Discovering James

By: PhantomOCD

Disclaimer: Finding Neverland and all the characters associated with the movie are not mine, nor do I make any claim to them.

I chose to write this for a couple different reasons. One, I was disappointed at how little effort was put forth to save the Barrie's marriage. Two, I couldn't find any sign of someone writing a fan fiction like this one. So, here it is. I do hope you like it. Please review! Even if it is something that you don't like, review. Constructive criticism is very helpful.

He left his journal. The one thing he never let out of his sight, and he had left it lying there.

The fact almost pleased her. At least it showed that he wasn't quite as unmoved as he had tried to appear. How furious he had made her, going through his little pretend conversation and insisting he knew just what she would have said had he dared to question her.

Of course, were she honest with herself she would have to admit that maybe she would have confronted him, thrown the accusation back in his face. It was true after all. He had been at the widow's all evening as had become his normal routine as of late. However, if she were to be completely honest with herself, she would have to admit that even before the widow and her boys had become a part of James' life, he still hadn't been around in the evenings. Not if he could find somewhere else to be. Oh, he had been here more often, that was true. Even when he was, however, he might as well have not been home.

What is it that keeps my husband from me? Where does he go, the rare evening he stays home but spends the time lost in his daydreams? What about that family has so captured his attentions?

Eyeing the journal he had left there, she realized that this might be her only chance. She could never make him understand otherwise. How do you explain to someone that even when he is next to you, he seems as though he might as well be a million miles away? No, he wouldn't understand, not if she tried to explain. She would have to go about it another way.

With a sly glance about her, she reached out as she walked by, tucking the journal close by her side, and headed quickly for her bedroom. Closing the door behind her, she turned on a lamp and settled into a chair, planning only to skim through his journal before returning it to where he had left it lying. Her hands shook as she moved to open the journal. There in lay bare James' very soul. Would she be able to accept it?

She had not been able to return the journal. Nor had she been able to merely skim through it. From the first word to the very last, she had read it all. It revealed so very much to her. This was what she had always dreamed of, the place she had so hoped he would take her. Neverland. What a magical place!

At first, she had been confused. The journal appeared to be nothing more than strange, random thoughts. Things that James had seen, and yet surely he never truly saw them! Finally, she had realized that she was looking at the world through his eyes. Everyday settings became enchanted places. People's true nature shined through, be it good or bad. Society as it existed in her life become nothing more than a grousing old hen.

Oh, how she wished he would take her there. How tired she was of society's pretenses. To be honest, it was much the reason she had agreed to marry James. Love had little to do with it at the time. She had been infatuated with him. He had always been the perfect gentleman, and yet his artistic nature led him to care little for what others thought of him. For a time, he had cared what she thought of him though. It wasn't long before he realized she didn't love him, however, and her opinion no longer mattered after that. She had never meant to lie to him – never had she claimed she loved him. Nonetheless, he had grown cold, and upon their move into the house they currently lived in, he moved into a separate bedroom.

That was when she had realized she might never get a chance to understand him. She had given up hope then. Rather than ignore society, as she had once dreamed, she did her best to better it. She had distanced herself, too, in her own way.

Now that she had read his journal, now that she finally had a chance at truly understanding him, she realized that she could love James. Maybe she already did love him. Perhaps it was time she truly attempted to salvage her marriage, before it was too late.

Taking a deep breath in an attempt to prepare herself for this next confrontation, she headed downstairs to catch James.