A/N: Hi!
Okay, so everybody who reads my stories knows how much I love writing for Mercedes Jones. She's like, the best freaking muse ever, because the writers of Glee literally give her nothing in the way of personality… outside of sassy statements and loud-ass clothes. Its soooo easy for me to make up headcanons for her; because she's basically a clean slate. And as you know, I like to get those headcanons out of my head by writing and publishing them online.
What some of you may not realize is that I also love The L Word. I have for years. And recently (around the time I found out that the whole series had been put on Netflix) I re-watched the whole thing. I laughed and cried…all the same reactions I got the first go round. And this crossover story just kind of grew from that. I hope you like it!
Please excuse any lingering errors or mistakes…this is currently un-Beta'ed. However, tried my best to catch them all.
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, The L Word, or the characters of Glee and The L Word.
Interview With A…
Mercedes Jones parked her car in the sunny driveway of the modest but beautiful West Hollywood home, turned her GPS navigator off, and cut the ignition. She took a deep breath, took in her surroundings, and made up her mind to exit the car. After straightening her jacket and smoothing the fabric of her golden-hued linen skirt, the young woman walked purposefully to the door, and knocked with conviction. She took another breath, at which time the door swung wide open.
A tall young woman answered the door with a hearty "How you doin'" and smiled kindly. "I'm Shane!"
The woman was good-looking, in a severely androgynous way. She was slim, with tiny breasts and small hips; Shane seemed almost angular, with strong facial features and a masculine stance. But it must be reiterated here that, despite her masculinity –or perhaps, because of it- Shane was an extremely beautiful woman. She had big blue eyes that seemed to glow with curiosity and joy. Her structured cheekbones were possibly the plumpest part of the young woman's face, and served the purpose of softening the chiseled jaw and strong chin just below. Her smile, which took over her entire face, was broad and happy…as well as infectious. Mercedes grinned involuntarily. "Hi! I'm Mercedes Jones…I'm here about the job?"
Shane invited Mercedes into the house and pointed to the sofa in the front room. The home was furnished in warm colors and sturdy wood; nothing looked overly feminine or overdone. Immediately, Mercedes felt comfortable with her surroundings. Shane also pointed to the young man sitting on the love seat directly across the coffee table from the sofa. He was currently tending to a young baby. "This is Max and Marnie…Max, this is Mercedes Jones." The man nodded, and continued to diaper the wiggling child.
As Mercedes took her seat on the sofa, she was first struck by how pretty the young man was. Like Shane, Max simply exuded masculine beauty. He had short brown hair with several streaks of dusty blonde, bright blue eyes, and a delicately pointed nose. His face was covered in an immaculately kept brown beard, and he wore a button down shirt with baggy cargo pants. "Hi, Mercedes…it's good to meet you." His voice was a smooth blend of husky and soft.
Mercedes could tell right away that, anatomically, Max was a woman. She saw the medium-sized breasts that Max hadn't bothered to bind underneath his top, and correctly ascertained that the trans man had probably gained a few cup sizes during pregnancy, because they were fairly plump. He seemed shorter than Shane, and toned…Mercedes had dated a few muscular men in her hey-day, and could tell Max spent a lot of time in the gym. His biceps bulged as he secured the clean diaper, cooing at Marnie the entire time. Mercedes couldn't see even the hint of a belly pooch hiding underneath the pants he wore, when he stood up holding the baby to throw away the soiled one. Despite the fact that Max was in good shape, his hips were broad in the way that Mercedes generally associated with recent motherhood. He also proudly bore exhausted expression of a brand ew mother…but by the time he'd reclaimed his seat, Mercedes knew without asking that Max lived his life as a man.
"You too…"
Shane sat down beside Max. "So… you're here for the nanny job. What would you like to tell us about yourself?" It seemed as though Shane and Max would be conducting the interview together as a team, which confused Mercedes. Since high school, she'd honed and worked on improving her gay-dar, and could tell that Shane was more than likely into girls. Which Max most definitely was not. But she shrugged, decided it wasn't important, and proceeded to answer the question.
"Well, I'm twenty-one years old, and a singer," Mercedes started. "And I'm not exactly brand-new to LA; I lived in Westwood, for about a year when I first graduated from high school. Back then I was a recording artist with Island Beetz Records, and taking classes at UCLA extension. But that spring, I was given a solo deal, which I subsequently lost. I moved back in with my parents in my hometown of Lima, OH and I've been saving money to get back to the West Coast ever since. I just got back; meaning, I literally just got off of a plane before coming here…" Both interviewers laughed. "…and I'm here because I figured a job that comes with a place to live would be great way to get by while I shop a new deal. Plus, I love kids…"
"I see on your resume that you're a long-time volunteer for the Salvation Army, and that you worked in a family restaurant for the last year?" Max held the paper in one hand and jiggled the baby with the other. "Can you maybe tell us a little bit about how those experiences will help you do this job?" he asked professionally.
"Sure!" Mercedes replied congenially. "I volunteered for the Salvation Army for the first time, the summer before my senior year in high school. At the time, I was dating a boy whose family was homeless, and organizations of that nature were basically the only reason they managed to get by. I don't know, I guess I wanted to help him out in some small way that wouldn't make him feel like my pet charity…"
Max and Shane both seemed pleased already with her answer, and Mercedes continued after a moment.
"…anyway, he moved away but I kept volunteering because the people were just so great. Salvation Army is a church-based charity, and we did a lot of community outreach programs that targeted impoverished children specifically. I helped with fund-raising –we put on carnivals and yard sales in church parking lots… things like that, where kids would come with their parents to have fun. I visited the shelters around Christmas time, too…to help the kids write their letters to Santa. Are you familiar with the children's gift program?" Shane nodded and Max shrugged his shoulders. "I also worked at the locally sponsored summer camp as a volunteer counselor, and went around to different churches and put on programs for the youth. So when I worked for Salvation Army, I spent a lot of time with kids."
"Oh, yeah?" Shane seemed to approve. "Well, I grew up pretty poor, too… just like your ex. And it sounds like you really helped some poor kids have a lot fun. That's awesome…and what about the restaurant?"
"The name of the restaurant I worked in was Breadstix, and it's totally an important part of Lima culture." Mercedes explained. "Think Johnny Rockets with inexpensive Italian food…it's the kind of place that has an afternoon buffet during the week, with candles stuck in wine bottles and checkered tablecloths for decoration. Anyway, there was this enclosed play area there for the kids to play in while their parents ate... you know; ball pit, climbing walls…" Both Max and Shane nodded. "We had birthday parties and stuff like that all the time; so in addition to my job as a waitress, I also got tapped to oversee a couple of them. I liked it…coming up with games for the kids to play, bringing out the cake and singing 'Happy Birthday,' arts and crafts projects. To be honest, it was a lot more up my alley than waiting tables..." she laughed. Max and Shane joined in.
"Yeah, sounds beast." Shane agreed and peered at Max to see if he did too. Max nodded slightly. "Well, Max is a computer specialist and I'm a hairdresser. Not that you can tell…" she laughed and ran her fingers through her own product-heavy and spiky short haircut.
Mercedes had been in Los Angeles the year before, long enough to understand that it sometimes took a lot of work to look like you'd just rolled out of bed. So she rejoined, "I know a good cut when I see one…so don't be shocked if come up here asking you to work on my 'do…" she patted her natural curls and laughed along with the two roommates. Things seemed to be going well.
"…anyway, we both took the last year off work to raise Marnie," Shane continued, "but his family leave is over, and we need a reliable person around to take care of her."
"Yeah…" Max cut in. "…Computers is such a man-oriented field. A real good-ole-boy's club, you know?" Mercedes nodded. "And I do freelance work on the side for extra money, but I need my job. To be honest, there are a few people at the company I work for that would totally love to capitalize on it if I applied for more time off or started missing days because of family stuff. I need somebody around who can handle the day-to-day things on their own without dragging me into it unless there's an emergency. Does that make sense?"
"Of course…" then Mercedes decided to let the pair know she'd figured out their special circumstances on her own. "…and I can imagine you already get a lot of flack, anyway. People hate not knowing how to pigeonhole other folks. So you have even more reason to manage things smoothly; keep the spotlight off yourself."
"Exactly," Max exclaimed. "You get it…Shane, she gets it!" Max gestured at the young woman.
"I see she does," Shane answered before addressing Mercedes again. "So I guess the next thing we ought to do is see whether or not Marnie likes you. Do you wanna…" she gestured to the baby and shot Mercedes a questioning look.
"Oh my God, I thought you'd never ask…"Mercedes immediately got up and crossed over to hold her palms out to the fat giggling child. She herself giggled uncontrollably when the happy baby came to her instantly. "I've been wanting to get my hands on this adorable little thing since I got here." She began to coo at the beautiful baby. "How are you, miss pretty girl? With your precious blue eyes and darling little chubby cheeks." She expertly stroked them as opposed to pinching, and the baby squealed with laughter. I'm Mercy, and I wanna be your friend. Do you wanna be Mercy's friend? Can we be best friends, Marnie?"
The laughing and playing child delighted in the attention and proceeded to cuddle into Mercedes' chest as the woman danced around in a circle. Again, Shane and Max shared an appreciative glance.
"Man, you really like kids, don't you?" Max asked. "You weren't' kidding about that, and you're good with her. Marnie likes you."
"My brothers are both older than me, and I always wanted a little sister or brother. I guess I've been baby-crazy for most of my life." Mercedes admitted. "Plus, all of my ex-boyfriends had younger siblings, and I babysat them a lot. But I can tell Marnie-boo likes everybody," Mercedes continued. "Some babies just never meet a stranger, and I know one with I see one. She and I will get along great…"
"That's not true," Shane argued good-naturedly. "Marnie likes most women, of course…we have a huge circle of female friends, and she's pretty much been conditioned to trust ladies her whole life. With a few exceptions, of course. But she's no dummy. If Marnie takes to you, then it's a pretty good indication you're a good person. So I'm thinking we can move on to part three of the interview…Max?"
"Me, too. Mercedes, would you like to talk about the logistics of the job now?" Max asked the woman, who was still happily dancing Marnie around the coffee table. "Are you still interested in the job?"
"More…" Mercedes asserted. "…so what's part three?"
"Well, part one was discussing your job experience, and you passed that one easy," Shane let her know. "Part two was finding out if the baby likes you…so you're good there as well. If the next part goes good, then we'll move on to the final part. Do you wanna…" she offered to take the baby, but Mercedes declined and took Marnie back to the sofa to bounce up and down on her knees. "Well, okay then…." Shane seemed pleased that baby and potential nanny had taken to one another so quickly. "So the position is for a live-in nanny. You'd live out in our guest house, which is completely furnished already, by the way. It has a private entrance, and you'd get keys to it and the main house so you can cook and hang out with us. This is where the kitchen is."
"Is there a bathroom out there, or would we all share?" Mercedes didn't mind if they didn't, but she also knew three women sharing one bathroom could get messy. She wanted to know for sure.
"Yes, as of last month." Max replied. Then she looked sad. "About a year ago, Shane's old roommate and ex-girlfriend –actually, Jenny was my old roommate and ex-girlfriend, too. But, I guess that's not the important part…Anyway, Jenny died in a really tragic accident."
"I'm sorry about that…" Mercedes felt bad for the friends. She'd lost a classmate about a year ago too, and it still hurt to think about him. "…it must have been hard for you two."
"It was," Max agreed. "But Jenny was a writer and film director, who made a lot of money before she passed away. And she left everything to Shane and our other friend Alice. It's the only reason Shane was able to buy the house, and the only reason she and I have been able to take all this time off work to raise Marnie. We remodeled the guest house with some of the money, and put in the most extravagant boudoir bathroom you ever saw; sort of as a tribute to her. There's a Jacuzzi tub and walk-in shower, the whole nine yards…we want our nanny to be pampered at the end of every single day she spends with Marnie here. I mean it's only fair, right?"
Mercedes laughed. "You're not gonna get any complaints outta me. What else?"
"Well," continued Shane. "We'd also like for anybody around Marnie to teach her something every day. Not like, algebra or anything…God, that would be horrible. But something useful and enriching or whatever. Every day. So if you get hired, what would you show her?"
"I'd sing to your little baby, and teach her to love music," Mercedes answered quickly. "All kinds. We can have her singing opera in the bathtub by the time she's two!"
"Hot damn!" Max answered. "Perfect answer. We all love music; spend a lot of time listening to live music, actually. It's half the reason all our friends are so close, to be honest. So that would be completely awesome!"
"And do you cook, or are you the 'nuke it and serve it' type?" Shane asked. "Not that I care either way, especially since Marnie's only a year old, and Max still nurses her some. The pediatrician says her diet is good, and she's growing at a healthy rate. But eventually she'll start walking and eating more; and I don't want her raised on Cheezy Mac…"
"I can cook," Mercedes laughed. "Really well, actually. Balanced meals. I rarely serve one that doesn't include something green, and the only sweet things I keep around usually are some kind of a formal dessert; basically, I'd rather bake a cake than buy Hostess snacks…"
"Good," Max nodded.
"…And despite the fact that I'm about twenty pounds overweight," Mercedes continued, "you don't have to worry about me keeping the baby quiet with sugar cereal and honey buns. You'll see…by the time Babygirl here starts figuring out and asking for her favorite foods; we'll have a whole healthy routine down. If you want, I can even offer to cook for all four of us once or twice a week until then…just so you know there's nothing to worry about." Mercedes felt that she could claim the job as her own now. The rapport with these women had been instantaneous and she saw no reason to doubt that at this point. So she spoke confidently.
"Overweight," huffed Shane as she rolled her eyes. "First of all, you're beautiful, and the perfect size for you. Don't apologize for that…as a matter of fact, if you're gonna live here that's the last time I better hear you say that shit."
Mercedes laughed.
"Besides," Max cut in. "If that's your biggest vice, maybe you should be interviewing us. I willingly put testosterone in my body for over a year, and…"
"…and I've done every drug known to man and smoked like a chimney up until Marnie and Max moved in." finished Shane. "You won't get any judgment from us, I promise. Anyway, if I were single, you and I would be having a completely different conversation…" she shot Mercedes her patented "pantydropper" smirk and Mercedes pretended to fan herself. Then she averted her eyes so as not to get caught in the trap. She'd gotten used to avoiding lesbian thirst back in high school. And Shane had nothing on Santana Lopez on the prowl…
'Anything else?" Mercedes changed the subject.
"Well, you said that you worked for a religious organization; so does that mean you're spiritual?" Max asked. "Like, did you ever do any of your singing in front of a church?"
"Of course," Mercedes replied, bouncing Marnie again.
"And it doesn't bother you that I'm a gay woman and Max is a gay trans-man?" Shane and Max shared a look. "Look, I know I'm not legally supposed to be asking you shit about your religious beliefs during a job interview or whatever, but I honestly don't wanna move you in here and find out later on that you're planning to make Max and I your pet project….you know? Save the gays?" Shane shrugged her shoulders. "It would be a heinous drag, and I'd rather avoid that if we can."
"I don't care who you guys sleep with," Mercedes answered incredulously. Did people in LA actually still do that? "I was in my high school's glee club, and I'm still best friends with all of the members. We had at least one bout of coming-out drama every year within the club…as a matter of fact, I'm kind of disappointed that you guys don't need me to help you acclimate. It's kind of my specialty; being the first person people come out to…" Both Max and Shane found that hilarious. "Believe me, I have no problem with your guys' lifestyle and have no desire to change you. I hope to get to know all of your friends and lovers, actually. If you hire me, I want to be friends with them too."
"Speaking of which," Max countered, after sharing another knowing look with Shane. "Have you ever heard of Kit Porter?"
"The singer?" Mercedes asked. "Yeah, sure…My mom has all her old records; and I actually even bought the last one myself. Bareback was the hotness!" The young woman knew she'd ventured out of "interview persona" and into "homegirl speak," but instinctively knew it wouldn't bother Max and Shane. Besides, she liked them and wanted them to get to know the real Mercedes…
"Good, because we need to get going; part four is all set up, and we need to get over to Kit's café…The Planet. Max and I like you; Marnie likes you as well. But if we hire you the rest of the girls have to like you too." Shane seemed sheepish. "I hope you have tine for a field trip…"
"Sure," Mercedes replied, standing up and handing the baby to Max so she could grab her bag. Am I really about to meet Kit Porter?" She was excited to have progressed to the final stage of the interview, but admittedly even more excited to meet an R&B legend. "For real?"
"Sure are," Max answered from the place in the corner where he'd bent over to secure Marnie in her car seat. He stood, swung an already-equipped-with-baby-paraphernalia messenger bag across one shoulder, and gripped the handle of the car seat with one hand. Then they made their way outside and placed it in the backseat of Max's F150 in its holster. Max and Shane hopped in the front, and Mercedes sat next to Marnie. During the brief travel across West Hollywood, Mercedes questioned her new employers.
"So how many of your friends am I gonna meet today?" she asked.
"Ten other women, and one other child," Max answered.
"Hey, don't forget Sunset…" Shane chimed in. Mercedes had no clue who or what a Sunset was; for all she knew it was the family dog. But either way, she became a little nervous. It was lot of new people to meet at one time…
Max grinned, sneaking a wink at Shane. "You gotta understand…these people are our family, and we'd never leave anyone out."
"Have you had issues with outsiders coming in and not getting along with the group?" Mercedes asked knowledgeably. "Because if you have, I think I can understand the reasoning behind the big pow-wow. My choir was really close-knit in high school, too. And generally speaking, interlopers showing up and shaking things around tended to end up bad. So to me, it makes a lot of sense to vet "new-booty" pretty strenuously." She pondered something for a few seconds. "Should I be concerned about a really hard-ass godmother or something, giving me a hard time?"
"No," Shane laughed. "No Godmother. We don't need one. We already have Fire-Mothers, Wind-Mothers, Heart-Mothers, and two Water-Moms. Kit's like a really hot Grandma, since she's basically our collective mom. And Max…"
"I'm the Dom." Max cut in. "The Dude-Mom."
Mercedes was an avid fan of the Captain Planet cartoon, ever since childhood; therefore she recognized the monikers assigned to Marnie's extended family. But one element was curiously missing. "No Earth-Mom?" she asked.
"Well, we were kinda hoping that would be you…" Shane answered, and they continued to the café in silence.
After the trio plus baby parked the truck, Max ushered Mercedes to a banquet room in the back of the café while Shane stayed outside to wrestle with the carseat. Situated in the center of the tastefully appointed room was a huge conference table, square-shaped and bearing elegant table settings. Each side of the table housed four chairs, most of which were already occupied. Max let Mercedes to the side closest to the doorway. The others had obviously saved these seats for Max, Shane, and their guest; so they took seats, Max on the corner of the table, and Mercedes right beside him.
Before introductions could be made, several waitresses came in, each bearing a huge platter of food. They sat the dishes down, and the other diners all immediately began passing food and filling their plates. Mercedes marveled at the sheer variety of cuisine set before her. There were various Indian and Thai dishes…several trays of Mexican-seasoned rice and meats, and fresh garnishes… to be eaten with warm tortillas and taco shells. There was an entire array of sushi, and various platters of hibachi-grilled steak. An entire turkey held the place of honor in the center, surrounded by all the traditional trimmings like dressing and mac-and-cheese. Steaming fried chicken and a small spiral ham flanked the bird, and several bubbling casseroles made their way around, dipped into by hungry diners and passed on immediately. Mercedes filled her own plate with a few soft tacos, and a huge portion of Thai rice; she then waited patiently for a portion of the dark meat…a server holding a fancy electric knife was already busy carving the huge bird.
Before anyone had even taken their first bite, Shane walked in holding both Marnie and a thin brunette's hand…having finally managed to get the child out of her restraint. Shane sat on Mercedes' other side, and the other girl, who she assumed was Shane's girlfriend, took the corner chair. As soon as Shane and company settled in, Kit rose and made her way over to Mercedes, who stood up in awe.
"Oh, my damn…" she said, not caring if her language was inappropriate for a job interview. This was the most unorthodox job interview she'd ever had, anyway. "Kit Porter...In person; you're Kit Porter!"
"Yes, I am, Baby…and who are you?" Kit engulfed the young woman in a firm embrace as she spoke. It was her way, and the new nanny had better get used to it now…
"I'm Mercedes Jones," she replied, still flabbergasted. "I knew I was going to meet you, and I'm so sorry for acting like a freak…but this is just way too much! I swear, my mom has been a fan of yours for my entire life! I love your work; and I just want to tell you that your music is half the reason I started singing as a little girl. I'm so honored to meet you, Miss Kit…"
"Miss Kit?" Kit screwed her face up distastefully. "Who the hell is Miss Kit? Now, see…that right there sounds like some shit you call somebody's old-ass grandma out of respect." She ran her hands seductively along her torso and hips while shimmying a little. "And Kit Porter is way too damn sexy for some old granny-ass sounding me!" she defended playfully, and turned to Shane. "What the hell you been tellin' this child about me?"
Shane grinned and shrugged, but Mercedes responded before Shane could answer verbally.
"Well, how about if I call you Miss Kitty?" she suggested. "That's sexy, right?" She didn't want to call a living legend by her first name alone, and figured it would be a great compromise.
"Now see…I can work with that!" Kit declared, before addressing Shane again. "Now what's the holdup over here, what the hell is taking you so damn long?"
Shane laughingly told Mercedes, "Don't you be fooled by all that welcome-to-the-family-big-hug bullshit Kit just tried to lay on you. She really only came over here to take Marnie."
"You damn right," Kit had no shame. "Now hand me my baby!" Kit grabbed Marnie from Shane expertly, and kissed the child's sweet face once before sauntering over to her own side of the massive table. Already seated at the side to Max's left were a tall woman in a pink wig, as well as a curly-haired little girl in a booster seat. Kit placed Marnie lovingly into a high chair right next to her own corner seat, then sat down to begin formal introductions. It was her right, as family matriarch after all…
"As you already know, my name is Kit Porter Benson, and I own this café. This is my husband, Sunset Boulevard." She gestured to the woman wearing pink hair. "But when he's out of uniform, he goes by Sonny Benson."
Mercedes inspected the woman closer, and quickly realized that Sunset was, in fact, a man. A large, handsome, well-built man, to be precise. He was dressed, for all the world, like Nicki Minaj, in a flesh-colored sparkly cat suit, herringbone chain and huge glittery charm that read "Barbie" in scripted letters, and the aforementioned asymmetrical wig. Mercedes couldn't swear to it, but she was pretty sure Sunset also wore clear high heels and painted toenails underneath the table. As drag artists go, she definitely owed Sunset a big dose of congratulations for committing to her craft so completely.
When Sunset spoke, she did so using a low, rumbled voice that was downright sexy, and she addressed Mercedes directly. "I'm in my work clothes right now because I'm spinning tonight at Hit…the premier hot lesbian club in all of WeHo." She snapped her fingers. "Co-owned by the sexiest R&B diva in the world," she leaned over to plant a sloppy smooch on her wife's lips. "It's 'Sexy Beast' night at the club, and I thought I'd dress for the occasion," she continued, growling the word 'dress' like a tiger. Even though Sunset was as flamboyant a drag queen as Unique ever was, Mercedes could plainly see that Sonny, the man, was a straight as an arrow. "You coming tonight?"
"That depends," Mercedes pretended to think. "Will you be playing any of Kit's albums? Because if you are, then you can most definitely count me in…"
Sunset winked and blew Mercedes an air kiss. "Now, see…I like her…" she told the table at large. Mercedes beamed and faced Kit once more so that she could be further introduced around.
"The lady closest to my hubby over there is my little sister Bette Porter. And that's her wife, Tina Kennard Porter, sitting beside her."
Bette Porter was as lovely as all the other women sitting around the table, and for a second Mercedes felt dowdy in her pressed suit and starchy blouse; especially since Bette wore a gorgeous teal pullover and beautiful onyx jewelry that she would have killed to borrow. But Bette's smile was kind, and she looked extremely happy to meet Mercedes. She waved from across the table, and Mercedes automatically felt more comfortable.
Bette was obviously biracial…she had the same dusky skin and long curly locks as the little girl immediately to her right. Her wife Tina was a perky blonde, with rosy cheeks and a curious expression. Bette, at first glance, seemed to fit in with Max and Shane the most, in that she exuded Alpha-female pheromones all the way from across the table. Mercedes had noticed, before introductions had been made, the way Bette took care of her wife. The way she'd ladled food for Tina and in a manner that was, for lack of a better word, gentlemanly. Her body type was strong, capable…Bette had biceps, a straight posture, and she looked at people directly head-on. Mercedes may have placed Bette firmly in the category of "militant," had she not been heavily pregnant.
Mercedes knew that most women who take the "husband" role in lesbian relationships, tend to prefer that their partners carry and raise the children in the manner of a traditional husband and wife. Therefore, she realized, Bette obviously didn't subscribe to any one particular stereotype…and Mercedes respected that.
Tina, conversely, seemed to be a lot more girly, albeit in a very professional sort of way. She wore a gorgeous pale blue suit, as though she believed in dressing for a job interview…regardless of where it was held. But unlike Mercedes' simple blouse, she'd paired her tailored ensemble with a gorgeous cream-colored pleated silk top that hugged her thin frame effortlessly. Her jewelry was delicate, and understated; and she'd pulled her straight shoulder-length blond locks into a loose chignon. Tina was obviously the wife, but managed to exude strength and autonomy with only a pleasant smile. Mercedes decided that she liked this couple as well…they seemed like a happy family.
Bette took up where Kit had left off in the introductions. "And this right here is Angelica." She patted the hand of the little girl who sat next to her. "As you can see, my sister has a habit of kidnapping children and claiming them for herself; regardless of who they actually belong to…"
"Ha!" Tina laughed. "You're one to talk…I guess it must run in the family!" Everyone around the table laughed at the inside joke, however, Mercedes wasn't offended or put out. She was puzzled by the quip, obviously; but didn't like to pry…Besides, if all went well, she'd find out what that meant soon enough…
Bette ignored Tina's joke and went on. "Tina gave birth to Angie, and I'm busy baking this one," she patted her swollen tummy, "so pretty soon, Kit will have another bundle of joy to steal away!"
"Did you guys use the same sperm donor to conceive both babies?" Mercedes asked interestedly, returning her attention to her plate of food.
Tina seemed impressed with Mercedes' question, and answered, "We sure did. Marcus Allenwood, an artist friend of Bette's. This way both of our children will be blood siblings."
"What a beautiful family!" Mercedes gushed. Bette, Tina and Angie preened under the compliment. "So what do the two of you do for a living?"
"Well, we live in New York," Bette replied. "My wife here is a big-deal movie exec, and I own a small art gallery on the Upper East Side. I have two partners; so when this little one is born, I'm planning on being the stay-at-home mom for a year or so."
"Do you know the sex of the baby yet?" Mercedes asked, forking rice into her mouth.
"IT'S A GIRL!" everyone chimed in happily.
Mercedes chuckled. "Well, you two be sure to send me a picture. I just love babies!"
"Oh, I think we can do better than that…" Tina teased. "…Bette's insisting that we come back to LA to have the baby. So our daughter will be born at Cedars, surrounded by family, just like her big sister Angie…" she winked at her oldest child and the girl responded with a giggle. "Bette's already scheduled the C-Section, in fact. So we'd better see you in the waiting room with everybody else!" She playfully pointed in an authoritative manner, making Mercedes chuckle once again.
"Will do!" she answered quickly. Bette and Tina nodded approvingly while Shane interrupted.
"Remember how I told you about all the different mothers, Mercedes? Well, Tina and Bette are the Water-Moms, because when they lived in LA they stayed next door to us; and for a long time they were the only members of the group that owned a pool." Mercedes laughed right along with the rest of the group, and Kit resumed introductions.
"Sitting right there next to Tina, is Eva Torres; AKA Papi…" she started. "…now, you might wanna think about maybe steering clear of her ass; at least 'till you know her better. She might be the one to try and turn you out!"
"Aye, dat's what's up, Mami…" Papi was a gorgeous brown-skinned woman with a voluptuous body and a thick Hispanic accent. She wore a cropped vest, which fit tightly over her smallish breasts and flat stomach. Papi also donned baggy capris that hung loosely across her wide hips, and a fedora cocked over one eye. Her wavy highlighted hair fell haphazardly over one shoulder "But don't be scared, tho…cuz you'd better believe that if I did try you, your ass would be sprung like all the other chicas, am I right?" she asked the room.
"No," Kit laughed. "That shit didn't work on me!"
"Hey, not yet…" Papi bragged, as Sunset threw balled up napkin in the Latina's direction. "But since my boy Sunset got all that original fierce Kitty locked up tight right now; maybe I need to get you on my team, Beautiful…" she stood up and looked Mercedes over critically. "Your name might be Mare-say-deez…" she rolled her "R's" and elongated the word unnecessarily. "…but I think I'm-a call you 'Little Miss Kitty,' Gorgeous. That sound good to you?"
Mercedes meowed like a kitten and pretended to claw the air playfully. "Yeah, that works for me!" She wasn't worried about Papi's intentions in the least. Santana, after all, had been hitting on her for years in the same exact manner. Mercedes had assumed earlier that the group only had room for one sex-shark; and she figured Shane was the chosen one. But, as she watched Shane feed her girlfriend a California roll from her plate, the young woman changed her mind. Shane was obviously sprung already, and Papi was the sex shark to beat.
"Hey now," Papi continued, "I love me some kitty cats. Don't start nothing you can't finish, you know what I'm saying?" she leered at Mercedes. "You wanna sing some new high notes, Mami? 'Cuz you know, Papi can make the ladies do that whisper-tone shit, Mariah Carey style. Hit me up, Little Kitty, when you wanna improve your vocal range, na'mean…"
"Okay, that's enough of that shit, Papi…let the girl breathe!" A pretty Black woman wearing a LAPD uniform spoke up. "Man, you need to calm that shit down, already. This is a job interview!"
"Oh, I don't mind," Mercedes was quick to defend Papi. "She's harmless…I can tell."
"Harmless, huh?" the lady chuckled. "Never heard her ass described that way before."
"Predatory? Yes…harmless? No fucking way!" agreed the chipper blonde sitting beside the Black woman. "That's a good attitude you got there, Mercedes!"
"This is Tasha Williams," Kit pointed to the Black woman, whose chiseled cheekbones became even more prominent as she smiled brightly and raised two fingers at Mercedes in a jovial wave. Her skin was flawless and her teeth were perfect… "Tasha is a police officer, obviously. Tasha and Alice Pieszecki are engaged," continued Kit, pointing to the blonde, "She's a writer." Kit pointed to the pretty Asian woman who sat quietly, catty-corner from Alice. "And the girl sitting right beside Papi is Jamie Chen. She's, um, involved with Tasha and Alice as well. The three of them have a baby on the way, too." Jamie patted her lightly swollen stomach, and both Tasha and Alice leaned over to offer their own caresses to the baby bump. "Tasha, Alice, and Jamie are gonna raise the new baby in Bette and Tina's old house," Kit continued, "Alice bought it when my sister and Tina moved."
"Does our relationship bother you?" Jamie chimed in. She seemed really sweet at first glance. Jamie was soft-spoken, and moved very delicately. She wore comfortable-looking sweats and her hair in a ponytail, skin freshly scrubbed and body devoid of all jewelry. The smile never left her face once, and Mercedes liked her right away. "I understand it sounds a little weird to people that don't know us yet. But it works for us."
"I'm used to it," Mercedes shrugged, "My friend Tina has a boyfriend and a girlfriend. And anyway, threesomes are hot!"
"Right?" Alice agreed, nodding her head enthusiastically. If she hadn't been just about to take a large bite from the fried chicken leg in her hand, Mercedes believed Alice would have come over and offered her a high five. Alice seemed painfully trendy and high on life. Her ensemble was highly –actually, overly- styled; and as a former fashion victim herself, Mercedes sympathized with the woman whose wardrobe clearly reflected a kindred spirit. "That's what I keep telling everybody. Tasha and I were together for about a year when we met Jamie. Lived together and everything. We made friends with her though her job…she's a counselor at the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center." Alice shot another adoring glance at Jamie, who'd resumed eating her steak happily. "A year ago, our friend Jenny died, and she left half of everything to me..."
"I mean, she did steal your treatment…" Tasha mumbled, while Jamie nodded in agreement.
"…anyway, for awhile it looked like the cops suspected me of killing her. But Tasha made sure to stay on top of her damn co-workers. Forced them to actually go and investigate; you know, do their jobs..."
"Hey, now!" Tasha cut in.
Alice rolled her eyes; obviously the LAPD was a sore subject in the Williams/Pieszecki/Chen home. "…so when I was finally cleared or whatever, I wrote a story about the whole thing; realized that the experience was a wake-up call for me to live how the fuck I felt like living. So I bought the house, and stopped giving any fucks." Mercedes smiled at her understandably. The same thing had happened to Kurt when he almost lost his father. "I guess my getting exonerated was a wakeup call for Tasha and Jamie, too. They agreed with me, so we all moved in together. We're really happy; so when the time comes, you can sing at our three-way wedding!"
"Sure!" Mercedes agreed. "That sounds really beautiful." The trio grasped hands and nodded. "If you live next door, that means you guys have the pool now…does that mean you three are water moms, too?"
"No," Tasha answered, "we're the Heart-Moms. I told Alice once that she had the biggest heart of anyone I ever met. Total cry-baby; you'll see…"
Her fiancée pretended to raise a fist.
"…and Jamie and I help people all day, so I guess it kinda fits."
"So if you ever need a ticket fixed or wanna talk about something, we're right next door…" Jamie finished. Mercedes smiled in response.
"Now," Kit resumed, "The woman next to Tasha is Helena Peabody. And she has a pool too! She's rich as sin, and my partner over at the club…"
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mercedes," the long-haired woman waved. "The girls call me the Wind-Mother, because apparently I have a habit of blowing into town and causing chaos. But since my partner and I moved in together, I've managed to stay put. Planting roots, as it were…" Helena was beyond stylish, almost aristocratic; Mercedes recognized the Hermes scarf, the Kors dress, and the Gucci handbag right away. She spoke with a clipped, precisely English accent, and exuded power in an unwaveringly feminine manner. She gestured to the smiling woman sitting to her left. "And this is Dylan Moreland, the love of my life…"
Dylan was a slight, short-haired woman with a pixie's face and a calm voice. "Hello, Mercedes." She waved. "I hope all of this isn't too much for you to handle. I know how insular our little group can be from experience. It took me awhile to acclimate, too."
"Oh, no," Mercedes finger-waved back. "It's been fine. Everyone is so nice…"
"Nice, huh?" Dylan chuckled. "Trust me; we're on our best behavior, here. I direct documentaries for a living, so trust me; I know coming into this dynamic is a little bit like an anthropological immersion study. We must seem pretty exotic to you right now, but don't worry though… you'll get used to us."
"Thanks," Mercedes thought for a moment. "I think you're right…Do you two have any children?"
"I do," Helena answer. "With my ex. Dylan and I have partial custody…they spend six months a year with us here, and the other six with their other mother in New York."
Mercedes chuckled involuntarily. "You guys remind me so much of my high school friends right now, it's not funny."
"How so?" Bette asked, as she handed Angie another organic chocolate chip cookie.
"Well, after graduation, all of us either headed for the West Coast, or the East Coast." She explained. "You guys seem to have a bi-coastal thing going on too."
"You're not wrong…" Shane admitted, fingering her girlfriend's short brown hair. "…Molly's a law student at Yale. She came home specifically for the weekend so she could help us interview you, though. So she's a part of the East coast contingent, too. But we're still family, all of us…that never changes, regardless of who lives where."
"Hi," the brunette spoke up. "I'm Molly Kroll. I guess you could say I'm the most recently indoctrinated member of the group. I felt like it was my duty to come back here and try to be in your corner today, just in case you needed some help. But you don't seem to need it…I mean, I haven't gotten a word in edgewise!"
Molly was slim, tall, and extremely well-spoken. She was obviously smart, since she'd gotten into Yale Law; and the woman seemed to fit in seamlessly with the group, despite her claim that she hadn't always been a part of it. She shared the inside jokes, nodded knowledgeably when the others had shared intimate details of their lives, and seemed to be, for all intents an purposes, Shane's true better half. Mercedes decided that she liked Molly as well.
"Thank you…" Mercedes nodded. "…But don't go away just yet; I may still need you!" Molly laughed in response.
"So does this make you and Shane the Fire-Mothers?" Mercedes questioned.
"Yep," Shane answered. "And don't even ask me why…It's a secret, and I'm taking it to my grave.
"Secret," Sunset scoffed. "Everybody knows you burn shit to the ground when you don't know how to handle it, Girl...relationships, surf shops. Now tell me I'm lying?" she sassed.
Shane buried herself deep into her girlfriend's chest in embarrassment, as the whole group burst into laugher. Mercedes decided to take the heat off the woman, as it were, by changing the subject. "Hey, Molly…I have a friend from high school who got into Yale undergrad. Do you know Quinn Fabray?"
"Que?" Molly smiled. "Yeah, I know her from one of the LGBT groups at school. She's famous; every dyke on campus wants to date her, but none of them can figure out how to make it happen. Got any tips I can pass on?" she asked playfully.
"I sure do," Mercedes replied. "If it's a bunch of White women, tell them they need to get over it. 'Cause my soul sista ain't feeling anybody too WASP-y." The rest of the group stopped eating and listened curiously. "Quinn's got a thing for Black women, likes Latinas…basically she only dates women of color. I guess my girl spent so much time playing Barbie in high school; she's basically over melting into the background. Her first was a Latina woman, too. And that might play a part."
"Got a picture?" Papi cut in.
Mercedes waved her off laughingly. "Actually, back before she came out as a lesbian, Quinn lived with me. Her dad put her out of the house because she was pregnant and a bad reflection on the family. Her mom just let him. I think deep down, Quinn is drawn to certain types of people because she's been conditioned not to trust her own kind. She definitely needs some kind of therapy, but you didn't hear it from me…"
"Spoken like a true counselor…" Jamie joked. "…If this nanny thing doesn't work out for you I think I can get you a job at the Center."
"Well, I don't blame the girl," Kit asserted. "I tried to go gay once, just because some musty-nuts boyfriend stepped out on me. If my own damn daddy had did me dirty like that, I'd be running around looking for his polar opposite to date, too." She seemed to bristle slightly in solidarity for the poor unfortunate Quinn, but the half-frown quickly became a broad smile and flirty giggle; because Sunset had leaned over to kiss Kit on the sensitive flesh of neck.
Mercedes winked, "Exactly!"
"Mercedes, despite the fact that everybody here is trying to scare you, we actually didn't bring you here for intimidation purposes…" Max took control of the conversation. "…In the car, you asked us if we'd ever had any issues with people coming in and messing with the dynamic we've established here."
Mercedes replied, "I remember."
"Well, the answer is yes. We have. Sometimes, we meet a new person, and they're really great…I mean, some of the people in this room right now rubbed us all the wrong way at first. But they end up adding something to the group, until one day we realized we couldn't live without them," Shane explained.
"Like me," Molly said.
"Same here," Helena agreed.
"A mi' tambien," Papi supplied.
"And other times, people come around us outta nowhere; and they fuck with our inner peace so much we end up running their busted asses up outta here…" Tasha continued.
"Like Dawn Denbo…" Bette cut in.
"And her lover, Cindi…" Tina rolled her eyes.
"Nikki Stevens," Dylan supplied.
"Oh! And Cherie Jaffe…" Shane added, almost as an afterthought.
"Don't think we're just a bunch of hellified Mean-Girl hoes. Obviously, there are people who we love, that couldn't be here right now…" Kit explained.
"Like Marina…" Max offered.
"Lara," was Alice's contribution.
"Jodi, too…" Sunset added.
"…But distance, circumstance and real life keeps us apart from them. One thing always remains consistent, though." Helena continued. "And that's the way we always look out for one another."
"Yo, another thing that always remains consistent, is that if you're up to any bullshit, somebody here's gonna figure it out quick, comprende?" Papi added. "So we figured we'd save ourselves some trouble, man…put the shit out there all at once, and let you know what's up from the get-go."
"We want to broaden our circle, make the family bigger…" Dylan spoke up. "…but it's important for us that we pick the right people. And we apologize if you're feeling like we made you sit on the hot seat."
"No problem…" Mercedes reiterated. "…I totally understand."
"The good news is, that this was the fourth and final part, though…we promise." Shane resumed. "Max and I needed to see how you interact with everyone before we felt comfortable enough to offer you the job. And as far as we can tell, you're in. If you want to be, that is…"
"So what do you say, Mercedes?" Max had stood up to grab Marnie so he could nurse the baby, but before taking the child into Kit's office to do so, he paused. "Do you think you can stand us long enough to become a part of the family?"
"What Max means is, are you ready to have half naked-ass lesbians coming over at all times of the night to swim in a pool that's just across the fence from where you sleep?" Kit laughed.
Mercedes nodded immediately, giggling internally at the mental picture Kit had painted.
"Oh, don't be too sure of that…" Molly joked. "…because you never know; one of them could end up being my mother or her wife!"
Everyone laughed and agreed with Molly. Mercedes simply joked, "Mamas need lovin' too!"
Molly rolled her eyes playfully.
"What about people all in your business every time you start dating somebody new?" Papi asked. "Because some of the chicas in this room are hella nosy, Little Kitty. We get real involved in the lives of fellow crew members, you know?
Mercedes shrugged, it wasn't anything her high school friends hadn't done. "As long as you don't mind me doing the same to you…"
Papi nodded approvingly.
"Are you ready to let your high school friends and parents come and visit you; and have them act all shocked by the sheer amount of estrogen in your life now?" Alice inquired. "Because when my mom visited, my entire world was turned upside down…"
Mercedes smiled, she liked to employ shock and awe, to a degree…and she'd love to see the look on Rachel Berry's face if she ever did visit. "My parents will probably be relieved that I'm living and working alongside a bunch of women, to be honest. I lived with one of my old classmates when I first moved to LA; a dude named Puck. He was a mess; constantly spending all his rent money on foolishness like nunchucks, and having crazy underwear parties. As far as they're concerned, you guys are a big improvement…"
"You know, I think I met that guy once," Bette cut in, "he cleans pools, right?"
Mercedes nodded.
"Yeah, he's a complete freak; and your parents would be right to prefer us to him and his ilk. What about your friends?"
"If they don't like who I associate with, they don't have to come and visit," Mercedes answered philosophically. "But I'm not worried…"
"Well, are you prepared to defend your sexuality, when those same people assume you've turned the corner too?" Sunset cut into her thoughts. "I'm married to a woman, and I still have to deal with that bullshit all the time, because of what I do!"
"I don't think that will be a problem…" Mercedes answered. "…if my loved ones really thought I was into girls, they'd probably ask me what took me so long to come out. Think about it, I'm a big-boned Black girl who sings and admires all the divas. Where I come from, that's like a gay man magnet. Seriously? I really have a lot of gay and lesbian friends already…"
"Yeah, we're in the same boat…" Sunset nodded. "…as long as you know what's in store…"
"So what's it gonna be, Mercedes?" Shane asked, expectantly. "We can debate this some more if you want to; but I think it would be a waste of time. You seem to like us, and we like you. Max and I think you fit in great, and we want you to live with us and take care of our little girl. So what do you say, are you in?"
"Well," Mercedes started thoughtfully. "I think…Well, I suppose I think…Um, well, where do I sign?"
The End
A/N: I just have to say, that I really enjoyed writing this, and loved figuring out how to mention all the Glee kids in a way that felt natural. Also, the classmate that died was Finn; and it's probably the first and last time I'll address his character death in a fic.
I liked writing these women's conversations so much that I am contemplating doing a Quinncedes or Sancedes one-shot in this universe. Maybe one of them comes for a visit and hooks up with Papi or something. It might happen. Either way, thanks for reading my first non-Glee story.
Oh, and if I was to make Mercedes "experiment" with one of the girls, it would definitely be Lara or Jodi.
Kay