain warming him as it did. He wanted her to be dead and away where she could never shout at him or his sister again.
He swallowed the thoughts and crushed them deep inside. That was wrong, he loved his mother.
That was when he found the body,
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The priest was speaking in hushed tones trying to hold the funeral party's interest by not making too many obscure bible references and not making too many mentions of what the woman was really like.
The casket was open before him and they had done a good job of changing the look on her face to one of serenity. She looked like wax dressed, of course, to the step mothers tastes, primped to look ten times more attractive then she did in life.
Kai barely recognised her and Keiko not at all.
She looked happy and content like Kei had though he had been bald and much smaller.
Death didn't seem that bad Kai had to admit, it only really seemed to hurt those that carried on living.
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It was dark in the hospital and quiet. It was much scarier there at night and Kai wished that they hadn't left him alone.
The nurse who had been taking care of him had been called away and his parents had left with one of the doctors to have what they called a 'serious adult conversation'.
Kai had observed over the last few weeks that a 'serious adult conversation' meant shouting and if that was the case he didn't want to be involved.
He had located Kei's room with no more difficulty than usual as now it was like his second home as well.
Last time Kai had seen Kei he had told him he was dying. It had made Kai laugh, he had told Kei that he was silly and that he was too young to die. That only old people died and bad people from TV.
This had been before he had heard the 'serious adult conversation' between his parents as he lay in bed pretending to be asleep.
The room was small, Kei's bed and monitors took up most of it. Kai walked up to the bed and climbed in next to his brother.
They lay face to face. It had always been strange for Kai to do that with Kei as it felt like looking in the mirror, even stranger now that Kei was so thin, pale and bald.
Kai wondered if that was what happened to everyone when they were dying…if it would happen to him.
He had asked the nurse if when Kei died he would die too. She had laughed. She had not seen Kei before he had got sick and she had not known they were twins. She had made him feel stupid and so he hadn't asked any questions again.
He fell asleep there next to Kei in his hospital bed and when he ha woken up Kei was dead.
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The eulogies were beautiful lies. Everyone was quick to say what a saint she had been and almost completely omitted the fact that she had put an end to her own life. The ugliness of suicide was not fit to be mentioned around such beautiful flowers and gorgeous oak coffins.
They had even put her in a long sleeved dress to hide the track marks on her arms and gashes across her wrists.
It fitted her well and was pinned close to her neck to hide the bruises still not faded from weeks before.
She had always been fragile.
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Glass was thrown against the wall and voices were raised. Kai was hiding under the table, he knew better than to get involved again. She was screaming and so was he. Keiko was at the neighbours place playing happy with her friend Jane. Kai wished he was out, wished he had friends. But he didn't play well with others.
He could see ankles striding around the kitchen and smashing things. They were women's ankles. They were his mothers ankles. He saw thick boots chase her sometimes tripping in the mess, sometimes treading in it.
He heard a loud thud and then his mother was lying on the ground, she still hadn't noticed him yet, but she looked distracted. Then he saw hands grasp her throat. She was making funny noises; choking and gasping , he hands grasping and her eyes rolling back into her head.
He knew that it was stupid before he even did it, but for some reason he did it anyway. He jumped up and started pulling the man who he was now expected to call his fathers hair. He bit and scratched the man until he let go of his mothers neck.
He then received his punishment happy in the knowledge that he ha saved his mothers life.
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His step mothers eulogy was a beautiful mix of Native American and Mexican funeral rights, finished off with a Russian prayer and delivered between heart raking sobs that were almost believable. She pledged to look after the children left behind as though they were her own and claimed that it was what the deceased would have wanted.
Keiko had fallen asleep again by that time and was snoring quietly by his side. Kai was trying hard to pay attention knowing for some reason that this was important but he soon found himself drifting off as well. He hadn't slept properly in days, he couldn't. He missed his old room and toys. His new house smelled funny.
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"Welcome to your new room!" his step mother shouted with false enthusiasm throwing her hands into the air. She had been showing him around his new home for nearly an hour and he wanted was to go to sleep, he had spent the entire night at the police station.
"I think we should put him straight to bed." Interjected his father pointing at his yawning son.
"Fine." she whispered "You tuck him in." She stepped away from them and leaned against the wall.
The room had been decorated in a hurry and was far too young for him with brightly coloured clown posters and mobile hanging from the ceiling.
"Lets' get you to bed." Said his Dad uncomfortably nudging him along "Want a bed time story?"
Kai shook his head, he just wanted to sleep.
Kai changed his clothes and slipped beneath the foreign covers. They were cold and they smelled funny. He could hear his father and step mother arguing quietly. Ending as his father said "For Christ's sake Nataliya his mothers just killed herself!"
"Well that just means that I'm stuck with him, not that I have to be happy about it!" she shouted slamming the door behind her.
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Kai was woken up by his step mothers hand gripping his shoulder and shaking him.
"Wake up my little angel the service is over" and then to someone else he heard her say "Poor little tyke it's all been too much for him. Well at least he has a good mother now…"
He opened his eyes and stopped. "Look dear Mrs Khasinou has offered to take you and Keiko to the wake while your father and I clean up here. You'll be a good boy won't you and look after your sister?"
Kai nodded clutching Keiko closer causing her to struggle slightly in her sleep.
"Good." She beamed giving the thumbs up to somebody across the room.
She looked at him again and then started to walk away "Bloody little shit hasn't said a word since his mother died." She complained.
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Kai sat silently at the police station. After he had found the body he hadn't screamed or cried he had just gone to the phone like he had so many times before and called the police.
"My mother is not moving." He'd said, "I think that I need an ambulance."
The police had asked his name, age and address then sorted out the rest themselves.
When they had rung the door bell he had calmly led them through the house to the body and watched as they checked her pulse and pronounced her dead.
H wasn't shocked at this and just sat there waiting for them to remember him.
They asked him where his father was he had told them that his step father was in jail. They had asked him where his father was "With his new wife." Did he have the address? "Yes I'll get it," Did he have anymore brothers and sisters? "Yes, Keiko" And where was she? "Playgroup. Shady Hills class 4B".
After that they had not asked him anything else and he had not spoken since. His father was over four hours late picking him up from the police station. He wondered what they had done to Keiko.
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He stood in the door way watching his mother. She had not talked to him since she had gotten back from the hospital. She seemed to be in a good mood, she as singing,
"Oh Kai come in." she called her voice soft and slightly drowsy. She rocked back and forth holding a bundle in her arms. "You can forgive yourself now, for killing Kei. I know you don't mean to be bad…but look."
Kai looked down at the small pink child confused. She had not shown him the baby before.
"This is Keiko. Look Kai God in all his wisdom and mercy has given Kei back to us."
Kai was frightened, they were a catholic family they did not believe in reincarnation.
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"No Keiko stop that's not how Kei would have done it, come here!" His mother chased the toddler Keiko around the room. She did not eat like Keiko, or talk like him either. She was good at none of the things that Kei was good at and even liked different things.
Keiko cried as their mother spanked her.
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Kai and Keiko sat ridged in the back of Mrs Khasinou's car frightened by the woman's erratic driving.
"They say that your grandfather is going to be at the wake, Isn't that exciting? He is a great man. A rich one too, be sure to stay on his good graces." She prattled on swerving out the way of a truck. "My nephew Boris works for him, says the man is a saint. He'll soon get you talking I'll bet."
End of Part One