Layer 13.5 - Soliloquy
a Serial Experiments Lain fanfiction
Present day, Present time.
You could say that, to some extent, I could be categorized as a lonesome person; spending the days without any need to communicate to others in reality. Through the communications network known as 'The Wired' I could connect with any people at any time, and at any place. Suddenly the world became a thriving place where people could love me, no matter what and who I am. Making friends never had been so easy; I barely had the courage to talk with the person sitting beside me while I'm at school, but now...I could talk to anyone inside The Wired as they were my best friends or even as close as a family member.
We kept our vices and secrets we did together, and we could disclose about our darkest natures without anyone trying to judge us because we're not thinking the stuff that others deem to be a right thing. Was there really such thing as the right way? Wasn't it just a conspiracy perpetrated by those clinging on to supremacy to fill our society with dull-minded people who would only think about work, work, work and work. The family members, the daughter and mother who only cared about the money which the father brought. Parents who thought of their children as property, as an object to brag about their achievements which should be credited to the children themselves.
I had seen quite the numbers of young people with promising future who killed themselves in such grotesque, just because they failed in their studies. To tell you the truth, they do not deserve it; each people had different talents, and they just coincidentally not cut out for studying.
It might seem to be a shock for me saying this, since I used to be a teacher. Yeah, used to be. Back then, I had the passion, but people always seen me as a cold and emotionless personality; I was generally disliked at the high school where I used to teach. When I tried to talk, people just ignore me, and when I tried to assert my beliefs, people will go out on their way to hate me just because I'm being honest about what I think.
Quite the irony, wasn't it? Someone who finds themselves unable to relate to other people working as a teacher. This world was, undoubtedly, a meaningless place to live in. I find myself unable to form the right words, my logical thinking broke down as I only have quite the few time left to be alive after I was kicked out from my teaching job and was unable to find any other jobs just to eat something outside of the convenience store necessities!
Basically, as an unemployed man, I had no choice but to spend my time connecting with people in The Wired. One day, there was someone inside this blissful place who said this thing to me.
"What's the point of living in this place called reality anymore? The body is undoubtedly meaningless. Our true existence lies in The Wired, an upper layer of reality. Death was only a transition, from a meaningless flesh...into a chance...where you would become an entity called God. When the Wired manifests itself fully in this lower layer called reality, people would go in their way to worship you, and you could even create a new religion which would be able to gain power. Inside The Wired, you, who have no body, could never be harmed, nor should have any fear of everything imaginable or unimaginable. Forever you shall achieve the omnipotence and omniscience long dreamed of by humanity."
"Hesitate not, shall you not wait any longer, for everyone will be going out of their way just to claim this rightful place. As the Project Metempsychosis says: do not fret, embrace the death as it was the most valuable thing in this world, only then your soul will transmigrate, transforming itself into a higher entity, and therein shall your unlimited potence unfolds. You will hold an absolute supremacy in your hands, and shape the world as you wished it to be...thus breaking the boundary between ideals and reality. There is nothing to lose, for the death is always certain, and the ultimate happiness will be there for the taking."
It might sound somewhat illogical by people who had their share of fortunes: but for myself, I cannot take this life as a granted anymore. For so long I had awaited for this moment to come, enduring lots of torture before ending up at this point. At least, every suffering has its own end: in my case, it shall be right here and now.
I felt the cold wind blowing across my cheeks as I stared down at my derelict apartment's balcony – just before, I had lived quite lavishly under the supervision of my parents: going to a good college with a recommendation due to my great success during high school, graduating with honors and received a good spot for beginning my teaching career. After that, everything seems to break loose: just like the hell itself was about to burst open, spewing out the ruthless infernal demons tearing my life apart; it all became truly painful to utter a moment of remembrance for.
Now, the suffering shall be no more. As I saw the city from up above, many floors above the ground, the view becomes so small and insignificant; lacking all the obtuse details which soon becomes the major point of my irritation. This city shall be mine for the taking, by the moment I'll become the omnipresent existence inside The Wired, an upper layer of reality which would soon shape the reality by its own image.
With that in mind, I jumped from the balcony without hesitation. My thoughts felt an exhilarating bliss like never before – all of the previous accomplishments I had in the past was nothing as exciting compared to this. The view of the city came closer in the brink of an eye, flashing by so quickly along with the rekindled moments of my childhood coming out together all at once.
As the ground below me were only about few distances away from my sight, I deliberately closed my eyes; there was a loud thud sound, but my body doesn't feel a single bit of pain. What lies before my sight now was only a place filled with pure whiteness, and my consciousness started to fade away by each passing time, slowly but surely immersing itself within a place called The Wired.
Before my consciousness finally left me, I heard a name being spoken to me with a voice in which I couldn't differentiate whether its coming from a man or even a woman.
Iwakura Lain
That's all, yet the name filled me up to brim with an enigmatic feeling.
Never before I felt so intensely scared.
Alas, I have no time left other than to say goodbye to this mundane life.
Farewell...
Xxx
I am...really me, right? Or was there another me living out there that I didn't know about? People often refer to me as 'Lain of the Wired'. Truthfully, I didn't know a single bit of what they were talking about. Out of sudden, people start accusing me of doing things that I never even had a single bit of reminiscence about.
They say that I was already there, since right at the beginning of a communications network foundation known as The Wired – which happened quite the long moments ago. That was very unlikely, since I was only a middle school student; the foundation was supposed to happen far before I was born.
To be said, I never knew what my actual age is, nor my date of birth; as my consciousness arise, I was already there with my family: with my father, mother, and also my big sister sitting at the dining table for every breakfast and dinner. We never even talked that much, but...it's all a lie, right? That my family weren't my real family, with the given assumption from the beginning, I've always been alone.
Hey...it's all supposed to be a lie told by the others to hurt me, right...father, mother? Why didn't you answer at all, instead...giving me cold stares like I had done something terribly wrong? I was afraid to say any more given their hostile attitudes toward me. People seem to be drifting far away from myself as the time passes, without really knowing what the things I actually had done to make them act that way.
Big sis, what happened to you? Every time I went back home from school, you just sat there in the staircase, or even copped inside of your room – giving me the blank stares with a delirious expression, along with the muffled screaming voice which indicates that you're vehemently suffering from things unbeknownst to me. Please speak up...big sis, otherwise I won't know how to alleviate the depths of your pain.
What happened?
I don't know for sure.
My classmates: Arisu, Juri, Reika, and many others had kept their distances off me. Even though things kept on going against my expectations, filling me up with the sense of discontent to the point I was about to break down in tears...Arisu was there to comfort me. She wiped my tears and embraced me, when everyone else seems to be acting hostile.
In spire of that, I managed to break her. Spreading the secrets she held so dear for everyone to know, thus destroying all the fun moments of her school life. Now I'm pretty much alone again.
No, it wasn't right to say that I did it. In fact, it was another me who did all these things; a part of me I've always hated, the source of all evil that's befalling me, the one that has been making enemies out of the people – directing it all towards myself, turning this once peaceful life into a moment of total chaos and obliteration.
Putting it in another perspective, it wasn't wrong either...as it was also a part of me who did it all. But still, I couldn't accept that fact that I already caused so much trouble for the others without me even realizing it...
So I killed her; each and every part of me I always hated - the existence inside me I always denied.
Deleting all the bad memories of me from minds of people; it looks like every bad things I did actually never happened in the first place.