Summary: Ritsu tended to talk more when he was drunk and Takano initially thought it would simply fill the awkward silences between them. But as days go by, Takano begins to notice a particular pattern of behavior with Ritsu that makes him question his own mental health.

Author's Note: As a huge fan of Nakamura-sensei and as someone who's been reading her work for almost ten years, I've been more than adequately satisfied with her stories and always have been completely enamored with her characters. In my opinion Sekaiichi Hatsukoi delivers the necessary plot and character growth but I guess that being the bitter old me I always crave for… more of the dark side of these characters. Hence, insert alcoholic Ritsu and my cynical perspective of the world; I hope I stay within character and that it's not too awkward for you to read. Long story short- I just hope you enjoy.

Intoxication

"You talk more when you're drunk."

Have I… triggered something?

Have I pressured him to becoming someone he wasn't meant to be?

Questions I want to find the answer to- but the way he changes was like night and day. It didn't help that when darkness came over I couldn't resist him and by morning he was always gone.

"Takano-san," Ritsu spoke softly. "The storyboard is ready for review."

"On my desk." The dark haired figure replied without looking at him. He had his long legs stretched out as he switched the positions of his feet that rested on his table. Ritsu made sure to carefully place the documents away from Takano's boots, in fear that they would get ruined. A part of him wanted to scold Takano-san, for the way he jeopardized some of the manuscripts by putting his coffee beside his feet and explain just how unprofessional he looked in his posture, but Ritsu knew he was in no position to do such a thing.

Besides, Onodera Ritsu was lacking motivation to do just about anything.

"Ricchan," Kisa had called him. "Copies, please? I'll buy you coffee..." Kisa-san looked out of breath as he lifted his head from the desk, and Ritsu moved accordingly. It worked better when someone else was telling him what to do- because it meant Ritsu didn't have to think. And of course, making copies- nothing more menial and meaningless than making copies-

He could feel his mind going blank, if that even was a sensation possible to be feeling, and the low buzzing of the copy machine had begun to sound like deep binaural beats pulsating through a pair of headphones. He was losing focus and it wasn't until Takano gently shook his shoulders for him to come back to reality.

"What's the matter with you? I've been calling you for-"

"T-Takano-san, I'm sorry, I guess I was just spacing out-" He put his head down, clearly ashamed and embarrassed.

"This storyboard," Takano took his glasses off and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Is this the best you can do?"

Ritsu lifted his face only to look away in pain.

"I-I can fix it."

"If you knew it needed to be fixed, why did you bring this to me?"

"B-Because, we were running out of time-"

"You know I hate it when you try to get away with shit by doing a half ass job, Onodera-" It tore Takano to pieces, having to confront Ritsu for reasons he didn't know.

"What the fuck is going on?"

Ritsu had his head down once more and Takano instinctively pulled the brunet into a nearby conference room.

"Onodera, for the last time- if you don't tell me what is happening, there is no way for me to know."

Ritsu pulled away from Takano's grasp and quickly snatched the manuscript in his hand. He bowed as he apologized, "I'm going to fix it. I'm sorry for such mediocrity in my work."

He didn't even turn to face Takano once before closing the door behind him. Ritsu looked so ashamed, so guilty, as he hid himself away from Takano's eyes. It was later that day when Takano returned to his desk after a series of meetings and found out Ritsu had already gone home.

Takano gathered himself before riding the elevator. He stood in front of his apartment and smoked a cigarette. He felt the need to brace himself- he wasn't sure what he was going to see, but he had a rough idea. It's becoming a month- since Ritsu's sudden decline of …everything. If it were anyone else, Takano knew he would have fired the poor editor. But it wasn't like Ritsu was totally ungifted- he had talent and that much he had already proved. Truth was, no one else was noticing the details- only because Takano had been covering it. So they weren't noticing Ritsu's fuck ups, at least not yet. If the rest of the team found out, let alone Isaka or Yokozawa, he knew he couldn't save Ritsu from keeping his job. He used to be so ambitious. He used to care. But Ritsu was becoming someone so unrecognizable, and not just during the day.

He threw down his cigarette and stepped on it. The days were getting colder and he knew it wouldn't help anyone from the feeling of loneliness, of despair. Why won't Onodera let him in? He cursed to himself and found himself in front of Ritsu's door.

He knocked- and there was no response. It was only ten, and he knew Ritsu wouldn't be sleeping. He banged the door in frustration and again there was no reply. Takano took his phone out and began to formulate a text message- when the door finally opened and Ritsu stood sluggishly in front of Masamune.

"Takano- what do you want?"

He slurred, as he held the knob to balance himself.

Takano pushed the figure to enter his apartment and found bottles of alcohol lying across the living room. Ritsu followed and violently pushed his intruder without hesitation.

"Don't come in here- don't fucking show up like you own this place, like you own me-"

The smell of liquor on his breath- his eyes swollen from the tears- Ritsu looked so skinny, so small, overwhelmed by the depression and the addiction, and all Takano wanted to do was to hold him and to kiss him- tell him that it's okay, that he won't leave him-

But this Ritsu was a different man.

"You're just here because you want to fuck me. You don't care about me- you don't fucking care." He began to shed his clothes and revealed the scars Takano was always so afraid to see. "Here- is this what you want?"

Takano glared.

"I need you to sober up."

Ritsu laughed and approached him. He began to unbutton his shirt.

"I don't need you to heal me, sempai," Ritsu spoke sarcastically. "I don't need your sympathy."

"Onodera!" Takano held his wrist to stop him from seducing him altogether. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Ritsu pulled himself away from Takano's grasp and laughed.

"There is nothing wrong with me. I am in control and you can't take that away from me. Do you think, when you come in here every night to consume me, that I'm some, helpless, lifeless being?" Ritsu grabbed the bottle of liquor and slugged it slowly. "I let you take me, Takano." He wiped his mouth as he kneeled in front of Masamune. "I let you take me apart, piece by piece." Ritsu unzipped Masamune's pants and reached for his member to blow.

"I'm sorry I'm not, what you remembered me as- the innocent, little boy you taught how to kiss," Takano tried to resist but Ritsu had already pushed him against the sofa. "But I know that you still want me."

Ritsu climbed over him and sat across his face. He used his hands to bring Takano to life, as Takano couldn't resist Ritsu's lust. As he ate out Ritsu, the brunet had fully stripped the man underneath him. Takano lifted Ritsu and went to the room to lay him down. The brunet held out his arms and begged to be held as Takano entered his body.

"Don't leave in the morning," Takano begged as he inserted himself again and again. Ritsu moaned but did not reply to his request. Takano continued to pound down on Ritsu as he climaxed and instinctively the brunet held onto Takano's back as he grew in speed. Takano finally came and found Ritsu quietly asleep when he returned from his shower.

It began sometime after the night Takano suggested drinking to make Ritsu talk about whatever was on his mind. The simple suggestion was also the reason why Takano couldn't shake off his guilt- the guilt that Takano knew Ritsu's alcoholic behavior mainly stemmed from Takano's selfish desire for Ritsu to forcibly expose himself and his insecurities. It had been a little over a month since Ritsu had begun drinking and would resort to alcohol whenever he had the chance. The only time for Takano to get a hold of him sober was at Marukawa, but he would rarely remember the nights before. As his alcoholism grew, symptoms of depression manifested and Ritsu was starting to fall apart.

Maybe Ritsu wasn't ready- if only I were a little more patient- if I had just waited for him to open up- if I was a little more careful with him-

Regrets filled his mind as Takano noticed the slit marks across Ritsu's wrists and thighs. He had seen scars before but these were fresh- reddened by the puncture and scabbing from the wound. Why was he so depressed? And why does he resort to sex for comfort, instead of comfort itself?

A part of Takano wanted to hurt himself- not because Ritsu was doing it, but because he couldn't resist it when Ritsu was seducing him. He knew better, than to give in to Ritsu's twisted way of self-deprecation, but he just couldn't stay away. It was wrong- he knew- but he had to feel connected to Ritsu somehow, even if that meant being manipulated into loving him in all the wrong ways.

He held the smaller brunet in his arms. He had dried tear marks across his cheeks but when he slept, he slept like an angel. Takano combed his hair and kissed his swollen eyes- he held onto his body and kissed him all throughout the night.

When he woke up Ritsu was gone.

When Takano entered the office the phones were already going off. Kisa and Hatori were busy handling multiple lines and Mino was gathering the manuscripts for printing. When asked about Onodera they told Takano that Yokozawa was scolding him in the conference room.

Takano entered the room without hesitation. It was clear something was wrong.

"What's going on?"

"Enough pampering, Takano." Yokozawa was firm. "He's already riding his little coattails and you spoiling him isn't helping."

"I-I'm sorry." Ritsu barely spoke up.

"What happened, Yokozawa?"

"Ask him yourself."

"The printing press is refusing to print anymore copies… They were misinformed about the deadlines."

Takano rubbed his temples as Yokozawa yelled.

"And now sales has to somehow explain the delay and find a way to deliver these invisible copies to the fucking rest of Japan- how the fuck did you let this happen?"

"P-Please, don't blame Takano-san, it's completely my mistake-"

"I don't need you to defend me, Onodera- go help Hatori and Kisa with the phones."

Takano had snapped even though he didn't mean to. But he didn't know what was annoying him more- the very situation they were in or the fact that Ritsu was begging to be forgiven. Ritsu quickly gathered his things and left the room as ordered.

"Look, I'll handle it. Tell sales I'm sorry- but just give me an hour."

"Takano," Yokozawa growled. "He doesn't look safe."

Masamune turned to face his friend. He couldn't help but to give him a wide-eyed look.

"What are you talking about?"

"He looks like you- when you were in college. He looks worse. It's dangerous."

The pair lit their cigarettes and Takano let out a deep sigh.

"He should be on a temporary leave, not just for the company."

"I know that-"

"Then why aren't you letting him rest?"

"Because!" Takano cursed. "Because no one can care for him- at least at work I'll be able to keep an eye on him."

Yokozawa stared back. He was starting to worry in a way he didn't think possible.

"But think of what he's going through- this is not the right environment for him to be in-"

"I know, fuck, I know. But I can't- I can't let him leave."

Yokozawa watched as Takano shook his head. He was loosely shaking.

"…Why not, Masamune?" He asked carefully as he studied his closest friend.

"Because he belongs to me."