SCI-FI V.S FANTASY: ULTIMATE FOOTBALL!
Disclaimer: How many times do I have to remind you that I DO NOT own Star Trek TOS and TNG, Star Wars, The Matrix, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, and every other fantasy and science fiction book, movie, or T.V Show you have ever heard of???
(Fiction World Cup Tournament! Alternatively known as the FWCT!)
Draco Malfoy: This is a fight to the finish for supremacy over the Fiction World where Sci Fi and Fantasy characters clash in an epic game of FOOTBALL!!! (soccer, heh, heh!). Expect madness, plenty of people fainting, and lots of familiar names! (grins evilly). I am your most important commentator by the way- Draco Maaaalfoooooy!
Jack Sparrow: Son of a MALFOY!
(crowd gasps at the insult)
Draco Malfoy: What being a Malfoy isn't a bad thing!…..right?
Neo from The Matrix (who happens to be a commentator): What am I doing here?
Draco Malfoy: Yeah, what are you doing here?
Jack Sparrow: (sighs) Our teams will be joining us in a moment! Today Sci Fi and Fantasy will clash in an epic-
Draco: I told them that part, Jack.
Jack Sparrow: Alright then, uh, today Sci Fi and Fantasy will do battle in a game of football! It's TrekkWars V.S the Hopping Hippogriffs-
Draco Malfoy: Hopping Hippo- hey wait a sec there Jack, they changed their name to the WIZard Lords.
Jack Sparrow: WHAT? But I loved the Hopping Hippogriffs!
Draco Malfoy: Too bad, here they come ladies and gentlemen, the WIZARD LOOORDS!
( The WIZard Lords enter from the right side of the stadium. Crowd goes wild, Lord of the Rings theme song blends with Harry Potter Theme. Some of the crowd though, booed and yelled curses at their enemy.)
Draco Malfoy: And there's Severus Snape followed by the Pureblood traitor Ron Weasley, and-what's his name- Aragorn son of Arathorn, right! Then Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, Hermione Granger, what's SHE doing in a game of FOOTBALL?
Jack Sparrow: No idea, and I don't care.
Draco Malfoy: Tch, yeah right. Your friend Will Turner is in there. Here he comes, give it up for Gimli son of Gloin and Legolas Greenleeeaaaf!
Jack Sparrow: (looks absolutely disgusted) He's HIDEOUS!!!
Draco: Uh- that's not really him, Jack.
Jack Sparrow: He's BLONDE!
Draco: I was joking, that thing isn't REALLY him.
Neo: (mutters) Unintelligent fantasy geeks.
Draco Malfoy: Here comes Boromir son of Denethor, Celeborn King of Lothlorien, Team Captain Gandalf the White, Pippin, Frodo, a bunch of Hobbits, blah, blah BLAH. Oh crap…. And here comes Potter.
Jack Sparrow: Potter? Who's that?
Draco Malfoy: Ask me about Harry Potter again and I'll punch your face in idiot.
Jack Sparrow: Hmph, someone's touchy.
(After all the Fantasy players have filed out onto the field, Neo takes the spotlight.)
Neo: (flips on his totally-awesome Matrix glasses) Finally, time for some REAL action. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the TrekkWars!
Draco Malfoy: (mutters to Jack Sparrow) Couldn't they think of a more intimidating name?
Jack Sparrow: Like the Hopping Hippogriffs?
Draco Malfoy: Yeah.
( The TrekkWars enter from the left side of the field. The crowd goes wild again. The Star Trek Theme Song rings out first and morphs suddenly into the Star Wars Theme. Some of the "Fantasy" crowd swear at their enemies.)
Neo: Here comes Team Captain James T. Kirk followed by the other Team Captains, Luke Skywalker and Jean-Luc Picard…
Draco Malfoy: WHAT? THREE TEAM CAPTAINS?
Neo: Shut up nerd.
Draco: And look who's talkin!
Neo: (ignores him) Here comes Commander Spock, Commander Riker, Lieutenant Commander Data-
Draco: Commanders? Come ON, Neo.
Neo: (gives him the evil eye but Draco doesn't realize it because the glasses were blocking his eyes.) Then there's Goalkeeper Obi Wan Kenobi, Geordy La Forge, Worf, Wesley Crusher, Doctor McCoy, Han Solo, C3PO, R2D2, Chewbacca…
Draco: You mean that big furry puffball which keeps on growling like a bear?
Neo: (sighs) He's not a Tribble, Draco.
Draco: What's a Tribble?
Neo: (all attention is fixed back on the field) Checkov, Montgomery Scott, Han Sulu, oh wait-
Draco: Stop mispronouncing names idiot!
Neo: OKAY, I didn't mean the Han part! And along comes the Borg Queen, oh crap, the BORG QUEEN?
Draco: She doesn't look too friendly. And shouldn't she be with the cheerleaders?
Jack Sparrow: Ayiiyiii.
Neo: And that's about it.
Jack Sparrow: And here come the cheerleaders. Eewoks and Elves led by Lady Galadriel, Arwen, Princess Leia, Beverly Crusher, Deanna Troi, and Hermione Granger who probably didn't hear me because she is reading a stupid $% book!
Hermione: (glances up) Shut up, peg legged infidel.
Neo: Ooh, that hurt.
Jack Sparrow: (snarls) I don't have a peg- why you little….*&%4!
Draco: (changes the subject!) On with the show! In 3…. 2….
Neo: 1... 0.9... 0.8... 0.7-
Draco: It's ZERO dammit!
The ball has been placed… the teams are ready… Jar Jar Binks blows the whistle…. The Fiction World Cup has began!