Episode 1: New Teen Titans Go vs. The Antiquated Concept of Chivalry!
At Titans Tower, a black circle appears in the door to the living room and, like's happened many times before, five teens walk through the portal, coming home from another in a string of heroic missions... but, alas, not all of them are the same five teens we've all become so used to.
"So, we're the Teen Titans now?" Terra asked, looking around in wonder a little at this unexpected development. Then, of course, unexpected developments happened a lot. She'd never expected to get trapped in a trash dimension after all. Who would expect that? She cast Raven a wary look.
"Apparently." Rose remarked in kind of a sarcastic way. Not that there was anything in the word apparently that necessarily called for sarcasm, mind you. It was just her thing.
"Well, I like it." Jinx said. "I think we should redecorate." She put forward, looking around the space with interest.
"Oh, that would be wonderful!" Starfire clapped her hands, stooping to pick the Silkie (who'd come over to greet her, and also to beg for food) up in her arms. "Don't you think so, my little bumgorf?" She asked Silkie.
"Sure, why not?" Raven answered, kind of doubting that it would end well, but she thought it would be fun to watch, so she didn't raise any objections.
"Cool." Rose said, going over to lounge on the couch and turn on the TV. "You go ahead and do that."
"Joy!" Starfire said, exuberant.
"So, um, I was actually kind of doubting this would really happen, you know?" Terra spoke up, looking around as though worried.
"I know, right?" Jinx agreed, looking at Starfire and Raven. "It's like, no matter how much fun we have on these Girls Night Out themed shows, somehow, you two always go back to being all boring with those three chivalry losers we tried to rescue, and I always end up back in that jail cell, or, you know, back on H.I.V.E. Island, interchangeably."
"Yeah, what she said." Terra agreed. "By the way, can I, you know, join H.I.V.E. with you or something if this Titan thing doesn't work out?" She asked Jinx. "I've got more experience with the villain thing anyway, so I think I might be a good fit."
"Sure!" Jinx offered.
"Good for you." Rose said.
"Do you always have to speak so much of the sarcasm? Can you not simply smile and be happy like the rest of us...?" Starfire looked to Raven. "Except for Raven."
Raven blushed a little. "I smile sometimes."
"Oh, I know that you do." Starfire agreed, handing the Silkie off to a surprised Jinx and floating over to Raven to kiss her... on the lips.
"Whoa... What's going on here?" Terra asked.
"I think it's kind of sweet." Jinx offered.
"Yeah, but..." Terra looked between the kissing couple and Jinx. "Aren't they only supposed to do that kind of thing off-screen? You know, like Cyborg and Beast Boy do all the time? I don't want our show to get canceled or anything. I get few enough guest spots as it is. I should have been on the team since Teen Titans Season 2, you know. I wanted to be a hero and be all famous and stuff, but could they have an equal number of girls on the team? Nooooo. So unfair."
"I agree." Starfire agreed, once she'd stopped making out with a still blushing Raven.
"Obviously." Raven added.
"Yes, well, we no longer have to worry about such things. We are in the fan fiction space now." Starfire informed them.
"We are?" Jinx asked.
"Duh." Rose supplied from the couch.
"Well... In that case." Jinx gave the Silkie back to a confused but curious Starfire and went over to Terra, smiling to her in a knowing way.
"Uh, Jinx?" Terra asked, nervous, her heart fluttering for some reason.
Jinx took a step forward, boldly giving her a soft, heartfelt kiss.
Terra's eyes widened a moment, but then she relaxed and closed her eyes, moving into the kiss.
"Oh, this is so romantic, don't you think so girlfriend Raven?" Starfire asked.
Rose sat up. "Wait, if we're pairing up, does this mean I'm the fifth wheel now? That... can not happen. I in no way want to be Robin in this scenario."
"Ha." Raven said. "Robin Rose. Tragic."
"Don't be mean. That's my job." Rose narrowed her eyes. "You're supposed to be nean, remember?"
"I'm sorry. I know it's got to suck not to have a girlfriend." Raven apologized.
"In fact, it does not suck the face, and that is the problem that friend Rose is having the difficulties with." Starfire pointed out helpfully.
Jinx and Terra finally stopped doing that (sucking the face, that was). "...Wow." Terra said, heart beating fast.
"So, wanna be my girlfriend?" Jinx asked, smugly confident that she wouldn't be shot down.
"...Totally." Terra agreed.
Rose slumped forward, chin in her hands. "This bites."
"Yeah, you don't get to do that without a girlfriend either. We totally need to set you up with someone." Raven pointed out, trying to live up to the nean thing. It wasn't always easy, what with her angst-filled past and all.
"Who though? Batgirl? Bumblebee?" Jinx asked.
"I think I heard on Twitter that they're already a couple now." Terra offered.
"You Twitter?" Raven asked.
"Well, yeah. I do have hidden dimensions as a character, you know?" Terra defended.
"I do now." Raven offered. Wait, was that nean, or just mean? "You and Jinx do make a cute couple though." She tried to salvage things.
"Thanks!" Jinx did this happy twirl in a circle thing, throwing confetti into the air and kissing her new girlfriend on the cheek at the end.
Terra quirked a happy smile. "I think I'm going to really like this fan fiction thing."
"I know, right?" Raven agreed, privately hoping she could get Jinx to move on from the confetti thing soon... at least indoors.
"Easy for you to say." Rose said, sullen.
"Do not despair, friend Rose. I have... the idea." Star handed the Silkie over to Raven, taking out the interstellar cell phone that she conveniently had now apparently.
Raven took the pet reluctantly, using her shadowy magic powers to levitate Silkie into the kitchen and open up some pet food. After what happened that one time when Starfire was Starliar, she'd taken to always insuring Silkie had food.
"Who are you calling?" Terra asked, curious.
Star held up one finger. "Shh. The phone is doing the ringing."
"Star? Is that you, little sister?" Blackfire answered.
"It is!" Starfire replied, happy that her sister had picked up. Sometimes she would be in the mood, and not answer when she called her. It was most annoying at times. She often felt cheated, in fact, because she did not have an older sister that would give her more of the hugs.
"Right, so... how's it going?" Blackfire asked, a large building (that happened to be a jail) exploding in the background.
"Was that an exploding thing that I just heard, sister?" Starfire asked.
"She's setting me up with her sister?" Rose asked Raven.
"Apparently so." Raven answered.
"...Is she hot?" Rose asked.
"Please." Raven gave her a look. As though she was stupid enough to answer a question like that. She might not be the best at the whole being in a relationship thing... Actually, she was terrible at it sometimes, and just lucky Star was so cheerful and forgiving, but even she knew that it was a bad idea to say that Blackfire was, in fact, hot when her girlfriend could hear it.
"She totally is." Jinx supplied. "Definitely your type too. Total bad girl."
"Oh, okay. That's cool then, I guess." Rose tried to play it off.
"It might have been." Blackfire admitted lightly (re: the now exploded jail). "I... might just so happen to be in the vicinity of a jail break at the moment."
"You were in the jail again? Sister! I keep telling you, you must give up this life of crime that you lead." Starfire scolded her.
"You think so, huh? What, you want me to join that bunch of losers you hang out with again? Because that always works out so great for you?" She scoffed.
"That! Is the your fault! If you would only try with the sincerity in your heart..." Starfire replied.
"Well... I can see it matters a lot to you." Blackfire admitted, again marveling at her little sister's sheer gullibility. She makes it way too easy sometimes, she thought. "Maybe I could give it one more try?" Blackfire ventured. She could actually use someplace to lay low for a while, she considered. And it was always fun to mess with her little sister for a while. It kept life from getting too boring.
"Joy!" Starfire replied. "And you will like it here this time, even more I think."
"Oh, yeah? Why's that?" Blackfire asked, not really paying attention anymore, instead keeping an eye out for space cops. They were getting uncomfortably close to her hiding spot...
"The boys on the Titans team have finally done something so stupid that is called the chivalry that Raven and I have been forced to kick them to the curb. We now have three new members of the female variety. Their names are Terra, Jinx, and Rose, who is also called the Ravager. That is actually why I have called. I wish to set you and Rose up on the blind date. I think that you would both enjoy much kissing time together."
"A team of girls, huh?" Blackfire considered it. It was better than those other three annoying boys Star always seemed to keep around as mascots or something. And it had been a while since she'd been out on a date. Maybe she could work with this after all? "So, this Rose girl... Is she hot?"
"Assuredly." Star said, giving a worried look Raven's way. "But in no way is she superior to Raven, in my opinion, of the course." She qualified.
"Ha." Raven said. She was totally a better girlfriend right now. How often did that happen?
"Blackfire of Tamaran—come out with your hands up! This is the Green Lantern Corps!" A voice called to Blackfire.
"Right, um, so, the blind date thing sounds really great, sis. I... don't suppose you could convince your girlfriend to give me a lift to Earth? You know, for the date? As in, right now?" Blackfire asked hopefully.
"Of course!" Starfire agreed easily. "Girlfriend Raven? Could you please help my sister evade interstellar law enforcement so that our new teammate, Rose, can have someone to suck the face with?"
"Yeah, okay." Raven agreed. Because, really, why not? She snapped her fingers and another portal circle appeared in the ceiling above where Rose was standing. "Heads up, eyepatch girl."
Rose looked up and caught a falling Backfire in her arms. "Whoa." Rose said as the girl's weight settled in her arms. "Hi there."
"Hi." Blackfire greeted seductively, wrapping her arms around the other girl's neck. "You're Ravager, I hope?" She asked, her heart fluttering in her chest. Damn, her little sister really had gotten way better taste in friends all the sudden, hadn't she?
Rose smirked a bit. "That's what they call me."
"I was hoping you'd say that." Blackfire said, almost purring as she moved in and kissed the girl.
Rose felt her mind go blank, not one sarcastic thought remaining. All she could think was, damn Starfire has a hot older sister. Why did no one tell me this before?
"Mmmm... You're a very talented kisser, aren't you?" Blackfire said, actually feeling almost as though she might swoon. "For the record? You can ravage me anytime."
"So you will be staying? Joining us on our New Teen Titans team?" Starfire asked hopefully, floating over next to them.
"Little sister, any team with this girl on it is one I need to be on. Good job recruiting by the way." She offered her sister a rare completely sincere complement, never taking her eyes of Rose as she said this.
Starfire clapped. "Oh, this is the happiest of days!" She said, dancing about in the air.
"Yeah, I kind of have to agree about that." Raven said, watching on as Rose and Blackfire started to kiss again. She looked and saw that Jinx and Terra had started kissing again too. "Huh. You know, I kind of wonder what ended up happening with the boys though."
"Shh. We aren't taking about such things now." Starfire chided, putting a finger to Raven's lips.
"No, huh?" Raven asked.
"Definitely the not." Starfire told her, moving in to kiss her again.
Raven let her hood fall back and lost herself in the kissing.
This new team was a definite improvement, she had to admit.
Meanwhile, in Jump City, still captured in the Brain's diabolical prison cell, Beast Boy, Cyborg, and Robin still languish in their unfortunate captivity.
"There has—to—be—a—way out of this cell!" Robin yelled as he bashed his head against the cell's force field, hoping the stinging sensation that happened every time he did so would kickstart his brain or something.
By this point, Cyborg and Beast Boy were just watching on in silent incredulity. "Um, Beast Boy, good buddy, good pal, I dare say I think this whole chivalry thing may just have run its course. Wouldn't you say?"
"Indubitably." Beast Boy agreed, he and Cyborg changing out of their renaissance themed pantaloons and such back to their standard Teen Titans Go! wardrobe. "Dude. I think these tights was making me talk all fancy, yo."
"Yeah, glad that's over." Cyborg agreed.
"So, you think it's time we make the call?" Beast Boy asked.
"You mean..." Cyborg gasped. "The forbidden call?"
Beast Boy looked back over at Robin, who was now doing an interpretive dance to act out his frustrations in hopes of freeing up his creative energies. "Um, yeah... I'm thinkin' it's actually way past time, brah."
Cyborg pursed his lips. "Yes, I see your point, platonic fellow male whom I play video games and tell amusing jokes with."
"Cy, give it up. We're in a fanfic now. We can totally tell people we're dating and stuff. It's kind of the point, you know?" Beast Boy explained the deal.
"A fanfic you say? What a pleasant development." Cyborg said, telescoping his arm out and grabbing Beast Boy, sweeping him off his feet and leaning in for a long bromantic kiss.
"Aw yeah, baby." Beast Boy said as their lips met.
Robin looked over and noticed them then. "Will you two cut that out already! Cartoons are no place for LGBT—we've talked about this!"
Cyborg put Beast Boy down in a deliberate fashion. "I did not just hear you say that. You need to check yourself before you wreak yourself." Cyborg said, being sassy. (He enjoyed doing that, yes he did.)
"Besides, this is a fanfic, yo." Beast Boy added.
"Oh... That explains why we haven't faded out for reality to be reset for the next episode yet." Robin said, wiping sweat from his brow. "I was getting worried there for a few minutes." Longer than a few minutes, actually, but no sense telling his followers that. Otherwise they might sense weakness and overthrow his reign as leader of the Titans—and that could not be allowed to happen.
"Yeah, and you know what that means we gotta do." Beast Boy told him.
"Wait, no... You can't mean..." Robyn took a step back in fear. "Him...?"
"Afraid so, bro." Cyborg told him.
"NOOOOOO!" Robin yelled, falling to his knees in despair.
"Dude. Suck it up. I'm making the call." Cyborg told him.
"Wait, no, I can still fix this!" Robin protested, jumping up and making a grab for Cyborg who'd turned his right arm into a cell phone.
"No can do, bro. You've had your chance." Beast Boy told him, turning into an octopus and phone blocking him where he was at.
"No, wait, you can't do this! Inappropriate touching! In—a—ppropriate touching!" Robin protested.
"Hello, yeah, this is Cyborg." Cyborg said when his call was answered. "Yeah, we could use a rescue from a dashing super hero... who's better in every way than Robin."
"Say no more. You had me at dashing." Kid Flash said from the other side of the prison shield, having zoomed there at super speed in the blink of an eye.
The three captives then watched on in amazement as the dashing Kid Flash ran through every potential combination of the code that could open the prison door in the time it would take a normal boy to dial a phone. "There. Easy-peasy." Kid Flash said. "Next time, you really should call someone competent to go with you if you're going to take on a top-tier villain like the Brain without Raven and Starfire here to make sure you don't screw up this bad." He said, patting Robin on his head and then making his exit.
"Why..." Robin sniveled pathetically, sinking to his knees and crying softly to himself. "My fragile ego can't take much more of these abuses, I'll have you know." He hissed to Cyborg and Beast Boy then, feeling hurt and betrayed.
"Yeah, yeah. It's been a long day, bros. Let's just go home, get some pizza, and watch sock puppets on TV for a while. We can totally even make out at the bromantic parts now if we want to." Beast Boy suggested suggestively to Cyborg.
"Yeah... I'd be down for that. Let's go." Cyborg said.
Robin watched as they left. "Bromantic doesn't even make sense the way they're saying it. It's supposed to be a substitute term for when two bros act all lovey-dovey without actually doing anything about it." He grumbled to himself, following along after them.
So it was that, using Cyborg's Titans car, the three beleaguered and now formerly chivalrous heroes made their way back home, expecting a hero's welcome, and succor for their tired bones. Alas, this was not to be.
"No... boys... allowed." Robyn read what was painted on the door to the tower.
"Oh, come on, momma! Let us in already! It's our place too!" Beast Boy shouted out in protest.
"Yeah... Not anymore." Raven told him, popping her head out through one of her portals. "Here's all your stuff though." And, predictably, another portal opened up above the three, now former, Teen Titans' heads, dropping all of their stuff on top of them, crushing them under the weight of harsh rejection.
"Maybe you can try applying for residence with the H.I.V.E. now that we have rejected you?" Starfire added, popping her head out next to Raven's.
"What? Come on. We can't be villains. We're the Teen Titans, yo!" Cyborg said, only his head and shoulders visible under the pile of stuff on top of them.
"Yeah... Not anymore, you're not. Besides. Bad guys are always guys. That's why they're called bad guys. The bad girls are always way more sympathetic. Except for Blackfire. Anyway, yeah, you'll fit right in." Raven told them. "Now, um, go get lost or something. We're busy redecorating." She told them, taking Starfire by the hand and disappearing back inside.
"So harsh!" Beast Boy complained. "I thought she was supposed to be all... nean or something."
"Yeah, I think we might have crossed the line with her on the whole chivalry thing. It's definitely not very politically correct nowadays." Cyborg told them.
"Yeah, whatevs. What I wanna know is what are we gonna do now, yo?" Beast Boy asked.
"Go join the H.I.V.E. I guess." Robin admitted, dejected. It was either that, or try to form a garage band, and he wasn't quite that desperate... not yet anyway. Looking on the bright side, he was positive he could stage a coup and take over as leader from Gizmo. The guy was tiny after all. How hard could it be? He sighed, looking back at Titans Tower forlornly, realizing he'd have to give up on ever getting that kiss from Starfire now... That was the worst part of all this.
"Dude. You know you never had a chance with her, right? Even the writers of Teen Titans Go! saw that. They shipped her with Aquaman and a pot of chilly before they went there with you. Take the hint already." Cyborg told him, re: Robin's unfortunate one-sided crush on Starfire.
"Yeah... I know. Besides, Raven/Starfire was kind of a no-brainer all along, I just thought I might get lucky and they'd give me a pass for being a white male from a privileged family who's got lots of money and all. I guess I really am just a loser after all, aren't I? Kid Flash was right about me. Guess I better just go... be a villain now." Robin lamented.
"Well, he's certainly got the angsty bitter origin story for it now." Cyborg observed
"No doubt. No doubt. Does this mean we're his evil hench-bros now?" Beast Boy asked.
"Dude. Why are you using the word bro so much in this fanfic?" Robin asked.
"Because it's totally bromantic, of course." Beast Boy told him.
"Duh." Cyborg added.
Robyn sighed. "Isn't it about time you both used your superpowers to get all this stuff off us and packed into the Titans car?"
"Yeah, probably a good idea." Cyborg admitted.
Next Episode: "New Teen Titans Go vs. The Flying Chandelier of Doom!"
In which the New Teen Titans battle Doctor Light and his, well, you know, Flying Chandelier of Doom!
And ALSO in which Robin gets a makeover, becomes Nightwing, and Kid Flash asks him out on a date!
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Also: So, what did you think? Did you laugh? Do you want more episodes? Tell me!