Title: Beautiful Fears.
Summary: She throws back shot, after shot and tries to erase the past. "Do you still love me?" She asks, her voice is a broken whisper and her eyes are downcast toward the ground. Hanna\Emily. Oneshot.
Authors Note: This is my first Hanna\Emily fan fiction. It is AU - of course, but Ali is still dead and there is still an A. It's a one shot.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but if I did Hanna and Emily would get married and run off into the sunset.
Pumping music fills the bar, squashed bodies stick together, loud voices are only faintly heard over the music as they order a beer, or a wine, or a vodka, or in Emily's case all three. She's not a heavy drinker but she hasn't even attempted to talk to Hanna in - she pauses and counts the number of days on her fingers, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Seven days in total, including today. The last time she had even seen the other girl was a week ago, she had shouted harsh words at her and thrown back all the harsh things the other had ever done. She had yelled, and screamed and rambled on about how the two of them had made no plans for the future, how Hanna wasn't ready to grow up, that -
She throws back short, after shot and tries to erase the past. She doesn't even want to think about that night, she had been so, so awful. She had regretted every moment of that night, she regretted it as she did it, after she did it, she doesn't think she'll ever stop regretting it. She's shot everything with that stupid, beautiful, blonde to hell.
She orders drink after drink and manages to forget her own name, everything about herself but everything about her girlfriend remains vivid in her mind. The way she laughs, the way her eyes sparkle after she finishes talking about something that matters to her, the way she cheers for Emily at swim meet's, the way she rolls her eyes when someone says something stupid, the way her lips press ever so softly against her own flesh, the way her fingers claw at Emily's skin and clothes, the way she knocks somebody down with words and that cocky grin of satisfaction glides over her lips. She remembers the way Hanna lines her nail polish up against her bathroom wall according to colour when she's frustrated and has nothing better to do, the way she examines herself in the mirror before leaving the house, her hands glide over her dress, or skirt, or jeans, or whatever she's wearing and if she likes it a small smile will slowly spread across her face.
Emily remembers even through the alcohol burning her throat, she remembers even though she forgets everything else, she remembers everything she wants, she needs to forget. She doesn't know where the two of them stand at the moment, does Hanna hate her? The very thought is enough for Emily to burst into tears, so she sits there at the bar tears running down her cheeks, everything around her blurry and in slow motion and Hanna's face shining back at her in her mind.
"I love you!" She hears, and there's a grin across Hanna's face and Emily is soon mimicking it and Spencer and Aria are laughing and rolling there eyes and asking them if they should be writing wedding invitations for the two of them. The memory is foggy to her, the edges are burnt and torn and the middle of the picture is a little fuzzy and the colours are off but the feelings are the same, joy, disbelief, happiness and it makes Emily feel better - for a second and then she remembers that she's lost it all.
She fumbles for her phone and presses down on the #1, she holds it up to her ear upside down and grins when Hanna answers.
"Emily?" Hanna sounds vulnerable, weak and she sees her girlfriend lying across her bed, stomach on the sheets, eating chocolates and feeling sorry for herself. Her usual attire discarded for her comfortable mourning clothes.
"Emily? Who's Emily? Oh right - that's me!" She giggles, she knows that she's drunk and that she sounds like a "typical" drunk person but she doesn't care, her eyes are focused on the next shot that she's about to take, her fingers grasp the small shot glass and she brings it up to her lips, the liquid spills into her mouth and she swallows it.
"Are you drunk?" Hanna asks in disbelief but Emily can imagine the tiny smile clawing at her girlfriend's lips.
"Just a," She whispers before bursting into a fit of laughter, "little!" She shouts, loud enough for it to be heard over the music.
"What club are you at?" Hanna asks, Emily pauses trying to remember the name of the club. Her eyes roam around the club looking for clues and then it hits her, it knocks her over and she's shouting the club name over and over again.
"The super dog! The super dog! The super dog! The super dog!" It was located in a town not far from Rosewood, was it Ravenswood? It sounded the same as Rosewood, that much she remembered. She had only entered the place because the name was funny. The super dog, it was nearly as horrible as the barking dog!*
"I'm coming to pick up." Hanna states causing the brunette to pout, she didn't want to get picked up, she doesn't want to go home, she doesn't want to leave at all.
"No, I'm staying." And then she hangs up on the girl she loves and knocks back another few drinks - one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. A shot for every day gone without talking to her precious Hanna, she needs to retract one shot and groans. She orders another round - one, two, three, four, five, six.
The bartender starts to worry about the beautiful brunette who is rambling on about how she doesn't want to leave and is drinking more then what is appropriate, he's just about to ask her name and if she needs him to call someone to pick her up when a blonde struts through the bar, loose tee shirt, sweatpants and sneakers on, hair messy and bare faced - not the usual customer. Hanna grabs Emily by the arm and yanks her out of the seat, she tosses two $100 bills in the bartenders direction, hoping, praying, that it will cover everything and then she pushes Emily into the front passenger seat before sliding into the car herself. The drive home is silent, neither talking, or looking at one another.
They park in front of Emily's house and Hanna helps her inside, luckily Emily's parents are out for the night, some fancy dinner they were invited to attend. They walk up to Emily's room in silence, Hanna wanting to leave as soon as possible and forget all about this and Emily too drunk to even realize what was going on. Hanna helped the brunette get into bed by simply pulling the covers back and pushing her in more or less. Hanna began walking out when she decides to spurt out a question, one she needed an answer too very badly, very badly indeed.
"Do you still love me?" She asks, her voice is a broken whisper and her eyes are downcast toward the ground.
"Always, you stupid head." Emily giggled before drifting off to sleep, a tiny smile graced Hanna's lips because she knew that in the end they would be alright.
A\N: Um, when I started writing this it was going to have a longer ending - bonding time, talking but then I realized it would be unrealistic if Emily was as drunk as she is now. I've never been drunk before, or consumed any alcoholic beverage before but I tried the best to write her drunk and I tried my best to write Hanna overly miserable and sad and confused and just idk. It seems in some places OOC and darker then I intended for it to be. It was going to be fluffier, maybe make it into a two shot with them talking afterwards? Yes, no?
* It's a real Pub's name - One time I went past it and my best friend, my brother & her brother were all barking at the people in the pub like dogs. That was like a week ago, okay. But yeah.