.:we'll be a dream:.
::
Do you remember the nights
We made our way dreaming
Hoping of being someone big
We're so young then
We were too crazy in love
::
The familiar sound of pebbles hitting the windowpane rang through her moonlight illuminated room, washing everything in a pale yellow glow.
She crawled out of her crisp white sheets, a slow smile building on her make-up free face. (only because he thought she was beautiful, no matter how she looked)
Her heart was pounding. Every time they met like this, he had her falling more and more in love.
With a small groan, her window opened, and the cold midnight air washed over her like a wave, causing goose bumps to crawl up her bare arms. He was below her, standing on the frost covered grass, wearing only a pair of soccer shorts and an Iowa t-shirt. The dim light of the moon shone on his face, taking her breath away. (just like it always did)
"Is now a bad time?" He whisper-shouted up to her with a crooked grin plastered on his flawless face.
She felt her smile growing faster. "When is it ever a bad time?"
He climbs up to her room with amazing agility, swinging from the tall oak tree that grew conveniently next to her window.
And right as he jumps in, his cold lips meet her warm ones, sending them both tumbling into a mass of bare limbs on her messy bed.
They kissed like that for hours; until their lips were swollen and their breathing grew shallow. Until their clothes were barely hanging on and they hands grew desperate. But they would never go that far.
Once things cooled down, they whispered sweet nothings in each other's ears until one of them fell asleep in the other one's arms.
She was always the one to fall asleep.
When he thought the coast was clear, he snuck back out of her open window, back to where he came from, always managing to leave before the sun rose and shutting the window before the guilt kicked in.
But what he didn't know was the she felt it every time he left. She felt the chilliness of the missing person on her bed. She felt the shifting of the bed when his weight was no longer there. She felt the emptiness when his arms were no longer around her. And she always ended up crying herself to sleep, soaking her pillow with yet another round of he-doesn't-love-me's.
Yet the funny thing was, he would always text her in the morning, apologizing with some lame excuse as to why he couldn't stay.
She was always so quick to forgive him, saying she 'totally understood' and how it was 'perfectly fine', when in fact it wasn't. But she was so in love with him, she was willing to forgive him for everything.
But everything wasn't fine at all.
He always tried to make it up to her, driving her to school, walking with her down the hall, carrying her books for her, and it had her heart doing somersaults all over again.
She didn't want to seem desperate, but every single time he was talking to another girl, she would always end up cutting in to their conversation, saying how she needed his help on her calculus homework or asking him if he was playing in the soccer game next weekend.
They were so close, yet so far away.
Maybe the friend's with benefits thing wasn't working out.
Because that night, the night that she finally had the guts to tell him how she truly felt, he didn't show up.
She shot fiery texts at him, asking him where he was, and why he didn't come.
The next day, he didn't drive her to school, or walked her down the hall, or carried her books.
How could a person disappear in one night, she wondered.
Then, just like fate, she saw him walking down the hall, talking to his group of soccer buddies. They were huddled together closely by their lockers, just like they always were.
But this time, when she walked over, the crowd dispersed and he couldn't meet her eyes.
"Where were you last night?"
"I had plans."
She tapped her high-heeled foot impatiently. "I texted you. You didn't text back."
"I have a life, you know," he quickly shot back before pushing past her.
Throughout their whole conversation, they didn't meet eyes even once.
And that was when she knew something was up. (because every time he couldn't look at her, something was up)
Maybe it wasn't fate after all.
Maybe it was just the sick game that reality was trying to play on her.
::
She saw her. The fiery redhead that left out his front door at three in the morning, but not without a long goodbye kiss that made her want to throw up. Watching them sent a knife plunging deep into her heart and she couldn't stop the strangled sob that choked out of her chest.
So that was the reason why he had been avoiding her. Because there was someone else. And this whole time, she thought she meant the world to him.
"It's just me and you, together forever," he promised every night, but they were always empty promises.
She should have realized that. (but she was so blinded by love)
With the unsettling feeling of betrayal lodged in her stomach, she shoved her window open with a crack and stuck her head out into the air, watching them with her tear-blurred amber eyes.
"Fuck you!" She screamed so loudly her lungs burst and her throat burned. The neighbors were sure gonna get a kick out of this one.
But she didn't care, because they even had the guts to turn and look at her in shock. And that only made her hate them even more.
"Mass-" He choked, but her slamming window cut him off.
At school, she was the one who couldn't look at him. She was the one who couldn't walk with him down the hall or let him carry her books. He was a lying bastard.
A dirty, lying, fucking little bastard.
::
"You know you're the only one for me," he whispered to her in the middle of biology.
She picked up her books and moved to a new seat.
::
"Don't do this, please."
She slapped him so hard in the face; her red handprint was tattooed on his cheek even an hour later.
::
"You're being unfair."
She felt like he was punching her. "I'm the one being unfair?"
He nodded.
She slapped him across the other cheek, giving him a matching tattoo for the previous time. (and it almost makes you laugh)
::
"You know I didn't actually cheat on you, right?" He asked with a raised blonde eyebrow. She couldn't believe she was letting him talk to her right now.
"You lied to me."
"But we weren't even in an official relationship."
"Oh yeah?" She began to gather her books again. "Then what did you call the thing we had between us?"
And she leaves him, sitting in a stunned silence, once again.
::
Every time she breathed, it felt like she was breathing in fire. It hurt to breathe because being with him was as easy as breathing. (it was)
And kissing him was as amazing as swimming in a sea of stars. It was absolutely magical, and impossible, and fake.
All the touches and kisses they ever shared were based on a lie.
That's what happens when you love him, but he doesn't love you back.
Your whole relationship is based off of lies.
Then you come home and find out he's hooked up with some other girl, and you feel like crumbling. You feel like your whole life was a lie, because he was your whole life. You feel like you can't breathe anymore because he was your air. You feel like the sun doesn't shine anymore because he was your sunshine.
But that's when you get when you love someone with all your heart.
A broken heart.
The poor girl didn't know what she did to deserve this pain.
Her friends tried to comfort her with margaritas and 90's chick flicks. None of it worked because she always ended up crying.
Her tears would flood her pillow every night, just like they used to, but this time, they soaked her pillow with I-fucking-hate-you's.
She didn't want to see him because every time she did, he was holding hands with the redhead and whispering empty promises into her ear.
Good.
That bitch deserved it.
::
It's been one month, one week and four days.
She still remembers the day she broke like it was yesterday.
But now, when she walks down the halls, it doesn't hurt so much.
She sees him, and when he tries to smile at her, she just turns the other way, not because it was the easiest thing to do, but because it was the right thing to do. Because he deserved her hate; she gave him too much of her love.
All those nights she would never get back suddenly didn't seem so bad after all. All those nights spent with him were just nights where she finally discovered herself.
Where she finally discovered that Derrick Harrington was not the right guy for her. And amazingly, she was okay with that.
Maybe some day, she'll cross paths with him again.
But only in a dream.
::
fin.
::
This was just a whole bunch of nonsensical crap going on through my head. A drabble, if you will. Too weird and random? Review anyway?