HELMETS
A Flashpoint Humour/One-shot Fanfiction
by djmay71
A/N: When faced with a challenge, do we falter? Or do we take it on, embrace and overcome the burden? In this case- yes. I was challenged by a user on another forum to write, a simple, easy to follow Flashpoint one-shot that could theoretically explain why you no longer see our beloved characters wearing helmets. What gives, right? Keep reading...
"Ok, ok- settle down." the commander said, as he looked over the entire room.
He had called in teams one and four- to get their opinions on a gear change that would effect all of SRU.
"What's going on?" Ed from Team One asked, "Not another one of your famous 'motivational' speeches?"
"Nothing like that Lane."
The commander could tell that the tactician and team leader from team one was displeased as he sat down.
"Alright folks- listen up." the commander started, "Over the past week, the police advisory committee has been going over the required equipment for the Strategic Response Unit, and they didn't like a few things."
"They gonna cut out our vests?" Ed sniped over to Donna- the Sargent of team four.
"What was that Lane?" the commander overheard.
"Nothing, boss, nothing- go ahead."
"Mr. Hollingsworth-" Greg said, "With all due respect, but if this is some sort of administrative change- why call in us?"
"Because its not administrative, Parker."
"Well what is it?" Ed asked.
The commander let out a big sigh, as he took off his glasses and rubbed his temple. "They want to get rid of the helmets."
"We're supposed to wear helmets?" one team four member spoke.
"Yes, we are." the commander continued, "Man-to-man, Jules, Donna-"
"Sexist much?" Jules whispered into Wordy's ear.
He shook his head and whispered back "Leave it alone Jules."
"-I'd like your opinions." the commander followed up. "Anybody who wants to say anything- the floor is yours."
"What's the purpose of the helmets?" Donna asked, "Whenever I started with team one- we weren't wearing them."
"They mess up your hair-" Spike replied, "That's their purpose."
"They're to protect the head and sensitive neck area of the Strategic Response Unit Officer from overhead hazards."
"What are we, construction workers?" Jules asked, "For once, I'm with Spike on this one."
"And they mess up your hair." Spike repeated.
"So wait-" Donna continued, "From overhead hazards. Like what?"
"Falling items, and other miscellaneous hazards falling in a vertical channel." Greg informed.
"Says the textbook." Wordy butted in, "Sorry guys- I really don't see the huge problem with the helmets. If nothing else they protect the top of our heads from the sun."
"That's because you're bald Wordy." Jules talked back, "Try having some hair."
"You knocking baldies, Jules?" Wordy replied.
"Ok guys, enough!" Greg said, as he pointed a question to the commander- "So the PAC wants to get rid of a valuable piece of PPE. Say we get rid of the helmets today, and tomorrow we go out on a call, and my buddy Ed gets a .22 in the head..."
"Are they ballistic rated?" Donna interrupted.
"Yeah, for 50 BMG." Spike said sarcastically.
Everybody in the room looked at Spike like he had two heads.
"50 BMG? Gecko45?" Spike asked, "Do none of you read my blog?"
"I didn't need to know that you had a blog, Spike" Jules replied.
"And blogs are lame." Wordy laughed.
"Well, I'm pro-helmet." Greg voted.
"Me too." Wordy added.
"Wordy, focus," Ed said, "Spike- do you blog about women? Guns? Women and guns? Women with guns?"
Spike was wearing a huge smirk, as he started to say something, but was interrupted by Greg.
"Another time Spike."
"No one answered my question." Donna pointed out, "Are they ballistic rated?"
The entire room went silent.
"So no one knows?" Donna asked no one in particular, "So- to summarize thus far- PAC wants to get rid of helmets. They protect us from vertical hazards, and that's all the information we got?"
"They mess up your hair." Spike repeated again.
"So they cause massive amounts of helmet hair?" Donna asked.
"Well, I wouldn't call it massive, but its a real damper when you take it off, just to find that the hair you spent a half hour on to get it into 'hot damn' perfection is gone."
"You spend a half hour on your hair?" Sam asked, "Seriously man, buzz cut or high and tight."
"Unlike my male team-mates, I am blessed with hair, and I think its a sin to chop it off."
"We're off subject here guys!" Donna butted in. "Helmets-protection, helmet hair- is that all we got?"
"It seems so." Sam interjected. "Ed?"
"Well," Ed thought out loud, "They don't match my sunglasses."
"Seriously?" Wordy asked.
"Get real, Wordsworth-" Ed said with a laugh, "Of course!"
"Wow." Sam mouthed.
"Ok-" Greg said, "Lets put it to a vote- who likes the helmets?"
Greg, Ed and Wordy put up their hands.
"And who's anti-helmet."
Everybody else in the room put their hands up.
"Well that pretty much sums it up Commander," Greg said, as he looked around the room trying to find the commander, "Commander?"
The commander had slipped out of the room when Spike had first mentioned his blog.
A blog- seriously? He thought to himself.
After getting to his office, he pulled out a piece of paper with the SRU letterhead on it, and started to write a letter.
To the Police Advisory Committee- Just so you know, this helmet issue is causing a lot of friction- especially in team one. It would seem that those gifted with hair are against them, whereas the bald men of the team seem to be all for them. Personally, I see no use for them, and support the PAC's decision to remove the helmet from the SRU officer's personal protective equipment loadout.
PS: You might want to look into Michealangelo Scarlatti's internet usage- specifically his blog. I hear its good stuff.
A/N: Its, short, and its sweet. I hope you guys enjoyed. Future Flashpoint oneshots? Think How I Met Your Mother meets Flashpoint. That's right...its going to be legendary.