"Why can't you just drop it Perrie?" I stared at her, searching her features, attempting to find the timid girl I'd grown to know and love. I couldn't however find her, since her and Sam had broken up she'd been different.
"I'm not just going to drop it Jade, none of us are going to drop it. We care about you, don't you get it? We want you to be ok again" I was trying to keep my voice calm but I wanted to shake sense into her, to open her eyes and force her to understand. Her eyes were burning with fury, an unjust fury, one that had all but come from nowhere. Nothinghad provoked Jade she'd simply snapped.
"Well maybe I don't need you guys wrapping me in cotton wool all the fucking time. It's driving me crazy I can't get a fucking minute to myself to think, I've always got you on my back chasing after me. 'Jade are you okay?', 'Come on Jade talk to us'. There's nothing to talk about, I'm fine" Her face was hard, her features set in an expression of anger.
"Jade, you clearly aren't fine. Look at yourself; I've never seen you like this, ever." She groaned running her hands through her hair frustrated.
"Are you not listening to me Perrie, are you finding this hard to grasp? I don't need your fucking help" she spoke the words slowly, over pronouncing each syllable. She clenched her jaw hard, I could see the muscles moving "And you don't know me Perrie, you say you've never seen me like this? I've known you for a year; you don't know the first fucking thing about me." Her words dripped with malice and I felt myself cringe against them. Why was she being so horrible? She had no right to be so cruel; I began to feel my own anger building. "Well Perrie? What you haven't got a smart retort this time or have my words finally sunk through your thick skull?" My mouth hung open at her words, my anger peaked, I couldn't hold it back anymore.
"You know what? Fuck this, I don't need this. I try to be here to help you" I gestured toward her taking a step closer to her as my voice rose "That's all we've done lately try to help you, because we actually care for you. Regardless of how long we've known you we all love you and that's what we care about, your happiness. But that's not good enough for you is it? You always push us away when things get hard and you know what fair enough, you need time whatever but you've taken it too fucking far now Jade." I watched her fists clench at her sides "Under no circumstance would I ever say that shit to you, ever" I was breathing heavily, anger racing through my veins. She was so close to me now, we were stood a few feet apart, I could practically feel the venom she felt toward me.
"You're still not fucking listening to me, I don't want your help any of you. You say you don't need this? I don't fucking need this so why don't you just fuck off? Go and sort out your own messed up excuse for a life while I try to make the best of mine?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing, I'd never heard Jade say a bad word about anyone but here she was saying everything she knew would cut deep, knowing only too well that her words would hurt. I was rooted to the spot with shock, I could feel the tears starting and through all my efforts I couldn't hold them back. I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of seeing me cry, of her knowing that she'd got to me but I was powerless against it, her words hurt too much.
"Fine" it was all I could choke out, I wished I could have come up with some remark but I knew there was no way I could ever bring myself to hurt her in the way she'd just hurt me. The tears were streaming down my face and I cursed myself as I turned and began walking toward the door.
"Perrie, wait" her voice wasn't angry or raised, it was sad and pleading. I carried on walking, I knew that if I turned round I'd have to look at her and I'm not sure I could handle that right now.
"Perrie" I felt her hand catch my wrist and pull me back round to face her, I immediately dropped my gaze to the floor but she didn't let go of my hand. "Perrie, I'm sorry"
"Please Jade, just let me go" I listened to myself, I sounded so pathetic through my tears.
"Perrie, please listen to me. I didn't mean it" I could hear the pain in her voice and I knew that if I looked at her eyes tears would be falling from them, tears I hated to associate with her usually happy face. "I lost my temper and I didn't mean it, you know I love you, all of you more than anything" I heard a whimper escape my lips, pull yourself together Perrie. I didn't pull against her wrist or try to get away from her instead I just stood with my head bowed trying to believe her words and forget the cruel things she'd said. I felt her fingers beneath my chin as she pulled my gaze to hers. I was met by her eyes, swimming in tears and sadness. Her voice dropped to a whisper as she forced me to hold her gaze,
"Please Pez, I'm so sorry. I love you more than anything, I really do" she was so close to me, I could feel her breath on my skin. I stared at her getting lost in her eyes, I knew I couldn't stay angry at Jade for long, I loved her too much. I found myself getting completely distracted by her, she was all I saw and for some reason I felt a warm feeling begin to spread through my body. She moved closing the small gap between us, I watched her feeling a warm buzz spread through my mind. I felt the haze thicken, I had no time to question what was happening, I felt like a bystander unable to react to reality. My breath hitched in my chest as my eyes instinctively fluttered closed, I was completely lost in the fog. I felt her lips brush against mine and without even registering my own actions I felt myself kissing her back, she moved her fingers from under my chin to rest on my cheek. I wrapped my arms around her neck suddenly needing her closer, there was no space in my mind for rationality or analysis, I had no idea what was happening or what it meant but I was powerless to stop it. I pulled away slowly trying to catch my breath.
"I've always loved you Perrie, more than you'll ever know and I'm so sorry for what I said I just lost it" I watched a frown paint her features, the hurt was still visible in her eyes and I knew that below it lay guilt, guilt because she'd hurt me.
"I forgive you and I love you too" I moved my lips back to hers, I wasn't sure what our actions meant but at that moment it felt right. It felt right being so close to her, being a part of her. I felt myself relax as she returned my kiss with all the love she could muster.