Why Do You Care?
It was an easy mission. Go to the forest surrounding Rukongai and eliminate a few Hollows. Ikkaku and Yumichika could make easy work of them.
But for some reason, Yumichika kept feeling uneasy. He couldn't explain it, but it was as though something was missing. And it became obvious soon enough.
When he tried to release his shikai, or at least, what everyone thought was his shikai, his Zanpakuto would not respond. It was like the spirit was not there. When he reached out, trying to sense the spirit, instead of the usual outrage for only using half the power, he felt…
Nothing.
It was not that he felt like there was no presence, rather, it felt like the emotion was gone. This worried Yumichika. What could be the cause of it?
After the Hollows were defeated, Yumichika went off on his own, completely ignoring Ikkaku behind him, and went to find a place of solitude.
…
When he arrived in his inner world, everything looked normal. Except for the lack of a certain Zanpakuto. Looking around at the lush green fields and the clear blue sky, it seemed to be even more tranquil then he remembered.
'Wait, how long ago was it that I came here?' Yumichika wondered.
In recent years, he would chat with his Zanpakuto without coming here, preferring the condescending voice without the venomous looks he would receive. Looking around, he was astonished that this was what his soul reflected.
But still, no Ruri'iro Kujaku.
He looked over to the only possibility where his Zanpakuto might be, and steeled his resolve. The treeline was a fair distance away, and he couldn't use flash step. Walking was his only choice.
But the longer he spent in his inner world, the more he started to worry. He came to reprimand the peacock, but now he just wanted to make sure that he was there.
…
He felt him the moment he arrived. But instead of going to greet him like he usually would, he opted to remain there, not wanting to see his master, but also wanting to see if the narcissist would be able to find this place. The dark corner of his soul.
Looking towards the tree, he sighed, knowing that it would be a while before Yumichika got there. If he got there.
He was just too tired of it all.
…
He had been searching for about an hour, and was certain that Ikkaku would be upset right about now. But, for the first time in a long time, he found that he couldn't care about what Ikkaku thought or felt. Right now, he had to find his Zanpakuto.
As he went deeper and deeper, he noticed that everything started to become colder and that the trees around him started to lose the beauty, taking on a dead look. He couldn't prevent the feeling of unease from growing inside him, and hoped that Ruri'iro Kujaku wasn't in that direction.
He arrived in a small clearing and froze.
Ruri'iro Kujaku was sitting there, facing a large tree. Two azure flowers were blooming on the tree. It looked a lot like the flowers generated by his shikai. His true shikai.
"I didn't think you'd be able to find this place," Ruri'iro Kujaku said, making Yumichika jump. His voice sounded dead. Izuru Kira had more joy in his voice than the spirit right about now.
"What is this place?" Yumichika asked, looking around at all the lifeless trees.
"The darkness in your soul."
Yumichika looked at him, eyes wide. Did he hear correctly?
"This is your inner darkness," Ruri'iro Kujaku elaborated. "You keep parts of yourself hidden. So naturally, your inner world reflects it by keeping parts of itself hidden from you. Unless you look for it."
The harpy-like man turned to look at him, and Yumichika felt his heart drop. It seemed as though the life had abandoned the normally proud spirit.
"What's wrong?" Yumichika asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
The Zanpakuto ignored him and turned to look at the tree again.
"Twice," he said. "That's how many times you used me. And if you'd use me, then this place wouldn't look so dreary."
Yumichika didn't know how to respond to that, and turned his attention to the two flowers. They looked so much like his shikai, that he felt…
Wait. Two flowers, and Ruri'iro Kujaku said he was only used twice. Could it be?
"Those flowers," Yumichika began. "Are they the spirit energies of your… victims?"
The spirit gave a humourless chuckle.
"Our victims, you mean. And yes. The one on the right is Shuuhei's, and the one on the left is Cuulhorne's."
"What happens when the tree is completely full of blooms?"
"That is for me to know, and you to find out. But sadly, I don't think you ever will. Pity. It would look so beautiful then."
There was silence for a while. Neither of them knew what to say. They had each other there, but now what?
"Why didn't you respond earlier?" Yumichika finally asked, breaking the silence.
"When I'm here, I can't hear you," Ruri'iro Kujaku responded.
"Well, why are you here?"
"I'm just so tired of it all."
Yumichika's eyes widened, and the spirit turned to face him.
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Um, sure."
It was quiet for a moment, Ruri'iro Kujaku trying to find words for what he wanted to say. Finally, he swallowed, and looked Yumichika straight in the eye.
"Why do you hate me?"
Yumichika froze. He wasn't expecting that. But, looking at the lavender eyes that perfectly reflect his own, he could not deny the sincerity of those words. Or the pain that came with them.
"Why do you care?" Yumichika asked. "I mean, you never seemed to care about what I think before."
"You didn't answer my question," Ruri'iro Kujaku sighed. "And I always cared. I'm a part of you, after all. You're the reason I exist. And I want to know why you deny me. Why you must lie and hide my true nature. Why you despise me."
Yumichika was speechless. For years, he'd perceived his Zanpakuto as a vain nuisance that could not be what he wanted it to be. As someone that would always criticise and tear him down. But now…
He could see the despair, the loneliness, and the pain. Obviously, the spirit was carrying this burden for a long time. And Yumichika couldn't help but wonder.
Was it his burden as well?
Thinking back, Yumichika should have known that this was coming. After all, the two of them used to get along, having the same perceptions of beauty. But once he had learned of the true nature of his Zanpakuto, he started to shun his other half.
He recalled his Zanpakuto saying that he hated the colour wisteria, and so had chosen to start calling him 'Fujikujaku', with 'fuji' translating to 'wisteria'.
"You never told me," Yumichika said, "why you hate the colour wisteria."
Ruri'iro Kujaku sighed.
"In the world of the living, when you died, there were wisterias in the room. He also placed them on your grave, after putting you there."
Yumichika's eyes widened. He hated being reminded of his death, but for Ruri'iro Kujaku to remember that detail, and use it as a drive…
"And what's the reason behind azure?"
There was another chuckle, this one with a little more life.
"I'm Azure Peacock, remember? And it was the colour of her eyes."
Again, a link to before he entered Soul Society.
Yumichika sighed, knowing that the spirit was still waiting for an answer.
"I don't hate you," Yumichika whispered. "It's just, Ikkaku and the captain remind me so much of my brother, that I couldn't stand it if they hated me. If they wanted nothing to do with me. If Yuki were in the Soul Society, I think he would have been in the Eleventh. He was, after all, the one that taught me how to fight. Thinking back, I should have tried harder. And Ikkaku and Captain Zaraki hate kido. Imagine what they would do to me."
"But, if they cared about you at all," Ruri'iro Kujaku said, "would it matter? Or, are you afraid that they'll be angry at you for lying to them, instead of having a kido-based Zanpakuto?"
Yumichika didn't think of that. He had been so worried about what they thought of his sword, that he completely neglected to think of their reactions to the fact that he had been hiding the truth from them.
"I don't know what to do," Yumichika admitted.
"Don't worry. It will come to you in time. Now, I think they're looking for you. So you need to…"
Ruri'iro Kujaku grew quiet, a worried frown on his face. His eyes widened as he stood up.
"You need to go," he said. "You missed one Hollow, and it's close to your location."
"Then I need to…"
"Not here. If you leave while you're here, then who knows what would happen. We need to return to the field."
The two left, ignoring the feeling of darkness from the direction of the tree. Right now, Yumichika's physical self needed to be protected.
…
When Yumichika opened his eyes, he saw that Ikkaku was busy trying to fend off the Hollow. Trying, and failing.
The creature was huge, and no matter what Ikkaku did, he could not defeat this beast.
It's strong against physical attacks, Ruri'iro Kujaku said. But it's weak against kido. Your choice.
Glancing at Ikkaku, Yumichika sighed. It was now or never.
"Tear in frenzy, Ruri'iro Kujaku!"
I'll leave what happens next to your imaginations.
I have an idea for a multi-chapter story, and a few elements of that story are hinted at in this oneshot. As soon as I can get it started, I'll start posting. It will be called 'Demonic Angel'. And it will not have anything to do with 'Why Do You Hate Me?' or 'Why Do You Care?'. The story will stand on its own. I've had the idea gnawing at the back of my mind for a while, but it wasn't until NorthernShinigami discussed a few interesting points that I really started to get ideas.
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach