Author's Note: "This is supposed to be funny/silly/romantic/slightly-in-character. Um...It's June. I have no idea where this came from. (Does a ta-da motion) Enjoy!...?"

Coughcough I don't own Hellsing coughcough

Chapter 1: Haul Out! It's Christmas!

It was the holiday season at Hellsing, and Seras was as ecstatic as she was every year.

As a human Seras had truly loved the Yuletide season, the only time in the orphanage where all of the children were equal. At this time of year, each child was given a handpicked gift from the benefactors of the Home. Oftentimes, this was the only gift they were given in the year as birthdays fell to the wayside.

Seras' love for the season continued into her un-life as well. The soldiers under her command were given only a 2-day vacation to spend with their families, so most of the holiday season was spent working. Seras tried to make this time as stress-less as possible for the men and women under her supervision and personally sent them off on their vacation with a smile and a small parcel of candy for each one, taken out of her own hard earned savings of course. But the chunk of change she dealt out was well worth it to see the grateful expressions on their faces, and each returned the favor with a holiday greeting at the very least. The veterans to this "Seras tradition" often brought her a small gift in return, and the Draculina usually left with her basket full of bath products and even a pot of poinsettias from her officers.

She also received a personal gift from Sir Integra on Christmas Day, since she was the only one around and the two women had "adopted" each other as family after the tumult of the Millennium War. Seras had found the perfect gift back in July and had carefully hidden the present- a monogrammed robe for the aging woman who- more often than not- complained about her "cold bones" in the winter.

As for Seras, she already had the gift she'd been hoping 30 years for-her Master had returned. It didn't matter that he didn't celebrate Christmas and only acknowledged it when he was mocking the festive atmosphere; he was here and that was the best gift she could've ever gotten from the vampire. Even though he'd teased her about the decorations in her room, chuckled from the wall as the soldiers gave her their gifts, and guffawed at the Christmas carols she belted out in the shower; Seras paid him no mind. She was filled with the spirit of goodwill-she turned the other cheek and sang even louder, placing her flowers on the dresser and out of the way of Alucard's feet, which were more often than not the centerpiece of the table in her quarters.

However, teasing his Childe just happened to be the old vampire's favorite hobby, save for teasing his master. By the time the private Christmas Eve gathering of the Council of Twelve came around, Seras was at her wits' end keeping her Master from sabotaging the party. After one night where he'd decided to let her know that she was singing too loud in the shower-by getting into the shower with her to tap her shoulder and inform her thusly-Seras flopped on Integra's bed to wait for the woman. She relished the soft goose-down comforter under her skin, wincing slightly as her master probed her mind as he called her.

I can't come; I have to wait in Sir Integra's chambers Seras fibbed, silently thanking the woman who offered her private chambers as a sanctuary for her little Draculina, all but enchanting the chambers so Alucard couldn't enter.

Don't lie to me, little Police Girl Alucard purred in her mind, and she winced and licked her lips.

Don't bother me, please Master. I promise to come see you later she replied, pulling her mental barriers to block her thoughts. Alucard pensively pushed the barriers, but ultimately gave her privacy and retreated. It was only a short time later that Integra walked in. She was surprised to see her servant waiting on her, but otherwise didn't react. Seras sat straight up in the bed as the woman began to undress and don her pajamas.

"Alucard?" Integra asked, not bothering to turn around and look at Seras' face. Seras sighed, sitting on the edge of the large bed and kicking her feet like a child.

"Who else?" she mumbled, before grinning widely and jumping up to grab the older woman's shoulders. "Listen Sir Integra: I have an idea that may get Master riled up a little, but I'm going to need your permission, and possibly your help. Are you up to it?" she whispered excitedly into Integra's ear. Integra half-turned with a smirk on her face.

"What exactly are you planning, vampire?" she asked playfully. Giggling, Seras led her over to the bed and began to relay her plan, the two women staying up far into the night as they perfected the details.