Becoming
A Short Story About Bella Swan and Edward Cullen
Based on the Twilight Series
by Stephanie Meyer
"I, Edward Cullen, take you, Isabella Swan, to be my wife. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. This is my solemn vow."
I looked into the eyes of my love as I repeated the vows unprompted. I know they were the traditional vows and Bella was probably expecting me to go overboard, quoting romantic poetry, or perhaps bursting into song. But what can I say? I'm the traditional sort. My only defiance of convention came when my brother, Emmett, who was officiating, asked me to take Bella's hand, and instead I wrapped her in my arms. I didn't want a single superfluous millimeter to come between us. I can't read her thoughts the way I can with others, but I pride myself on being able to read her face. I wanted her to feel all of the love in my still heart; to know that I would spend my eternity making sure that she had made the right decision when she chose me. The last thing I wanted her to be thinking about was the wedding ceremony going on around us. I must be the only love-struck fool in a century to have to blackmail my bride to get her to the alter.
Bella has certain ideas about marriage that have been completely warped by her upbringing. She was terrified about what her mother and friends would say about her getting married right out of high school. The only reason she agreed at all is because I refused to change her until she was my wife. I still don't understand why she would want to become that which I am. I have put all of my efforts into reversing, or at least delaying her decision. But she stands firm.
I am a vampire. My family, some say coven, are all what we affectionately refer to as "vegetarians." We don't hunt humans, just wild game. And yet, as much of my humanity as I have struggled to retain, it is still not the life I would want for the woman I love. I wanted what she likes to call Plan B. College, growing up, all of the glorious, wonderful experiences that a human life can offer. But my Bella is nothing if not stubborn. She refuses to "live" past her nineteenth birthday.
She insists that her decision is the only practical one and my family agrees. The Volturi, a powerful coven of vampire royalty, has given us the option of either killing Bella, or changing her. They will not allow a human to live with the knowledge of our existence. The only rule that we live by is keep the secret. I blame myself. It was my own selfish decision to keep Bella close to me that allowed her to figure out what we are and now her life, as she knows it, will end. She is thrilled.
My father, Carlisle, had offered to change her as soon as she graduated from high school. The delay, while irksome to Bella, was actually very practical. Bella's family and friends would be expecting her to go off to college. Her long absence would not cause any undue stress or unanswerable questions. The transition from mortal to vampire is an excruciating, three day long process that leaves the neophyte vampire with a manic thirst for human blood. It is only through years of fighting one's own urges that the thirst can be mastered. Until then, Bella would be a danger to her own family. I have promised her that I will not allow that to happen.
She was all set to enter her new life on the morning after graduation, until I offered her another option. I would change her myself, but only if she married me first. She was less than thrilled about the marriage stipulation, but as I had hoped, she wanted me to be the one to make her immortal. Although I still don't want Bella to become a vampire, I am glad that her aversion to the matrimonial state has bought me a few more months of her life.
"I, Isabella Swan, take you, Edward Cullen, to be my husband. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. This is my solemn vow."
I think that I may have been the only one to notice the catch in her voice as she spoke her vows. And anyone who did notice would attribute it to nerves or emotion, anyway. I feared it was something far more significant. This was one of those times that I wish I could hear her thoughts. Then again, maybe I was better off not knowing. Was she thinking about him? Jacob Black, the mangy, flea-bitten mongrel of a werewolf, was nowhere to be seen. I had sent him an invitation, against Bella's wishes, because I thought it was the decent thing to do. He didn't come, thank God. Deep down, I had this terrible vision that Bella would suddenly believe what I had been trying to convince her of since the day that we met: I am not good for her, she deserves better. To my eternal bemusement and gratitude, she refused to listen. I even told her that I would step aside if she told me that was what she wanted. She insists that she is sure, but I don't know that I ever will be. He could give her things that I never could. Children, a normal life. All I have to offer is immortality as a monster. I find myself wishing she had chosen him, even though it would kill me to lose her again.
"With this ring, I thee wed. And with all my worldly possessions I thee endow. And with all that I have, and all that I am, I honor thee."
I spoke the words that would bind my soul (if I have one) to hers. I leaned down and rested my forehead against hers as I slipped my mother's wedding ring onto her finger. The warmth radiated from her skin. That would not be true for much longer. A sigh escaped my lips, so soft that only Bella would notice. That heartbeat that I have become so attuned to, what would the silence be like when that beat ceased to be? Her fragile, human body had forced a certain restraint in our relationship. Bella likes to push the limitations of our physical relationship, but my fear of hurting her accidentally has loomed over our interactions like a dark cloud. It has been difficult to see the hurt and frustration on her face when I am forced to end our romantic interludes, but the idea of harming her in my loss of control was infinitely worse. She has managed to extract from me a promise to try after the wedding. She says that this is the only "human experience" that she doesn't want to miss out on. She is convinced that once she makes the change, she will be so distracted by the thirst for human blood that she won't want me anymore. I have assured her that she will still be Bella, but I have my own concerns.
The silence in my own chest that I have lived with for eight decades was relieved only by the steady thrum of her pulse. Her scent, that magical elixir which brings me to life, how would I feel when I pull her to me and inhale instead that sweet scent of my own kind? I know she will still be Bella, but will she still be my Bella?
"With this ring, I thee wed. And with all my worldly possessions I thee endow. And with all that I have, and all that I am, I honor thee."
Bella's whispered vows sent jagged shards of emotion ripping through me. Please God, let her be sure!
The final, official words were a blur. I was lost in my own thoughts and in my love's eyes. I was even a little late on the cue to end the ceremony with a kiss. Emmett prompted me with a not to gentle nudge. I placed my hands on either side of her face and leaned in to her. I inhaled softly and felt that sweet rush of sensation that always came when she was near. I no longer had to fight the urge to kill her. No, I had lived with the thought of her death for the longest twenty-four hours of my life and it had effectively inoculated me against the lust for her blood.
The music swelled and we floated down the isle. That is how it appeared to everyone else. Bella, of course, understands how we move. I think she finds it exciting when I take her in my arms and she feels weightless. Is that just another thing I'll lose when she changes? Will she stop thrilling to my touch when she no longer needs my strength? Sigh.
The reception, held in our living room to make Bella more comfortable, was as elaborate as Bella would allow. Alice resented the restraints placed on her party-planning skills, but she conceded in exchange for getting a wedding at all. I had offered to take Bella to Las Vegas. Alice was crushed and had guilted Bella into this ostentatious display of conventional romance. She is convinced that Bella would look back and regret not having a wedding. I'm not so sure. Bella is the antithesis of a traditional girl. I feel immeasurably guilty at practically forcing her to make an honest man of me. Unfortunately, the very selfish, almost human, voice inside is rejoicing that she is finally mine.
Alice announced our first dance and, finally, I have an actual excuse for taking her in my arms. Bella is convinced that she is a menace on the dance floor, but she doesn't mind so much when I have her gliding gracefully across the floor. The music is the lullaby that I wrote for Bella, and I can hear the thoughts flying around the room as fast as the song's story.
He wrote the song for her? That is soooo romantic!
Isn't she beautiful?
"Yes, she is," I couldn't help but whisper.
"What?" she asked.
"Someone just thought, 'Isn't she beautiful?' and I answered 'Yes,'" I clarified for her.
"Oh," she murmured with an accompanying blush. She has no idea how precious she is.
The song changed and both Bella and I were shocked with Alice's sense of humor. When the country singer intoned about how she would love her mate with every beat of her heart, Bella looked at me curiously. I shrugged; Alice will be Alice. When the siren went on to sing about how she would give her last breath for his love, we both chuckled. I never knew my little sister had such a devilish sense of humor.
We did all of the expected "Kodak moments," cutting the cake (how can my lovely bride stomach the sugary mess?) the champagne toast, the kiss (which lasted a little longer than strictly necessary). Finally the last guests were out the door and my family was making excuses to leave, with varying degrees of believability.
At last, I was alone with my bride, my reason for existing, if not living in the strictest sense. I scooped her into my arms with relish and flew with her to my, no our, bedroom. I slowly lowered her to her feet. I wanted to take this slow, as accustomed as I have become to speed. It took what seemed like hours just to get her out of that damned dress. I had to severely restrain myself to not just rip the thing to shreds. Bella pressed against me and pushed to intensify our kisses. I don't know if she was swept up in her passion or just scared that I would back out. Not tonight, love. I'm not giving up this time.
I laid her on the bed with all of the gentleness and patience that I could muster. Her every sigh was like an aphrodisiac, but the cold chills that rippled down her skin caused me pause.
"Are you cold?" I asked, ever conscious of my lack of physical warmth.
"No," came her husky reply and relief washed over me, leaving me giddy in its wake.
The first time that I started to lose control, I had to pull back. I could see the hurt and disappointment on her face even as she tried to hide it from me. I placed my hand on her cheek and pulled her face back to me.
"I'm not quitting, I just need to calm down."
"Really?" she asked and the hope in her voice lightened my heart.
"Really," I promised. "I'm not giving up until I give you what you want most. You have already made my every dream come true. Now I am going to do my best to do the same for you."
I did my best. I hope that that night was everything she hoped for. I had nothing to compare it to, so I am as blissfully ignorant as my bride, but it was by far the best night of my life, by a good margin.
The following night was the worst of my very long life.
My family returned shortly after breakfast and we were deep into the congratulations when I felt a foreign consciousness invade my mind. Alice met my gaze and with a quick nod, confirmed my worst nightmare.
"There here," I said, and Bella stiffened.
"Volturi?" she asked, and my answering nod seemed to be the death of our celebration.
"How do you want to handle this?" asked Carlisle. His deference to my opinion was completely due to my feelings for Bella. They were here to see it done, one way or the other. I could read their thoughts as clearly as Bella read her battered copy of Wuthering Heights. There were a few among them who hoped that I would not agree. They had smelled Bella in Italy and were hoping to taste her for themselves.
"Aro is among them," I stated. "All he wants is to witness the bite. If we cooperate, he is planning to leave us in peace for the rest." I felt a shiver run down Bella's spine. As ready as she says she is, I know that she is still afraid of the pain.
"Let's go," Carlisle instructed, his face grim. "It is better if we meet them now. Cowering inside will not send the message that we wish."
We were waiting in the living room when the cloaked figures arrived. Aro seemed not surprised at all that we were expecting him, and his eyes flickered briefly to Alice.
"She is still human, Edward?" Aro tisked. "That is a disappointment."
Alice spoke up before I could. "Last night was the wedding, for her human relatives. Tonight, she becomes one of us." She held out her palm so that he could check the truth of her words. By the slightest touch, he witnessed Alice's vision of Bella's transformation.
"With your permission, we will return at sunset and witness the event." His tone made it quite clear that the "permission" was merely a polite formality. "You understand, we are curious about one who has made such a choice voluntarily."
"Of course," Carlisle replied. "You are welcome to join us."
Satisfied with our capitulation, Aro and his entourage left, but we knew they would honor the promise (threat) to return this evening. Bella was clinging to my side almost as tightly as I was clutching her to me.
"Are you sure you don't want to run?" I asked. "I promise they won't find you. I swear I'll keep you safe. They can't track you. We still have time."
"No." That single word, spoken without fear or hesitation, was the end to my dream for Bella. "I won't hide and put people I love in danger when they come to look for me. They'll never give up, Edward, never! What about you? They can track you! How will we hide? Stay away from each other? I won't do that again! This is the only way we can be safe. The only way we can finally be free." I hesitated. "Please," she whispered, and it was my undoing.
"Tonight, at sunset," I whispered. I took a deep, steadying breath and sighed "Let's go."
"Go where?" she asked in her confusion.
"Bella," I sighed. "You need to say 'Goodbye' to Charlie and Renee. We are leaving on our 'honeymoon' remember?" I struggled to keep the bitterness out of my voice. I had hoped for just a little more time before this day. There was so much of the world that I wanted to show her. So much I wanted for her to see before she had to give it all up so irrevocably.
We made the rounds, saving Charlie for last. That goodbye was the hardest for Bella. She had worked for so long to avoid hurting him with her decisions, and now she was saying goodbye, not just to go on her honeymoon, or even for her first year of college, as everyone assumed. No, this goodbye was, quite probably, the last goodbye. There was no way of knowing how soon Bella would regain control of her impulses, but it was sure to take years. It was possible that many of Bella's loved ones would be dead before she was safe around them again. I tried to avoid pointing this out to her as the thought of hurting someone she loves causes her so much pain. I know, because I see it in her eyes whenever she is lost in thought, and I'm sure she is thinking about the hurt she caused Jacob Black when she chose me.
Renee cried profusely and glared at me when Bella wasn't looking. I had expected as much. The thoughts she was practically shouting at me screamed of her disappointment that I was dragging her baby down the path she had struggled to keep her off of. I couldn't agree more, but on an entirely different plane.
Charlie tried to be brave, holding in his tears for Bella. He didn't want her to leave thinking that she was leaving him to take care of himself. How like her father Bella is. Both are so deeply rooted in responsibility for others. I wonder if she has ever made the connection.
"How's Jacob?" I heard Bella's whisper from across the room. Even though I can't hear her thoughts, I don't even need to try to pick out her voice in a crowd.
"Not sure," came Charlie's gruff reply. "I haven't talked to Billy in a while, but I got the impression that the kid is taking it pretty hard." I hope he comes back soon. Billy's not worried, but I hate to think of a kid his age wandering around by himself.
I tuned out the thoughts of the people and concentrated on finding Jacob's thoughts. It was difficult, more difficult than it should have been. I was a little worried. I know Bella wouldn't ask me, but I wanted to be able to tell her that he was fine. I am beginning to detest that dog for the pain that he causes Bella, just thinking about him.
Just when I thought I was going to have to give up, I caught the faintest whiff of his signature. Just a trace, really, but enough for me to determine that he was still in wolf form and very far away. Had he been like that all this time? I would have to be careful in my phrasing to Bella. I promised not to keep things from her, but I also don't want to cause her any more guilt. She feels entirely too responsible for Jacob's feelings as it is.
We collected the last of Bella's things from her room before we left. She hadn't left much in the first place, but I think she wanted to have an excuse to say "goodbye" to her room. So much has happened in that room. I find myself missing it a little, to my surprise. For so long, my almost obsessive thoughts have centered around making Bella mine, now I find myself longing for those days when she was content to let me hold her in my arms while she slept.
As the hours until sunset ticked away like the remaining time on a bomb, I felt a restlessness invade my mind. I was scared, plain and simple. Bella had complete faith in me, but I was terrified of hurting her. It was not a case of if I would hurt her, but how much? I found myself praying to what ever God existed, Please, please, don't make me do this to her. Please!
Finally, we could tarry no longer. The sun had begun its feverish descent. I took Bella in my arms and ran with her through the forest, to my home. I felt like I was saying goodbye to her humanity with every step.
We arrived to find everyone already assembled in the living room. Aro was already there, along with Jane and the rest of his personal guards. Caius, also, had made an appearance. There was more than just morbid curiosity in his thoughts, however. He was hoping to kill Bella instead of just witnessing her conversion. Jane, too, harbored feelings of bitterness toward Bella, but hers stemmed from pouting over her lack of power over Bella. She found Bella's immunity as frustrating as I did, but with a more sadistic twist.
"Ah, there now," Carlisle said, and the relief in his voice was palpable. "Just as I said, Edward is nothing if not punctual."
"Shall we begin?" Aro prompted. He seemed overly anxious. Then his thoughts wandered and I caught the real reason for his presence. Curiosity indeed, but not just to see Bella's choice. He wanted to see what "abilities" she would have once she made the transition. Alice, Jasper, and I all have unique abilities that were strengthened and intensified by the change. Aro was hoping that Bella's immunity to his own powers was indicative of abilities she would further develop as a vampire, and he was hoping that he would be able to gain control over her. He wanted her in his coven as much as I had wanted her blood when we first met. That will NEVER happen! I swore to myself.
"Just a minute," Bella interrupted. I wished I could know what she was planning. "I would just like to say a few things first. Welcome, guests, to my –er- birthday party. Thank you, to my family for being here to support Edward and me." She moved to stand beside Carlisle and spoke quietly, even though every ear in the room was listening carefully to her words. "Stay close, Edward may need your help." She moved on to Rosalie, "You don't need to stay. I know you don't approve of this decision, and I appreciate your support in spite of that. I'll understand if you need to go."
"No, I'll stay. You are my sister now. I won't walk out on you." Rosalie was still trying to make up for her bitter, resentful treatment of Bella for the last two years.
"Jasper, you can wait outside, if you need to. I don't want to make you uncomfortable." Bella thoughtfully gave Jasper the excuse to avoid the pitfalls of smelling even a hint of her blood. He still struggles more than the rest of us to resist the thirst.
"I'm o.k. Bella. I'm here for the duration. Don't worry about me or any of us right now. You have enough to be going on with as it is." He was right, of course. The day that began with celebration and tearful goodbyes was degenerating rapidly into a nightmare for Bella, she just hadn't realized that yet.
"Alice, just tell me. Is everything going to go O.K.?" Alice's hesitant nod didn't seem to pacify Bella's need for reassurance and she turned to me, questioningly. I searched Alice's vision and saw the agony she didn't want to voice. I nodded. It would go as well as such things could. It would be the most horrific experience of her life, but she would live through it and become stronger for it.
She moved to Esme and kissed her softly on the cheek. "See you soon." It wasn't much, but it was enough. Esme was clearly touched by Bella's affection for her chosen family.
Finally she came to stand before me, in the center of a circle of onlookers. I had my eyes closed and she waited until I opened them and met her gaze.
"I'm going to have to break my promise," I whispered.
"What promise?" she asked.
"My promise to never hurt you," I answered. I could feel emotion steeling my words, choking them off inside my throat. "I hate to do this to you."
She reached up and placed both of her hands on my face. She leaned in and kissed me sweetly. "Then I won't ask you to." My relief was only temporary; it lasted only until she turned to Carlisle. Then I realized: she would not force me to hurt her because it would hurt me. She did not, however, intend to back out.
"No!" I cried. "It will be me or it will not happen. If you are going to do this, then we will do it together."
I took a breath, inhaled her magical scent one last time. I forced myself to calm; being upset would only make it harder for me to control what was now inevitable. Finally, I took her hand and raised it to my lips. I placed a gentle kiss on the inside of her wrist, against the erratic pulse that rushed there. "I love you," I whispered.
"I know," she replied.
"Close your eyes," I instructed, although I think it was more for my peace of mind than hers. She did as I asked. I had to force myself to ignore the gasp of pain as my venom-coated teeth punctured her skin. I did not drink; I could find no pleasure in the taste of her blood. Instead, I reached quickly for her other wrist an again injected my deadly poison into her veins. This time there was no answering gasp. Her cries were for the burning agony crawling its way up her arm. The venom would progress throughout her body, making the changes, healing, strengthening. It would continue to circulate until, finally, her heart would stop beating.
I held her tighter, crushing her to my chest; my face buried in the curve of her neck where, only a few hours ago, I had placed kissed that brought gasps of pleasure, instead of pain.
"It is enough." Aro's voice again. I couldn't even hear the thoughts around me, only her cries. "We will leave you now. We will be expecting a visit soon."
I presume they left. I don't know. As soon as I heard that they were satisfied, I flew with Bella up to our room in a sickening parody of our wedding night. I laid her on the bed and gathered her close. Her screams wrenched through me. I felt her pain and she knew it.
"Go," she gasped. "I'll b-b-be f-f-fine."
"I'll not leave you again, love," I stubbornly insisted. "If you are going to do this, we'll do it together," I repeated.
"It's too much!" Her tears were killing me. She begged me over and over to make it stop, to end the pain. Finally, she begged me to kill her, just to be done with it. Foolish girl, I thought. You should know by now that I could never do that. I'm not strong enough.
I heard Jasper's thoughts outside the door. Let me in.
"Leave us!" I shouted unnecessarily. He would have heard as well if I had whispered.
I think I can help. Let me in, he persisted.
"Yes," I conceded. As much as I felt I deserved to suffer alone for what I had done to Bella, I would not be so selfish to deprive her of whatever minimal comfort my brother could offer.
Jasper stood by the bed and closed his eyes. I could feel his peculiar ability to control emotions begin to ease the tension in the room. Bella's pain could not be removed, but he managed to ease the blind panic that the pain caused. She was less terrified and the pain, therefore, more manageable. Her screams subsided into sobs and then to whimpers.
"Thank you," I whispered.
You're welcome came Jasper's thought reply, although I'm not even sure if I was consciously thanking him or God, or the universe in general. Her relief was my relief.
We spent uncounted hours there, on that bed, Jasper patiently standing beside us. At some point, someone brought in a chair and he sat, but he never wavered in his mission. He could feel emotions the way that I can hear thoughts, so I know that he could feel what she was going through. He could have left. He could have said it was more than he could do, and no one would have doubted the truth of his words, least of all me. I knew it was too much, but I could not leave her. She is my life. But he didn't leave; he stayed until the pain finally stopped. Three long, grueling days of unending torment, followed at last by peace.
I felt the last shudder of her body as her heartbeat slowed.
"It won't be long now," I whispered to her. "It's almost done."
And then it stopped.
I stared at her intensely, willing her to open her eyes. Finally, after an eternity, her lids fluttered and opened.
"Bella?" I searched her dark eyes for traces of recognition.
"Edward," she sighed and her eyes closed once more.
"Are you o.k.?" I needed that answer more than I needed my next meal.
"I'm…I'm…" She paused, and then her eyes flew open and met mine in the shock of first understanding. "I'm thirsty."
And so began the first night of our new life together. I knew she needed to feed and so I took her to hunt. My delicate, fragile Bella has a taste for mountain lion, it seems. Oh! What a sight to behold! My Bella, the inquisitive, the curious, the indecipherable. She was born to hunt. And now she would never have cause to leave my side. Not for the wide world would I ever be parted from her again.
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